gmarquardt has an M.A. in history and German from SWTSU and has over 30 years of teaching experience at public high schools.
Those rotten teachers are at it again. Being the completely preposterous windbags that they are, they now demand that you put your phone away during class and learn something. No matter how many times you explain to your teacher that your phone has been ruled a basic human right by the Hague Court, those colossal morons keep confiscating it! What's up with that? Look, we all know that teachers are terrible people who have no lives and simply want to ruin your day. They get off on it; it’s pretty obvious, isn’t it? Why else would they constantly bug you about taking off your hat, getting to class on time, completing your homework, bringing your materials, dressing appropriately, and constantly rambling on and on about "a future?" Yawnsville! But what really takes the cake are all these conservative downers constantly yelling at you to put away your phone. They don’t understand that you have to post those pictures, update your status, pin, tweet about a fight, or cyberbully that little jerk Dave. What a bunch of idiots.
However, perhaps the problem is that you just aren’t good enough at hiding your phone while in the classroom. So here are the top ten methods to hide your phone from those annoying teachers.
10. The Sleeve
Text in your hoody sleeve. This is an easy one, and you’re probably quite good at it by now, but just in case, here’s how it works. Just cross your arms on your desk, and pretend you are tired. You probably don’t even have to pretend! Lay your head down and slip your phone up into the sleeve, against your arm. Now you can feel for the vibrations when you get a text and when the teacher isn’t looking, just push up the sleeve a little and quickly text back. That’s all there is to it.
09. Body Block
Text behind a buddy. If you’ve got a big friend, use him for more than just protection. Use that big guy’s massive frame to block your teacher’s line of sight. Have a pre-arranged signal so that when you need a little privacy, he takes a big breath, blows up his chest and stretches. The more muscles he flexes and the larger he gets will keep any snooping teacher from catching you. By the time your teacher waddles up to your desk, that bulky boy has already kept them from seeing you slip your phone back in your pocket. Done and done!
08. In The Dark
Text in your purse or bookbag. This is a classic, and every good phone user knows it. Just keep your purse or backpack on your desk, the open end toward you. You can rest your phone on a book, a compact or your lipstick and continue to read your texts the entire time your teacher is droning on about something or another. Anytime a teacher calls you out on it, all you have to do is pull out that book, some lipstick or some hygienic product. That will stop them dead in their tracks. It’s technically lying, but who cares, your best friend Suzie just got a date to prom and you had to know! Not one single thing in this class is more important than that!
07. The Fake Read
Text behind your book. That’s right. Just prop open your book anytime you have independent reading and update that facebook status. Your teacher’s generation used to hide comic books in their textbooks, so why can’t you deploy the same methods? By the way, the bigger the book the better, as a larger book can help hide your hand movements. Unfortunately, you still need those thumbs of yours to text, and teachers can recognize that twitchy movement from a mile away. But hey, nothing is more important than learning what KanyeKim just tweeted!
06. In The Hat
This method is great when you have to do some work. Similar to texting while your phone is in your backpack or a purse, this one is much more subtle because your hat creates a smaller, less noticeable diversion. Simply leave your had upside down on your desk and just place your phone at the bottom of your hat. No one will be the wiser. It will appear as if you are listening to the teacher or working, but you'll be ready for that all important reply to that rant you made about that dude who looked at your girl. O no he won't!
05. At Arm's Length
Text at your side. This is widely used, so most teachers know of it, but it’s the best one for checking a facebook status because you can see your screen the clearest. You have to practice, however, as your look often gives it away. That stretched face and squinting eye is not only alarming and ugly, but it’s a major giveaway. Be smooth, whip out that phone and take a quick look and slip it right back into your pocket. Nobody saw a thing ... smoooooth!
04. Body Parts
Text in your lap with one leg crossed. Simply cross one leg under your desk and put the phone on your lap, away from the ole bore. You’ve got two built in advantages here; a shelf to hold your phone by itself and a wall to block a view. Moreover, because your hands are free most of the time, the teacher never even sees it. Pretty slick, Rick!
03. Who Cares?
Text right out in the open. This one works relatively well, actually. Just adopt the right attitude, angry yet nonchalant, moody and defiant. Don’t hide it, just stick that phone out right on your desk and start texting, disregarding everything that is going on around you. When your teacher looks your way, bounce your head around a little bit and start a slight sneer with a slightly trembling quiver in your upper lip. If your teacher actually has the gall to say anything, just glare at her and put your phone away. Don’t show any other emotion than complete hatred. That should stop them directly! Jerk.
02. The (Not-So) Obvious
Text under the desk. It's a little beneath your dignity, but hey, the "ole classic" works, especially in a crowded classroom setting. Just pull that bad boy out, slip it under your desk and text your girlfriend about tonight’s date, and quickly put it away. You're done, the text was sent, and your teacher is oblivious. L. O. L.
01. The Decoy
Text using two phones. This is the plan when you realize your teachers are just too old and slow. If, for some silly reason, you fail to employ any of the above nine methods and are silly enough to get caught, just slip that good phone into your pocket. When old grumpy pants who has no life demands you give up your phone, slip him that old one that doesn’t even work anymore. He’s too dumb to realize what you did and you can go right back to texting Marcus about how ugly Suzanne is. Classy!
But of course, if you get caught, you have to have a quick excuse. Teachers are too busy as it is, so if you can make up a good excuse, you'll probably be able to keep your phone for another day. Here are the top ten excuses to employ when you get caught with your phones. Feel free to employ any of them; they all work perfectly fine. After using any one of these excuses, only crazy teachers who are obviously out to get you would take up your phone. And if that's the case, it wouldn't matter anyway what the super important, life altering, emergency reason was why you had your phone out!
Top Ten Excuses When Caught Texting
10. (Point at the clock on the wall and say): "I’m just checking the time. I don’t know how to read one of those clocks."
09. "I forgot my lunch and I was just texting my Dad to bring me something."
08. "I was checking on my missing assignments on Gradespeed ... from your class!"
07. "I’m not texting! I’m playing a game."
06. "My Dad wants to know when to pick me up from school. You want me to leave, right?"
05. "My best friend is crying because her boyfriend just broke up with her ... again."
04. "I need a ride home, and I have to ask my friend."
03. "I’m just using the calculator."
02. "Class hasn’t even started yet. Dang, dude!"
01. "My Mom just texted me."
© 2015 gmarquardt
Skye on August 04, 2020:
I got caught using my phone because I was sitting at the front desk but thankfully all my math teacher did was give me a warning. I always hide and use my phone in my backpack. If I quickly need to check anything on it, I pretend like I need to get something out of my backpack.
Naomi on July 16, 2020:
I know this sounds random, but let me tell you the storie of how I got my revenge on a bully.
Back in the days of school, a kid used to bully me for being black. He’d scream, “Everyone look!” And the whole playground would turn to us. The kid, who’s name was Kiro, I recall, would then beat me up in front of everyone. My friend, who was white, would tell him to stop, and I swear he’d almost kill her. One day, I told the teacher. We went out to recess and as soon as he put his hand on my shoulder, a pigeon flew above. SPLAT- bird poop on his head. He was such a drama king. He ran around and started freaking out. He slipped and landed smack in a puddle of muddy water. That wasn’t the end of it. The poo-covered and wet Kiro went in only to receive a call from his parents. I will never forget the conversation that I and the rest of the class overheard:
“I don’t like this.”
“The bullying. I heard all about it. No more birthday presents for you.”
Right when the call ended, he burst into tears. Now, I am 37 and I can’t stop thinking about Kiro without laughing. I am soooo lucky! The perfect example of instant karma!
A Person who Farts Toads on June 08, 2020:
Some teachers are young, and they can notice quickly. Otherwise, this passage is OK. I'd rather do this during my least favorite class in 4th grade
Dude on May 28, 2020:
STOP CALLING THE TEACHERS JERKS!!! MY TEACHER IS THE BEST!!!
ye on March 12, 2020:
my science teacher took me phone today and my mom is gonna ground me for 6 months if im written up, HELP ME
a guy with a hand on February 14, 2020:
how bout this. First find a long and thick book(example: dictonary), and then, cut a holle just the right length,thickness and height. put your phone in the hole and when a teacher ask you what are you doing, juts say "im readig a dictionary". BOOM! and there you go a stupid but smart way to hde your phone. i did this already.
Liz on February 09, 2020:
Wear a scarf or high neck with your hair down the slip your earbuds under your shirt
what are you doing step bro on January 24, 2020:
just put it in the waistband of your pants, thats what i do all the time and when they look at my pockets theres nothing... lol
aisha nawaz on January 19, 2020:
put ur head on the desk nd have ur phne underneath it
aisha nawaz on January 19, 2020:
yh im pissed off my teach took my phon on Friday cuz I had earphones in and I was listening to music and I haven't got it back yet hopefully I get it back on Monday or they will call my mom and im dead
my main advice is don't hand it in and trust the school with ur things especially ur phone and if its left in front of u grab it and run
sincerely wishing I did this
Mm on December 22, 2019:
For excuses best one always works is checking the time or when he calls you quickly inside the sleeve be careful not to make ur arms straight
kawaii chan on November 19, 2019:
i said i didnt have a phone-
serria on November 13, 2019:
teachers are all ways up my back watching everyone's every move
(U on October 02, 2019:
buttsxx ur gay. Get a life. Ur probably a nobody
firstname.lastname@example.org on September 25, 2019:
its funny how the poll makes it seem like when i texted during class its because i think im all cool, nah sure im known around school but i texted my mom and asked if i had money in my account lmfao
Aniya Carter on September 19, 2019:
I want my school to be a school that there is no teachers and we can play on our phone
Human on April 08, 2019:
I was caught once before. Luckily, I didn't get my phone taken, but this helps a lot.
Ghost on February 26, 2019:
So, this is funny because I don't have a phone... AND I'M 16!
person on December 03, 2018:
yea i use my phone everyday in class great methods
Tiffanysprings.com on November 26, 2018:
Yeah my teacher doesn’t let anyone bring their phone in class.
@afrianaghana- ig on November 14, 2018:
Im in class rn and bored follow me on ig
Carla on October 14, 2018:
It was hard because my bullies start telling my teacher about im bringing phone in class
Top Hat Jellyfish on June 10, 2018:
If you have a good teacher and a good reason to be on your phone, you should just go up to them before class, explain your situation, and they might let you multi-task. I once had an online friend who was on the verge of committing suicide, but I was in class, so I just explained it to my chemistry teacher and she allowed it, since it was a dire situation and he could have killed himself at any given moment. Of course, this is not something to lie about; not only is it a horrible thing to fake, but if you do it multiple times, your teacher may catch on and the consequences would be even more dire than simply taking your phone away. But, if it's an emergency, just be up-front and honest about it. You might get some weird looks from classmates and such, but it's worth it if a disaster is averted.
Karlin on June 07, 2018:
I love all of them excuses I did it before and I still do it but its good that you are allowed them in college or sixth form.
Yah boi on May 22, 2018:
Haha. I tried the sleeve and my phone fell out of it. All I did was laugh.
Baller on May 02, 2018:
It's rlly easy to get caught
Okay on April 25, 2018:
These are great but really, u could get caught easy
Gaby Hernandez on April 16, 2018:
Sometimes when we go outside I start listening to music with my hood and bandanna on
Andrew Puryear on March 06, 2018:
some of the methods worked im in class now on my phone
a guy on March 06, 2018:
I like how your helping us hide our phone which is good but not all teacher are bad
Offensive on February 19, 2018:
This blog is offensive. "Teacher have no lives" anyone with a parent as a teacher would be offended. You're saying that as if you're mocking them and that includes me.
Luke on January 27, 2018:
Last year i used the excuse “my mum texted me” and then the teacher called my mum and told her not to text me while I’m in class
Layla on January 24, 2018:
This might help me
Hi on January 22, 2018:
I already knew some of these but they are good too even the excuses.
Danny on December 20, 2017:
how the hell do i get my phone back from the teacher
M8Kidd on December 18, 2017:
I did the sleeve like all of my first 3 periods... Great methods.
myaa on December 13, 2017:
nvm it worked
myaa on November 13, 2017:
bruh my math teacher took mines today ughhh
Jay on October 20, 2017:
I just use it
Kristin on October 20, 2017:
I always get my phone taken away and half of the time I did not even do nothing wrong
Michelld on October 13, 2017:
Those excuses aren't really gonna help considering my teacher has the strictest no phone policy and goes through the phone when she catches you
lame website on September 27, 2017:
i just hide it clearly and dont use it in class you naughty kids
Christopher on August 07, 2017:
Here's what you do if you don't want your teachers to even know you have a phone for you people in private school. You slip it in a bra or underwear. If they dare even try to look in there/tell you to take your phone you can report them for sexual harassment.
Marissa on June 01, 2017:
For the girls ,I sneak it into school in my bra then I get on it when the teacher leaves and in the bathroom,it might seem strange or useless but I've been doing it for several months now and still haven't been caught
Awesome on May 23, 2017:
Ha! The fake phone one Nadilia said.... that was good.
Sugra on March 26, 2017:
I study in a private school. If our teachers get to know they will not give our mobile in a day they will keep it for 1 to 2 weeks. But also I can't stop taking my phone to school
Nadalia on February 21, 2017:
Thanks! Mr.Brauer thinks he got my phone, he has my fake one! :))))
. on December 07, 2016:
If we get caught with our phones they get took away for a week ;-;
Molly on December 01, 2016:
There all right
In my school we have a time table wich shows what ur next lesson is and I just set a pic off the time table as my lock screen and when they look over I just say I'm checking what my next lesson is they normally just say well don't be we are doing work or print it off in future but never take my phone off me.
Stephanie on November 08, 2016:
Well I am in a private school and they search our bags or body and ....... imagine how rude just imagine pray for us and I am taking my phone everyday and I won't stop
Aria on October 05, 2016:
I don't think that the teacher would believe you if you've said you didn't know how to work a clock... that's something you learn in 1st grade.
Nina on September 26, 2016:
I would just say i don't know how to use a clock like the one in the room if my teacher caught me texting
Mr. Man on August 08, 2016:
"I'm playing a game."
Playing a game isn't allowed either. Not in my school, at least
FlourishAnyway from USA on January 26, 2015:
I especially like those excuses. I'm keeping this one away from my high schooler. She and her friends don't need any more ideas!