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45 Struggles ENFJs Experience

Andrea writes on various topics from dating, couples, astrology, weddings, interior design, and gardens. She studied film and writing.


45 Struggles of the ENFJ

Known as the “giver,” the ENFJ is one of the most caring personalities in the Myers–Briggs personality scale. The four letters stand for extraversion (E), intuition (N), feeling (F), and judgment (J). People with this personality have the following functions: dominant extraverted feeling, secondary introverted intuition, tertiary extroverted sensing, and inferior introverted thinking.

ENFJs are known for their ability to comfort people, make friends, and share wisdom.

Fun Fact: Two fictional characters who are ENFJs are Aeris Gainsborough (from Final Fantasy 7 ) and Dumbledore (from the Harry Potter series).

You Know You’re an ENFJ When:

1. You frequently feel overwhelmed by emotions.

2. It’s hard for you to cut bad people out of your life, making it easy for people to take advantage of you.

3. You are open to dating just about any personality type.

4. You worry that performing well in competitions and activities will hurt your relationships with people.

5. You find it hard to speak up at times and end up not being heard.

6. You get so excited by small details that you don’t see what’s wrong with the bigger picture. You’re happy your boyfriend spent time with you at a gas station buying you ice cream, and you fail to realize he didn’t take you on a real date.

7. You hate criticism so much that you’ll hide to avoid it.

8. You are so eager to please people that it can prevent you from being yourself.

9. You get depressed and become a trainwreck when something goes wrong. Imagine drunken hysteria, lots of crying, deep introspection, and spending too much time with others.

10. You nod your head in agreement because you want to be liked, even if you don’t understand what’s being said.

11. You have difficulty understanding your dark side. This may give it the power to overwhelm and confuse you without warning.

12 You overbook your schedule without thinking about what you actually want to do.

13. You eagerly agree with everything and end up in a pickle.

14. When you finally stand up for yourself, it’s so late in the game that you end up causing more conflict for other people.

15. Being passive-aggressive is your modus operandi.

16. Emotions, social chemistry, and attractions influence your decisions so much that you forget to consider the long-term consequences.

17. You avoid vocalizing your complaints and choose to drop hints instead. If the other person calls you out on this, you get tempted to go into an angry, introspective spiral.

18. You are an affirming, pleasant, and warm person. You might be too nice.

19. You have a hard time choosing sides because you want to make everyone happy. Some people may cut you out of their lives because they see you’re too close with their enemy.

20. You can become a total psychopath if you haven’t appropriately matured. If you align yourself with the wrong people, you can be trained to act like a clueless beast.

ENFJs love spending time with people and getting to know them.

ENFJs love spending time with people and getting to know them.

21. You preoccupy yourself with little things to avoid dealing with real problems.

22. All you want is love. Is that so bad?

23. You need to open up and get to know who you are. It takes a lot of motivation to do so, and you’d prefer to just hang out with friends.

24. You know the gossip and judgment going around in your social circle(s), and it keeps you from getting a good night’s rest.

25. You find it hard to say something when you see something wrong at work.

26. Small things set you off. If your roommate left you a note saying you need to wash the dishes piled up in the sink, you would cry.

27. You need people who will listen to your thoughts and help you address them.

28. You should steer clear of picture-perfect suburban utopias because you could get lost in something fake. When you realize something’s wrong, you’ll experience a breakdown, midlife crisis, etc.

29. You are more powerful, capable, and attractive than you dare think or accept.

30. You care more about getting to know people than pursuing your interests. This ropes you into activities you may not enjoy.

31. You rely on your feelings more than your brain to make decisions.

32. You rely on the opinions of your friends more often than objective reasoning.

33. It’s hard for you to move away from your family, so you deny yourself good opportunities to advance your career and self.

34. You struggle to express your thoughts in words. You might show stress with random sounds and extreme facial expressions.

35. You can be exceptionally weird and too much for people.

36. It’s hard to remember that if someone gives you constructive criticism, it doesn’t mean they dislike you.

37. You have a hard time with criticism in general.

38. You want to be the best at everything, and you need to remember it’s okay not to be a master of it all.

39. You experience explosive energy in short bursts.

40. You need to actively remember that a negative conversation can become something meaningful.

41. You have a tendency to date some awful people because you refuse to use your judgment over your empathy.

42. You find it hard to face reality because we live in a dark, awful world. You like escapism too much.

43. You need a strong support system with people who will tell you if someone might be an abuser. You have a hard time discerning this on your own.

44. You have little tolerance for arguments and lengthy academic discourse.

45. You get fussy when you’re doing something you don’t want to do for the sake of your friends.

© 2015 Andrea Lawrence


zainab on June 20, 2020:

this is so accurate i'm crying

Allen on March 19, 2020:

The "All you want is love. Is that so bad?" hit me like a 20x regular size freight train.

Andrea Lawrence (author) on August 15, 2019:

You were thinking you had unlimited time and resources!

Fezziwig on August 09, 2019:

The worst thing about being an ENFJ is that you waste so much energy and time on people that dont deserve it, when I was young I went out of my way to help every person I crossed paths with, what the hell was I thinking?

Airie on April 26, 2019:

OMG, if sleeping addiction is a crime, I am in trouble.

Eric on December 17, 2018:

Related to all of these. Made me smile at myself and shake my head.

Andrea Lawrence (author) on October 18, 2017:

No problem! Always glad to help.

Allie on October 18, 2017:

This was 100% spot on. Thank you for putting this together!!!

Char on August 23, 2017:

This is my boyfriend all day long...

Tiny on August 08, 2017:

Literally related to every one of these lol.

Andrea Lawrence (author) on July 25, 2017:

Glad to hear you connected with this!

The great and magnificent on July 24, 2017:


This is so me

Andrea Lawrence (author) on July 15, 2017:

Excellent! Glad to have resonated with you.

Brittney on July 14, 2017:

Literally the most accurate thing I've ever read!