INTJ Women: A Rare Myers-Briggs Category

Updated on January 4, 2017
TessSchlesinger profile image

Tessa spent five years as a headhunter and personnel consultant. In that guise, she developed some expertise in the MBTI test.

Four INTJ Women for Every 500 Women

For every five hundred women, only four have an INTJ profile. Natural leaders and highly competent they may be, but they are often misunderstood. Here's why.

INTJ stands for Introverted, Intuition, Thinker, and Judgment. It's one of the sixteen Myers-Briggs profiles, the most popularly utilized psychometric test in the world. Corporations often use the MBTI to determine whether the person is well-suited to a particular job or not. INTJs are natural leaders but prefer not to be leaders. They only take on leadership roles when it's important that they do.

Because the INTJ woman is very different, it means that she is often misunderstood. Read on to find out why.

Famous INTJ women come in all shapes and sizes: sports stars, first ladies, and actresses!
Famous INTJ women come in all shapes and sizes: sports stars, first ladies, and actresses!
INTJ women respond differently to being told they are INTJ than men do
INTJ relationships might be more professional than those of others
INTJ women are very private
Female INTJs will disobey authority if the think authority wrong
Female INTJs are both logical and objective
Female INTJs tend to be gifted and/or highly competent

Myers-Briggs Interpreted

The Myers-Briggs assessment determines whether people are introverts or extroverts, whether they use their five senses or their intuition to make decisions, whether they base their assessments and/or conclusions on thoughts or feelings, and, lastly, whether they are comfortable with unanswered questions or if they need closure and, therefore, make 'judgements.' Ergo, an INTJ woman would comprise the following categories:

Introversion: The I stands for introverted which means she obtains her energy and personal satisfaction from her thoughts, imagination, and/or creativity rather from external factors like other people, status, and/or possessions.

Intuition: The N stands for Intuition. It means that she draws from stored unconscious knowledge accrued through the years from books, movies, other people, experience, and reflection. Generally, the INTJ has top-notch information stored.

Thinker: The T stands for thinker (as opposed to feeler), and this means that decisions are based on a process of deduction and analysis rather than what she feels. Bear in mind that feeling is related to emotions and is not the same as intuition.

Judgement: The J stands for Judgement, and it means that closure is preferred. Open-ended and unresolved problems and issues are not welcome to the lady INTJ.

Rare Combination of Intuition and Thinking

Generally, most profiles combine feeling with intuition and thinking with the use of the senses (taste, smell, touch, feeling, hearing). The INTJ is unusual in their combination of intuition and thinking. The result is an individual with a highly developed imagination and the ability to apply detail to visualisation, thus bringing into being original and practical solutions.

Other names for INTJs are strategists and system-builders.

Analytical and Objective Thinker

The INTJ individual is best suited to science, and while many believe that the scientist deals only in facts, it is the outstanding scientist who uses imagination to extrapolate possible interpretations of data as well as find commercial and industrial uses for new discoveries.

Her Brain

The INTJ develops precise structures in the brain from early childhood. This means that information is extremely well organized. They can analyze (compare this information) with ease as a result of this highly organized structure. They also retain new information with ease. INTJs are highly competent people and are often gifted.

A Myers-Briggs Illustration


Defiant of Authority?

If the president ordered an INTJ to do something and five minutes into doing it, the INTJ discovered that it wasn't going to work, s/he would have no issue with changing the plan and going ahead without consulting the powers that be. Even if she knew that the change of plan wouldn't be very popular and might cost her her job, she would still go ahead and change the plan. That's because INTJs believe that what they're doing is right.

Are INTJs right?

Yes. Predominantly.

If authority tells them that they are on the wrong track or that they should back off, and the INTJ feels that 'the boss' is not right, the INTJ will simply ignore authority and go right on doing what they are doing. This makes them immune to corruption because they are not concerned with either what people think of them or what rewards they get. They are concerned with what will get the system working.

INTJs have little respect for authority. It's another point in their favour that ensures that they will do what is right. Ninety-six percent of humanity (as Milgram showed shortly after WWII) will do something instructed by authority even when they know it's wrong. An INTJ will not.

INTJs are rare in that while they know what they know, they also know what they don't know. Ask most people a question and there will always be an answer, even if they don't know what they are talking about. Ask an INTJ a question and they will either give you the right answer or they will say, "I don't know.

INTJs Are Succinct Writers

It's no accident that INTJs are excellent writers. They can convey meaning easily and clearly. This is partially because they thoroughly think things through before attempting to explain them, and secondly, it's because structure is part of their lives. So they're really good at the structure of language.

INTJ writers include Isaac Asimov, Jane Austen, Stephen Hawking, Jean-Paul Sartre, James Cameron, Betty Friedan, Susan Sontag, Samuel Beckett, and Lone Frank. While I can't find any MBTI profile for Robert Heinlein, his writing and ideas suggest he is an INTJ. I'd also include Michael Crichton and Robin Cook.

Romantic Relationships Are Difficult
Romance tends to be sparse because these private, formidable women are not comfortable with flirting. An INTJ female would rather treat all potential romantic partners the same way they'd approach any professional relationship.

Different Myers-Briggs Types


Similar Classifications: Masterbuilder, Strategist

INTJs can fit into other classifications as well. They do not have identical points of view or values on all things. For instance, while most INTJs will tend towards atheism, not all will, and some have strong religious beliefs. They are also the most likely to be skeptics and humanists. Some will be warriors while others will be pacifists. Their interests can vary, and they can sometimes thrive in 'people-jobs' like marketing and sales. It just depends on whether they have developed those skills or not.

Less Than 1% of the Population

Female INTJs don't flirt or join the crowd. They are more concerned with getting the job done than with soothing people's feelings. This does not mean that they have no feelings. They can, and often do, have very intense and deep feelings. It just means that they truly don't think that their feelings are relevant or anyone else's business.

Yes, INTJs are very private people, but more about the feelings thingie. Let's say that the president has called a meeting about an end-of-the-world scenario. Each person invited to attend is a specialist in their field. One of the female delegates is pregnant, looks ready to give birth, and appears quite green about the gills. Most people in the room will enquire after her health. The INTJ will completely ignore the personal situation (the pregnancy) and instead ask for the report. This gives an impression of insensitivity. As previously mentioned, the strategist, scientist, and/or system-builder (all names for the INTJ) is concerned with the task at hand. However, as women are often expected to be the nurturers and communicators of the community, the INTJ woman is at odds with the norm.

INTJ and Privacy

INTJs are the most private of all the different types. As most women tend to share virtually everything of their private lives with other females, the INTJ female runs into difficulties. She will not discuss her private life, gossip about other people, or reveal much about herself to others. Other women take this as a sign of unlikability because, generally, the only reason a woman won't speak to another woman is because they are disliked. In the case of the INTJ, this is not so. They are just deeply private people and won't share with many people, friends or foes.

Jane Austen, the Quintessential INTJ Woman

INTJs are succinct writers. Jane Austen is an example of an outstanding INTJ writer.
INTJs are succinct writers. Jane Austen is an example of an outstanding INTJ writer. | Source

INTJ Women: Geek Squad and Early-Adopters

It's no surprise that when Google + launched, it was the INTJs who were there first. So in my first fifty or sixty friends, I managed to gain three new female INTJ connections. Normally, to meet three other INTJ women, there would have to be about two thousand women in the room (I'm an INTJ).

Paula Jones, among the first generation on Google +, says,

I've always felt uncomfortable calling attention to myself—dressing sexy, being very flamboyant, etc., yet I do appreciate honest compliments—I'm just not going to ask for them.

I am very good at pulling people together at work to get agreement on things we need to do. I am not the one who divides and polarizes (at work anyway). But I will stand up for what I believe (not a push over). When someone proposes something I really disagree with I will go talk to other participants and get their agreement rather than fight it out in a meeting.

On G+ I often just won't comment on posts I disagree with. I'd rather not deal with the drama. Sometimes the comments become overwhelming and I take time off. I like being alone. With books and the Internet, I'm never truly alone.

As a matter of fact, I just don't like drama and have learned to identify it early. Early in life I was drawn to drama, but then I married it and was totally exhausted.

Personally, I also don't like discussion and drama. I prefer to work with people who are in agreement with me rather than with people who aren't. It's just too much drama. Likewise, if I see a post or come across a world view I don't agree with, I just won't comment.

Romantic emotions of an INTJ

Susan Stone, another Google Plusser, says the following:

Hmmm... I tend to be data oriented, and willing to change my stances based on the truth of the data rather than just ideology, and I'm comfortable at working with both the mythic and the scientific, literature and physics. I always seek the truth on the ground rather than trying to make reality fit my biases, and then working from that groundwork. and I tend to be solution oriented and obsessed with process - how things are done, what's the sequence of events, or steps to get there.

After doing some more thinking, Paula Jones came back to me to say, "I'm with +Susan Stone on being data oriented. Sometimes I post things on G+ when I don't know what to think - and enjoy the comments and data because I learn."

It's interesting: I've known both Paula and Susan since Google + launched in June of 2011, but it was only as I began putting this article together this morning that I realized that Susan Stone's name was almost the same as that of a once well known actress (you see, status doesn't matter to INTJs!).

What Is the Best, Most Accurate Myers-Briggs Test Online?

The Myers-Briggs MBTI Instrument
This is the official 93-question test designed by Myers and Briggs and based on Jung's personality types, the one you might take at your workplace. Because they hold the copyright and require that a trained and certified professional translate the results for you, this test is not free—it usually costs about $50. Although you will find other tests online, even if they're based on the official assessment, they're not the same as the Myers-Briggs.

The only way to be absolutely certain whether one is an INTJ is to take the official test. If you follow the link, you'll find options to take it online or on paper and a list of certified people near you to interpret the results.

The Lady Is an Independent Thinker

Of all the types in the Myers-Briggs Assesment, the INTJ is the most independent thinker. This means that the INTJ person won't take advice from others or go with the crowd for the sake of ease, being liked, or keeping peace. In other words. The last thing an INTJ woman is is submissive. For many men who expect to take the leadership position, especially where religion is concerned, this is a huge stumbling stone.

Do you like INTJ women?

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How to Court an INTJ Woman

How to Win the Love of an INTJ Woman

There's a lot to learn from an INTJ, and they make wonderful, loyal friends. Getting to know them is difficult, however. Here are a few clues:

  • Give them a lot of space. They need it because they like to think.
  • Don't argue with them. Just give them solid evidence and leave it at that.
  • Be direct. If you are interested, tell them. Don't play games. Don't probe. Just tell them. They will appreciate that, and they will give you an honest, direct answer.
  • Friendships and relationships with INTJs take time—a long time. Don't be impatient.

So now you understand why the INTJ woman is so different to other women? She relates to others in an intellectual and objective way. She is an independent thinker, and she doesn't want your advice. She's highly competent, and when she discovers that you are, too, she will open to you. Of course, an INTJ woman is not everyone's cup of tea....

Further Reading about INTJs and the Myers-Briggs

Quote: INTJs live in the world of ideas and strategic planning. They value intelligence, knowledge, and competence and typically have high standards in these regards

Questions & Answers

    © 2014 Tessa Schlesinger


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    • TessSchlesinger profile image

      Tessa Schlesinger 5 weeks ago from South Africa

      Hi Rachael, I can't speak for other INTJs but I read both fiction and non-fiction. I like non-fiction that is more fantastical and don't like the Nobel winning prize stuff because it is always based on the humanities. If I have to read about the humanities, I prefer non-fiction.

    • profile image

      RachaelK 5 weeks ago

      I'm a female INJT. I started researching my personality type because I knew I was a bit different than the average person. People don't understand how I can be both creative and logical. I think architect is a perfect description of what it like for my brain. I envision things I want to create, and I understand that it takes a practical or mathematical way to achieve it. One of my hobbies is sewing and it fits beautifully into this. I love thinking about creating things and following the engineering and math to make it happen.

      I definitely like planning and order, but I feel like it gets mischaracterized as being "close minded". I like how its pointed out that INJTs are actually very open minded. their main concern is what will be successful, and for that reason they will adopt whatever idea they feel is best. That is exactly how I operate. We are open to new ideas that are valuable. Not the case for others.

      I do feel like this type is a paradox that others don't understand. creative and open minded, yet adhere to planning. I definitely don't automatically abide by authority either.. I make my own judgement on it. I questioned things early in life and am an atheist.

      One other pecular trait I have is that I found I do not prefer to read or watch fiction of any sort. I much prefer Non fiction over everything else. I'm wondering if this is the case for other INJTs

    • profile image

      JohnENFP 6 weeks ago

      Here trying to learn about INTJ women, where they congregate, and how to go about meeting them. As rare as they are, I figured some due diligence is in order.

    • Glenis Rix profile image

      Glen Rix 7 weeks ago from UK

      Couldn't resist clicking on this article because my tests have revealed that I am INTJ. The comments that the article has elicited are interesting. I'm going to print it so that I can look at it in more closely when I have more time to do so.

    • profile image

      lizgeri 2 months ago

      Hey Tessa from SA, found your comments on death more interesting than most. Not the strange co-incidences you described, from an evolutionary point of view our brains always subscribe some mysticism to unexplained phenomena or mere co-incidence. We create explanation's to reduce our fear and I can see how that is rational as if we think we understand perhaps we can control. We also have a romantic part of humanity that perhaps likes to suggest the unexplained or mystical.

      What I found more interesting was the lack of ego that often prevents us from acknowledging the most probable future we all have. "My god, we are so amazing and individual how could we possibly cease to exist". I suspect we will all probably cease to exist in any form. This may seem depressing to some, but I like Tessa's acceptance of this.

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      Vanya 4 months ago

      I used to be an INTP, but now I think I'm more likely an INTJ (based on my recent test result). But it would be great if you make another article about INTP Women :) Thank you Tessa!

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      Beth 4 months ago

      I'm an INTJ female surrounded by other INTJ females (and males too). I work in academia, and we're all over the place! You'll also find us working in libraries. I've surveyed about twenty colleagues whom I admire and over half are INTJs. I rarely feel out of sorts... I'm surrounded by bookish women who generally ignore each other because we're lost in thought, and the great thing is, nobody is offended.

      Unfortunately it's a problem when we have directives to accomplish - too many independent thinkers and not enough followers sometimes.

    • profile image

      Mrina 5 months ago

      Great article and perfectly correct. I also don't agree with the person who thinks Michelle Obama is dressing nicely just to get attention.

      I've been a solid INTJ my whole life and in my late 20's, discovered that I look and feel amazing in beautiful sexy clothing. Why not celebrate that aspect of my life? I celebrate every other aspect of this short existence, leaving one thing out because it may not "fit" with introversion (an incorrect assumption) is silly. I'm still an introvert, but I naturally get attention when I wear nice things- I'm not LOOKING for attention, I'm just wearing what allows me to explore a new aspect of myself.

      Bottom line is INTJ's love all sorts of things in this world and they explore them intellectually as well as by having experiences. We are formidable women!

    • TessSchlesinger profile image

      Tessa Schlesinger 6 months ago from South Africa

      Cathy Koziol:

      Clearly the fact that I have tested INTJ on three continents repeatedly during the past forty years must be incorrect. After all, the fact that I always, always, always dressed glamorously must mean that I can’t possibly be an INTJ. You, of course, can’t be an INTJ either. You’re an entrepreneur, and entrepreneur don’t do things like that. : )

      The MBTI test uses percentage scales, so there are INTJs who are 52% introvert and 48% extravert, as I am. I’m also 52% thinker and 48% feeler. Does that make me or anyone else with more evenly balanced scores less of an INTJ?

      You’d have difficulty getting that one past Myers or Briggs. Those who are more evenly balanced are actually better decision makers.

      I’m sorry if you are offended that I featured Michelle Obama as an INTJ. Not much I can do about it. Personally, I think she is an amazing woman.

      You say her behaviour is not characteristic of an INTJ. Really? She behaves much as I would in the same position.

      This is me:

      Are you going to tell me that I am not an INTJ because I am ‘looking for attention?” Actually, I am both a political and economic activist (progressive) and an advocate for atheism and humanism. Does the fact that I am out there shouting (writing) on the front lines make me less of an INTJ? Does the fact that I love dressing beautifully make me less of an introvert? How so? Remember introversion and extraversion are on a scale. If I am 48% extravert, then 48% of my energy comes from other people.

      I think what you’re missing here is that INTJs are natural leaders. Michelle Obama is a leader, and the fact that she enjoys dressing (as do I) does not make her less of an INTJ. It’s your interpretation that she does so in order to get attention. You cannot possibly see inside her head, so this is your interpretation.

      I find your comment that presenting Michele Obama as a high profile INTJ quite baffling. How does it generate confusion? As I didn’t select her because she was black, I’m sorry, I’m not going to be replacing he with anyone else, be they black, white, pink, or purple.

      The work force in the USA is no more extraverted in the USA than in any other country. Extraversion is, however, more highly prized in the USA, both inside and outside the work force. I don’t, however, see it as my responsibility to educate the American work force as to what an INTJ is. I am a dual German/South African national, and I write for an international readership. This is my writing, and it does not reflect the views of the website anymore than facebook posts represent the views of Mark Zuckerberg.

      Lastly on detailed analysis. You have no idea what analysis Michele Obama undertook. She is not speaking to other INTJs. She is speaking to a cross section of the general public and needs to be understood at all levels and by all people. I do much the same thing when I write. If you for one moment think I don’t know how to analyse, please read my reviews. I am known for it.

    • profile image

      Cathy Koziol, Entrepreneur 6 months ago

      As an INTJ (scientist as architect), I am offended that Michelle Obama is featured as a high profile model of a female INTJ on this website. I absolutely do not think that she is an example of an INTJ and hope to see her image replaced with another black or other minority woman in the future. Presenting Obama as a high profile INTJ is harmful to women as it generates more confusion about a personality type that is among the most difficult to understand in the extroverted workforce of the U.S.

      Michelle Obama has clearly gravitated towards high profile politics in the limelight and there were numerous events in which she used lavish fashion to draw increasing attention to herself. That is not characteristic of an introverted personality. To best support my position, I will rely upon an example. I have never been a follower of Obama, but there was one random televised event in which I had the opportunity to clearly see her personality. She held a press conference immediately following a return flight where we watched the Clint Eastwood movie, American Sniper, which is based on the "Autobiography of the most lethal sniper in U.S. military history," according to Wikipedia. She adamantly implied with pride that this motion picture is about an American hero who clearly deserves to be exonerated as a model of heroic military behavior. Overall, her attitude was purely political and implied: I fully endorse this motion picture and the hero, Chris Kyle, and therefore expect my following to also support this.

      The issue here is not her position. The issue is her behavior in a larger context that clearly demonstrates that this behavior is not characteristic of an INTJ. Just prior to her flight experience, the mainstream press was filled with articles about the movie analyzing Chris Kyle. This generated controversy about whether this most lethal sniper should be regarded as a model for U.S. military behavior, and the dialogue was very good and unusually intellectual. During the press conference, her behavior indicated that such intellectual dialogue should be ignored and that her own opinion was what really mattered, deserving support and a following of.

      This is not the behavior of an INTJ. First, unless the INTJ is a military behavior expert, he or she would most likely avoid getting involved with such controversy. An INTJ would not allow a spectatorial, political opinion, aimed at complete disregard for intellectual analysis, to be elevated to a much higher level. In fact, the INTJ, as thinking processor, would be attracted to the intellectual analysis as stimulus for an intellectual journey, which they always love as an engaging challenge to arrive at the final, correct judgment. Obama's behavior was actually trampling on that intellectual journey. Please replace her image with another minority woman who is truly a model of an INTJ.

    • profile image

      #ThatOtherZuluGirl 6 months ago

      I came across this test at a point of a "finding myself" period in life. Ive come to call myself #thatotherZulugirl because I have noticed I am not normal just the other one that most people do not understand me and I fail at having to explain myself everytime I'm with a new group of people. The fact that I also do not like being out there does not help my social life too, which I am happy with.

      I do not like conflict or worry or anything hasty... because I have the calm and wisdom to understand the end result or consequences. Most people get frustrated with me and it does worry me when its my loved ones. I have left a job because I did not want to comply to what the big boss likes and I would do it again. I live in SA and most people do not believe me when I say I have not paid a bribe to a traffic officer when stopped for driving over speed limits.

      I grew up excelling in science and maths but did not study it further in exception to human sciences. I love social science, love reading peoples views, criminal minds, analysing peoples behaviours, preempting their reactions etc. I must be honest and say I do use this intellect to strategise and manipulate situations. Oh yes, I also have a huge storage of information that I would not ever use again, my friends always tease me about wasting my brains storage space.

      I have a nurturing nature being a Zulu married mother of 3, which tends to conflict when I instinctively have to define myself as a person, not a mother, wife or big sister. My parenting skills are different, a stubborn and not so submissive Zulu wife). Also, if I had to say all this (instead of writing it down) I would utter only one sentence.

      Thank you for this article, its very insightful and I'm happy to finally know, I'm 1/4 normal.

    • TessSchlesinger profile image

      Tessa Schlesinger 6 months ago from South Africa

      Demi Rasmassen, you are so right! Awesome insight. I know for a fact that I take tremendous glee when scientists or some expert arrives at a conclusion and I've known that for more years than I can remember! :)

      And I totally love learning new things. I am totally addicted. I read between four and eight hours every single day. Sometimes I will read through the night. That was even happening when I was 14!

    • Demi Rasmussen profile image

      Demi Rasmussen 7 months ago from Pacific Northwest

      A thought on the convergence of giftedness and INT personality types: the intelligence is inborn, and from infancy we take pleasure in how it operates. This leads, to some degree, to introversion, as the interesting stuff that gives pleasure is going on in our heads. While still young, we hypothesize from past experience (an iNtuitive process) and are delighted when our hypothesis turns out to be true. If we verify that with our Thinking, the personality preferences that develop are INTP, since Ps prefer their perceptive process - in this case iNtuition. Or, we enjoy putting thoughts together (Thinking) and drawing conclusions from how well the concept flies in reality (J). We store up those verified Thinking experiences to draw upon in the future, the iNtuitive process. BTW, learning reliably triggers the brain's pleasure receptors. In both cases, the pleasure we take from our intellectual process reinforces the developing personality preferences for giftedness.

    • profile image

      Theresa 7 months ago

      Was going to post something regarding my personal experiences and feelings about being an INTJ female. But, then I decided it was irrelevant.

    • profile image

      Wendy Newton 9 months ago

      Yes as an INTJ I admit to most of the behaviours mentioned when I am interested in someone for either friendship or romance.

    • profile image

      Jackie T. 9 months ago

      I am 50 years old and have just taken my first MBTI assessment. It was one of the free online assessments but it is scarily accurate!

      However, I am also a people-pleaser who worries about what others think of me. I'm not sure how this fits into the profile? I was raised in a home with an alcoholic father and co-dependent mother. Perhaps this has something to do with the people-pleaser tendencies?

      Any insights?

      Also, I do have feelings ;)

    • TessSchlesinger profile image

      Tessa Schlesinger 9 months ago from South Africa

      blackberrystone, I'm not sure that being an INTJ is a bit of a mess. I think we're more sane, more aware, and probably more aware that we don't have the answers. Then we drive ourselves to distraction because we want the answers.

      Death is a difficult thing. It's the ultimate loss. I have made peace with others to death because I will be 66 in a few months and all around me, death visists.

      I personally don't believe that there is anything after death, so I try simply to accept that I don't know the answers. I don't know if there is any purpose. I don't know answers to life's most pressing questions. I simply don't know, and I have come to accept that.

      In that acceptance, I have found peace.

      You will always feel the loss of that important person. 32 years on, I still feel the loss of my father and I wonder if he is alive in some shape or form. My mother has gone. My brother has gone. Friends have gone.

      I've had some odd experiences, though, and I'm going to share them with you. I can't explain them, and the brain is a funny thing.

      I used to have a friend. We were at school together. He wanted to marry me. I was not romantically attracted to him, but he was important to me.

      I last saw him when I was 25 or 26. He said to me, "Tessa, I thought you would be dead by now, but instead you grow more and more beautiful."

      About 6 or 7 years later, I was married (to someone not even remotely suitable). I was woken from a dream by the telephone ringing. In the dream, this man walked into my room, looked around and said, "You know, if you had married me, you wouldn't be in this situation."

      I said, "Yes, I know."

      The phone woke me, and I picked it up. It was my sister telling me that the man had died the previous day.

      Another time, in another city and another place, I kept thinking about a mutual friend of myself and that guy, also from school days. For about a week, I couldn't get her out of my mind.

      I kept hearing her tell me that I never told her anything. And that was true. I'm an INTJ, and I never said anything. I didn't consider telling anyone anything. I didn't even know that anything I had to say was important, or that other people might want to hear it.

      I turned to a colleague I was working with and said, "You know, I have this friend from school days, and I can't get her out of my mind. I keep hearing her say "You never tell me anything," and wanting to understand why I never confided in her.

      And then the phone rang.

      It was yet another friend from school days.

      She said to me, "I know you and Lynn were close. I just wanted you to know that she died last week."

      I don't know the answers. I don't know if there is life after death. I don't know the answers to life.

      I have come to accept my life as it is. It isn't about pursuing happiness. It is about being content with what I have, because what I have is all I have. It is about being in a place of safety, of having sufficient money to look after myself, and it is about enjoying the wonderful views around me.

      I don't know what tomorrow will bring, but today is all I have. And today is all you have.

      Be at peace. You are an INTJ. In many ways you see more clearly, and if the view isn't one you like,at least understand you can see it Others can't.

    • blackberrystone profile image

      blackberrystone 9 months ago from United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland

      I'm female and consistently 'INTJ' on these tests. I'm academically pretty capable (always done well in fact) but have never scored high on raw IQ tests, only in exams. I am not mathematically minded to save my life, although I have a scientific career.

      I think there is a lot to be said for the 'pragmatic' part of being an INTJ and how one adapts. For instance I know how much happier I am with friends - my friends all like to hug, like to make small talk etc. - and as I've grown older, I now also like those things because they're a connection between me and my friends. Not because I'm interested in small talk at all, or that I've suddenly become a big fan of physical intimacy, but because I know it's a way that I'm connecting with my (small!) group of friends. Equally I am never rude to people, in fact I think I communicate pretty well, because I know it never pays to be rude. And in fact it's not even just about pragmatism on this one, I very much value kindness and I consider people who are rude even inadvertently, to lack insight.

      Having said that, it's all a product of A) wanting to be a nice person and B) a hell of a lot of learning on my part to know what to do to achieve that. I've learnt how to follow social rules and niceties to try and blend in because it's genuinely worth it on my part. There are few social rules where it doesn't make sense because social repercussions are so negative. I struggled with it a lot as a kid, feeling left out and alone, and had a steep learning curve to try and assimilate with the majority.

      I'm still nowhere near an average person. I spent most of my life thinking there is something wrong with me, socially, and I still do. I definitely struggle with romantic relationships and for all that I feel extremely competent in most parts of my life, I haven't the foggiest. I wish every day that I had been born differently because the irony of being socially awkward and introverted is that I actually as an individual really crave acceptance.

      I guess what I'm trying to say is that if your happiness revolves around being 'normal' to a certain degree then you can be that with work. That's part of being pragmatic, and what are adaptability and problem solving for if not to solve this very big problem! It's never 'true' however and I've certainly come to terms with being a bit of an odd fish, and increasingly confident to be so as ultimately, it is *me*.

      What I have struggled with a lot is the emotional side of things. I am a very emotional and sensitive person (part of why I've worked so hard on my relationships with friends) and I unfortunately somebody extremely important in my life was killed a few years ago. Since when I have really struggled and I don't know what to do. I have tried seeking counselling - but I just can't accept it. They want you to open up and talk to people about it, but I don't know about other INTJs but this is exactly as helpful as hitting my head on the wall. And I've really engaged, I've told them everything because all I want is to make it easier, but all I do is put myself back into a real state. I would actually be really grateful if anybody knows how is a good way to deal with things, or whether I just have to resign myself to being a bit of a mess forever and hope time. I feel like it's my personality and perspective which stops me engaging in a meaningful way, I feel like I'm just following orders with no results.

      Thanks in advance


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      Tessa Schlesinger 10 months ago from South Africa

      I have rechecked Milgram's figures, and clearly since the time I wrote the article, the numbers have changed. (I never write anything without checking it six or seven times). I will have to research it further. Thank you for pointing it out.

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      K. Lloyd 10 months ago

      I just wanted to mention that the Milgram obedience studies showed that 65% of participants were willing to obey completely with administering the max voltage. I'm uncertain where the numbers came from and the statement about an INTJ not complying with authority. While I can imagine this very easily, I'd imagine that many people could imagine that they wouldn't actually comply if an authority figure asked them to do something questionable.

      I wonder, could you link to the study where you got the statistics?

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      Anna 11 months ago

      I'm an INTJ woman as well. I remember that when I was tested I was the only Intj in a group of 100. I would have expected more since it was a room full of software engineers and analysts.

      I identify with a lot of things everyone else has said but with a couple differences. I'm very adept at understanding people's emotions and motivations. I use this ability constantly as a way of getting others to do my bidding (not nefarious just slightly manipulative, and often just a way to help motivate). I'm good at leading people, but never volunteer since I would prefer that someone else have to do the hand holding.

      Perhaps the emotional ability was a learned response to my narcissistic ESFJ parent (narcissism as diagnosed by a psychiatrist). I'm often hostage to her emotions, with my own pushed down. She of course did not get treated for her disorder as treatment was no benefit to her. Anyway, I guess I'm trying to find out if anyone else is good at the emotional aspect.

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      Mckenzie B. 11 months ago

      The video on telling if an INTJ is interested is so accurate is painful. Helps me not feel so alone in this miserable dating thing.

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      NLD 11 months ago

      I would like to thank you for the information.

      I am 46. I just discovered that a female INTJ. Until now, I thought I was some kind of alien lost on this planet.

      I successfully spent much of my life fighting an overtly coercive, judgmental environment full of expectations.

      This result comes at a moment when I am rethinking my professional pathway. I often had to compose with earning a living in the "REAL" world and today I am prepare to explore my full potential and abilities for myself and to continue to sustain my family until my children can fly on their own. Thank you once more for these valuable information!

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      Sarah 11 months ago

      INTJ, mother of a 4 year old. I concur that this article is spot on. The one thing I would say though is that it is also important to pay attention to the degree to which you fall into each category, (I.T.N.J), if you are borderline on your I, for example, then maybe some of these points aren't as relateable.

      I have a very hard time relating to other mothers and making mom-friends, though I want them. Being over 40 means that many non-INTJ females that are educated and live in my area are more open and less judgy than when I was younger and I am hopeful that since my child is an off the charts E we can form some bonds. As a mother I do sort of crave that village now, but as an INTJ I am super careful about forming it. Thankfully there are a lot of non-pretentious high-achieving intellectual women with children my son likes...there's hope and I am growing socially.

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      leann 11 months ago

      On point. I am a female INTJ.

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      Mel McKny 12 months ago

      I absolutely LOVE this article along with the comments! As an (female) INTJ, I find these readings incredibly intriguing and satisfying.

      I myself, was raised by a mentally ill mother and was tortured and abused by my step-father from age 4-13. Promptly following, I married an extremely controlling man and had 3 children with him. My point is this; having grown up in a place where my gifts or talents were not only not recognized, but stifled...then playing the role of 'submissive wife' for nearly 20 yrs, I am more than thrilled to have found the opportunity to discover my true self and even more so, to celebrate it!

      We are truly complex individuals and often misunderstood, however, as I have made it my goal to gain knowledge and understanding of myself, today I fully appreciate and love the unique person that I am!

      Finding a forum to express this and share this enthusiasm is just icing on the cake!!

      Cheers to us!

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      Melissa 12 months ago

      I absolutely LOVE this article along with the comments and discussion. I only recently discovered my (female) INTJ status and have been wildly intrigued as I have always felt 'different' than the vast majority.

      I found it interesting that someone brought up the topic of upbringing and childhood bc I was raised by a mentally ill mother and tortured and abused by my step-father from ages 4-13. I know that this has stifled my abilities and caused me to bury what I now know to be 'rare yet beautiful' qualities and gifts.

      I was also married to an extremely controlling man and had 3 children with him. I 'played' the role of submissive wife for far too many years!

      Today, I am proud to say that I'm happily divorced and as I near my 40th birthday, I am discovering who I am truly..and it feels AMAZING to be able to appreciate and fall in love with myself! I thoroughly enjoy these articles and sites that speak to our uniqueness, our intensity, and our lovely layers!

      Thanks to all who contribute

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      Justine 12 months ago

      A fair relief to have taken the test in various guises and most times come out with INTJ score and otherwise a few times INFJ. I never never knew about this before 4 or so months ago and as I say, what a relief! I very strongly identify with almost everything I read about INTJs. It explains a lot to me about my whole life and thoughts up until this age I've reached (45). I liked this article and the interesting comments. About the romance thing, I'm in a relationship of around 25 years and I think the reason is that I get left alone most of the time and ignored by a quite eccentric partner who is crap at talking through anything and at any kind of decision making and conflict. So, traditionally speaking, it's a sucky and unfulfilling relationship, but from my INTJ perspective, it's mostly fine and I make my own decisions and get left to think my own thoughts and would likely have not tolerated a more traditional kind of arrangement.

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      Isabel B. 12 months ago

      I'm a female INTJ and this is scarily accurate.

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      Putri 12 months ago

      Well, I'm proud to be INTJ's girl. Thx for sharing

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      Melanie Shebel 13 months ago from Midwest USA

      Really interesting! I'm an ENTP, so not particularly rare at all, but I think it's fun to learn about the other personality types, so thank you for writing this. Very awesome!

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      Mslisak 13 months ago

      Carolina - I'm sure have a point to your post but I'm sorry to say it escapes me.

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      Tessa Schlesinger 13 months ago from South Africa

      Carolina, you mean you're jealous? Yes, a lot of people will down something when they want to be in the top 1% and they aren't. Life sucks, I know.

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      Carolina 13 months ago

      Interesting to note also that Women with INTJ were inborn and they have it developed from within their structure and personality. Hey I would like to share this new fake ultrasound design from fakeababy. The best for gags and the best gift ever. It is amazing and so funny. Check it now.

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      Yuan Ling 14 months ago

      INTJ here saying that this is highly accurate.

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      Mslisak 15 months ago

      Regarding trying to explain to others why we are like we are, I would be very careful whom you chose to discuss this with. People hear what they want to hear and you can't control how they interpret what you tell them. They may feel you are merely making excuses for your behavior. They may even see your explanation as a confession of some sort of personality disorder. In a work situation, this can present a real problem because the slightest hint of "personality disorder" can sabotage a career.

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      Tessa Schlesinger 15 months ago from South Africa

      Tanya White, I have often wondered that myself. ;)

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      Tanya White 15 months ago

      INTJ Female....the world is my oyster, but sometimes it forgets the champagne sauce! I wonder if there are similarities in childhood and upbringing? If anyone would like to discuss this further, please drop me a note!

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      Danielle B. 15 months ago

      I'm an INTJ female. In college, I took the test in a Personalities course, and the teacher was a certified tester. Once I began looking up the personality traits, it all began making sense. I always thought I was so weird for not acting like other girls and women. My poor mother growing up had no idea what to do with me. I was overly shy, didn't always make friends easily, would argue if I didn't think something made sense, and was happiest lost in books on my favorite topics (at the time, dinosaurs and whales, hahaha). Once I realized I was an INTJ, it all made perfect sense! I was so happy to find out I wasn't abnormal, just rare.

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      Petra Dehmler 15 months ago

      Now here's an interesting twist. I am INTJ and have been in every subsequent test since I was first tested maybe 35 years ago. What I did not know until recently (~6 1/2 years ago), or maybe acknowledge is a better way to put it, was that I was transsexual. So I started out thinking I was an INTJ man, but now I am an INTJ woman. In reading the description, I see that I was an INTJ woman all along. Thanks for this website and I love all the comments. Here's a refinement on the pregnant woman scenario: I agree that I wouldn't let her pregnancy or distress affect how I dealt with her except that I would assess her ability to deal factually with the situation in the light of her "distraction". If it seemed that she was impaired, I would gently ask her to excuse herself, and/or privately ask her to give me a personal assessment of impairment. Others observing might think I was doing that because she was a woman and I could emotionally identify with her, but in fact that would have nothing to do with it. It's all about ability and capability.

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      Jill Smythe 15 months ago from South Africa

      mslisak - I think you hit the nail on the head - I work for a university where I do technical support for their payroll. Nobody quite understands what I do so they leave me alone to do it. All the deadlines are met and the calculations are correct so I get left in my office to get on with it. In the past I have had jobs which required far more "getting people on my side" and I failed miserably at those.

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      Mslisak 15 months ago

      I found that I could have job success only if I was in the right job. I did very well in an investigative position for a state university. Perfect for me. I worked alone with very little supervision because my bosses had no idea how I worked and only wanted results that recovered money for the university. I am currently retired but I work in my parish running one of the largest ministries in the largest parish in our region. This suits me because, again, I work alone and have very little interference from the church staff. and I can organize to my heart's content. It really is a matter of being in a job where your INTJ mind works to your employers benefit. Then you are a valuable asset and not a "round peg in a square hole".

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      Tessa Schlesinger 15 months ago from South Africa

      Unicorn Lady, I am so sorry to hear that but I also had a lifetime of hell at work. I eventually just gave up and have been writing to earn a living. It's not much of a living, but I get by. I've learnt to do with very little, but at least I am not heavily distressed all the time. If you're 60, depending on which country you live in, you could apply for early retirement. Alternatively, yes apply for disability on the grounds of depression. It's veyr hard to get disability in the States, though.

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      TheUnicornLady 15 months ago

      Describes me very well. I am almost 60, and have been fired from 12 of the last 15 jobs I have had over 5 year. Part of it is I am an INTJ who doesn't fit in with routine work. I do have a bachelors degree. Any ideas for starting over work wise at my age?

      My other option is to file for a Social Security Disability because of my depression.

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      Jill Smythe 15 months ago from South Africa

      Ha ha ha - I can just picture some of my colleagues' faces when I say that to them.

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      Tessa Schlesinger 15 months ago from South Africa

      JS MysMan, oh, I've mastered the social norms, alright. I understand them completely. I just can't comply. It drains me, makes me less focused on what needs to be done, etc. I am now retired, and this is much easier than having to work with people and constantly being distressed because I want to focus on my job and not allaying other people's emotional neediness. :)

      I do, however, think that a simple explanation along the lines of "Well, I thought doing something practical behind the scenes was my way of contributing... Wasn't it?"


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      Jill Smythe 15 months ago from South Africa

      Lanouveau - totally agree with your point. I have always been regarded as an ice queen because I deal with other peoples problems in exactly the way you described.

      I loved your point "Asking after her health just sucks up the poor woman's energy, reassuring everyone else," because when my husband had cancer that was exactly what happened. Everyone wanted to co-opt my crisis and talk about my feelings. What I needed them to do was babysit, cook meals and clean my house. Only one friend understood that and did what I needed her to do. She was then the only one that I could actually share my feelings and fears with because I knew that she understood how frightening it was for me to be in a situation that I had absolutely no control over. My father-in-law told me that he would phone me everyday to make sure I was coping. I told him not to because I did not have the time or energy to manage his feelings as well. He was very insulted that I interpreted his "caring" gesture as an intrusion.

      Do you think we need to try to explain to people that we are not cold and unfeeling, we simply have a more pragmatic approach to life, or do you think they would not understand or care that we have not mastered the social norms?

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      Tessa Schlesinger 15 months ago from South Africa

      Lanouveau, really good point, that. Outstanding, in fact. I think many of us could identify with that. :)

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      Lanouveau 15 months ago

      One part of your article struck me in particular as how INTJs are misunderstood, which is regarding empathy and kindness. The example you made, of what an INTJ would do, was the pregnant delegate, where everyone else asks after her health and the INTJ wants the report. I agree with the actions 100%, but not the intention. Who is actually being more kind to the delegate? The INTJ! By asking for her report, the pregnant delegate can get her job over with sooner. She can LEAVE sooner, and go and be where she needs to be, for her health! Asking after her health just sucks up the poor woman's energy, reassuring everyone else, and what is that question ultimately about? It is to make the asker feel like a good person. It doesn't actually help the woman. If the asker REALLY cared, they would do something practical for her without being asked, not drain the woman with questions, but help her in a concrete way. These kindnesses by INTJs often go unappreciated however, because they show love in a different way than many people want to receive love. Some people get it though, and are relieved.

      I had a co-worker having a tough time. She was holding herself together as best she could. I didn't rock her boat, but was just there supporting however she wanted to handle it. Another co-worker pressed her "What's wrong? What's wrong?" and she began to cry. She had to go to the back and calm down. I was pissed. Couldn't she see our co-worker was doing her best to hold it together? Her selfish desire to feel like a good person was at odds with how our co-worker wanted to handle it. BTW: The co-worker and I remained friends for years after leaving those jobs.

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      aikigrl 16 months ago

      Tessa - thank you for your kind words. It was very difficult when I was back at school - I always felt lost at sea and bored out of my mind. Plus the constant comparison to my academically inclined younger sister made me feel stupid well into adulthood. About 20 years ago, I took the official Mensa test just to check that I was at least within the normal range - I was surprised when they offered me membership, as I scored at 146.

      After reading this article, I have just reactivated my membership and I am hoping to meet other INTJs at the social events. It's such a shame that it is only in my 40s that I am now comfortable in my own skin after much counselling and self acceptance.

    • TessSchlesinger profile image

      Tessa Schlesinger 16 months ago from South Africa

      Indeed. I spent many decades thinking that there was something wrong with me. Now, in my old age, I realize that I just have a particular kind of brain with a particular kind of personality - part of neurodiversity. If we hadn't played an essential part, we would have died out. For me, I now just search out other people like me, and I accept that it's okay to have only a handful of friends. :)

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      Mslisak 16 months ago

      I have been in counseling to deal with depression and I now realize that I had always been deeply ashamed by my personality. I didn't know I was simply different as an INTJ. Something, I thought, must be terribly wrong with me because I wasn't interested in what other girls seemed to be interested in and could never fit in with them. They seemed to sense there was something wrong with me so I stopped trying to fit in- to the point of social avoidance. Continuous childhood parental /family disapproval and lack of affection didn't help. To them, I wasn't the little girl they expected. In therapy I learned that I had always focused on the negatives of my personality and had never even considered the positives. And there are positives. I just had to accept them. The world needs INTJs, just not a lot of them. We have an important function. We are the leaders who do the hard things, and make the unemotional, logical decisions. We are naturally great teachers and often the "cooler head" when things go wrong. We can be fair to the point of self-denial because we know that real "leaders eat last". We have many "gifts" - music, acting, intelligent, writing, leadership, public speaking and all forms of creativity. I am finally awakening to appreciate who I am and it isn't so bad after all. .

    • TessSchlesinger profile image

      Tessa Schlesinger 16 months ago from South Africa

      aikigrl. Far from being a freak. Just a rare kind of special lady that makes sane decisions and who longs for a life that makes sense! :)

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      aikigrl 16 months ago

      Thank you so much for this article. I've always wondered why I am nothing like my female friends and why they seem to have so much difficulty in understanding my logic or my interest in science and logical sequential thinking( I work in the data field ). It got to the point where I just stopped exploring ideas or discuss any subject of substance with them. I took an unofficial test recently and the indication is that I am INTJ and I could just check off the points on your list of characteristics! This also explains why I have had such difficulty in meeting a life partner and have resigned to the idea of being a singleton. At least now I know I am not a freak of sorts...

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      Tessa Schlesinger 16 months ago from South Africa

      I suspect they do. However, so does everybody else. The difference is that the INTJ probably questions why it is necessary. To most people, it's simply necessary as a measure of safety and acceptance.

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      Mslisak 16 months ago

      I always like to know what is meant when words are used that can mean different things to different people. Someone can be a gifted pianist or a gift athlete for example. I think an IQ in the "gifted" category is essential for an INTJ to function in society. They probably use their intelligence to observe others and then role play expected behavior when interacting with them.. At least, that's what I do. My IQ has been consistently tested at 136 and dealing with other people has always been both a mystery and a challenge for me. For example, I am at a loss when dealing with strong emotions in others. I have had to learn what is expected and then make the appropriate response. I wonder if other INTJs have found they do the same thing.

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      Tessa Schlesinger 16 months ago from South Africa

      Purely of IQ. That's one of the common denominator's that all INTJs have. They're either pretty close to gifted within a few points, or they are gifted.

      Why do you ask?

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      Mslisak 17 months ago

      Tess, what do you mean when you use the term "gifted"? Are you speaking of purely IQ here or a 'basket" of talents and interests or a combination of all these?

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      Tessa Schlesinger 17 months ago from South Africa

      Mslisak. I have wondered about that myself, and I can only speak for myself. I have done many, many tests, and I am not schizoid. Plus all my tests show that there is no indication of any mental illness.

      My profile also shows warmth towards others, plus imagination, but no group conformity.

      I think the one thing that is interesting is that INTJs are mostly gifted. As only 1% of the population is gifted, it appears that it's almost a certainty that if one is gifted, one is probably an INTJ.

      The general percentage of schizoid personalities is just under 5% in the population, so there is no correlation between being schizoid and being a female INTJ (which is only .8%)

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      Mslisak 17 months ago

      I have always tested INTJ and agree that it reflects my personality. My question is that many of the traits of an INTJ could also be seen as the traits of one of several types of a schizoid personality disorder. How would one distinguish between INTJ and such a personality disorder? The schizoid personality is thought to be a result of early childhood emotional neglect and/or a hostile environment which leads to changes in the brain. Could this also be the case for INTJ?

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      Tessa Schlesinger 17 months ago from South Africa

      Unlikely you're an INTJ. Go have a test.

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      Christy McKee 17 months ago

      Imm an empath and extremely sensitive to energy, energy of others even from afar. Which used to mess with my very logical mind (that I thought is a Virgo personality trait. And i suppose may very well be...?)

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      didodino 19 months ago

      So glad to have come across this article. It explains so much about how I dealt with society from childhood on. There was a clear difference how the relatives sweetly responded to my sister (an ENFJ) whereas clearly spoke to me like they would talk with adults. Clearly I must have had a serious/stern face or was non-responsive to social cues and niceties from childhood on. Even today if I go out to get a haircut or get dinner with my sister or friends with 'NF/SF' preferences, I notice how the hairdresser/server talks with them vs me.

      As a teen I was usually deep down in my books, academics and host of hobbies (painting and music). I was very much surprised when a childhood friend revealed years later that he was interested in me. Never had a clue! This pattern repeated once more with another friend as I got older. I never understood flirting or courting. Usually the guys I went out with were those I took initiative to talk to. All these cases being point blank about being interested in the idea of the relationship. So un-girly of me but that was my only way to deal with the dating-circus. Interestingly, when watching the series 'The good wife' I was surprised at a similar mode of dating putforth by one of the lead characters in the series - Diane Lockhardt'. Upon pondering what her MBTI might be, it was indeed interesting to know she is characterized as an INTJ! I met my life partner at work this way. He is INFP/INTJ (he tests different each time) and definitely someone who truly gets me.

      Social circumstances are a struggle, be it meeting family or friends or at my kid's school. People expect me to act in a certain 'social mode' as a female. It is exhausting! During parties I clearly do not gel with the women and gravitate either to the corner of the room with a drink or to where some guys hang out. But when it comes to a handful of my friends I really enjoy long, deep conversations about things that matter.

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      Jill Smythe 20 months ago from South Africa

      I am INTJ and so is my 18 yo daughter. I sometimes wonder how my husband survives. I always got comments on the fact that I was cold and unfeeling and I used to wonder why I had the disconnect with the world. Once I found out I was INTJ it made it a lot easier as I realised that I am not broken, just different in my approach. It has also helped immensely as the parent of an INTJ to understand how she thinks, and be able to support her.

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      Tessa Schlesinger 21 months ago from South Africa

      Karen, I'm so glad that this article helped you. The first time being an INTJ was explained to me, I cried for two weeks because it said that relationships were my Achilles heel. Now I just accept who I am and take pleasure in many things that others don't. :)

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      Karen Langlois 21 months ago

      Well, this was very helpful. At least I don't feel like some kind of freak anymore. I have torn myself inside out to be like other women and to fit in and now I realize what a huge mistake that was. I am not the fluffy, touchy feely type of person some of my friends are and I don't like small talk or chats with women about what is on sale at the mall. I don't read romance novels or other fluffy literature, preferring to relax with history or philosophy. I try to read everything I can get my hands on. I usually don't want to lead, but often, watching others stumble, I find myself having to step into the leadership position. I have a clear idea of what I want to do, usually, and yes, I do build systems and processes. S far as romance goes, its a disaster. I wish I was the fluffy flirty type that men are just dying to do things for, but I am not. Two bad marriages with men who thought I was cold and uncooperative and two relationships with the same problems had left me with a burden of shame. Now, not so much. I am just different. I don't enjoy shallow social interactions, but I do like people. I don't like intense displays of emotion but I do feel things very intensely. I knew I was different, but did not know why. Now I am just going to go with it. Its ok.

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      SiriE 21 months ago

      I'm an INTJ woman as well. I'll be 32 this month and I have to say that since I was little I've always felt different from everyone else. I've never really fit in a specific category. I always thought something was wrong with me but as I research more and more about my personality type, I realize I am different and that it's really ok. One thing mentioned in this article that I definitely have to agree with is the Closure part. This is very true for me. Especially in my relationships. I need closure. I'm glad I'm not alone being an INTJ.

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      Mona Sabalones Gonzalez 21 months ago from Philippines

      This is the first time I read about a intj. Sounds very interesting, very much my opposite. Wish I were more like an intj. Very well written, most informative article.

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      Theresa Jonathan 2 years ago from Maseru, Lesotho

      Great article! Very informative work. It is amazing how complex mankind is and how often we miss this revelation of who we are. I am an INFJ and am on the journey of self-discovery. It is helpful to know one's potential and also stop become others because one feels there is something wrong with who they are. Good work!

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      My Esoteric 2 years ago from Keystone Heights, FL

      Hmmm, I missed that club thing. Also, the "I" seems to be a contraindication to clubs. Also, while the comment stands as describing me, I did make a mistake in not noticing the "J": I am a "P".

    • TessSchlesinger profile image

      Tessa Schlesinger 2 years ago from South Africa

      No, that's not true. When men find out that they are INTJs, they form clubs and go on an ego trip because it's highly desirable for them. Women get rejected for this type of behaviour. Read through the comments.

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      My Esoteric 2 years ago from Keystone Heights, FL

      It is not just a female thing. Everywhere you write men, substitute women and where you write women, substitute men ... and you have my story (except my third wife is an I/ESTJ, but we mesh well nevertheless).

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      Ebba Sage 2 years ago

      I am an INTJ woman, married to an INTJ man. I will be 60, in three years. I've spent a lifetime trying to fit in and understand others. I have always related better to men than women, which did not make me very popular with the women.

      To all the single women out there; I was married twice before, disastrously. Had I been true to myself, and loved my INTJ ways, I would have married the right man long before. Thankfully, we found each other and have been very happily married, and have been a very successful business team for 10+ years now. He is a best selling technology author (40+ books) and I am his business mgr/publicist (semi-retired to start my own writing career).

      As a INTJ husband/wife team, I honestly believe that we bonded strongly because, after a lifetime to being misunderstood, we were so thrilled to BE understood. We were like two survivors of a common tragedy. If you're young and single, don't do it the hard way, like I did.

      He has a 148 IQ, I'm not sure what mine is, but if you can imagine (yes, you probably can) he was bullied for his intelligence and shyness by school mates and his former spouse. If you haven't read Quiet, The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking by Susan Cain, do so and you will understand how our culture has not been kind to introverts.

      Three challenges:

      * our culture

      * being female

      * being the rarest of personality types

      No wonder we spend so much energy trying to fit in and/or being understood; but, this nearly 60-year old woman is winding down. Time is too short to spend it pretending that I'm an extrovert, or that shallow chit-chat meets my social needs, or that drama and conflict is a normal part of life and I just need to live with it.

      I'd love nothing more than to meet other INTJ women, close to my age, who don't look at me like I'm a freak if I talk about my latest da Vinci book, or my plans for building my own garden bridge or biomass briquette maker, or alcohol ink painting techniques, and who believe that informed people can believe in God and can express their beliefs intelligently.

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      Russell Booth 2 years ago

      Regarding Ashley Olsen - is anyone serious about her being an INTJ?

      I think she's closer to being an ISFJ like my late grandmother was,the Myers Briggs temperament sorter isn't very conclusive in determining what an individual persons actual temperament is because I've met ISFJ's where their sensing and/or thinking preference lands at around 50 % meaning that they are more of an INTJ ,INFJ or even more of an ISTJ,meaning some of them work harder at being either more of an ST or an NT than an SF.

      I am just very p**sed off that I was made to see an INFJ shrink when I was growing up who thought I was an ENFP or something (he needed glasses to even see me I'm sure) so I am not sure what sort of psychiatrist (Clarke) who was autistic thought I was as I'm an ESFJ where my SFJ component is at arounf 75% meaning I can be in no way an autistic person.

      That just makes it harder to get a job if people such as that have been telling me to disclose that to an employer - I'm sure they are the same people who have been saying the likes of Claudia Schiffer have got it.

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      GillianKeller 2 years ago

      This has been very interesting to read!

      I am an INTJ woman and also a Leo. I'm also the enneagram type 7. I'm an artist. I'm relatively well-spoken for being an introvert since I get perfectionist qualities all across the board! It's fascinating to read about how otherINTJ women interact in relationships etc.

      for me, the Leo aspect of me brings forth a natural charisma and ability to stand out if s crowd. I naturally enjoy to wear flashy things and make flashy artwork- but I've never done it specifically to stand out from the crowd, more just to please my own self. I've also always gotten along better with rational, logical, intellectual men and since I also happen to be attractive and tall, this basically ends up being very unusual to me- most women hate me or are frightened of me, I can't relate to them, but I absolutely love being "one of the guys"- however since I'm also attractive I have to walk a fine line trying to figure out if the guys are attracted to me or really just like my brain. So half the time I feel like I'm putting up all sorts of defenses to try and make sure the people I like actually like me for what I value about myself (my mind) and not just my appearance. However I would also never go out in sweat pants...

      I've also rarely heard of the INTJ woman artist. I skimmed these comments and saw one woman who is a designer! Mostly I can see how our skill sets and mental capabilities would make us incredible scientists... Personally, I consider myself a visual scientist. So show intuitively I've managed to create images that suck people in. Perhaps it's the combination of subject matter or the science of color, etc. Anyway, creatively, I seem to be able to reverse engineer almost anything by looking at it once, discovering how I might make it myself or how it could be done better.

      I think perhaps for the same reason, (lol) I love fashion/ because when you look at a nice garment, you can see the difference in material and construction and realize how much more worthwhile a high end piece is, from a discount piece that looks similar.

      I really have always felt like an alien, haha, walking amongst the regular people. However since taking this test its shed a lot of light on the way I am, my fears, my hang ups (though I don't freely admit them to most people!) , the reason I feel such disconnect with other women and the reason I keep my emotional states tucked away.

      Last week my husband had what for a moment he thought may be s heart attack- it wasn't, it went away and he is fine now- but once we got home out of the public eye I cried and cried and held his head, just from the overwhelm of the idea that he could have been gone... he said it made a big impact on him to see how much I cared. It's true I'm pretty unemotional but I've learned through reading about other INTJ s situations in their emotional lives that I too keep them hidden away because I almost view them as s point of weakness. Not in others really, but definitely in myself.

      Thank you for writing this!

      If anyone is interested to see the artwork of an INTJ woman check out , my website

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      Tessa Schlesinger 2 years ago from South Africa

      Nope, I've never had a single thing ever given special notice by anyone at Hub Pages. I suspect it's because one has to be a favourite of one of the moderators, and as an atheist, etc. that's not going to happen.

      I also suspect it's hard wired.

      Sorry to hear about your inability to visualize. I think you probably have a learning disability in that area. I means the small section of the brain responsible for visualization isn't working for you. :(

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      My Esoteric 2 years ago from Keystone Heights, FL

      "Special notice" = Hub of the Day or similar notice by the Hub community.

      Visualization, it goes much further than math symbols (which made calculus and topology rather difficult). I can't "see" a damn thing in my head while awake, except patterns, connections, logical sequences and the like. Even these aren't true images, just ... "feelings" of shapes, lines, etc. I can't even imagine my wife's face when I turn around and close my eyes ,,, I hate it.

      But, is it physiological? I would think so. Why, because the traits that are organized into the MB types are exhibited in very young children. Personally, I think they are hard-wired in us with the margins changed by life experiences.

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      Tessa Schlesinger 2 years ago from South Africa

      Thank you My Esoteric. What is 'special notice?" :) Up until you just pointed out that an inability to visualize math may be J rather than P, it never occurred to me that J and P may be physiological rather than psychological... I wonder. ;)

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      My Esoteric 2 years ago from Keystone Heights, FL

      Hopefully someone put this Hub forward for special notice, extremely well written, concise, and very understandable. The same for many of the comments.

      I am a solid INTP Libra, so I related to most of what you wrote. One particular line caught my attention - "The result is an individual with a highly developed imagination and the ability to apply detail to visualization"; imagination, I have, but visualization is another thing; hell I have a degree in mathematics and I can't do simple arithmetic in my head ... bummer. What I can do is picture flows, systems, and patterns and flesh them out in reality. It may be related to the P vs J.

      One aspect where P vs J stands out, and that is leadership, finishing something you start, and focus. I suspect that ADHD INTPs far outnumber ADHD INTJs. A long time ago, I became accepting that I have a hard time leading myself out of a paper bag, let alone other people. What I can be is an outstanding advisory behind the throne, which suits an INTP to a 'T' and would drive an INTJ crazy.

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      chet thomas 2 years ago from Athens, GA

      I'm an INTJ male. A lot of the description applies regardless of gender (as you know). I enjoyed reading this - well done.

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      katssphoto 2 years ago

      This is the third time in the last year I have taken this test and the results are all the same .. INTJ .. It's scary accurate ... I'm highly creative, but very detailed, love being by myself and look forward to Monday every week when Hubby and Kids return to work and school. I can count my friends on one hand and 90% of them are men. My husband is my polar opposite which is quite funny. I was a college instructor for 9 years, built my classes and all my class material. I taught Computers Hardware and Software. Loved my Job, but hated the drama.

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      Tessa Schlesinger 2 years ago from South Africa

      Exactly Lynette Bell. INTJ to the bone! :)

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      LynetteBell 2 years ago from Christchurch, New Zealand

      On reading your article I kept getting a picture in my mind of Temperance Brennan in the TV serial "Bones"!

      Very interesting. Thanks

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      Mary Norton 2 years ago from Ontario, Canada

      Years ago, I took the test and I was then an INTJ so the therapist worked with me to develop the areas in myself that needed reinforcement. It was very helpful.

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      Angie 2 years ago

      Interesting read, and by interesting I mean good ;) Congrats on getting me to comment for the first time ever. An author I hope you consider adding to your list is Ayn Rand...who I myself consider the quintessential INTJ female. :)

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      Tessa Schlesinger 2 years ago from South Africa

      Ivelisse Gonzales My pleasure. Regarding your lack of faith in god, this video is one of the best when it comes to certain questions.

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      Ivelisse Gonzalez 2 years ago

      I discovered the Myers and Briggs Personality Types last summer thanks to a friend who knew I am pursuing a carreer on Psycology and Social Work. I am nineteen years old and a woman, and although I've never felt quite alone, I've always felt I was too different to be part of anything. After taking the test several times on different pages, and buying the actual one, I was satisfyed with knowing that I truly was an INTJ. I was shocked to discover so little about INTJ women seeing that the was so little information about them, and I confess this article has made me feel peace.

      For the most part I critic everything with a very analitical approach, and I'm always against most things that happen around me. I was taking a Social Science's ccourse and it often went against my beliefs (beliefs I aquired slowly and rationally because I studied every single sphere of many cosmovisions), and his speech was often directed to people who was against breaking the norms. I asked him "what are the norms?", because I am really interested in the structures of society as it is today, and he answered that "it is everything that we agree with or have in common with others". I had an existencial and faith crisis, because since I was very little I've always being rebelious against things I wasn't able to dig, and the fact that I am such a rare and very individual person has brought me very pear-shaped situations with relatives and close friends. "Am I part of something greater? Am I even doing things right?" "If I do not comform to the norms they are breaking, because I already broke them while seeking the truth, what does that makes me?" "Will I ever fit?" "Am I the hater, wicked witch?"-- and many other deeper questions that brought me to tears and made me feel so very little and so very useless.

      This article helped me fixed that crisis along with my faith in God, and I thank you profusely because you wrote the best MBTI article on INTJ women I've read. Not only it helps me understand myself, but it helps me see I'm not alone in the physical sphere and that other 1% of humanity struggles with the same things I do, and that is saying something. Thank you again!

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      Tessa Schlesinger 2 years ago from South Africa

      Some people do have varied results. At some level it has to do with the way we answer questions. We see ourselves in a different light.

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      Rebecca 2 years ago

      I have taken several tests, intj is the only one I've gotten more than once, I've also been told I could be istp. Intj seems fairly accurate, except I can flirt, and pretty well, lol. I also have no problem talking to people about personal issues, People think I really open up to them, but secretly I have I have some internal dialog going on that I never share. maybe thats what it means when they say were very private, not necessarily unable to socialize or chat, but that there is a private side to use that never gets shared. But I have no friends, a few I guess, but I hardly talk to them, but I don't mind, I'm happy that way. I need a lot of time and space, and I'm lucky to have found a career at a company that fulfills all my needs. And a husband that's pretty supportive

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      Annelise 2 years ago

      Oh good... I am not an alien after all.

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      Monique 2 years ago

      I just took the personality test today and found out i am an INTJ (a female one at that). Since I received the results I've been devouring everything I can find about it. I've always been told I'm more like a guy, especially in relationships. I finally feel like I am normal, even though I realize we are such a small portion of the population. Prior to the results I thought I was broken, I actually thought I might be a sociopath because I don't understand social convention or displaying signs of affection. I do them because I know it's expected; not because I "feel" it. I am married and this has been a point of contention in our relationship because my husband is very affectionate. We are learning to compromise though.

      My oldest son is twelve and shares my personality, I believe he is also INTJ. I believe the odds were definitely against me having a child with this personality, given how rare it is to begin with. I'm so happy to determine our personality type so that he will never have to question his sanity like I have. So happy to be INTJ!!!

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      Tessa Schlesinger 2 years ago from South Africa

      Thank goodness. I'm doing perfectly okay without you. :)

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      Tessa Schlesinger 2 years ago from South Africa

      Actually, INTJ, no INTJ follows the masses. And I most certainly do not. My social networking site on Google Plus would tell you that, so would any employer who ever employed me. So would anyone on Hubpages who remembers me in my previous incarnation as Sophia Angelique.

      What is true, however, is that you are one of those people who post a lot of mystic drivel and then accuse everybody else of following the masses because they don't believe the nonsense you write. You are done.

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      Tessa Schlesinger 2 years ago from South Africa

      Hi Jo, There are a lot of INTJs on Google Plus. That's because we focus on intelligent conversation. Find me there, and join the crowd.

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      Jo 2 years ago

      I am an INTJ, am 16, and a Scorpio. Absolutely no one understands me. I have never had more than a few friends at a time. My whole family is always going places and is up for anything. Its hard for me to hang out with them. I have had every aunt and cousin tell me that they don't want me hanging out with them cause I am too depressing and anti-social. It is really nice to know that I am not alone. Had no idea that there was a website to talk to others. Its nice. I learned 'what I am' when I was bored on my website and did a personality test, and it went from there! Hello!

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      Lia 2 years ago

      I am an INTJ female,married to another INTJ, I have kids. I am a scientist and very rational. I have been told I think like a man...Recently, a guy, a much younger guy told me that he liked me. Nothing has ever freaked me out so much in my entire life (I am almost 40!).

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      Larry Fields 2 years ago from Northern California

      Hello, Tessa. Apologies are not necessary. I also have Sensory Processing Disorder. And I have it in spades!

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      Tessa Schlesinger 2 years ago from South Africa

      Larry Fields, yes, I did realize that there was such a thing as Blue Grass music. Sorry if it came across that I thought it was a joke. I don't really listen to music as I have an auditory processing disorder. I was just trying to make a light comment. My apologies.

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      Larry Fields 2 years ago from Northern California

      Hello, Tessa. You wrote: "Telepathic women who love Blue Grass music may have to wait until you get to the Blue Grass universe..."

      I wasn't kidding about the music. Bluegrass music actually exists. It is very happy music, which was invented in my country (USA). It tends to be fast, and it emphasizes stringed instruments, like guitar, banjo, fiddle, and mandolin. If you don't mind my posting a link, check out this youtube video. I hope that you enjoy it.

      The second piece is not true Bluegrass, which I regard as purely instrumental. It is Old Time Music, a predecessor of Bluegrass.

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      Jojo 2 years ago

      I am an INTJ woman, and I really like your dog. :-)