INTJ Women: A Rare Myers-Briggs Category

Four INTJ Women for Every 500 Women

For every five hundred women, only four have an INTJ profile. Natural leaders and highly competent they may be, but they are often misunderstood. Here's why.

INTJ stands for Introverted, Intuition, Thinker, and Judgment. It's one of the sixteen Myers-Briggs profiles, the most popularly utilized psychometric test in the world. Corporations often use the MBTI to determine whether the person is well-suited to a particular job or not. INTJs are natural leaders but prefer not to be leaders. They only take on leadership roles when it's important that they do.

Because the INTJ woman is very different, it means that she is often misunderstood. Read on to find out why.

Famous INTJ women come in all shapes and sizes: sports stars, first ladies, and actresses!
Famous INTJ women come in all shapes and sizes: sports stars, first ladies, and actresses!
INTJ women respond differently to being told they are INTJ than men do
INTJ relationships might be more professional than those of others
INTJ women are very private
Female INTJs will disobey authority if the think authority wrong
Female INTJs are both logical and objective
Female INTJs tend to be gifted and/or highly competent

Myers-Briggs Interpreted

The Myers-Briggs assessment determines whether people are introverts or extroverts, whether they use their five senses or their intuition to make decisions, whether they base their assessments and/or conclusions on thoughts or feelings, and, lastly, whether they are comfortable with unanswered questions or if they need closure and, therefore, make 'judgements.' Ergo, an INTJ woman would comprise the following categories:

Introversion: The I stands for introverted which means she obtains her energy and personal satisfaction from her thoughts, imagination, and/or creativity rather from external factors like other people, status, and/or possessions.

Intuition: The N stands for Intuition. It means that she draws from stored unconscious knowledge accrued through the years from books, movies, other people, experience, and reflection. Generally, the INTJ has top-notch information stored.

Thinker: The T stands for thinker (as opposed to feeler), and this means that decisions are based on a process of deduction and analysis rather than what she feels. Bear in mind that feeling is related to emotions and is not the same as intuition.

Judgement: The J stands for Judgement, and it means that closure is preferred. Open-ended and unresolved problems and issues are not welcome to the lady INTJ.

Rare Combination of Intuition and Thinking

Generally, most profiles combine feeling with intuition and thinking with the use of the senses (taste, smell, touch, feeling, hearing). The INTJ is unusual in their combination of intuition and thinking. The result is an individual with a highly developed imagination and the ability to apply detail to visualisation, thus bringing into being original and practical solutions.

Other names for INTJs are strategists and system-builders.

Analytical and Objective Thinker

The INTJ individual is best suited to science, and while many believe that the scientist deals only in facts, it is the outstanding scientist who uses imagination to extrapolate possible interpretations of data as well as find commercial and industrial uses for new discoveries.

Her Brain

The INTJ develops precise structures in the brain from early childhood. This means that information is extremely well organized. They can analyze (compare this information) with ease as a result of this highly organized structure. They also retain new information with ease. INTJs are highly competent people and are often gifted.

A Myers-Briggs Illustration


Defiant of Authority?

If the president ordered an INTJ to do something and five minutes into doing it, the INTJ discovered that it wasn't going to work, s/he would have no issue with changing the plan and going ahead without consulting the powers that be. Even if she knew that the change of plan wouldn't be very popular and might cost her her job, she would still go ahead and change the plan. That's because INTJs believe that what they're doing is right.

Are INTJs right?

Yes. Predominantly.

If authority tells them that they are on the wrong track or that they should back off, and the INTJ feels that 'the boss' is not right, the INTJ will simply ignore authority and go right on doing what they are doing. This makes them immune to corruption because they are not concerned with either what people think of them or what rewards they get. They are concerned with what will get the system working.

INTJs have little respect for authority. It's another point in their favour that ensures that they will do what is right. Ninety-six percent of humanity (as Milgram showed shortly after WWII) will do something instructed by authority even when they know it's wrong. An INTJ will not.

INTJs are rare in that while they know what they know, they also know what they don't know. Ask most people a question and there will always be an answer, even if they don't know what they are talking about. Ask an INTJ a question and they will either give you the right answer or they will say, "I don't know.

INTJs Are Succinct Writers

It's no accident that INTJs are excellent writers. They can convey meaning easily and clearly. This is partially because they thoroughly think things through before attempting to explain them, and secondly, it's because structure is part of their lives. So they're really good at the structure of language.

INTJ writers include Isaac Asimov, Jane Austen, Stephen Hawking, Jean-Paul Sartre, James Cameron, Betty Friedan, Susan Sontag, Samuel Beckett, and Lone Frank. While I can't find any MBTI profile for Robert Heinlein, his writing and ideas suggest he is an INTJ. I'd also include Michael Crichton and Robin Cook.

Romantic Relationships Are Difficult
Romance tends to be sparse because these private, formidable women are not comfortable with flirting. An INTJ female would rather treat all potential romantic partners the same way they'd approach any professional relationship.

Different Myers-Briggs Types


Similar Classifications: Masterbuilder, Strategist

INTJs can fit into other classifications as well. They do not have identical points of view or values on all things. For instance, while most INTJs will tend towards atheism, not all will, and some have strong religious beliefs. They are also the most likely to be skeptics and humanists. Some will be warriors while others will be pacifists. Their interests can vary, and they can sometimes thrive in 'people-jobs' like marketing and sales. It just depends on whether they have developed those skills or not.

Less Than 1% of the Population

Female INTJs don't flirt or join the crowd. They are more concerned with getting the job done than with soothing people's feelings. This does not mean that they have no feelings. They can, and often do, have very intense and deep feelings. It just means that they truly don't think that their feelings are relevant or anyone else's business.

Yes, INTJs are very private people, but more about the feelings thingie. Let's say that the president has called a meeting about an end-of-the-world scenario. Each person invited to attend is a specialist in their field. One of the female delegates is pregnant, looks ready to give birth, and appears quite green about the gills. Most people in the room will enquire after her health. The INTJ will completely ignore the personal situation (the pregnancy) and instead ask for the report. This gives an impression of insensitivity. As previously mentioned, the strategist, scientist, and/or system-builder (all names for the INTJ) is concerned with the task at hand. However, as women are often expected to be the nurturers and communicators of the community, the INTJ woman is at odds with the norm.

INTJ and Privacy

INTJs are the most private of all the different types. As most women tend to share virtually everything of their private lives with other females, the INTJ female runs into difficulties. She will not discuss her private life, gossip about other people, or reveal much about herself to others. Other women take this as a sign of unlikability because, generally, the only reason a woman won't speak to another woman is because they are disliked. In the case of the INTJ, this is not so. They are just deeply private people and won't share with many people, friends or foes.

Jane Austen, the Quintessential INTJ Woman

INTJs are succinct writers. Jane Austen is an example of an outstanding INTJ writer.
INTJs are succinct writers. Jane Austen is an example of an outstanding INTJ writer. | Source

INTJ Women: Geek Squad and Early-Adopters

It's no surprise that when Google + launched, it was the INTJs who were there first. So in my first fifty or sixty friends, I managed to gain three new female INTJ connections. Normally, to meet three other INTJ women, there would have to be about two thousand women in the room (I'm an INTJ).

Paula Jones, among the first generation on Google +, says,

I've always felt uncomfortable calling attention to myself—dressing sexy, being very flamboyant, etc., yet I do appreciate honest compliments—I'm just not going to ask for them.

I am very good at pulling people together at work to get agreement on things we need to do. I am not the one who divides and polarizes (at work anyway). But I will stand up for what I believe (not a push over). When someone proposes something I really disagree with I will go talk to other participants and get their agreement rather than fight it out in a meeting.

On G+ I often just won't comment on posts I disagree with. I'd rather not deal with the drama. Sometimes the comments become overwhelming and I take time off. I like being alone. With books and the Internet, I'm never truly alone.

As a matter of fact, I just don't like drama and have learned to identify it early. Early in life I was drawn to drama, but then I married it and was totally exhausted.

Personally, I also don't like discussion and drama. I prefer to work with people who are in agreement with me rather than with people who aren't. It's just too much drama. Likewise, if I see a post or come across a world view I don't agree with, I just won't comment.

Romantic emotions of an INTJ

Susan Stone, another Google Plusser, says the following:

Hmmm... I tend to be data oriented, and willing to change my stances based on the truth of the data rather than just ideology, and I'm comfortable at working with both the mythic and the scientific, literature and physics. I always seek the truth on the ground rather than trying to make reality fit my biases, and then working from that groundwork. and I tend to be solution oriented and obsessed with process - how things are done, what's the sequence of events, or steps to get there.

After doing some more thinking, Paula Jones came back to me to say, "I'm with +Susan Stone on being data oriented. Sometimes I post things on G+ when I don't know what to think - and enjoy the comments and data because I learn."

It's interesting: I've known both Paula and Susan since Google + launched in June of 2011, but it was only as I began putting this article together this morning that I realized that Susan Stone's name was almost the same as that of a once well known actress (you see, status doesn't matter to INTJs!).

What Is the Best, Most Accurate Myers-Briggs Test Online?

The Myers-Briggs MBTI Instrument
This is the official 93-question test designed by Myers and Briggs and based on Jung's personality types, the one you might take at your workplace. Because they hold the copyright and require that a trained and certified professional translate the results for you, this test is not free—it usually costs about $50. Although you will find other tests online, even if they're based on the official assessment, they're not the same as the Myers-Briggs.

The only way to be absolutely certain whether one is an INTJ is to take the official test. If you follow the link, you'll find options to take it online or on paper and a list of certified people near you to interpret the results.

The Lady Is an Independent Thinker

Of all the types in the Myers-Briggs Assesment, the INTJ is the most independent thinker. This means that the INTJ person won't take advice from others or go with the crowd for the sake of ease, being liked, or keeping peace. In other words. The last thing an INTJ woman is is submissive. For many men who expect to take the leadership position, especially where religion is concerned, this is a huge stumbling stone.

Do you like INTJ women?

  • Yes
  • No
  • Sometimes
  • Don't know any
See results without voting

How to Court an INTJ Woman

How to Win the Love of an INTJ Woman

There's a lot to learn from an INTJ, and they make wonderful, loyal friends. Getting to know them is difficult, however. Here are a few clues:

  • Give them a lot of space. They need it because they like to think.
  • Don't argue with them. Just give them solid evidence and leave it at that.
  • Be direct. If you are interested, tell them. Don't play games. Don't probe. Just tell them. They will appreciate that, and they will give you an honest, direct answer.
  • Friendships and relationships with INTJs take time—a long time. Don't be impatient.

So now you understand why the INTJ woman is so different to other women? She relates to others in an intellectual and objective way. She is an independent thinker, and she doesn't want your advice. She's highly competent, and when she discovers that you are, too, she will open to you. Of course, an INTJ woman is not everyone's cup of tea....

Further Reading about INTJs and the Myers-Briggs

Quote: INTJs live in the world of ideas and strategic planning. They value intelligence, knowledge, and competence and typically have high standards in these regards

© 2014 Tessa Schlesinger

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Comments 92 comments

Christy K. 21 months ago

"The INTJ develops precise structures in the brain from early childhood. This means that information is extremely well organized."

Does this refer to the physical structures of the brain, specific patterns of neural impulses, or was the word "brain" misused as a stand-in for an abstract mental organizational structure? It would be interesting to find out if INTJs (INTJ women in particular) have physical differences in the brain that could support the theory that Intuition x Thinking leads to higher intelligence.

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TessSchlesinger 21 months ago from South Africa Author

Is there such a thing as 'abstract mental organizational structure?" DNA scientists will tell you that intelligence is genetic. Every single twin and triplet study indicates that. Regardless of the fact that they were separated from birth and from each other, the I.Q. remained in the same range, even if they were adopted by parents whose I.Q. was a lot different to theirs.

As all INTJs are gifted, it's probably true that it's a physical structure of the brain. That said, I haven't looked into it that far, and I wouldn't know.

r awnings 18 months ago

I am so crazy. I don't know i will have to have a plan or daydrea.

Kim 18 months ago

I like this very much, I am an Intj female and the above description is highly accurate :)

Ember 18 months ago

No wonder I get irritated each time my mom gives me advice. Even though I know she means well, I just can't handle getting advice when I don't even ask for it.

Lauren 18 months ago

Scary accurate.

Intan T 17 months ago

I'm female INTJ and this is very accurate :D

Alex. 17 months ago

I'm also an INTJ female and am blown away. I always knew I was different.. I didn't and don't have a complex about it but I'm happy to know there is a reason why I'm me. I just turned 44 (I think) and I've only had 4 true friends. Out of the 4 I only stay in touch with two and contact is (extremely) rare. Well, I've made copies of the above and plan to present a copy to each of my family members that like to "make reference" to my differences lol...

mayz 17 months ago

I am looking for other intj females to be my friend... so far, they were always my bestest friends, too bad I haven't found any in my new location to chill with yet.

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TessSchlesinger 17 months ago from South Africa Author

mayz, join google plus and google INTJ. There are entire groups of them. :)

Alyssa 17 months ago

I'm a INTJ female as well :) I always knew that my thought process was different than others but i never fully knew why until i took a personality test the other day. One thing I do not agree with though is I have seen that young INTJs are rare. I'm only 16.

lizzyfrombangor 17 months ago

I am a single woman and I'd like to meet other INTJ men and woman too for friendship. It's so hard to believe that we are that rare, I thought the percentage would have been bigger than that. I'll probably never meet anyone that can truly understand me.

Taiin 17 months ago

Being INTJ in a rural area means potential romance is even more sparse for me than an INTJ in a city! At least I can escape the bustle of people to recharge out here, though. I have managed to cultivate a number of friends who know I don't interact often, but we enjoy each other when we do.

Lulu 17 months ago

I'm an INTJ female also! A lot of this is true for me. Some one's comment, "I don't know if I will plan or daydream" is definitely a problem I have. Also, I like the mythic and the scientific. I speak my opinion gladly (which is often different from what any one else offers, for example, at a group meeting) but am also very agreeable in a professional setting. I always think to myself, if I think something needs to change, I need to be strategic about how I go about it--I like long term good quality change--not reactionary quick fixes. I come off as a little rude sometimes when I'm on autopilot, but also have loved learning about psychology/psychotherapy since I was in middle school and have great people skills--I just have to remember to try to consider people's feelings first!! Sometimes I forget and go straight for honesty that seems insensitive!

wila 17 months ago

I'm an INTJ female, too! :) this article is so reflective of me. I'm trying to know what's wrong with me because of my failed relationships. Some say I'm intimidating and others say I'm insensitive. Those were cringe-worthy moments when I really want to give them a speech but I'd rather just move on. Its always a challenge because they give their judgments early. Now I know that there is nothing wrong with me. I'm lucky to have a close circle of friends with complementing personalities. 2 of us are INTJs. I'm just pouring my energies to pursuing a career in law and hopefully finding a match in it.

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TessSchlesinger 17 months ago from South Africa Author

Thank you everybody for contributing. :) I've tested INTJ many times in my life, but the first time it was explained to me, the part about relationships made me cry for two days. It took me a long time to come to terms with the fact that what I regards as quietly factual information, others interpret in different ways. The good news is that when INTJs do finally find someone, their relationships are closer, more stable, and longer lasting. :)

Chatil 17 months ago

This was rather interesting. I've tested as INTJ every time I've taken this test but even though the descriptions are rather accurate I find myself rather skeptical(probably due to the fact that'd make me a minority). I definitely agree with the part about disrespecting authority and having a limited number of friends though.

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Buildreps 16 months ago from Europe

Well, that's quite accurate. This is a very important issue to highlight in this way. Although I'm a man, I've been told that INTJ's among men is as rare as among women. I hope you allow me to comment on this Hub, because I'm not a woman.

I'm an INTJ type too, and before I knew that I suffered a lot from the things I didn't want to happen, like not being popular enough or simply incapable of following the herds. I wanted to be like all. But I was always different!

Like you correctly state is an INTJ absolutely incapable of consistently following orders (maybe shortly for the show) and even less capable of giving feedback in case of deviations in regard to the original order. They must be difficult to work with and have indeed not many very close friends. That's all very correct information you show here.

How hard I tried so many times, being one of the flock just wasn't/isn't meant for me. Until I had a combined IQ/psychological test for a new job, about 15 years ago, I didn't knew. The outcome was INTJ type, with an IQ that almost ran of the scale. I simply didn't knew that before. Before this I was insecure about my capacities. After this everything changed like a landslide. That is why I think it's important for INTJ's to know who they are (this includes INTP's BTW).

This Hub helps to take away some of the ignorance. Thanks.

Veronica 15 months ago

I am an INTJ female too. As with many of the above posts, I find reading about INTJ females very helpful in understanding why I have never really fit in anywhere. I have degrees in Science, Physiotherapy (hated the emotional people stuff) and Law. I've spent a lot of my career writing policies and procedures, writing business documents and doing compliance activities.

I am now 43 and to be honest, I now love being different and who I am. I did find love - he has since died of cancer - there are people out there who 'get us'. I am now on the dating scene and it is true that anyone who doesn't do it for me intellectually - out. This is a slight problem as I am intelligent too - it narrows the dating pond. This is all ok.

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Jonas Rodrigo 15 months ago

Wow. I took an online Myers Briggs test a while ago and came up with this result. I had no idea it was so rare. Now i feel special :3

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TessSchlesinger 15 months ago from South Africa Author

Jonas, you made me laugh. INTJ men are less rare. Two percent. INTJ women .08%. :)

Kellyinokc 15 months ago

So, how do we INTJ women meet a good, INTJ or otherwise compatible guy? You aren't kidding when you say romance is our Achilles heel.

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TessSchlesinger 15 months ago from South Africa Author

Kellyinokc, I'm 63. Never met one.

Cat 15 months ago

I'm an INTJ, and this article explains a great deal about me.

That being said, you forgot the 'r' on Masterbuilde-, and spelled pregnant incorrectly. Thank you.

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TessSchlesinger 15 months ago from South Africa Author

Thank you. :) Probably both typos as I do, indeed, know how to spell pregnant. :)

Cat 15 months ago

You are most welcome. As a true INTJ woman, I simply had to let you know. ;) I read and absorbed the entire article, and it was well structured and informative. I have read a great many articles on my personality type, and often find them a regurgitation of previous authors material without much insight. I applaud your article as it had a personal touch that was genuine. As an INTJ woman, I can attest to the fact I do indeed have feelings. ;)

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TessSchlesinger 15 months ago from South Africa Author

Cat, thank you. As an INTJ woman, I thought the topic needed a more thorough investigation and I spent some time speaking to other INTJs as well. When I first found out that I was an INTJ, I cried for days because the romance department was so difficult. Now I've made peace with it. Not perfect, but peace is better than no peace. :)

Cat 15 months ago

Ah yes, romance. My 20 year relationship ended and it was not pretty. But in the process, I have embraced my personality, tweaked and fine tuned my self understanding and yes, finally found peace. I know why I was unhappy, why he was unhappy (but those are his demons to own), and I'm at peace with my courage to stand up for my morals and convictions. ;)

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TessSchlesinger 15 months ago from South Africa Author

Nice to be in that place, by the way, Cat. Oh, and as a true INTJ, no offence was taken at correcting my work. Just gratitude that I could make the product better as a result of relevant input. :)

Ashley fulcher 14 months ago

Sounds exactly like me. That's truly amazing to read about yourself.

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Bria Young 14 months ago

I first was asked to take the infamous MB with my school psychologist and then again while studying PSYC at University. I find this article accurate, well written... comforting (so as to better argue with friends and co-workers that no, I'm not purposefully cold and yes, I am often alone but not often lonely). I wasn't surprised to hear of it's rarity. As social beings and as women it seems to go against the prescribed notion of what it is to be a woman. Though I fancy myself adamant about being myself at all times, I have struggled to "fit." I have absolutely no problem in being the minority but, I've never wanted to feel unconnected to others in the largest sense. It's nice to see other INTJ females, as my friends (or the general people I seem to cultivate) are the complete opposite. Have any of you been told that you were simply a high functioning sociopath? because if I had a dollar...

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TessSchlesinger 14 months ago from South Africa Author

Bria Young, No, I've never been told that I am a high functioning sociopath. I have, at times, been asked if I was an aspie (Asperbergs). No, I am not. In fact, I have been fortunate enough to be tested quite thoroughly by many doctors, and there is no evidence whatsoever that I am psychologically in any way abnormal. And I have that in black and white! :)

I do, however, fit consistently into the INTJ slot. I think there is another explanation. There are. Only 1% of the world's people are gifted with IQs above 140. INTJ's are generally gifted. I think that the difference in perception is a result of intelligence. One sees things that other people don't see. It makes one more weary of the world. One has many more interests than other's have. And the fact is that INTJs don't want to be at war with the world. They also often have a very deep connection to humanity. However they have no need to talk about it. That is why, I suspect, there isn't loneliness. They do feel a strong connection. :) However, I wouldn't argue any of this, because as yet, there is no paper either examining or confirming this. :)

Danie 14 months ago

Intj female here too. This explains A Lot. Always the 'loner', but that's just my natural way. Others think i'm crazy, but I couldn't get two hoots.

twalton 14 months ago

I'm an INTJ female too. Very accurate for me, especially when I was younger. I'm in my mid forties and have traveled the world, including very poor third world countrues. I've mellowed with age and experience and find that it's much easier to be more compassionate. Overly emotional or incompetent people still annoy me though!

chemensa 14 months ago

interesting - I am also INTJ female - it would be interesting to see if our brains are physically different - I guess that would mean a lot of autopsies - and I would not be alive to see my results though.....sigh. I am a scientist - chemistry and computers - perfect fit.

Rachel 14 months ago

I am an INTJ (yes, definitely), and a woman (well I'm 16) and I actually disagreed with some of this article. (And see now I'm disagreeing, therefore disagreeing with the women in the article who said they wouldn't post if they disagreed with something.)Now, some of it was right on the dot, but I feel like some of it went to far. The INTJ woman described is a caricature of instinct. INTJs, being both intelligent and adaptive, will not always act according to their instinct or desire. For example, even though I'm not naturally inclined to do so, I am still willing and able to bow to most social norms.

Take the obeying-an-authority-even-if-I-know-they're-wrong for example. I might, potentially go with the wrong idea to appease the authority figure *if* my reputation/relationship to the authority figure/or anything else at stake is more important than the outcome of doing whatever thing right or wrong. If it's a matter of saving the world, then of course I don't care about authority. But if I'd rather not get detention over a petty school rule, I can work with a bit of inefficiency.

Or the privacy section. I wholeheartedly agree that INTJs are the most private type. But I am of the opinion that that inclination towards privacy manifests itself in different ways. I share details about my personal life in conversations all the time. It's called chatting. Some INTJs may be more hesitant to do so.

I could go on.

An INTJ isn't a magical grey unicorn scientist thing. An INTJ is a person. (Or maybe, some days, we are magical unicorns wearing person suits. But still.) I can be submissive if it's the better option. I care intensely about other people's feelings. I am an INTJ and I am very feminine. I can be submissive if it's the better option. I actually love a good argument. Science isn't my favorite subject. (I love music and art and creative writing.)

Stop putting me in your box.

Sajini 14 months ago

Great article Tess - I'm a 32 year old INTJ female. My mum and aunt decided to tell me that the reasons I am single are my inability to flirt/masculine personality/short haircut and lack of girliness. They just don't get MBTI and asked me to change my presentation/approach to communication to get men to fancy me. Unsure about this as it is quite deceptive and it might not get the man I want who will value me for who I am.

Jessica 14 months ago

Every time I've tested myself, the categorisation has been consistent. INTJ.

It's a pleasure to encounter so many other females of a similar nature! Shall we highlight the word 'similar', and emphasise, rightly so, that despite the precious and informative nature of the article we are of course individuals, with varying degrees of such traits and behaviours.

Bria, I have been asked that very question! I think that it's far more likely for us to be mistaken as sociopaths due to our tendency to treat emotions as secondary discussion material, and subsequently focus on logical, 'emotionless' solutions to problems. It's possible that we can be so unused to relaying our feelings that others interpret them as seemingly absent. Of course, any forthright question from those we take company with would very rapidly have such a suspicion removed, should they take our word for it.

It's interesting... Best suited to science, well - I can certainly relate to that, however I am also extremely diverse in my interests. I studied Art, and currently Animation. In school I did study physics. Critical thinking was also on the list... My goodness, what lovely subjects!

As for friends, well... I learned to settle for what I thought other people were settling for. My perspective at the time hadn't allowed for this idea that I was the odd one out. I assumed everyone had superficial relationships, and they somehow just enjoyed it more than I did.

I simply must ask, how many of you are 'closet INTJ's? Perhaps not in the sense that you haven't told people, but more that you outwardly behave differently to how you are naturally inclined. I feel I have become this way... It almost shouts 'sociopath' again, doesn't it? Alas, I know I am most certainly not one, unless sociopaths have historically simply been misunderstood INTJs... :P

INTJ 14 months ago

INTJ woman. I grew up like a tomboy and now basically wear dresses all the time. What gives me away as an INTJ is by glare and stern face. Also the very upright posture. Women generally hate me, unless they are the odd friends. Men seem to keep their distance. If any flirted with me, I would not know. If they were overt, I was not interested because it was always those weak ones who needed a confident woman to protect them. I am basically doomed to be single forever.

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TessSchlesinger 14 months ago from South Africa Author

Rachel, you're 16. Give it 20 years. Then come back. You haven't finished developing yet. :)

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TessSchlesinger 14 months ago from South Africa Author

Sajini, you are who you are. While we can change bad habits, w cannot change character so much. :( From experience, marrying the wrong man because one wants to get married is not a good idea. And while INTJs may struggle to find the right guy, they have about the most stable relationships when they do. Hang in there! Be who you are. :)

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TessSchlesinger 14 months ago from South Africa Author

Jessica, wishing to keep one's emotions private does not mean that one doesn't have intense emotions. I know that I do. :)

Diana 14 months ago

I am an INTJ and a Virgo female lol

It is a challenge for me to get along with females and truth be told, i have more male friends than female friends.

Of recent events, i have also begun to downsize my circles to only those who are free thinkers, independent and able to carry on a healthy debate with me... And i am actually happier this way.

I guess i always knew ill be the odd one out from the start

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Bria Young 14 months ago

Diana- it's interesting that you brought up the fact that you are a Virgo. I've studied astrology for many years now and I would love to dig deeper into the concept of INTJ's and their individual astrological charts. I myself am a Capricorn... and feel INTJ is quite fitting for that sign, compatible if you will. Now I do have a prominent aspect of a Jupiter singelton in Aquarius, which has shaded the way in which I survive the world and what I choose to put in it (I'm an artist). But how would an INTJ individual BUT also a positive sign look compared to us, as earth/negative signs?

Rachel- I have to agree with Tess (and I was actually thinking of your post while at work) that you need to give it more time. At your age, and you haven't seen the true possibility of the world, you are more or less in prison (that's dramatic, I know). "Bow to social norms" shows that you are clever enough to play the game (people have called me opportunistic) while you are in this "prison." I make it a point to familiarize myself with the people I'm conversing with so as to navigate them and eventually come out on top or in good standing. Now, this may have little to do with INTJ and more to do with my antisocial personality disorder (what I like to call sociopath-lite) so I can't say for certain... but high school is just the beginning and a place (especially if you are in the United States) that sort of has one hand over your wings, preventing you from flight. Trust me, as we are fellow INTJ's, I doubt anyone is trying to put you into a box... most people realize there are far too many factors in our constant world to do such a thing. From your post you seem extraordinary and well on your way to living a life of real substance... when you enter into your next stage I bet you will be one hell of a woman.

Jess - I am not a closet INTJ at all. I told everyone... even some people I shouldn't of. A close friend says this is not an excuse to be nasty to which a gave him a verbal lashing I myself was even in awe of... I've gotten to a point where I don't want to behave differently. I don't know if that's childish but, at this point it almost physically hurts to be someone other than me. Now, I do try and temper whatever extremely odd tendencies I have (because I have some really bad ones) but I would say 90% of the time I'm me. But I should note... I'm basically a recluse (my job has very little interaction with people as I work through the night when everyone is asleep). Now that I think about it I'm not a good person to ask... I'm all sorts of nutty during this stage of my life.

Sam 14 months ago

Oh please don't tell me you're associating INTJ typology with astrology.

From the description, I don't think INTJs would succumb to believing in Astrology in the first place!

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Bria Young 14 months ago

Sam - It's interesting... your comment. As an INTJ its encouraged to question validity. I do this in all aspects of my life... I'm not sure what you do as it is a time consuming practice. What's interesting is that both astrology and the MBTI are said to be pseudosciences. Paul R. Thagard from the University of Michigan (and this is old info that first piqued my interest) explained his thoughts on why astrology is this type of science (interesting read if you have a chance). It is an ancient practice and in my book longevity counts for something... at least the respect of deeper research. Those of my fellow researchers who question the MBTI and its applications (mainly the fortune 500's), I would say the same thing... do your own research. Now you may have delved into the land of astrology and found it ridiculous in every sense of the word but I, upon my study cannot say the same thing. So I make queries when I can, read when I have the time, and expand my knowledge because I've taken a personal interest in what would happen if we combined the two... call it a pet project (one of many). There's a certain way the world has made astrology look and people are doing the same thing with the Meyers Briggs. At the end of the day I've made it a point to feed my insatiable appetite for knowledge, even seemingly absurd ancient practices that most often are used for entertainment. Maybe these types of "things" are just practice in cognitive dissonance because we want to explain away bad behavior... I'll have to add that to the list of "thoughts to look into."

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TessSchlesinger 14 months ago from South Africa Author

Sam, it always fascinates me that the people who down astrology have never studied it. I used to deride astrology as well, until one day an engineer who I didn't know me from a bar of soap asked me for my exact date time, date, and place of birth, and then keyed that into a computer (Matrix astrology software), printed out 50 pages of information about me, and gave it to me.

I have an extremely unique psychological profile plus some very rare abilities. According to the print-out, I was a childhood prodigy (my IQ was measured at 165 when I was in junior school and off the graph when I was in my mid 40s), that I was gifted to the point of genius in writing (I was already published pre-teen and have excellent reviews from three continents), etc. And, of course, I'm an INTJ which is also rare. According to one doctor who tested me using a variety of tests, I fitted every rare category there was. So for a 50 page print out on astrology to say the same thing based on my time, date, and place of birth is somewhat more than coincidental.

As a typical INTJ, I then spent the next 18 months using the software and doing charts for all and sundry. My conclusions were as follows:

1. The future cannot be told. It's bs.

2. One cannot determine one's mate/partner from it.

3. The character analysis based on the Natal chart is in the region of 90 to 95% accurate, and no two people can have the same natal chart because no two people can be born in the same place at the same moment.

I have a double sun - Virgo and Leo. I also have a double Leo (Leo rising and sun in Leo), but my Pluto (ruler of Scorpio) is conjunct (next to) my sun in Leo, thereby making me a very scorpionic Leo. In addition, Aquarius which is the opposite sign of Leo (opposite characteristics) is my moon sign and lies in direct opposition to my sun - sun is 1st house and moon is 7th house. I also have a grand tri between Virgo in the 1st house with Taurus/Gemini in the 10th and Acquarius in the 7th. This is where my talent for decorating and writing comes from. Moon in Aquarius means someone is highly intelligent or gifted.

I am absolutely sure that all that is complete gibberish to you. But until you have studied it, you are not in a position to negate it. I studied it because I could not understand how a 50 page print-out based on my date of birth could be so accurate. And there is no ways that what was said about me could apply to everybody else as well. Sorry, very, very few people have my IQ or some of my other talents. Oh, yes, the chart also said I would be a beautiful woman.. You're free to google my photos.

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Larry Fields 14 months ago from Northern California

Hello, Tess. Many years ago, I took the MB at a Mensa regional gathering. Surprise, surprise; I am INTJ. Most of the time, I enjoy physical science and maths much more than psychology. However several of the generalizations do apply me. I enjoyed your description of INTJ women. It's a nice counterpoint to me.

Although I'm a senior, someday I'd like to marry a telepathic woman, who enjoys Bluegrass music. The hillbilly image is not an issue. Any suggestions?

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TessSchlesinger 14 months ago from South Africa Author

Larry, you are very lucky! INTJ women prefer INTJ men. :) Telepathic women who love Blue Grass music may have to wait until you get to the Blue Grass universe... :)

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Larry Fields 14 months ago from Northern California

Hi Tess,

Assuming that you are representative of INTJ women, it's not necessary for me to explain my odd sense of humor. Which reminds me . . .

Mamikon, a late friend of mine, was the most brilliant mathematician (and astrophysicist) I've ever met. He said that he did not make a distinction between a good scientific idea and a good scientific joke.

One evening, I was giving Mamikon a hard time. I asked him if he could create a scientific puzzle that began with the immortal words: It was a dark and stormy night. He rose to the occasion with absolutely no hesitation. I was gobsmacked!

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TessSchlesinger 14 months ago from South Africa Author

Larry, what was the puzzle. All that comes to my mind is thunder and lightening. Never could figure out how a stormy night could be altogether dark if storm meant thunder and thunder meant lightening. :)

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Larry Fields 14 months ago from Northern California

Hi Tess,

The puzzle: "It was a NOT-SO dark and stormy night. Why"

No, it was not about lightning, which was a good guess on your part. It was much more basic than that.

At high latitudes, the sun does not dip as far below the horizon at night as it does at tropical latitudes. Hence the 6-month 'days' and 'nights' in arctic regions. In general, more sunlight 'leaks' through during arctic nights.

BTW, the stormy part was not a red herring. Many literary buffs consider the novel, with its infamous dark-and-stormy introductory sentence, to be one of the dumbest novels ever written. There's even an annual contest to see who can top "dark and stormy."

The results are always hilarious, but the first sentence for the hypothetical bad novel is always longer than the dark-and-stormy sentence, which still does the maximum amount of aesthetic 'damage' with a minimum number of words.

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TessSchlesinger 13 months ago from South Africa Author

Interestingly, the moment I read the words 'It was a dark and stormy night,' I always want to read further. It sets the scene amazingly well. I can just imagine the dark and the storm, and to me, that means a good read. I don't know who said that those words were a bad way to start a novel, but I disagree strongly. :)

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Larry Fields 13 months ago from Northern California

Tess, you forgot the howling wolves. :)

Jojo 13 months ago

I am an INTJ woman, and I really like your dog. :-)

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Larry Fields 12 months ago from Northern California

Hello, Tessa. You wrote: "Telepathic women who love Blue Grass music may have to wait until you get to the Blue Grass universe..."

I wasn't kidding about the music. Bluegrass music actually exists. It is very happy music, which was invented in my country (USA). It tends to be fast, and it emphasizes stringed instruments, like guitar, banjo, fiddle, and mandolin. If you don't mind my posting a link, check out this youtube video. I hope that you enjoy it.

The second piece is not true Bluegrass, which I regard as purely instrumental. It is Old Time Music, a predecessor of Bluegrass.

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TessSchlesinger 12 months ago from South Africa Author

Larry Fields, yes, I did realize that there was such a thing as Blue Grass music. Sorry if it came across that I thought it was a joke. I don't really listen to music as I have an auditory processing disorder. I was just trying to make a light comment. My apologies.

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Larry Fields 12 months ago from Northern California

Hello, Tessa. Apologies are not necessary. I also have Sensory Processing Disorder. And I have it in spades!

Lia 12 months ago

I am an INTJ female,married to another INTJ, I have kids. I am a scientist and very rational. I have been told I think like a man...Recently, a guy, a much younger guy told me that he liked me. Nothing has ever freaked me out so much in my entire life (I am almost 40!).

Jo 12 months ago

I am an INTJ, am 16, and a Scorpio. Absolutely no one understands me. I have never had more than a few friends at a time. My whole family is always going places and is up for anything. Its hard for me to hang out with them. I have had every aunt and cousin tell me that they don't want me hanging out with them cause I am too depressing and anti-social. It is really nice to know that I am not alone. Had no idea that there was a website to talk to others. Its nice. I learned 'what I am' when I was bored on my website and did a personality test, and it went from there! Hello!

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TessSchlesinger 12 months ago from South Africa Author

Hi Jo, There are a lot of INTJs on Google Plus. That's because we focus on intelligent conversation. Find me there, and join the crowd.

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TessSchlesinger 12 months ago from South Africa Author

Actually, INTJ, no INTJ follows the masses. And I most certainly do not. My social networking site on Google Plus would tell you that, so would any employer who ever employed me. So would anyone on Hubpages who remembers me in my previous incarnation as Sophia Angelique.

What is true, however, is that you are one of those people who post a lot of mystic drivel and then accuse everybody else of following the masses because they don't believe the nonsense you write. You are done.

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TessSchlesinger 12 months ago from South Africa Author

Thank goodness. I'm doing perfectly okay without you. :)

Monique 11 months ago

I just took the personality test today and found out i am an INTJ (a female one at that). Since I received the results I've been devouring everything I can find about it. I've always been told I'm more like a guy, especially in relationships. I finally feel like I am normal, even though I realize we are such a small portion of the population. Prior to the results I thought I was broken, I actually thought I might be a sociopath because I don't understand social convention or displaying signs of affection. I do them because I know it's expected; not because I "feel" it. I am married and this has been a point of contention in our relationship because my husband is very affectionate. We are learning to compromise though.

My oldest son is twelve and shares my personality, I believe he is also INTJ. I believe the odds were definitely against me having a child with this personality, given how rare it is to begin with. I'm so happy to determine our personality type so that he will never have to question his sanity like I have. So happy to be INTJ!!!

Annelise 11 months ago

Oh good... I am not an alien after all.

Rebecca 11 months ago

I have taken several tests, intj is the only one I've gotten more than once, I've also been told I could be istp. Intj seems fairly accurate, except I can flirt, and pretty well, lol. I also have no problem talking to people about personal issues, People think I really open up to them, but secretly I have I have some internal dialog going on that I never share. maybe thats what it means when they say were very private, not necessarily unable to socialize or chat, but that there is a private side to use that never gets shared. But I have no friends, a few I guess, but I hardly talk to them, but I don't mind, I'm happy that way. I need a lot of time and space, and I'm lucky to have found a career at a company that fulfills all my needs. And a husband that's pretty supportive

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TessSchlesinger 11 months ago from South Africa Author

Some people do have varied results. At some level it has to do with the way we answer questions. We see ourselves in a different light.

Ivelisse Gonzalez 11 months ago

I discovered the Myers and Briggs Personality Types last summer thanks to a friend who knew I am pursuing a carreer on Psycology and Social Work. I am nineteen years old and a woman, and although I've never felt quite alone, I've always felt I was too different to be part of anything. After taking the test several times on different pages, and buying the actual one, I was satisfyed with knowing that I truly was an INTJ. I was shocked to discover so little about INTJ women seeing that the was so little information about them, and I confess this article has made me feel peace.

For the most part I critic everything with a very analitical approach, and I'm always against most things that happen around me. I was taking a Social Science's ccourse and it often went against my beliefs (beliefs I aquired slowly and rationally because I studied every single sphere of many cosmovisions), and his speech was often directed to people who was against breaking the norms. I asked him "what are the norms?", because I am really interested in the structures of society as it is today, and he answered that "it is everything that we agree with or have in common with others". I had an existencial and faith crisis, because since I was very little I've always being rebelious against things I wasn't able to dig, and the fact that I am such a rare and very individual person has brought me very pear-shaped situations with relatives and close friends. "Am I part of something greater? Am I even doing things right?" "If I do not comform to the norms they are breaking, because I already broke them while seeking the truth, what does that makes me?" "Will I ever fit?" "Am I the hater, wicked witch?"-- and many other deeper questions that brought me to tears and made me feel so very little and so very useless.

This article helped me fixed that crisis along with my faith in God, and I thank you profusely because you wrote the best MBTI article on INTJ women I've read. Not only it helps me understand myself, but it helps me see I'm not alone in the physical sphere and that other 1% of humanity struggles with the same things I do, and that is saying something. Thank you again!

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TessSchlesinger 11 months ago from South Africa Author

Ivelisse Gonzales My pleasure. Regarding your lack of faith in god, this video is one of the best when it comes to certain questions.

Angie 10 months ago

Interesting read, and by interesting I mean good ;) Congrats on getting me to comment for the first time ever. An author I hope you consider adding to your list is Ayn Rand...who I myself consider the quintessential INTJ female. :)

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aesta1 9 months ago from Ontario, Canada

Years ago, I took the test and I was then an INTJ so the therapist worked with me to develop the areas in myself that needed reinforcement. It was very helpful.

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LynetteBell 9 months ago from Christchurch, New Zealand

On reading your article I kept getting a picture in my mind of Temperance Brennan in the TV serial "Bones"!

Very interesting. Thanks

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TessSchlesinger 9 months ago from South Africa Author

Exactly Lynette Bell. INTJ to the bone! :)

katssphoto 9 months ago

This is the third time in the last year I have taken this test and the results are all the same .. INTJ .. It's scary accurate ... I'm highly creative, but very detailed, love being by myself and look forward to Monday every week when Hubby and Kids return to work and school. I can count my friends on one hand and 90% of them are men. My husband is my polar opposite which is quite funny. I was a college instructor for 9 years, built my classes and all my class material. I taught Computers Hardware and Software. Loved my Job, but hated the drama.

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Act 3 9 months ago from Athens, GA

I'm an INTJ male. A lot of the description applies regardless of gender (as you know). I enjoyed reading this - well done.

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My Esoteric 9 months ago from Keystone Heights, FL

Hopefully someone put this Hub forward for special notice, extremely well written, concise, and very understandable. The same for many of the comments.

I am a solid INTP Libra, so I related to most of what you wrote. One particular line caught my attention - "The result is an individual with a highly developed imagination and the ability to apply detail to visualization"; imagination, I have, but visualization is another thing; hell I have a degree in mathematics and I can't do simple arithmetic in my head ... bummer. What I can do is picture flows, systems, and patterns and flesh them out in reality. It may be related to the P vs J.

One aspect where P vs J stands out, and that is leadership, finishing something you start, and focus. I suspect that ADHD INTPs far outnumber ADHD INTJs. A long time ago, I became accepting that I have a hard time leading myself out of a paper bag, let alone other people. What I can be is an outstanding advisory behind the throne, which suits an INTP to a 'T' and would drive an INTJ crazy.

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TessSchlesinger 8 months ago from South Africa Author

Thank you My Esoteric. What is 'special notice?" :) Up until you just pointed out that an inability to visualize math may be J rather than P, it never occurred to me that J and P may be physiological rather than psychological... I wonder. ;)

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My Esoteric 8 months ago from Keystone Heights, FL

"Special notice" = Hub of the Day or similar notice by the Hub community.

Visualization, it goes much further than math symbols (which made calculus and topology rather difficult). I can't "see" a damn thing in my head while awake, except patterns, connections, logical sequences and the like. Even these aren't true images, just ... "feelings" of shapes, lines, etc. I can't even imagine my wife's face when I turn around and close my eyes ,,, I hate it.

But, is it physiological? I would think so. Why, because the traits that are organized into the MB types are exhibited in very young children. Personally, I think they are hard-wired in us with the margins changed by life experiences.

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TessSchlesinger 8 months ago from South Africa Author

Nope, I've never had a single thing ever given special notice by anyone at Hub Pages. I suspect it's because one has to be a favourite of one of the moderators, and as an atheist, etc. that's not going to happen.

I also suspect it's hard wired.

Sorry to hear about your inability to visualize. I think you probably have a learning disability in that area. I means the small section of the brain responsible for visualization isn't working for you. :(

GillianKeller 8 months ago

This has been very interesting to read!

I am an INTJ woman and also a Leo. I'm also the enneagram type 7. I'm an artist. I'm relatively well-spoken for being an introvert since I get perfectionist qualities all across the board! It's fascinating to read about how otherINTJ women interact in relationships etc.

for me, the Leo aspect of me brings forth a natural charisma and ability to stand out if s crowd. I naturally enjoy to wear flashy things and make flashy artwork- but I've never done it specifically to stand out from the crowd, more just to please my own self. I've also always gotten along better with rational, logical, intellectual men and since I also happen to be attractive and tall, this basically ends up being very unusual to me- most women hate me or are frightened of me, I can't relate to them, but I absolutely love being "one of the guys"- however since I'm also attractive I have to walk a fine line trying to figure out if the guys are attracted to me or really just like my brain. So half the time I feel like I'm putting up all sorts of defenses to try and make sure the people I like actually like me for what I value about myself (my mind) and not just my appearance. However I would also never go out in sweat pants...

I've also rarely heard of the INTJ woman artist. I skimmed these comments and saw one woman who is a designer! Mostly I can see how our skill sets and mental capabilities would make us incredible scientists... Personally, I consider myself a visual scientist. So show intuitively I've managed to create images that suck people in. Perhaps it's the combination of subject matter or the science of color, etc. Anyway, creatively, I seem to be able to reverse engineer almost anything by looking at it once, discovering how I might make it myself or how it could be done better.

I think perhaps for the same reason, (lol) I love fashion/ because when you look at a nice garment, you can see the difference in material and construction and realize how much more worthwhile a high end piece is, from a discount piece that looks similar.

I really have always felt like an alien, haha, walking amongst the regular people. However since taking this test its shed a lot of light on the way I am, my fears, my hang ups (though I don't freely admit them to most people!) , the reason I feel such disconnect with other women and the reason I keep my emotional states tucked away.

Last week my husband had what for a moment he thought may be s heart attack- it wasn't, it went away and he is fine now- but once we got home out of the public eye I cried and cried and held his head, just from the overwhelm of the idea that he could have been gone... he said it made a big impact on him to see how much I cared. It's true I'm pretty unemotional but I've learned through reading about other INTJ s situations in their emotional lives that I too keep them hidden away because I almost view them as s point of weakness. Not in others really, but definitely in myself.

Thank you for writing this!

If anyone is interested to see the artwork of an INTJ woman check out , my website

Russell Booth 8 months ago

Regarding Ashley Olsen - is anyone serious about her being an INTJ?

I think she's closer to being an ISFJ like my late grandmother was,the Myers Briggs temperament sorter isn't very conclusive in determining what an individual persons actual temperament is because I've met ISFJ's where their sensing and/or thinking preference lands at around 50 % meaning that they are more of an INTJ ,INFJ or even more of an ISTJ,meaning some of them work harder at being either more of an ST or an NT than an SF.

I am just very p**sed off that I was made to see an INFJ shrink when I was growing up who thought I was an ENFP or something (he needed glasses to even see me I'm sure) so I am not sure what sort of psychiatrist (Clarke) who was autistic thought I was as I'm an ESFJ where my SFJ component is at arounf 75% meaning I can be in no way an autistic person.

That just makes it harder to get a job if people such as that have been telling me to disclose that to an employer - I'm sure they are the same people who have been saying the likes of Claudia Schiffer have got it.

Ebba Sage 7 months ago

I am an INTJ woman, married to an INTJ man. I will be 60, in three years. I've spent a lifetime trying to fit in and understand others. I have always related better to men than women, which did not make me very popular with the women.

To all the single women out there; I was married twice before, disastrously. Had I been true to myself, and loved my INTJ ways, I would have married the right man long before. Thankfully, we found each other and have been very happily married, and have been a very successful business team for 10+ years now. He is a best selling technology author (40+ books) and I am his business mgr/publicist (semi-retired to start my own writing career).

As a INTJ husband/wife team, I honestly believe that we bonded strongly because, after a lifetime to being misunderstood, we were so thrilled to BE understood. We were like two survivors of a common tragedy. If you're young and single, don't do it the hard way, like I did.

He has a 148 IQ, I'm not sure what mine is, but if you can imagine (yes, you probably can) he was bullied for his intelligence and shyness by school mates and his former spouse. If you haven't read Quiet, The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking by Susan Cain, do so and you will understand how our culture has not been kind to introverts.

Three challenges:

* our culture

* being female

* being the rarest of personality types

No wonder we spend so much energy trying to fit in and/or being understood; but, this nearly 60-year old woman is winding down. Time is too short to spend it pretending that I'm an extrovert, or that shallow chit-chat meets my social needs, or that drama and conflict is a normal part of life and I just need to live with it.

I'd love nothing more than to meet other INTJ women, close to my age, who don't look at me like I'm a freak if I talk about my latest da Vinci book, or my plans for building my own garden bridge or biomass briquette maker, or alcohol ink painting techniques, and who believe that informed people can believe in God and can express their beliefs intelligently.

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My Esoteric 7 months ago from Keystone Heights, FL

It is not just a female thing. Everywhere you write men, substitute women and where you write women, substitute men ... and you have my story (except my third wife is an I/ESTJ, but we mesh well nevertheless).

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TessSchlesinger 7 months ago from South Africa Author

No, that's not true. When men find out that they are INTJs, they form clubs and go on an ego trip because it's highly desirable for them. Women get rejected for this type of behaviour. Read through the comments.

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My Esoteric 7 months ago from Keystone Heights, FL

Hmmm, I missed that club thing. Also, the "I" seems to be a contraindication to clubs. Also, while the comment stands as describing me, I did make a mistake in not noticing the "J": I am a "P".

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Theresa Jonathan 6 months ago from Maseru, Lesotho

Great article! Very informative work. It is amazing how complex mankind is and how often we miss this revelation of who we are. I am an INFJ and am on the journey of self-discovery. It is helpful to know one's potential and also stop become others because one feels there is something wrong with who they are. Good work!

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grand old lady 3 months ago from Philippines

This is the first time I read about a intj. Sounds very interesting, very much my opposite. Wish I were more like an intj. Very well written, most informative article.

SiriE 3 months ago

I'm an INTJ woman as well. I'll be 32 this month and I have to say that since I was little I've always felt different from everyone else. I've never really fit in a specific category. I always thought something was wrong with me but as I research more and more about my personality type, I realize I am different and that it's really ok. One thing mentioned in this article that I definitely have to agree with is the Closure part. This is very true for me. Especially in my relationships. I need closure. I'm glad I'm not alone being an INTJ.

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Karen Langlois 3 months ago

Well, this was very helpful. At least I don't feel like some kind of freak anymore. I have torn myself inside out to be like other women and to fit in and now I realize what a huge mistake that was. I am not the fluffy, touchy feely type of person some of my friends are and I don't like small talk or chats with women about what is on sale at the mall. I don't read romance novels or other fluffy literature, preferring to relax with history or philosophy. I try to read everything I can get my hands on. I usually don't want to lead, but often, watching others stumble, I find myself having to step into the leadership position. I have a clear idea of what I want to do, usually, and yes, I do build systems and processes. S far as romance goes, its a disaster. I wish I was the fluffy flirty type that men are just dying to do things for, but I am not. Two bad marriages with men who thought I was cold and uncooperative and two relationships with the same problems had left me with a burden of shame. Now, not so much. I am just different. I don't enjoy shallow social interactions, but I do like people. I don't like intense displays of emotion but I do feel things very intensely. I knew I was different, but did not know why. Now I am just going to go with it. Its ok.

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TessSchlesinger 3 months ago from South Africa Author

Karen, I'm so glad that this article helped you. The first time being an INTJ was explained to me, I cried for two weeks because it said that relationships were my Achilles heel. Now I just accept who I am and take pleasure in many things that others don't. :)

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JS MysMan 3 months ago from South Africa

I am INTJ and so is my 18 yo daughter. I sometimes wonder how my husband survives. I always got comments on the fact that I was cold and unfeeling and I used to wonder why I had the disconnect with the world. Once I found out I was INTJ it made it a lot easier as I realised that I am not broken, just different in my approach. It has also helped immensely as the parent of an INTJ to understand how she thinks, and be able to support her.

didodino 6 weeks ago

So glad to have come across this article. It explains so much about how I dealt with society from childhood on. There was a clear difference how the relatives sweetly responded to my sister (an ENFJ) whereas clearly spoke to me like they would talk with adults. Clearly I must have had a serious/stern face or was non-responsive to social cues and niceties from childhood on. Even today if I go out to get a haircut or get dinner with my sister or friends with 'NF/SF' preferences, I notice how the hairdresser/server talks with them vs me.

As a teen I was usually deep down in my books, academics and host of hobbies (painting and music). I was very much surprised when a childhood friend revealed years later that he was interested in me. Never had a clue! This pattern repeated once more with another friend as I got older. I never understood flirting or courting. Usually the guys I went out with were those I took initiative to talk to. All these cases being point blank about being interested in the idea of the relationship. So un-girly of me but that was my only way to deal with the dating-circus. Interestingly, when watching the series 'The good wife' I was surprised at a similar mode of dating putforth by one of the lead characters in the series - Diane Lockhardt'. Upon pondering what her MBTI might be, it was indeed interesting to know she is characterized as an INTJ! I met my life partner at work this way. He is INFP/INTJ (he tests different each time) and definitely someone who truly gets me.

Social circumstances are a struggle, be it meeting family or friends or at my kid's school. People expect me to act in a certain 'social mode' as a female. It is exhausting! During parties I clearly do not gel with the women and gravitate either to the corner of the room with a drink or to where some guys hang out. But when it comes to a handful of my friends I really enjoy long, deep conversations about things that matter.

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    TessSchlesinger profile image

    Tessa Schlesinger (TessSchlesinger)114 Followers
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    Tessa Schlesinger developed an interest in human psychology when she 'didn't fit.' She has consistently tested INTJ for five decades.

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