Andrea writes on various topics from dating, couples, astrology, weddings, interior design, and gardens. She studied film and writing.
What Does INFJ Mean?
For those of you who don't know what INFJ stands for, it's: introverted, intuition, feeling, and judging. Myers-Briggs is a personality test that groups four different traits found on a spectrum into 16 different personalities. Essentially, those are on the following spectrum:
- Extroverted - Introverted
- Sensing - Intuition
- Thinking - Feeling
- Judging - Perceiving
There's a lot that can be said of this, but we are focusing on a specific personality today: the INFJ. The INFJ personality in the Myers-Briggs universe makes for a great friend, lover, and parent.
The following are some tricks in case you need an INFJ in your life.
INFJ personalities have some specific qualities that set them apart from other personality types.
INFJ Personality Traits
Close friendships and lots of them
INFJ personalities tend to have a lot of friends, more so than the usual introvert. You'll still be able to tell that they're shy or withdrawn. They tend to focus on creating lasting bonds with people, so they have a lot of close friends even though they may not be the most outgoing type of person.
An artsy personality that reflects their eclectic outfits
INFJs tend to dress somewhat artsy. They put effort into the way they dress. Women may wear something floaty, flowery, long skirts, short skirts, and jewelry. I think most INFJ women have a good sense for shoes. They love a variety of colors. The way they dress represents their eclectic taste in style, and it also shows their inner confidence.
They have a calm and mysterious aura about them. They may not feel this way in their mind, but if you're around them, you might feel at ease. They tend to be reading, drinking tea or coffee, or making jokes with friends. INFJs tend to have a calming demeanor and way of speaking, and they tend to be very easy to hang around with.
Always funny and witty
This personality is witty. They probably have a strange remark for just about anything. A lot of times they're hilarious. Think Jerry Seinfeld or Billy Crystal. An INFJ tends to have a close ENFP, a wilder Robin Williams type around them. If you can find one of those personalities, the other is probably not too far away because they make for strong friends partly because their senses of humor play off each other well. They also tend to have a dry sense of humor, and they love dishing out quick comebacks and jokes.
Filled with emotions
INFJs have a lot of emotions. Remember, they are calm. They also can be hyperactive. Or a sobbing vehement mess. They are also not afraid to say what they are feeling and what is on their mind at any given time.
They like jobs with a purpose
They crave jobs in non-profit organizations, writing, education, counseling, music, and art. Anything that is idea motivated and creative draws in an INFJ. They tend to have a grand vision of how their work will impact others, and they love working for the greater good of society.
Constantly curious and well-read
INFJs like a variety of abstract concepts to explore. If they keep bringing up the subject of magic, conspiracy theories, psychics, personality theories, religion, philosophy, critical thinking, gender theory, queer theory, science fiction, you likely have an INFJ or someone who would make a good friend for an INFJ.
They need alone time too
This is a personality that sometimes needs to withdraw. They need to re-calibrate by drawing away from crowds and recognizing what their present friend groups are. Sometimes this is a painful process for an INFJ when they have to reckon with their past and present friendships.
Great students and thinkers
They're smart students. Expect high-level grades and a busy education schedule. They tend to be goal achievers. INFJs travel with INTJs and INTPs as the holy trifecta of introverted super thinkers.
How to Spot an INFJ
INFJs tend to be strong writers. Writing a paper is a piece of cake for them since they are constantly analyzing and developing new critical theory.
Love of travel
This personality has bad wanderlust. They may constantly be thinking about where to go on vacation, a short term overseas mission, what are the greatest cities, etc. For an INFJ, seeing the world is a big goal as they want to see and experience different cultures.
They may struggle with their self-confidence or self-esteem as they feel like they need to be more of a person when they already are quite a person. While on the outside they may appear confident and bold, on the inside they tend to be second-guessing themselves and their decisions.
In some situations, they will hardly speak of themselves while asking all the right questions to get you to open up. They care deeply about understanding other people and getting to know them well.
They love coffee shops
There's one in just about every coffee shop—probably reading or writing.
Frugal and focused
Not your richest of folks. They're so focused on ideas that they often neglect looking at practical matters like their budget, their lawn, or spontaneous spending. Money is not their main focus in life.
Either focused on being single or monogamous
A personality that is focused when it comes to relationship matters. They may be wholly single, married, or go through cycles of three sheets to the wind. Sometimes an INFJ rejects itself and goes through a phase of "I'm trying not to be as monogamous as my gut wants me to be."
Always ready to say something
The INFJ often seems like they have something to say, but are holding back. They tend to wait for the right moment to say something, so they don't spark any outrage or upset anyone.
In line with some of their other traits, INFJs tend to play a musical instrument or used to. They have a creative side to them that tends to get expressed through music.
Looking clean is important
Cleanliness is an important thing for INFJs; they like to look clean and put together. They will take their time getting ready in the morning because they value looking good and dressing sharp.
They have plenty of little rituals and consistency
They have odd rituals and preoccupations with schedules to keep them sane. They have consistent things they try to do every day, once a week, etc. This occurs while also leaving room for spontaneous interaction.
Slow in the dating game
This is one of the personalities that may take longer to date or holds off on marriage. They don't have the speed to get married like an ESFJ who tends to be married by their early 20s. INFJs are skeptical of being in a long-term relationship, so they tend to be wary of jumping into a relationship.
They love touch
Likes physical touch more than they are letting on. They can really gage a person by how they touch their hair, arms, and shoulders. A hug is revealing to an INFJ. But they don't want you to know that's often their kryptonite. They love compliments, but something about touch wakes them up out of their tendency to be in their heads. Also, they can tell if they really don't like you if you touch them in a way that rubs them wrong.
In control of their sexuality
Many may say they're asexual. Many of them in reality just have self-control or a different way of monitoring and understanding their libido. They're in their imagination. INFJs are very mental creatures so a sexual identification test only on physical fantasies might not make sense to them; it depends on how they've built their imagination.
Very picky when choosing a partner
They do lean toward the sapiosexual side but looks probably do matter too. This is unfortunately one of the most, if not the most, picky personality when it comes to finding a partner. They understand social issues and people, so they're looking for the best possible option. The older they get, the more they realize they're human. Also, the older they get, the better the options they have around them. They may be confused as to why their romantic prospects got better at about 23 and up.
Odd ways of organizing things
They may have strange organizing systems in an otherwise seemingly messy home. They'll spend extra time on organizing a tea cabinet, arranging a closet by colors, leaving charts in each room for how to clean it, and they'll leave clutter piles everywhere. They've probably got boxes they keep telling themselves to empty that are full of things from eight years ago, like postcards, certificates, and letters.
To the point
Soft-spoken personality, but blunt and if really upset they'll be opinionated to the max. When they get angry about something, they will let you know about it and why it upsets them so much.
Experts at ghosting
Bad about ghosting. Actually, not bad about ghosting. They're experts. When they know they don't need you anymore or they've hurt you, you may suddenly stop receiving communication from them. You may not be aware that this is happening. They'll do this subtly, but it is a conscious effort to move on from you one way or another. If you're in a relationship with an INFJ and they go cold, it means they've evaluated and come to a conclusion that they're life probably doesn't need you anymore because you hurt them. At this point, things are probably too late. You would need to be really sweet to them. Do not be aggressive; this will confirm whatever they are seeing—and they'll drop you faster than you can pick up whatever nearby object and throw it to the ground. Instead be really sweet, encouraging, and bring up nostalgia—only then you might have a chance at saving something. This tactic will throw them off. But if you aggressively chase them down—you'll scare them. They might actually think you're abusive, so be careful.
Signs of an INFJ
Strong sense of independence
This is an independent personality. They can survive without people but not like a hermit. They'll still be around people at work, etc. But they can go solo if they feel it is best for them. Since they are so focused on living their best life, they don't like to wait around for others to make decisions, they just go about things on their own.
Fun to date
One of the best people to date ever. They'll keep the conversation going, they'll genuinely like your company, and they love the spontaneous. Warning: it may make your head explode. Additional warning: things may move slower than you want.
They have specific things that bother them
They all have certain pet peeves: don't disturb their sleep; don't leave dishes dirty if you live with them that you'll never clean causing them to always wash the dishes; don't be blind to the fact that they're gorgeous and you see them all the time and should probably open up your heart about it already. Also, don't be stupid. They may stare at you helplessly trying to figure out how to translate their thoughts to figure out how to help you when you've been so dumb. They'll think for you if they have to.
They try their best not to stand out despite their quirks
They may not really want to be known for their interests, quirks, and everything else. They probably stick out like a sore thumb at times, but there are times where they are consciously trying to blend or be normal. Then they'll say something witty or start laughing out of nowhere.
They like to journal
Writing is a big escape for them; journaling on the daily is a must. Doing so helps them reflect on what happened that day, and it keeps their mind at ease.
All or nothing
They are likely to flood you with messages to then suddenly stop, and then repeat the process over and over. If you encourage the flood of messages, they'll keep going.
Strengths and Weaknesses of an INFJ
All or nothing mentality
Great at ghosting
© 2015 Andrea Lawrence
Andrea Lawrence (author) from Chicago on August 27, 2020:
I feel it. I feel it deep.
Alien Maybe on July 31, 2020:
I like and devour all red, white, and brown meat available on earth in brown, black or white but not green bread. I express my emotions with sarcasm and gratitude. Thanks for the help. Can you feel my pain?
Andrea Lawrence (author) from Chicago on July 23, 2020:
INTJ and INJF are both dominated by introverted intuition. They are the closest neighbors to each other. Your feeling and thinking components would be your 2nd or 3rd highest strengths with extroverted sensing at the bottom.
Do you feel you express your emotions more outwardly or you have more Sherlock holmes logic extroversion happening? Think about the way you express yourself, and that will help you figure this one out.
An INFJ is dominated by introverted intuition followed by extroverted feeling, introverted logic, and then extroverted sensing.
INTJ is introverted intuition followed by extroverted logic and then introverted feeling... and then extroverted sensing.
INTJ and INFJ have the same sandwich bread, but different meat.
Alien Maybe on July 16, 2020:
I came to planet earth to populate it with (superior) ? genes, my family drowned me because human clothes make me look like a sack of potatoes strangled at the neck and we all know what happens to aliens when they get wet. E.T. go home. Can any other aliens figure out why I test 50/50 INFJ/INTJ Maybe xxxx type!!
Tiggy Sagar on July 02, 2020:
I seem to be a more outgoing version of the INFJ. I'm definitely not an ENFJ though.
Megany on June 23, 2020:
"They may stare at you helplessly trying to figure out how to translate their thoughts to figure out how to help you when you've been so dumb."
I mean, THIS IS PERFECT. I laughed way too hard at this exact depiction of what goes way too many times around in my head
Jane on May 27, 2020:
"This idea that infj love to write... I don’t like to have any of my secrets to have a paper trail" - brilliant observation by MelMel below in Comments. I do write a diary, to express my feelings, but I'd hate for anyone to find it. And my most extreme thoughts and feelings I try not to write down, just in case ...
Andrea Williams on May 12, 2020:
Its pretty accurate unfortunately; I mean, who likes to be pegged as special? I'm outta here..I'm back.. I'm gone...
Brianna on April 29, 2020:
Thankyou, many people might describe us as shy, but we can open up to the people we trust :3
me on April 01, 2020:
I really enjoyed this, usually, we're described ad quiet and sober when in reality we can be crazy and outgoing, it just depends who we are with.
Also, the idea of writing... I adore writing, I just hate people reading what I wrote
jadoo can’t wheeout on April 01, 2020:
lol this is by far the most accurate article i have read! great job to the author
Melmel on March 17, 2020:
This idea that infj love to write... I don’t like to have any of my secrets to have a paper trail
Kelly on February 08, 2020:
The chameleon reference is the well-known infj mirroring. . We do it so we can better help and understand it the person we're interacting with.
Latisha on January 31, 2020:
This so spot on for me! Everyone I am so different.
pj on January 20, 2020:
lol...don't disturb my sleep!
warwick neville on December 31, 2019:
The dishes!!! Laughed out loud involuntarily.
The chameleon. The desire to blend in and just observe and not
be noticed yet feeling like an alien and looking for the nearest exit.
All my life I felt like a helpful stranger and whilst I was never the party
animal I knew all of my circle of friends one on one and they always
came to me for advice on their boyfriend or girlfriend like I was some
wise old yoda!
My fellow aliens please embrace being an INFJ.
Best INFJ page I have read for ages.
Freakishly accurate however I am not a flashy dresser.
-I blend in as not to offend anyone.
..And yes, I have read and re-read what I've written.
Thanks for the validation.
petr on December 26, 2019:
Thanks a lot! I was searching if my friend is an INFJ and it looks she is! That´s great!
Dania Alfred on November 23, 2019:
My Goodness... It's almost like I'm reading an autobiography about myself.
Damn.. Scary that your analysis is so on point.
Thank you. It's a bit assuring to know I'm not the only weirdo out there. That There are exact and very similar weirdoes like me is really nice to know.
Lesley S on November 10, 2019:
100% accurate, AND it seems I have 2 online digital INFJ friends! Thank god it’s has been revealed to me, perhaps now I can stop feeling so isolated - TY
Andrea Lawrence (author) from Chicago on October 30, 2019:
Kmr on October 29, 2019:
Unbelievably accurate. Truly spot on. Thank u!
Andrea Lawrence (author) from Chicago on October 28, 2019:
Glad to know this has helped!
Andrea Lawrence (author) from Chicago on October 28, 2019:
I think for INFJ personalities, finding out about Myers Briggs is a godsend.
Linda Vaughn on October 27, 2019:
All I can say is, "WOW!" All of my life I have wondered why I am this way. This describes me so well.
Mg on October 22, 2019:
SeriouslySarcastic on October 10, 2019:
When you take a test and discover you’re an INFJ, or read the signs that you’re an INFJ, it’s like reading your autobiography or the definition of oneself! Everything fits together and explains why you are the way you are and “who” you are! Mystery solved! Eat your heart out Sherlock Holmes!
Jazz on September 30, 2019:
I thought i had mental problem or sumn but this is so accurate its scary
Chris Nicholas on September 06, 2019:
I realized I have been a victim of torture and identity theft since I was 13. I know people who drugged me up as a child then was disappointed when I didn't react like a sicko. Since I was a kid, these same people have been drugging me up the whole time also since 13 they have been attempting to turn me into a transvestite by injection of estrogen, and behavior conditioning me into being a woman. Fact. Neighbor talked me into putting on a woman bathing suit then circulated pictures around high School. Whole family is in on it thing is I don't think it's a joke.
Catz on July 16, 2019:
Extremely Accurate 100%
Boo on July 02, 2019:
So what I'm a INFJ what now?
Joel on June 28, 2019:
Eerily spot on.. some things are not me but the ones that are are making me want to delete all my social accounts and confirm my suspicions of being monitored
Shammah on June 21, 2019:
I feel like my soul has just been searched and exposed. The acccuracy of this is scary. I am very big on reading and I have taken a lot of personality tests and have read a lot of write ups. But this is different. No post has ever made me feel so understood. I appreciate whoever came up with this understanding of the INFJ personality type. I proudly am an INFJ. Thanks for making me realise I am not weird and I can as well be understood.
Landon on June 16, 2019:
This literally described every aspect of my personality, kind of scary. I feel like I’m just programmed like a computer lol
jazzy60 on June 13, 2019:
Phil below just you saying that proves you are an INFJ. I feel the same but most people would not think that much into it.
I am between this and ISFJ or ISFP. However , I have had bad experiences in my life as a child my parents didn’t get my sensitivity etc and callously continued to tell me how I was too sensitive, too whatever , never tried to understand me but would spill their problems to me . Basically making me feel like something is wrong w/ me. I was told I was crazy, why do I think that but when they need a soft place they would turn to me. My dad alcoholic , complete opposite of me . Does not get me and constantly makes jabs at me . Very hurtful and abusive I’m learning .
I am not artsy though I love flowers and nature . I also don’t like coffee or being in public . I have been hurt deeply by so called friends and boyfriends so I have trust issues etc.
So I agree Phil it is painful to feel so deeply and hurt for others .I often felt like I wasn’t made for the harshness of this world . I don’t enjoy crudeness. I wish I had not been so hurt and trying to change for so long as maybe I could have helped others . I didn’t know better and this was ingrained at early age. My dad and sister have narcissist tendencies who despise who I am .
Now that I know I’m trying to regain myself . I really want the best for ppl . However, I don’t have all of the above because of life circumstances so I wish they would discuss that a bit . Ppl do take advantage of you and I have had very low self esteem all my life .
Now seeing some ppl celebrate who you are I could have maybe done more with my life . Right now I just want to be alone and shunning the world a bit . I also never ghost someone! That’s cruel.
Phil on June 13, 2019:
Why do a majority of these articles seem to be written by authors who bring their own personality bias into them and then shape the narrative to fit their ideal selves? I mean, frequenting coffee shops and staying clean are dominant traits of INFJ? It reads like a superiority checklist of how great INFJs are while sidestepping the struggles most of us face.
Dani on June 07, 2019:
Why did you change the post? It was super good before :(
Jan on June 03, 2019:
Not at all like me.
Kelly on June 01, 2019:
Blown away by the accuracy of this assessment!
groot on May 27, 2019:
my everyday clothes are literally casual and dark. I always been wishing to be invincible.
C on May 24, 2019:
Accurate to a certain extent....I have not had top grades at all. You could say math was my struggle area. Weirdly, for languages and grammar, I never really needed to study and got top scores always. As most have said here, I would agree with the 90% accuracy estimate.
Wil McMullen on May 22, 2019:
Ive read my fair share of horoscope books and found there are definite like-characteristics that govern me to my astrological sign, but found other attributes to be way off. Im pleasantly shocked to find me in every bit of likeness reading this article or any of the articles that i have read as it pertains to INFJ.
Angela Wroble on May 13, 2019:
This was entertainingly accurate
Lore on May 01, 2019:
Is it wrong that I find it incredibly funny that of the 30,000 people that have taken the poll, 0% want to hire an INFJ? Hahahaha.
I can relate to most of these. The thing about touch is really interesting! I love hugs but I'm very picky about who gets to touch me. And yeah, I can gauge a person and pick up on their essence through touch. Totally random, never realized that before.
Recommended for You
Regarding the "secretiveness", I do wish i had more friends. It's not that I don't want to open up, but there are very few people I connect with deeply enough to be around them so they can discover all the facets of the diamond that is my personality.... I do morph depending on where I am, what I'm doing and who I'm with...basically, what I feel I need to express energetically in that moment.
I am very friendly and congenial to most people, and most of them never realize that they walked away never having found out anything about me, really. At the same time, if they keep turning the conversation back to me and I don't feel comfortable talking about myself to them, then it just becomes a weird deflectionary contest. So, self-inflicted catch-22.
J on April 13, 2019:
INFJs are also continuously secretive. They build immense walls but are so adept at choosing what to reveal, you won’t know until it’s too late. The many “friends” they have tend to be acquaintances or resources at varying levels of closeness. Everyone is disposable. They will be a completely different version of themselves depending on their surroundings. An INFJ can walk through a party and be a different person at each social circle. This isn’t contrived, however. They are being sincere each time. They are also the most rewarding relationship you can experience.
Paul on April 04, 2019:
This is useless blog, it doesn't mention Carl Jung cognitive functions.
Chrissie Dyson on March 21, 2019:
This must be the definitive INFJ characteristics list. I read elsewhere that INFJ brains don't tend to show strong left or strong right side dominance. I completed a quiz recently and my scores were 53/47 (Left/Right). I don't know if there is information on other types' dominance. I studied music for many years which is known to involve both sides of the brain so this may be a factor.
Adelina on February 15, 2019:
Wow I’m sooo amazing...
Ellio on February 14, 2019:
Before you go running your ego into a pit of delusion, make sure to notice that most people will resonate with a large percentage of what this author wrote. This is bordering on horoscope trickery.
Andrea Lawrence (author) from Chicago on February 06, 2019:
It's true... but after awhile conspiracy theories can get dull and they'll turn to other creative narratives.
Silvya on February 04, 2019:
Also infjs love to read just about anything especially if the topic revolves around humanity and conspiracy theories
Emily on January 20, 2019:
I have known I am an INFJ for about 5 years now and I have a lot of forums, articles, and pieces about us, but this piece is creepily accurate. I have felt or I am feeling all of the things described above and I am interested or have done all of the things described. It's strange how much this resonates with me. I love it.
LMO on October 31, 2018:
I don't have alot of friends. Many aquaintences, but a small group of family that I am close to. I don't typically dress artsy but more jeans and T-shirts. I am great at memorizing lyrics. Most of this is like me. Definitely love a homey environment. Definitely need plenty of alone time and with other introverts. I enjoy some extravert time then off I go.Ok
Rita on October 30, 2018:
Very well written ...except the part that no one will ever be inside our minds and its definitely the best place to be:)
Cyrus on October 28, 2018:
I am not a spiritual person at all.I lost my hope in humanity (at least the majority of them).My only hope is our technology.I think our salvation is in technology.(I have an existentialist mindset)But I don't like this thing. I perceive these as harsh truths.I preferred to suffer than lying to myself. I have imprisoned my emotions. I am pure logic. But most people don't like this truth. They want to run away from the truth. That's why I use a facade to socialize with other people. I hope to find someone to share this burden with or someone who is able to cure me...
This is how it's like to be an ENTP...
(Please add this to my previous comment)
Cyrus on October 28, 2018:
INTJs are hot! Can't wait to see one
Kim on October 12, 2018:
This is amazing, I've never felt so understood.
Andrea Lawrence (author) from Chicago on September 12, 2018:
Don't worry, there is a whole world of INFJ people and you are not alone.
Preeti Shenoy from Bangalore, India. on August 15, 2018:
This is so accurate, it is scary! Thank you for writing this. I am an INFJ and I could identify with almost everything, except one or two things(naming random objects and playing a musical instrument, although I did learn to play one as I took it as a challenge). Now I feel strangely exposed!
Andrea Lawrence (author) from Chicago on June 07, 2018:
I'm pretty awestruck at how much these hubs resonate with people. Perhaps I should have gone into psychology for a field.
Andrea Lawrence (author) from Chicago on June 07, 2018:
Study hard and the mysteries of Myers Briggs will unveil itself, even if it's origins are not so flattering.
Marsha on June 06, 2018:
At first, I thought you were playing around because the first one is not true at all (at least for me) but as I get into it more, I felt like we've known each other for a while
Eric on May 20, 2018:
Reading this felt like you were in my head, or watching me over my shoulder, as I stumble around alternately making a fool of myself (sometimes on purpose), or astounding passersby with some random comment, or a total stranger talking to me about their health problem.
You really know INFJs very well.
There's a couple there that I don't really relate to, but the vast majority of them I do.
K on May 18, 2018:
Highly interesting and accurate for me, an INFJ. I even named my first car "Das Boat", since it was this huge piece of crap that had a horn you could hear from miles away. The main exceptions on this list would be the comments about asexuality and how to "win" me back. I'm definitely asexual (despite people in my life claiming that is a delusion on my part...after about a decade, I'm seriously tired of hearing that). I'm not picky. I'm simply not interested in sex/a relationship. Period. Whenever I "doorslam" someone, it doesn't matter if they are aggressive or acting sweet. It's over. In fact, I'm even more likely to move on if they act sweet, because then I interpret that as grade-A manipulation. God help you if you bring up nostalgia. That said, that tactic USED to work on me when I was younger and had lower self-esteem, but then the same people burned me repeatedly after the second (plus third and fourth) chances I gave them. Nowadays, I'm not as forgiving.
But everything else on the list was 100% accurate for me personally. Nice work.
Andrea Lawrence (author) from Chicago on May 16, 2018:
It is not weird. You have a vision of something, and depending on what it is you can make it into a reality. Try meditation and allowing yourself the freedom to do this to better enhance the skill.
AMber Turner 2267 on May 03, 2018:
Hey i believe I am an infj and i was just wondering is what I am about to share is normal... sometimes i think of a story ,concept of situation in my mind and then i can envision it and get lost within the thought ... and sometimes i even take time out of my day to just sit and think about what i came up with ....so yeah is that weird ...P.S sorry if it sounds weird.^^)
Andrea Lawrence (author) from Chicago on April 05, 2018:
My goodness! This was some marvelous writing. I wish I could help you to identify what is happening here. Your thought-stream has impressed me, and I rather enjoy what I'm witnessing here. From the other side of the Internet, this is what I see.
You are clearly introverted and intuitive. You don't ring like a sensing person at all, which means that is a lower function for certain, and intuition is one of the higher traits. The way you describe things sounds focused on ideas, and in my mind thinking of you, I see you as highly observant, capable of social interactions, but brilliant.
If I were to whittle it down, you would land in either INFJ or INTP.
The way you're sorting through thoughts has a certain strategical way about it, and you sound somewhat baffled by humans to a degree that isn't as fitting for an INFJ. However, to feel connected to an entire list may mean that yes, you are an INFJ, and some of the colorfulness of how this is written is very INFJ like. And as you know, INFJ do not have a strong J like others. This can make them feel weird and feel as though they belong with the P crowd... except that can also drain them.
INTP can really drag out the perceptions it has and lose complete sense of time. My boyfriend is INTP and he needs an external clock, another person, to get him on track and push him or he'll do some rather... long excursions. As an INFJ, if I don't manually address this, I'll be caught up in his perceiving ways.
However, he can be obsessive about wanting projects to be done, so he can get obsessed with wanting something clean -- and will complete it to the chagrin of other mishaps. As an INFJ, cleaning can get done to a point -- until you run into a wall and start daydreaming and prefer to do something, just about anything, else. He was the one who finally cleaned the stove after a big mess, where I was the one who was doing it in small steps every day or so, because I found it exhausting. But I can do perpetual weekly things -- dishes, sweeping, laundry. Those can easily be neglected by the INTP counterpart. See the difference?
I would prefer you answer this for yourself, but this may be the deciding factor:
Do you feel like you are an isolated person, that it's difficult for you to be understood -- and if someone contexualized you, it would be a miracle? The one miracle you really want?
Or option 2: you feel like you can absorb, understand people around you with an incredible and scary amount of ease, sometimes without you realizing you are even doing that, and sometimes you feel pressure to tell people something you see and know and hold to be huge? INFJ people can see and predict things about people that are incredible, and nothing short of incredible.
Here's another thought since you are an adult. Do you feel like you started to know and express yourself in your emotions or your strategic thinking? What matured and developed and felt more in reach -- emotional, social reasoning -- or rational non-social reasoning? The INFJ would take to their emotions first, and also express them in an extroverted manner. The INTP would encounter and develop and mature it's extroverted thinking first, while frequently feeling its emotions and social skills... are a mess.
Going back to my riddle, in case you missed it:
Option 1 is INTP and Option 2 is INFJ. INFJ could contextualize the INTP -- the miracle it seeks. Meanwhile, the INTP would be charmed by the weirdness and grace of the INFJ.
INTP is dominated by introverted thinking (a skill INFJ also has), but this function causes INTP to ACT frequently, jumping into thoughts and ready for battle. INFJ is dominated by introverted intuition (something INTP does not have), that causes them to ABSORB and understand people, emotions, and social movements at an unprecedented speed. INFJ is drawn to theory, psychics, and the like because of this absorbent attitude it has. INTP could have an interest here, and be charmed by it, but it isn't the backbone of their thinking.
Frankland Elliot on March 18, 2018:
Never, ever did I even remotely consider or ever test as an INFJ! When the test was first administered on me, I was in a very abusive relationship with a sociopath and took the test under that person's tutelage, being told what to answer. The results never fit. I became frustrated and after many years, divorce, counselling and healing, tested INTP. Still didn't identify with the description and function stack. Spent numerous years musing over my early developmental stages trying to identify my type. ENTP became the hook on which I hung my personality hat and read everything I could get my eyes on from MBTI books to websites to blogs.
Just last week, while browsing websites looking for ENFP descriptions to better understand a close and dear friend who interestingly seems to be my only friend, #4..., I inadvertently stumbled upon this page. I started reading and found I could relate...got to #7... magic, conspiracy theories, psychics, personality theories, religion, philosophy, critical thinking, gender theory, queer theory, science fiction. Laughed aloud and thought, "This type is into these too, eh?"
#35...I adhere strictly to some specific habits. I wish others would learn to do the same as I know they would be greatly enhanced as a person. But everyone knows this and some have learned the benefits. The 7 Habits is practically a text book for any successful, effective person wanting to grow, become better, achieve goals, not merely specific to this type. Oh maybe the author was an INFJ.
Kept reading...kept relating...got to #55 and had a moment. #55: "don't disturb their sleep; don't leave dishes dirty; they're gorgeous, don't be stupid...they stare helplessly trying to figure out how to help you when you've been so dumb." Exactly!! Speechless!! Please just leave the thinking to me. For that matter, just leave everything to me and I'll look after it as soon as you're gone. Are you still here? Your presence is, well frankly, stressing me out! My brain is getting really hot, oh now it's starting to swell up. I can feel the pressure in my frontal lobe. Crap, I can't think at all. Who are you? How did you in get here? Please tell me you have your own car parked out front because I'm not getting into a confined space with you to drive you home? Why are you still here? I'm barely tolerating your presence right now. BUT I'm not ever going to tell you that, that would hurt your feelings so I'll just glaze over, walk away and give you some space to figure out why I'm glazed over, walking away, putting space between me and thee. Depending on my sense of accountability to you, I may call over my shoulder that "I'm probably going to be out of cell range for a few hours, days, weeks...going sailing! Solo!!" Now my kids have a saying when they notice I've stopped engaging because I've dived into some black hole in the outer reaches of the universe where thoughts, emotions, ideas are collectively gathering energy and are about to burst forth in a brilliant Quasar of new revelations. One of them pipes up, "Oh, Oh,........having a moment over here! Let's all have a moment!" So I had a moment...all those dots converged, connected and an image began to emerge. Me an INFJ? Nah.
So what does the next point say?
#56...sleep paralysis...that would be a disorder, correct? Huh, have that, too!
#61...I hide my quirks. Well, I compensate for them.
#69...I called my first car "Rosa" but people laughed at me for naming an inanimate object. Refer to #61.
I finished reading #70 and reflected.
This is the rarest type and recent blogs are asking why is everyone so enamored with INFJs and seem to think they are INFJ? So even though these 70 points are spot on and, like the one person commented...felt my brains spilled out onto the page (loosely paraphrased), I resist! I would never presume! I am not! Unlike some bloggers who write, "I used to be...now I'm more...this type or that type" I have not evolved (from one type to another), I have not morphed (from ENTP to ENFJ; E to I - ENTP being the most introverted of all the extroverted types, INFJ being the most extroverted of the introverted types). It is a fallacy. You are or you are not. Your limited understanding of yourself prevents you from answering truthfully your "preferences" while in a relaxed, comfortable state of being. I can answer truthfully the questions that lean toward E and T as my family and especially friends project to me an image of someone who is outgoing, great with people but can be aloof, ignoring them or shutting them out for periods of time or just going MIA "forever" on some relationships, under the guise of exploring some new idea or getting lost in a project...F's don't do that!! Now I understand there are F types that are practically Ghost experts and have mastered the technique of slamming a door in your face without your even hearing or seeing it unless they want you to. My oldest daughter commented once about my tendency to show up late. I told her I was trying to fit in as much as possible so I didn't waste time sitting idle just to appear 10 minutes early. She told me she thought my P may really be a J and it was really a "control thing". Admittedly, I can readily discern those who will grant a 10 minute grace period or those from whom I will benefit by a 10 minute early arrival. If I've never met the person and not had the opportunity for discernment, I'm just simply on time!
#44...my dog understands full sentences and multi syllable words. He and I have a very open communication style and just "get" each other!
#65 & 41...I have lived long enough to have experienced the development of each function and although I have in recent years been developing Se, am slow at mastering the techniques and have noticed, surprisingly enough, that depending on the status of my relationships on any given day, can perform brilliantly or conversely am stiff or even paralyzed and abandon the whole experience in deference to enjoying observing others perform with ease and grace.
BUT I will never test INFJ, of that I am certain BUT I have never, ever read 70 statements that describe me; my life, my habits, my quirks, my preferences, natural tendencies and limitations, in 22 years of exposure to MBTI Type (and I've read numerous INFJ descriptions in the last week).
So...have I stumbled upon my true type after all these years? Am I or am I not? That is the question.
Kim on February 13, 2018:
Yes, animals can not speak for themselves. We may understand. I have hope that will change. A lot of injustice in the world, I hope I can can pass it on.
Cherry on February 10, 2018:
Boy does this describe me, most of all my kinship with animals, I know what they are thinking and I know exactly how they feel and what they are telling the world. Yes body language .. I am born people watcher with wicked intutuion and as I get older more of a recluse ... Can t really handle people much anymore ... So I don't ...
Kim on February 07, 2018:
Love what it says at the end of the video. “Animals need a pal to talk to”
Kim on February 07, 2018:
In reference to #44, try to look up “Dog wants a Kitty” on You Tube. It will give you a smile. Shine on.
michaela morgan on February 06, 2018:
we think so fast so constantly we overlook typing mistakes i meant adhd attention deficit disorder with hyperactivity . i wore out my body but i remain perky. thank you for this.. its very helpful, and i admit, i dont know everything, exactly.. sometimes, we think we do. what about.. you know, those animals we talk to? they talk back. not in words but they talk back......every y infj should have at least one animal friend...
Kim on February 05, 2018:
All INFJ, you are special. May not see world peace in our lifetime. Hold hands, an example is the best to pass on.
Kim on February 05, 2018:
Anyone a INFJ and a Virgo! Yes, Barnes and Noble was my place for sanctuary, the library.
michaela morgan on February 02, 2018:
it is unwise to suggest to elderly old womenwith aadd to go rock climbing or dancing we fall and break our legs. but my heart dances .the heart can always dance. i guess thats not true for the wounded .. but i do know the wounded can recover .. i did. thank you!!
Andrea Lawrence (author) from Chicago on February 02, 2018:
Keep up the positive attitude! It speaks volumes to others.
Andrea Lawrence (author) from Chicago on February 02, 2018:
Totally understand! Just remember, your unique personality speaks volumes and is something much needed.
Andrea Lawrence (author) from Chicago on February 02, 2018:
Oh wow. Goodness, it sounds like you are very hungry for personal growth -- and that is a great place to be. Aging helps with the process of becoming a stronger INFJ, kind of like how wine gets better with age.
I think reading as much as you can and figuring out where your shortcomings are will help you to strengthen yourself. The issue for INFJ lies in extroverted sensing. We have a hard time being present with our senses and what we are absorbing -- making certain tasks like cleaning, money saving, and not running into objects somewhat difficult. As much as learning about the wise sage material of INFJ thinkers, it is also good to get engaged in things that employ your senses and make you more present -- whether cooking, dancing, or rock climbing. Find something like this. It will help.
Kim on February 01, 2018:
Wow, nice to know I fit somewhere. My mother told me I was probably abductced by aliens as a child. I would always “give the shirt off my back” Never thought who would not do that? And yes, went through years of counseling, attracted anyone who was in need of love and help. So yeah! at my age, still have faith in this world. I am blessed to love my job and as corny as it sounds, love my life, job, and the people who teach me life can be tough sometimes. Am wiser, but still have faith in the world. My mother would still tell I am alien. Ha ha, to all of the INJF s our there, we have the greats standing behind us. Who would not love MLK, Nelson Mendela?
Erica LeHew on January 30, 2018:
This is so accurate that it is scary! I think I checked about every single box... After finding out I was an INFJ about 2 years ago, I felt so much better about my sanity! For so many years I felt that I had something wrong with me. We are truly strange creatures. Weird habits and traits, insane thoughts, and a compassion for people that can be a blessing and a curse...
valerie morgan on January 29, 2018:
oh my goodness, may i come live with you? please... what an amazing read.never ever have i felt so understood. you know, we take ourselves very seriously so this sort of validation and understanding feels delightful i wonder what you would say about this type who also has addhd... yeah. its wearing me out. but, stil i thrive, thank you for doing this site, this work. i never knew dr. jung or read of him but now have a jungian therapist. we have not yet discussed this . i knew after a test online that this was me, but your article is so detailed and validating, it made me even happier to be me. i am startled, though that there are so few of us. that goes with feeling believing knowing we are right about certain things like moral behaviour and living with compassion, we , i dont understand what i know in my bones other people dont know and dont feel. it drives me nuts, in fact. i get angry and judgemental. i expect people to be on their best behaviour. i expect the same or more of me. i withdraw because the complexity of human interaction drains me, and the unrelenting suffering in the world overwhelms me. i must spend some time with the works of the infj sages now and past who light the way for moralprogress in the world and for my own spiritual liberation. thank you for your work. i dont do any sort of social media but i signed up here because it seems to be a site working towards good. i support that.. thank you
hkaur on January 27, 2018:
Omg! .. can't agree more! ..I literally have instances for every pointer.. like every pointer.. except cakes (just cz I've never tried baking, I always wanted to though lol).. the details are indeed fascinating but scary at the same time that people can identify me now.. lol .. nevertheless, thanks for telling me that I'm normal and it's just a personality type.. all these years, I really thought that something is not right about me.. hehe!
Paul on January 24, 2018:
About 50% by my estimation, as for one, I don't know a single INFJ who likes compliments, as they make me feel uncomfortable and I never know what to say mostly from fear of coming across disingenuous or fake. I don't have a lot of friends, but I have a slew of acquaintances, then my "circle" and finally my "inner circle" which is about 3 people. I have an almost eidetic memory, and as for lyrics I've always memorized the ones I liked very quickly, being a musician/singer/songwriter this is almost a must anyway.
I don't "evaluate" people, then decide they're no longer "useful" and toss them aside like trash, narcissists and sociopaths do this, not INFJ, and in fact I'm loathe to have rifts in my relationships, as they are all of equal importance to me, because they are all wonderfully unique and perfectly flawed persons, just like me.
Anyone can talk to animals, we'll have you believing the animals talk to us.
Myself and the other INFJ I know personally do NOT refuse to use words and in fact are all quite verbose, sometimes bordering on loquacious.
I do appreciate some of the less common traits we possess, for instance, I am indeed an excellent cook, including cakes.
I think you should include we practice a healthy level of self-deprecation, to the same degree we are introspective, as you said, we know all about our own crap, and unlike many, we have no problem admitting when we're wrong, and easily apologize sincerely, as we are also very empathetic souls, can't stand to hurt others, and this makes us great targets for toxic people, and they gravitate toward us, as it's pretty obvious in the first few minutes of talking to us our greatest desire is to see everyone live happy, healthy and whole lives, and we excitedly will do our part in making that a reality for others, often at the cost of self. Being the empathetic souls we are, we are often seen as weak, and though it is the case sometimes, codependent, but this is not a hard fast rule, it's just that codependents and empaths share certain traits, and have similar yet upon closer examination polar opposite behavior in our interpersonal relationships.
Tracy on January 22, 2018:
I just ticked every single box. I had no friends at school because I didn't think anybody liked me. I married a narcissist for 23 years and am only just now realising who I really am. I am a INFJ and that is not strange or disordered it is beautiful and I am going to start living and loving myself for who I am.
Cindy on January 19, 2018:
This is so ridiculously on point that it’s scary. Wow! To think that many years ago i actually thought something was wrong with me. This was because I had never encountered anyone like me so I thought I had some sort of personality disorder, only to find it so strangely comforting that someone gets me-other INFJs. Of course it could only be expected that another INFJ would get it. Ni is amazing.
Norway on January 18, 2018:
I am actually crying with laughter. This is horrifically accurate, and it's pretty terrifying. It's super weird that I'm so predictable...
Turiya on January 15, 2018:
Can all of us be INFJ when it is only 1% of the population?
Yanni on January 08, 2018:
Laughed at #42
And damn. I feel like a telepath has been spying on me and wrote this article.
Also sounds like you've dated/been friends with an INFJ for a long time. Or are you one?
Andrea Lawrence (author) from Chicago on January 04, 2018:
Glad to hear that!
kimber007 from Somewhere... on December 30, 2017:
Excellent and on point.
Anna on December 29, 2017:
Ugh, I've read a ton and I still can't understand wether I'm an INFJ or an INFP. I feel instinctively closer to INFJ, but some apparently core aspects don't fit. Honestly, INFJs kind of seem cooler then I am.
Could it be my ADHD messing things up?
Mishka on December 28, 2017:
...and the flood of oddly weird objects that I’ve named throughout my lifetime floods back into my memories...like old friends that I lost on my way here. I am in fact a complete weirdo from the land of weirding weirdos.
Andrea Lawrence (author) from Chicago on December 21, 2017:
You're welcome! Glad you enjoyed it.
Jessica on December 21, 2017:
Incredibly insightful and accurate. Thank you.
Andrea Lawrence (author) from Chicago on December 19, 2017:
Those INTP and INTJ folk are pretty great for INFJ, I must say.
bm on December 17, 2017:
100% Accurate, so well done.
9. They're smart students. Expect high level grades and a busy education schedule. They tend to be goal achievers. INFJ travel with INTJ and INTP as the holy trifecta of introverted super thinkers.
11. It's a personality that craves a Master's degree or higher education.
These hit home, my best friends are INTJ and INTP, and its not a question of if I'm going to do a masters its just a question of when. :-)
emma on December 17, 2017:
my mouth fell open many times while reading this. feels like someone cut my brain open, and dumped the contents of it onto this website. absolutely amazing. reading this made me very happy :)) feeling very understood.
Your Fellow INFJ on December 15, 2017:
I feel like someone observed me and put it all my behaviors in one post
Patti H on December 13, 2017:
Andrea Lawrence (author) from Chicago on December 08, 2017:
Goodness. I'm a little disturbed that sleep paralysis is an INFJ thing.