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Filipino Burial Practices and Customs

Thelma is a Filipina Expat living in Germany. She shares her Philippines life and travel experiences about her beautiful home country.

The funeral casket.

The funeral casket.

The Death Knocking on Our Door

My father died at the age of 82. It was a tough few days for me, my siblings, and my relatives. He was seriously sick and his doctors had given up on him but he was a fighter. He fought for his life with his complicated illness for almost nine months. It was an up and down with his health. Seeing him was a struggle although he was sometimes in a good mood. Seeing his death coming, he planned his burial and organized his important documents in his attache case. He told me many things about what he would get from some social organisations and what I should do. He was prepared to die but had not prepared me for the coming pain and emptiness that he had left us behind.

I am writing this article as a tribute to my late father and as a way to cope with what I feel. I am writing this article because I know there are Filipino ex-pats out there who, like me, have no idea what it is like to have death in the family. I want to share what I learned and experienced about our unique Filipino burial and funeral traditions.

The Funeral Parlor

Two men from St. Peter's funeral parlour came to our house with a stretcher. My lifeless father was lying on the bedsheets he had from his bed and was covered with them when he was transported to the van. He was prepared in the funeral parlour for the nine-day wake at home. He was returned home that afternoon, in a beautiful casket, but had to enter through the back door of our house. I was confused. I didn't know why. His casket was placed in the decorated living room arranged by St. Peter's workers.

The Wake or Vigil

Traditionally, a wake is held in the house of the deceased person, usually for three days to a week, but it can last longer when a relative who is living very far or from abroad is expected to come for the burial ceremony. The casket is lighted well and both sides have funeral wreaths. On the top of the casket, which is covered with glass, is a framed photo of the deceased person. Everyone can see the dead and pay tribute to them. There is a stand with a guest book and a pot for "Abuloy" or financial donations near the casket. The wood cover of the casket, which is open the whole time, is filled with names of the siblings, children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren of the deceased.

During this wake, a nightly prayer, or a 9-day novena, is started before 8 o'clock in the evening. It is said that evil tries to come to the deceased at 8 pm. So, the prayer usually starts at 7.30 in the evening and ends after 8. After the prayer, which is led by a "Mangunahay" (a Bisayan dialect term of a prayer leader), snacks are distributed to the participants and to some who stay awake for the whole night.

Family members, relatives, and friends take their turn not sleeping and being near the casket. The casket should not be left alone. Games like playing cards are one way of staying awake. Outside the house, a tent with tables and chairs is put up. This is where friends, relatives, and neighbours hold vigil for the dead while playing cards, board games, and Majong. They play with money and this money will land later in the donation pot near the casket to be spent on snacks or other burial expenses.

The vigil outside the house. Relatives, friends and neighbours played card games to kill the time during the vigil.

The vigil outside the house. Relatives, friends and neighbours played card games to kill the time during the vigil.

15 Dos and Don'ts

It was the first time that I was in a family funeral. Living from a young age as a Filipino ex-pat in Germany left me ignorant of our Filipino funeral traditions and superstitious beliefs. I did not really believe some things, but I had to follow. And as my relatives said, "there is no harm in following." Better safe than sorry.

  1. We were not allowed to take a bath or comb our hair inside the house where the deceased rested in the casket. It was said that combing our hair can cause our own deaths, one after the other. There was no logical reason given to me, but hey, I followed and took a bath somewhere else and combed my hair while going to the market.
  2. We were not allowed to sweep the floor. It could cause bad luck. We were allowed to collect the trash and wipe the floor with a wet cloth. That was strange! Not sweeping, but wiping.
  3. We were not allowed to eat food with Moringa leaves. They said that eating this food could cause death in the family, one after the other. Pulling the Moringa leaves means pulling a person to his grave. Vegetables that climbed like squash were not allowed to be eaten either.
  4. Red clothes were not allowed for the adults, but were for the kids, as the red colour would protect the kids from seeing the ghost of the dead.
  5. Candles should stay lit at the altar 24 hours a day until the 40th day after the death. The 40th day was said to be the last day the spirit of the deceased wanders on earth. This is connected to the Roman Catholic belief in the ascension and resurrection of Jesus Christ.
  6. We were not allowed to bring home food served from the wake. It was said that the dead would not like it and would follow you home.
  7. We were not allowed to say "thank you" to the visitors who had given "Abuloy" or financial support, flowers, or prayers. It was said that saying thank you would mean that you are happy to have death in your home.
  8. We were not allowed to accompany the visitors at the door or the gate of our home when we had the wake. Visitors should just go without saying anything.
  9. The house and the gate were wide open 24 hours a day when there was a wake. It was frightening for me as burglars could go inside the house.
  10. The deceased should carry a broken rosary in his hands. It was said that a broken rosary could break any curse and could prevent family members from following the dead.
  11. The deceased should not wear shoes but can have his/her shoes in the casket near their feet. It was said that the spirit of the dead could still be in the house and not wearing the shoes can hinder us from hearing the footsteps.
  12. A metal "bolo" or knife was put in the casket beside the deceased to break any curse.
  13. Abuloy, aka financial contributions for the deceased, should not be used for anything but the expenses of the burials and other expenses, like paying the leader of the prayer who comes every day until the 40th day.
  14. Leftover food that was carried to the cemetery and distributed to the mourners who accompanied them to the grave should not be brought home. We ended up giving food to the passersby at the cemetery.
  15. We had to walk over an open fire in the cemetery before going back home after the burial. There was already a basin of water filled with guava leaves. We had to clean our hands in that basin before going up to the house. The cleaning of the hands was to get rid of the negative spirits coming with us from the cemetery.
The funeral Mass ceremony  in the  church.

The funeral Mass ceremony in the church.

A beautiful  moth who was near the casket almost every night during and after the 9 days prayer at home. It this photo, the moth landed on the guest  book near the Abuloy pot.

A beautiful moth who was near the casket almost every night during and after the 9 days prayer at home. It this photo, the moth landed on the guest book near the Abuloy pot.

Covering the Mirrors

I am sure there are still many things that can be added to these Filipino burial and funeral customs and traditions, as every ethnic group or province in the Philippines has its own beliefs.

I read when I did my research here in Germany that ln most provinces people cover their mirrors with a white cloth when there is a death in the family. They said that covering the mirrors protects one from seeing the face of the deceased when you happen to look at your face in the mirror. I didn't know that when I was still at home and the casket of my father was still there. While I was not allowed to take a bath and comb my hair inside the house, I was allowed to wash my face. Every time I washed my face, I looked up at the mirror and I only saw my own face, nobody else. Nobody told me to cover the mirrors in the house and so I was not aware of this belief.

Thank You!

There are so many things to write about on this topic, but I hope what I have written will help families cope up with the stress that a wake and vigil can bring.

The video below can help you understand visually our funeral customs and traditions.

Thanks for reading and God bless you.

Questions & Answers

Question: Can family members be pallbearers? I was informed they can’t be cause they carry the burden?

Answer: As I can remember in my fathers funeral, family members were not allowed to be pallbearers. A family member was not even allowed to dig the grave in the cemetery. I don't know the reason why. I am very thankful for this question. I have to ask the oldest member of our family who is 82 years old.

Question: Are there any rules to the amount of money given as abuloy? (ex. in Chinese tradition, it should be given in a white envelope and the amount must be an odd number)

Answer: There is no such rule about giving an Abuloy. Well, I have not heard about this rule in giving a certain amount of Abuloy to the family of the death person. Every one can give what they can share or afford.

Question: Are donations to a Filipino funeral always made to the family or can they be made to a group in the name of the deceased?

Answer: Traditionally, the donations or Abuloy are always given to the family of the deceased but can be made by a group and it should be given to the family of the deceased.

© 2017 Thelma Alberts


Thelma Alberts (author) from Germany on March 04, 2020:

Hi Sara,

I am so sorry for the death of your friends´ father. Maybe you can help them financially as death brings also financial difficulty.

When someone dies in the Philippines, we give Abuloy, which is a kind of donation for the family in helping them with the burial expenses. I hope this will help. Thank you for dropping by. My heartfelt condolence to your friend and his family.

Sara on March 04, 2020:

My Philippino friend just lost his father, who died here in the US. My friend, his wife, and their 3 children traveled to the Philippines where his parents had gone for a visit. They had to come back to put his father in the hospital where he died. My friend is devastated and I don't know how to help. Does anyone know what I can do and what I should not do. He has been to college, is a nurse, has a degree and speaks English. Please help me to bring him some peace. He and his mother are going back for awhile for a ceremony to honor his father. Thank you. Sara

Thelma Alberts (author) from Germany on October 23, 2017:

Hi Chin chin. I see you have different belief and religion. It is okay for me. Thanks for dropping by. Have a great week.

Chin chin from Philippines on October 18, 2017:

Filipinos indeed have many burial do's and don'ts. I guess we broke or did not follow almost all of them when my mother died. Not that we intentionally disrespect anyone, but we just believe differently. Thank you for sharing this information.

Thelma Alberts (author) from Germany on October 01, 2017:

Hi Natalie. It seems we have some similarities when it comes to funeral traditions. I didn't know that. Thanks for stopping by. Have a great day.

Natalie Frank from Chicago, IL on September 30, 2017:

I never have heard any of this despite knowing several Filipinos growinget up. This was extremely interesting. I am Jewish and we have numerous death and funeral customs some of which overlaps?wuthering yours. For example, washing after being at the cemetery. Also covering the mirrors which is said to make it so theour berserk don't feel the have to look good. Thank you for writing this.

Thelma Alberts (author) from Germany on September 06, 2017:

Thank you for dropping by Jennifer. That must be so hard to lose a close friend at a young age of 17. I didn´t know much about our Filipino culture when it comes to death until my father died. My father was not wearing his shoes in his casket. The shoes were just put beside his feet. They said that shoes should not be put on so that the spirit of the dead person will not make a sound in case it will visit you. Scary, isn´t it?

Jennifer on September 02, 2017:

I'm sorry for your loss, Thelma! I grew up in Hawai'i and when I was seventeen I lost a close friend who was half Filipino and half Caucasian in an accident. When I saw her in her coffin at the wake she was dressed in a black gown - barefoot. I attributed that to her being a person who did not like wearing shoes very much and her family paying tribute to that. Interesting to know that that's actually a cultural tradition!

Thelma Alberts (author) from Germany on July 01, 2017:

Thank you very much Peggy. Yes, nowadays some well to do Filipinos use the services of funeral homes rather than the traditional Filipino funeral wake at home. I have no idea if creamation is already practice in the Philippines. Indeed, death in the family is also the time of sharing memories in the families as well as friends.

Peggy Woods from Houston, Texas on June 30, 2017:

I am sorry for your loss Thelma. Those are some interesting customs you have. In 1932 when my grandfather died (my dad was only 7 years old) the wake was held at home from what I heard. Nowadays most wakes in the U.S. are held in funeral homes instead of private homes. For those who choose cremation many times services are held with photos of the deceased on display. It is a time for sharing remembrances of the deceased and family members and sometimes even friends share stories at that time.

Thelma Alberts (author) from Germany on June 08, 2017:

You are very welcome Nell. Thank you.

Nell Rose from England on June 08, 2017:

Thank you for sharing, and I am so sorry for your loss x

Thelma Alberts (author) from Germany on May 25, 2017:

Hi Betty Asphy. I didn’t realise that too until we had death in the family. You are very welcome. It's nice to see you here. Thank you.

Thelma Alberts (author) from Germany on May 20, 2017:

Thank you very much Carol for your kind words. Yes, it seems we have similar funeral practice where you live now. Asias culture and tradition have similarity though it differs from many things, too. It's nice to see you here. I appreciate that. Enjoy your weekend!

Carol Taylor on May 20, 2017:

A touching tribute to your father Thelma for which I am truly sorry for your loss. The traditions you have spoken about sound very similar to what is practised here. Thank you for sharing.

Thelma Alberts (author) from Germany on May 20, 2017:

email database,

Thank you very much for dropping by and I hope I have helped you with your research. Have a great weekend.

Thelma Alberts (author) from Germany on May 20, 2017:

You are very welcome Linda. Thank you for your nice comment. Some of those traditions were new to me until my fathers death when I was at home. Enjoy your weekend.

Thelma Alberts (author) from Germany on May 20, 2017:

You are very welcome Brenda Trott. Thanks for dropping by. Enjoy your weekend.

email database on May 19, 2017:

A very awesome blog post. We are really grateful for your blog post.I was exactly searching for.

Thanks for such post and please keep it up. Great work.

Linda Crampton from British Columbia, Canada on May 19, 2017:

I am very sorry for the loss of your father, Thelma. It was interesting to read about the traditions that you describe. Most of them are new to me. Thank you for sharing them.

Brenda Trott, M.Ed from Houston, TX on May 19, 2017:

Thanks for sharing such a tender time.