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24 Struggles All INFJs can Understand

Updated on June 16, 2016
SerenityHalo profile image

I'm a midwesterner with a background in writing and media. I write mainly relationship, dating, and heartbreak hubs.

The introverted intuitive feeler judger is one of the rarest personalities of all. Myers Briggs raises this personality up like a humanitarian with prophetic powers.

Many Myers Brigg studies ask the question, why are there not more of them when we need them? The shoes are big to fill for the INFJ. Sometimes it can be the most beautiful delicate flower in a dryer than dry desert. Other times, it is the most fierce voice in the room, uncontrollably honest, uncontrollably bent on its intuition to tell people where they fall short. As the peacemaker-kings of the world, the INFJ can often be misunderstood. Weird because there is a short supply of them. Weird because... they're really nice people. The following is a list of struggles, that many INFJs face . . . constantly.

1. INFJs are extremely private. They are constantly building a world inside them and that can take awhile to unleash their secret hidden world till the timing is right, if ever right. Think of the movie Amelie.

2. INFJs have a horrible time revealing their true feelings romantically. They are overly concerned with perfectionism. They have a calm exterior, but underneath are riddled with questions and hope. How many of them move on into relationships is a mystery. But they will be the best person to date that you'll ever find. Because they'll make you cookies. Guide you well into your future. And really care about treating you and themselves right.

3. INFJS can be rock solid calm, then a strange wind happens that carries a dead bird abstract construction. Then they are super sad, and say lots of deep things from nowhere.

4. With their giant imagination and visionary minds, they can have a tough time dealing with daily, practical matters. Not being able to answer the question "What's the point?" can lead to neglecting cleaning, financial responsibilities, etc.

5. INFJS have a tendency to hyper organize certain things and code them. Such as wearing earrings that match shoes, bookshelves ordered by specific genres, or aligning objects for no reason. And yet—they have a general okayness with a few piles. Then there's the general madness when there is too much out of control. And then they have general concern if around people who hyper clean, "Are they OCD?"

6. Perfectionists. The worst thing you can do to an INFJ is set the bar too high. "What do you mean that the only way to get an 'A' is a 98%?"

7. They're super hawks of insight. INFJs struggle all the time on whether to tell people that they're about to go on a path of destruction and terror, or if they should just let people find that out themselves. They have excellent clarity for the future, but they don't want to lose friends with their candor and weirdness.

8. Their extreme insight for the future can cause a sudden feeling of, "Oh, God! The world is going to end!"

9. Insomnia. Splurges of hyperactive thought. An overindulgence of creativity. Alcohol and caffeine are more their nightmare than you could arguably understand. Caffeine causes too much creativity, alcohol causes too much honesty.

10. Mega decisive. It can be tedious to watch people struggle to make decisions, especially on basic things like ordering food, what to wear, etc. This is why an INFJ will get involved to help you make a decision, not just out of kindness, but probably because they can't stand the trivial indecision.

11. Being so involved in other people's lives that they don't understand themselves. They like to council people. They'll spend days with you. They'll spend days studying you. Then all of sudden they realize they've been a chameleon. And they'll seek solitude.

12. Most INFJS struggled with super emotional outbursts as a chlid. Being an INFJ evens out as you get older because you have the joy of language to express yourself. Can you imagine being a kid who is constantly evaluating death, disease, murder, creatures in the closet, missing parents, and did I mention death? INFJ kids are aware of death all too young. They may cry a lot and have a hard time expressing it to adults.

13. They struggle with loving a lot of creative things and not sure what they like the most. INFJs are some of the greatest students. INTPS and INTJS might be the only better students. INFJs struggle over what they like best, so they may double major, get multiple Master's degrees . . . they just really want to explore stuff they like.

14. Even though they are introverted, they are not extremely introverted. They generally have a crazy wide network of friends. They connect well with others due to their intuitive-feeling combination, and they also like to run away once the chameleon effect takes place.

15. If they don't watch their money, it can be eaten away. They are generally altruistic. They want to help. Sacrificing finances isn't going to cause a heartbreak for an INFJ... till it sinks in later that they're broke.

16. Under stress, INFJs can be super confused about priorities. Like, "Hey, you have a final tomorrow. Why are you baking chocolate pumpkin spiced muffins that take three hours to make? And you're using real pumpkin?"

17. When they see a vision of the future, they can be stubborn. And think they're right. And often are. Thus the fews times they are not... they really don't care about others' opinions. They're trying to steer people away from the big black hole of demons that only they can predict. Yikes.

18. The love of harmony runs deep in this personality. Too extreme of situations can cause an INFJ to run and hide in a closet till things are more calm. Other times, they will be the one leading everyone out of the chaos.

19. INFJs can't negotiate well if they think it will harm the friendship. Don't hurt the friendship! Anything but that!

Do you know who is also an INFJ? Billy Crystal.

20. Sometimes people think an INFJ is too nice. An INFJ usually sees themselves as 25% evil due to all the crazy things they come across and all the potential for evil things they could do.

21. If not trained, an INFJ conversation can go like this, "I was going to the store, when I thought about unicorns, so I bought a JENGA." Because somehow JENGA connected to their childhood. Because somehow unicorns connected to that too. Because they thought you somehow knew all that too.

22. INFJs are some of the best writers. They can fiercely write about everything and anything. And they never show anybody what they write out of fear of what people will think of them since their friends will realize how creepily insightful INFJs happen to be.

23. They can become extremely obsessive. An INFJ in love mode is the most obsessed creature on the planet. They may take awhile to warm up to people because they know of the insanity than can brew within. Seventy dormant volcanoes are said to live inside each INFJ.

24. They may understand the conclusion incredibly well, but have a hard time explaining it to others through a cloud of beautiful tangents. Drugs are not your friends, INFJS. You are precious, and that stuff is not going to help you explain big picture stuff.

Jamie Foxx is INFJ certified too. Yes.

Remember to love your INFJ counterparts, they sincerely love you! As much as they think about death, love is constantly on their minds. They are powerful people who just need to get involved in the world to help make it a better place. Unfortunately, it's really hard to stay that focused, especially when they want to take care of everything. Like really, let me take care of it, and you, and the neighbor down the street, and her dog. Till at last they realize that probably isn't the best approach. INFJs need encouragement, a compliment will go a long way with them. So will a joke. Expect a huge laugh. Expect strange shy things most people wouldn't dare do. Expect more laughing. They're also generally very attractive people. Go figure.


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    • Valene profile image

      Valene 2 days ago from Missouri

      Very interesting read! I am an INFP, but I can relate to a lot of this anyway. My sister always seemed to be INFJ growing up, but she recently took the test again and came up wonder we haven't been as close as when we were kids!

    • SerenityHalo profile image

      Andrea Lawrence 7 weeks ago from Chicago

      An INFJ when it comes to food would look at it and say, this is what I feel I want. They would feel it out to see where it goes. Ask the body what it wants and think about how that's going to feel later. An INFJ is at their best when they are looking for highest wisdom and it will best serve a situation. Also, in a large group, I don't think an INFJ would want to stare at a menu and keep everyone behind. They can be very egalitarian. If you have a low "J" you might not be as decisive, but if it becomes too indecisive... you could actually be a P and something much different. Indecision I believe with this one mostly comes from things not being clear when it comes to how things feel, and since it's an information seeking personality, it will need to keep gathering information until it feels satisfied. You never want to manipulate people, especially if it isn't for their good. This will create bad karma. Now, this last part is super INFJ -- the ultimate struggle -- whether you should let someone suffer the consequences they are about to face or help them avoid it when you have the intuition and reasoning to know the choice they are trying to make doesn't work... and is bad for them. This is very hard because it's awkward to tell people to go a different direction. You don't have to learn from consequences -- experience learning is not the only type of learning. I usually try to help people away from negative outcomes. I hope this is helpful.

    • Chandler 7 weeks ago

      I'm an INFJ, and most of your points are spot on, but I do believe some of them are more individual than INFJ, specifically the one about being super decisive. While there are certain things that I'm very firm on when making the decision, to the point that I'm employed to help a business choose labels and such, but when it comes to pointless things such as food or activities, I tend to go with what others indicate to be acceptable. For instance, jasmine plumeria has a certain scent and so should not have a bright label but rather a deep purple one that will give customers the same feeling as the scent, I wear a burgandy shirt and tweed suit with a bowtie to indicate that I am old fashioned, with those I can see the results of my choice before it is made. However, it is much more difficult to see the potential implications of choosing between eating spagetti or linguine, a burger or hot dog, etc. Though, that could simply be that I was raised to focus on others to the point that I don't have much of an identity.

      I found it interesting that you picked up on INFJs seeing ourselves as at least partly evil. Many don't realize it about us. At times I've found myself unintentionally manipulating others, and I sometimes wonder if it's actually intentional and this monster laying dormant in me will awaken one day. Plus, there are always bad results of every choice, but while most others are unaware of this, I am not. I make choices knowing the impact, e.g. letting someone suffer the consequences of their actions but have a higher chance of learning or take the consequences myself and they have a higher chance of repeating, and so I am the cause of whichever negative I choose.

      I'm sorry this is so long, I have a hard time shaving down the word count which I've already done a bit.

    • SerenityHalo profile image

      Andrea Lawrence 8 weeks ago from Chicago

      Thank you! Glad it was helpful.

    • Roxane 8 weeks ago

      Those are incredibly true. As an infj I laughed so much with your article. Good job!

    • Simon from Africa 2 months ago

      I am sp

    • Izzy 2 months ago

      Hi there! Enfp here :D Just stalking the Intj articles. You can scroll to the next comment now.

    • SerenityHalo profile image

      Andrea Lawrence 2 months ago from Chicago

      Thank you for the positive feedback!

    • SerenityHalo profile image

      Andrea Lawrence 2 months ago from Chicago

      Most definitely! Glad to help. :)

    • 2 months ago

      Very well researched and written. I like your sense of humor as well. This is the first article I've read about those of us who have typed as INFJ's which talks about awareness of death and the importance of love. I had a near death experience at 7, and I recall how I changed as a result of it, and the effect it had on others, and perhaps that experience is a large part of why I tested as an INFJ. At any rate MBTI and articles like this are helpful to people like us. Thankyou for the positive affirmations!

    • Eli 2 months ago

      I am an INFJ, and i relate to alot of these things, also i love learning about personality, it has always interested me. Thank you for making this wonderful article

    • SerenityHalo profile image

      Andrea Lawrence 3 months ago from Chicago

      INFJs definitely want to make a difference for the planet, but each person has their own individual way of how they want to do it.

    • btw im INFJ 3 months ago

      I love this ^-^ I'm barely getting past the struggle of no. 21 xD

      so question! another struggle I face is an intense need to do something for this world, to help others and make a difference! I feel like I can't just sit around and watch poverty or injustice take place... is this an INFJ thing or a just me thing??

      anyway! I've been reading about the INFJ pesonality a lot lately and I've greatly enjoyed these pages (: I feel much better now that i know why people don't always get me (: and I feel even better knowing there are other great INFJ peeps out there who are as compassionate and kind as I strive to be! stay awesome INFJs!!! ^-^

      and thanks for the article!

    • SerenityHalo profile image

      Andrea Lawrence 3 months ago from Chicago

      Keep believing in the good of others!

    • anonomous 3 months ago

      I relate to this so much! My while life, I have always thought I wasn't good enough, that no one would like me since I think of myself as weird compared to others. I mean, I like myslef, but that doesn't mean others will. Friends of mine make fun of me for being too nice, and I had just always thought that anyone could be nice if they wanted, they just had to try (I am a strong believer that if you set your mind to something, you can do anything). I always thought people didn't try hard enough; this includes getting good grades, scholorships, or any other goal anyone could ever have. I thought, maybe something is wrong with ME. Learning that I am an INFJ has really helped me learn about myself and about others. The accuracy is uncanny.

    • SerenityHalo profile image

      Andrea Lawrence 4 months ago from Chicago

      If anything, I write about the INFJ crowd to let them know they are not alone.

    • Jesse 4 months ago

      This is an interesting article Andrew. It is funny because it almost seems like you wrote this to describe me! Although, it is a relief to know that I am not the only one who feels this way :)

    • SerenityHalo profile image

      Andrea Lawrence 4 months ago from Chicago


      It's amazing what you can find when you dig deep in personality theories.

    • SerenityHalo profile image

      Andrea Lawrence 4 months ago from Chicago

      @Devora W

      Glad you have found your tribe. :)

    • Devora W 4 months ago

      This is mostly me. I'm not dramatic ever. I am roaring psychic. That helps me cope. The internet is the only place I've ever even heard of more people like me. Now that I'm an old lady I have to admit that it is a shock to my system to find that others are like me and they are much more than one or two. Nice to be among others than an only.

    • Jen 4 months ago

      Absolutely accurate! Weirdly so, that all these almost unexplainable "traits" have been captured, and numbered. Oh, I do love that! :D

    • SerenityHalo profile image

      Andrea Lawrence 5 months ago from Chicago

      @Anna Elias

      Glad to be of service. :)

    • Anna Elias 5 months ago

      Thank you so much for writing this article - made me laugh and cry as I recognised myself and the struggles infjs face ! So insightful and funny x

    • SerenityHalo profile image

      Andrea Lawrence 5 months ago from Chicago

      @Grand Old Lady

      I love when people get to learn about Myers Briggs for the first time. Especially for INFJ, since they are a rare personality, so it can be eye opening.

    • Dreamer 6 months ago

      I took this test, so I would know why I am diffrent. All three tries, and still INFJ. So, I guess, now I know, that's why things were harder. If you can not really fit in, they (mostly school) will push you out from the community. I never felt as I belong somewhere, as I can recall. Actually, I neved did, and this is not a bad thing.

    • grand old lady profile image

      Mona Sabalones Gonzalez 6 months ago from Philippines

      Very informative. First time I heard of INFJs and suspect I may some of the qualities. Great article.

    • SerenityHalo profile image

      Andrea Lawrence 8 months ago from Chicago


      I totally understand! I didn't really get why people were calling me weird until I took Myers Briggs and realized I think differently than the majority. But the good thing is, INFJ folk are very smart, and very essential to making things happen. So... take a big sigh and know you are needed and awesome.

    • crzyfx 8 months ago

      If my mother were still alive, I could show her this article so she could understand why I am so "odd". She was always looking for reasons I am so different from my siblings. I am the seventh of nine and they have always called me strange, crazy, odd, two cans short of a six pack, etc. I have always wondered these things myself until I took the test and read the results. It has helped me finally understand myself.

    • SerenityHalo profile image

      Andrea Lawrence 10 months ago from Chicago


      Thank you for the comment! Imagination is really the defining trump card for the INFJ... and can also be a source of struggle. I think the more an INFJ knows its brain, the better it can use it.

    • SerenityHalo profile image

      Andrea Lawrence 12 months ago from Chicago


      Thank you! I'm glad this hub was helpful for you. Finding out your INFJ can be totally eye opening. The Internet really helps in being able to figure out more about it. I'll do what I can to write more about this personality from time to time since it clicks with the community.

    • Shepardess 12 months ago

      I have just discovered my personality type Is INFJ. I am 43 years old and I always thought something was wrong with me. It is eye-opening and relieving to read this article that I can relate to in every single way. Suddenly I feel like I am part of a secret society made up of some very special people. Thank you for this article and all the insight and has brought to me and others. I cannot wait to learn more about myself as relating to the personality type.

    • SerenityHalo profile image

      Andrea Lawrence 15 months ago from Chicago


      You strike up some good points. Thank you.

    • Stebbinski 15 months ago

      i agree the article seems like it is written by an INFJ. like other INFJ's their identity as an INFJ is more important than other personality types identity as blank personality (me for example its not as important to be known as an ESTJ as it is for as an INFJ to be known as an INFJ).

      I'd like to point out that I identify with a few things on this list and I think many people of other personalities would (to an extent), that these are not all things totally unique to INFJ's. As human beings you experience elements of all these things at different times, it seems like INFJ's are more unique in that they are characterized by them completely, and that there uniqueness is very important to them.

    • SerenityHalo profile image

      Andrea Lawrence 17 months ago from Chicago


      She does remind me of a friend who is INFP, come to think of it. I can see her being typed either way. She's so intense and modest in romance, which reminds me of an INFJ. She's also very calculated and pressed for deadlines. She doesn't exhibit a lot of procrastination. She's intuitive about people, but it gets expressed both in an extroverted and introverted function... probably because it's a movie.

    • James 17 months ago

      Great list but Amelie Poulin is INFP.

    • Amenya 18 months ago

      I meant to say THIS IS TRUE for me. Silly keyboard correcting me. Humph. That's an INFJ FOR YOU! Perfection. Teehee.

      One year my Mom forgot my birthday. It was ok. She was 80. I was 62. First time for everything. ;)

    • Amenya 18 months ago

      this isn't pretty much true for me. Please no surprises. I had one and I was so overwhelmed by the people there, some I didn't know, I really didn't enjoy myself to the fullest. I felt like I was thrust into a ' movie'. Very weird. And please do not come into my private space!!

      Ugh. Every year my daughter asks me what do I want to do or have for my birthday. Huh?? Oh. Mm mm. Let me think and get back with you. Lol

    • Anna 18 months ago

      Wow. This is exactly me.

    • Tina 19 months ago

      This is me!! Although, I try to control my outbursts of frustrations, causing me to have IBS. People think I am bipolar because of my emotions. They are so deep and nobody understands how my brain works...until now. Thank God I found this.

      It is so incredibly difficult to try to explain myself, so I don't. Thank you for sharing this.

    • Rhaegal 19 months ago

      i freaked out reading how my brain works.. amazing.

    • Sean Miller 19 months ago

      # 10---SO TRUE! When I had to get my parent's house ready to put on the market, there were about 1000 decisions to be made. My sister, a lawyer, wanted to chat and chat a search and search for JUST the right light fixture, flooring, shade of paint. I was forced to take the bull by the horns and just pick stuff that was neutral, readily available and decent quality and affordable. The house sold in 3 months! WHO KNEW an INFJ could be so practical? AND could get the dirty deed done in the real world? I was surprised myself : )

    • Cheyenne 19 months ago

      "Caffeine causes too much creativity, alcohol causes too much honesty." TOO TRUE. I had a psychic tell me I should stay away from caffeine. lol

    • Corey 19 months ago

      Wow! This was like my autobiography. So, right on. Wonderful and extremely accurate descriptions if INFJ.

    • david 20 months ago

      i remember as a child my teacher who was also a therapist was always so upset because she said she could always figure out her students and had no idea or ever experienced someone like me hahaha this list al ost brings tears to my eyes simce it has only been 2 weeks that i have found out my personality and that it is so accurate. thank you

    • Lestasia 20 months ago

      God, this is sooooo me! This describes me so well it's crazy! I love to read these cuz sometimes I find out some new things! Idk bout the lookin' good thing, but other than that... nailed it!

    • Marta 20 months ago

      It's been a most thorough, incredibly correct and funny exploration of an INFJ, for which, I sincerely thank the author and as an INFJ myself I do, do, do attest to ALL points! Amazing! Hats off!

    • Leah Helensdottr profile image

      Leah Helensdottr 21 months ago from Colorado

      I've been learning (with some difficulty) to understand an INFJ friend, and he says your article is startlingly accurate. Thanks for the help! Voted useful, interesting, and up.

    • Anthony 21 months ago

      I'm a guy and I only found out that I was an INFJ a few weeks ago after my sister nagged me into trying out online tests. The author nailed it. The sense of loneliness can be overwhelming at times. It's unfortunate empathy and reciprocation of good vibes aren't as prevalent in society as we'd like them to be. In any case, even though I'm in my early 30s already, I'm glad I found out my quirks are a part of a legit category of personalities! It all somehow makes sense now!

    • Bonnie 22 months ago

      I'm an INFJ, and I am the worst at making decisions O.o

    • Kntrytnt 22 months ago

      As an INFJ of twenty years I can say all of this is true, the degree of relatableness (that's definitely a word now) varies between individuals I think, buy these are all true to a point, ESPECIALLY number sixteen. I'm supposed to be studying for a lab practical, aaaaaaaand, clearly, I am not.

    • Alya 23 months ago

      Slightly disturbing that these are the EXACT struggles I face. And here I was thinking I was always paranoid (as i've been told). Thank you for writing this, nice to know others think this way too.

    • Mary333 23 months ago

      Nailed it. I had the impression someone read my brain. For a INFJ, this is disturbing!

    • georgia 2 years ago

      I'd like to know if the author is an INFJ type. I don't know how you collected all the imformation because from what i know that personality type doesn't like to admit things such as these. Every single one of the points were completely applicable and correct. It is difficult for this type of person because no one truly understands us and as children especially whether they know how to express their feelings or not they can't because no matter how much insight they have adults won't even attempt to understand. And as for their good grades adults will say it's a bad thing that theu work so hard so it's also very bad to set the bar too low for an INFJ. For INFJs it is incredibly hard for them to express their desires because then we would have to express our feelings and we don't want to.

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