How to Celebrate Your INFJ Friend's Birthday

Updated on January 11, 2018

Once a year, I feel quite frazzled at the thought of having to celebrate my birthday. Would anyone remember? Do I honestly want that many people to remember it's my birthday? How should I spend it? What would people think of the way that I choose to spend it?

I am your typical INFJ. If you are familiar with the Myers Briggs personality typologies, the INFJ individuals are one of the rarest types and are often misunderstood by others. We are introverted, sensitive, and deeply in tune with inner worlds that are often too complex for us to grasp ourselves.

Here's where I will share some of my thoughts regarding INFJs and their birthdays. If you have an INFJ friend, I hope this will help you to understand him or her better! It should give you a better idea of how to make his or her birthday special and enjoyable.

Typical Introverts
Typical Introverts

As an INFJ, it doesn't matter to me if everyone I know remembers my birthday or not, but I do want the people who are the most special to me remember. Now, the INFJ is not a social butterfly, and probably has a small network of friends that he/she holds dear and near. If you are special to an INFJ, your friend would have probably told you. If you are very special to your INFJ friend, your friend would probably remind you enough for you to know of your special status—and trust me, it is a great privilege, as INFJs are very selective about who they open up their deepest selves to.

If you are part of this person's wider friendship network and you forget about his or her birthday, you will be very quickly forgiven. In fact, the INFJ is probably relieved that she does not have to deal with a flood of birthday wishes or drama on his or her birthday.

Birthday wishes are always sweet and appreciated by INFJs. Although INFJs enjoy solitude, they are also people who know what it can be like to feel lonely, so if you think of them, drop them a surprise text message or email, and it will definitely cheer them up.

Birthday wishes that are the most cherished are those that do not merely state "Happy Birthday!' If you really want to connect with your INFJ friend, messages that tell them how much you appreciate them or admire them will encourage them most and bring them great joy. In fact, to an INFJ, an email with paragraph of sweet words is definitely more precious than a random gift. Personalization is something that INFJs treasure. If you can personalize without spending any excess money, your INFJ friend will love you for it.

That said, INFJs are also very aware of other people's love languages, and love others for who they are. If you buy are gift for your INFJ friend, because this is your way of expressing your love, your INFJ friend will not love you any less. But if your INFJ friend tells you to skip the gifts and just "write me a card" or "spend some time with me", take him or her serious, as she probably means what she says - particularly because INFJs are usually easy going and aren't known for making any demands.

Now, if you are wondering what to do for your friend, it is a good idea to ask him or her directly. There are some things, however, that INFJs in general will thank you for not doing-

INFJs do not like:

  • Surprises: Don't do the jump-out-and-yell-surprise. INFJs tend to prefer peace and quiet. If you must have a cake to celebrate, don't sneak up on your INFJ, and try to bring the cake (or whatever surprise) out in a low-key manner. INFJs in generally might feel rather overwhelmed by being in the spotlight.
  • Invasion of privacy: Don't sneak into their homes while they are out and decorate their walls and put up posters. INFJs might express appreciation, but in truth we would feel like our personal space or privacy has been invaded.
  • Embarrassing situations: Don't dunk your INFJ friend into the pool without warning if at all, don't smash his or her face into the cake. And please don't take any embarrassing photos of him or her and worse still, put them up on Facebook.

One-on-One or Small Group Celebrations

Offer to take your friend out for lunch or dinner one day. If you usually gather as a group of friends, then your INFJ friend should be comfortable in such company. However, planning a surprise party where long-lost friends suddenly make an appearance might be a little to much stimulation for them and is a sure way of causing him or her to feel socially depleted.

INFJs don't have a huge capacity for being social. Unlike extroverts who are capable of flitting from one social gathering to another, if it likely that your INFJ friend might just prefer to spend his or her birthday with a few close friends, or just one person, or perhaps by himself or herself. Don't feel the need to do something for the INFJ's birthday ON the birthday itself, but offer to take him or her to lunch during the week leading up to her special day. If your INFJ would like to spend his or her day with you, you'd probably be told too or just ask in a non-obtrusive way.

This way, the INFJ feels like he or she has better control of his/her birthday, and can even look forward to that day. Having small gatherings with good conversations in the week(s) leading up to (or even after) the birthday makes the birthday feel special, and it does not make us INFJs feel like we've lost out on having fun with our friends (like the extroverts who can have 4 parties back-to-back). We can have our fun too, just that it's spaced out over a week or so.

Finally, don't stress about how to celebrate. Your friend will be thrilled with simple gifts such as a handwritten note, a good conversation, and your friendship. INFJs have a huge capacity to forgive people. If you get it wrong (and you sincerely got it wrong, bless your heart!), your INFJ friend is just going to forgive you and still love you all the same!

Are you an INFJ too? Do you have an INFJ friend? I would love to hear your thoughts about celebrating a birthday.


    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment
    • profile image


      8 months ago

      Infj ... I love my birthday! And I want everyone to celebrate it! I'm a believer in the birthday month. It's really an excuse for me to spoil myself. I do aggree with the above writing... but with the counter balance of I love my birthday... And think we should all celebrate it.

    • profile image


      2 years ago

      I often though "I've never had a surprise party ". I though I would like that since I am very good at planning surprise parties or activities.

      I actually do not like surprises, I dislike them. I don't know if is because really I've never been surprised, in the account that I somehow always find out. The best gifts or small surprises I had have been like you described it. With a small group of friends doing something so simple like eating icecream in the back yard after a work day". I don't like expensive buque of flowers, for I often think " i would had rather had a pot so I can plant it and see it blooming longer". ALthou I'm a creature of habit i believe I like switching somethings a little bit or trying new things, some I like and stick with them, some I don't like so I disregard them, but somehow people see me for example eating something and they think that is my absolute favorite thing, so I'm often stuck with not very good presents, that I won't use or wear or eat because are not me. If thy ask I Gould tell them. Sometimes with my complicity I wonder why will they give that as if they don't know me. I wouldn't never hurt their feeling by thrilling then I don't like their present or their detail, so the. It is i who is stick and sad about that situation. I'm not ungrateful i just wish they will get me a bit more and or try to find out from ME what I like vs asking or guessing. But I guess that is how I am.

    • profile image


      2 years ago

      Just sincere congratulations is in order... but I won’t tell it is my birthday. I expect you to know it & treat it as important as I would treat yours. It is a contradiction I know, but we expect sincerity as this is how we think and treat others.

    • profile image


      2 years ago

      I thought I was the only one who didn't like gifts!! I'm an INFJ and I hate birthdays; I'd prefer no one to remember than to try to make me feel "special." Thank you!!

    • profile image


      2 years ago

      I am a INFJ through and through. But one thing I would absolutely love to have, at least once, is a suprise party for my birthday.... but only if there aren’t to many people there. Or a suprise outing. I would love a birthday suprise and would be really suprised if I am actually suprised

    • profile image


      2 years ago

      I hate surprises or anything that startles me. I’m in the warm fuzzy category. A card, a call, a sincere gift would be it. If you feel like you must give a gift—don’t. There’s nothing worse than giving me a garage sale starter. If I say I want a toaster, I really want it. Don’t try to second guess me. I’m coming up on what my kids think is a “special” birthday. It’s just one more day and not worth fussing about. A quiet family dinner, a movie or by myself. Send me a text and I’ll know you’re thinking about me. I am anINFJ.

    • profile image


      2 years ago

      I am an INFJ and I'd prefer if I celebrated my birthday with a small group of friends with pizza and really thoughtful gifts, movie night with the family and some cake. Now that's what I call the perfect birthday.

    • profile image


      2 years ago

      The absolute worst thing to me is insincerity. I'd rather have nothing at all than something given that was thrown together at the last minute.

    • profile image


      2 years ago

      INFJ Strategy: When the team were collecting everyone's birthday dates at work I expediently 'chose' the same date as the super-extrovert in the team. When the inevitable office party came around guess who was front and centre on the day. Not me!!

    • profile image


      2 years ago

      i like to be greeted but i dont remind people about my birthday. i also prefer celebrating in small groups. or rather with limited people only or alone. :D

    • profile image


      3 years ago

      Very accurate assessment of the INFJ and birthdays. Here's my issue. I am in INFJ whose birthday falls on Christmas Day. Was this somebodies idea of sick joke?

    • profile image


      4 years ago

      I'm an INFJ, this is mostly accurate, but I prefer handling my own parties, that way I don't have to deal with all the insanity of others!

      If it weren't for family forcing me, I'd probably spend every birthday alone!

    • profile image


      4 years ago

      My boyfriend is INFJ, and I'm ENFP (best duo ever! =P ) and... it's absolutely true xD

    • profile image


      5 years ago

      It's so absolutely true!

      I am doing a voluntary service abroad and on my birthday, I didn't even tell anyone that I had birthday - No celebration. But I got plenty of nice messages of my close friends and that was enough for me!

    • profile image

      Elizabeth Goh 

      5 years ago

      Thank you so so much for posting this. I always knew my best friend is an introvert and over the year I have been learning (still is!) how to love her practically. Everything you have written in this article is so precious to me! It helps so much in understanding my dear friend better. Thank you so much!

    • profile image


      6 years ago

      Yes, completely accurate! !

    • profile image


      6 years ago

      100% accurate (INFJ)

    • Denmarkguy profile image

      Peter Messerschmidt 

      7 years ago from Port Townsend

      Awesome... and quite accurate!

      I really never cared much whether people remembered my birthday at work (for example) and would mostly rather avoid the whole messy business of a bunch of people standing around "acting enthusiastic" but not really wanting to be there... while waiting for ME to fake enthusiasm at THEIR fake enthusiasm. ICK!

      And PLEASE! No "surprise parties," ever. Period.

    • profile image


      7 years ago

      I am an infj . this isn't really true.

    • Charlotte B Plum profile imageAUTHOR

      Charlotte B Plum 

      8 years ago

      Hey teachers12345!

      Thank you for taking the time to visit and to comment on this hub! I am glad you found it useful! I always appreciate your encouraging comments!

    • teaches12345 profile image

      Dianna Mendez 

      8 years ago

      I believe my hubby is an INFJ -- he fits all the criteria you listed. It is good to know how to handle celebrations with INFJ's and what works well for them. Thanks for the post and I am keeping it as a handy reference.


    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

    Show Details
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)
    ClickscoThis is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy)