INTJ Women: A Rare Myers-Briggs Category

Updated on May 19, 2019
TessSchlesinger profile image

Tessa has been a confirmed INTJ woman for more than 40 years. She is also the author of 'The INTJ Woman - A Rare and Lovely Lady.

Four INTJ Women for Every 500 Women

  1. INTJ women respond differently to being told they are INTJ than men do
  2. INTJ relationships tend to more professional than those of others.
  3. INTJ women are very private, and they don't share as much with other women.
  4. Female INTJs will disobey authority if the think authority wrong. They are not supportive of others.
  5. Female INTJs are both logical and objective, and they put logic above nurturing and their feelings.
  6. Female INTJs tend to be gifted and/or highly competent.
  7. Female INTJs are more rare than any other group.

For every five hundred women, only four have an INTJ profile. Natural leaders and highly competent they may be, but they are often misunderstood. Here's why.

INTJ stands for Introverted, Intuition, Thinker, and Judgment. It's one of the sixteen Myers-Briggs profiles, the most popularly utilized psychometric test in the world. Corporations often use the MBTI to determine whether the person is well-suited to a particular job or not. INTJs are natural leaders but prefer not to be leaders. They only take on leadership roles when it's important that they do.

Because the INTJ woman is very different, it means that she is often misunderstood. Read on to find out why.

An INTJ woman is hard to find. That's because she is so rare!
An INTJ woman is hard to find. That's because she is so rare!

Myers-Briggs Interpreted

The Myers-Briggs assessment determines whether people are introverts or extroverts, whether they use their five senses or their intuition to make decisions, whether they base their assessments and/or conclusions on thoughts or feelings, and, lastly, whether they are comfortable with unanswered questions or if they need closure and, therefore, make 'judgements.' Ergo, an INTJ woman would comprise the following categories:

Introversion: The I stands for introverted which means she obtains her energy and personal satisfaction from her thoughts, imagination, and/or creativity rather from external factors like other people, status, and/or possessions.

Intuition: The N stands for Intuition. It means that she draws from stored unconscious knowledge accrued through the years from books, movies, other people, experience, and reflection. Generally, the INTJ has top-notch information stored.

Thinker: The T stands for thinker (as opposed to feeler), and this means that decisions are based on a process of deduction and analysis rather than what she feels. Bear in mind that feeling is related to emotions and is not the same as intuition.

Judgement: The J stands for Judgement, and it means that closure is preferred. Open-ended and unresolved problems and issues are not welcome to the lady INTJ.

Rare Combination of Intuition and Thinking

Generally, most profiles combine feeling with intuition and thinking with the use of the senses (taste, smell, touch, feeling, hearing). The INTJ is unusual in their combination of intuition and thinking. The result is an individual with a highly developed imagination and the ability to apply detail to visualisation, thus bringing into being original and practical solutions.

Other names for INTJs are strategists and system-builders.

Analytical and Objective Thinker

The INTJ individual is best suited to science, and while many believe that the scientist deals only in facts, it is the outstanding scientist who uses imagination to extrapolate possible interpretations of data as well as find commercial and industrial uses for new discoveries.

Her Brain

The INTJ develops precise structures in the brain from early childhood. This means that information is extremely well organized. They can analyze (compare this information) with ease as a result of this highly organized structure. They also retain new information with ease. INTJs are highly competent people and are often gifted.

A Myers-Briggs Illustration

Source

Defiant of Authority?

If the president ordered an INTJ to do something and five minutes into doing it, the INTJ discovered that it wasn't going to work, s/he would have no issue with changing the plan and going ahead without consulting the powers that be. Even if she knew that the change of plan wouldn't be very popular and might cost her her job, she would still go ahead and change the plan. That's because INTJs believe that what they're doing is right.

Are INTJs right?

Yes. Predominantly.

If authority tells them that they are on the wrong track or that they should back off, and the INTJ feels that 'the boss' is not right, the INTJ will simply ignore authority and go right on doing what they are doing. This makes them immune to corruption because they are not concerned with either what people think of them or what rewards they get. They are concerned with what will get the system working.

INTJs have little respect for authority. It's another point in their favour that ensures that they will do what is right. Ninety-six percent of humanity (as Milgram showed shortly after WWII) will do something instructed by authority even when they know it's wrong. An INTJ will not.

INTJs are rare in that while they know what they know, they also know what they don't know. Ask most people a question and there will always be an answer, even if they don't know what they are talking about. Ask an INTJ a question and they will either give you the right answer or they will say, "I don't know.

INTJs Are Succinct Writers

It's no accident that INTJs are excellent writers. They can convey meaning easily and clearly. This is partially because they thoroughly think things through before attempting to explain them, and secondly, it's because structure is part of their lives. So they're really good at the structure of language.

INTJ writers include Isaac Asimov, Jane Austen, Stephen Hawking, Jean-Paul Sartre, James Cameron, Betty Friedan, Susan Sontag, Samuel Beckett, and Lone Frank. While I can't find any MBTI profile for Robert Heinlein, his writing and ideas suggest he is an INTJ. I'd also include Michael Crichton and Robin Cook.

Romantic Relationships Are Difficult
Romance tends to be sparse because these private, formidable women are not comfortable with flirting. An INTJ female would rather treat all potential romantic partners the same way they'd approach any professional relationship.

Different Myers-Briggs Types

Source

Similar Classifications: Masterbuilder, Strategist

INTJs can fit into other classifications as well. They do not have identical points of view or values on all things. For instance, while most INTJs will tend towards atheism, not all will, and some have strong religious beliefs. They are also the most likely to be skeptics and humanists. Some will be warriors while others will be pacifists. Their interests can vary, and they can sometimes thrive in 'people-jobs' like marketing and sales. It just depends on whether they have developed those skills or not.

Less Than 1% of the Population

Female INTJs don't flirt or join the crowd. They are more concerned with getting the job done than with soothing people's feelings. This does not mean that they have no feelings. They can, and often do, have very intense and deep feelings. It just means that they truly don't think that their feelings are relevant or anyone else's business.

Yes, INTJs are very private people, but more about the feelings thingie. Let's say that the president has called a meeting about an end-of-the-world scenario. Each person invited to attend is a specialist in their field. One of the female delegates is pregnant, looks ready to give birth, and appears quite green about the gills. Most people in the room will enquire after her health. The INTJ will completely ignore the personal situation (the pregnancy) and instead ask for the report. This gives an impression of insensitivity. As previously mentioned, the strategist, scientist, and/or system-builder (all names for the INTJ) is concerned with the task at hand. However, as women are often expected to be the nurturers and communicators of the community, the INTJ woman is at odds with the norm.

INTJ and Privacy

INTJs are the most private of all the different types. As most women tend to share virtually everything of their private lives with other females, the INTJ female runs into difficulties. She will not discuss her private life, gossip about other people, or reveal much about herself to others. Other women take this as a sign of unlikability because, generally, the only reason a woman won't speak to another woman is because they are disliked. In the case of the INTJ, this is not so. They are just deeply private people and won't share with many people, friends or foes.

Jane Austen, the Quintessential INTJ Woman

INTJs are succinct writers. Jane Austen is an example of an outstanding INTJ writer.
INTJs are succinct writers. Jane Austen is an example of an outstanding INTJ writer. | Source

INTJ Women: Geek Squad and Early-Adopters

It's no surprise that when Google + launched, it was the INTJs who were there first. So in my first fifty or sixty friends, I managed to gain three new female INTJ connections. Normally, to meet three other INTJ women, there would have to be about two thousand women in the room (I'm an INTJ).

Paula Jones, among the first generation on Google +, says,

I've always felt uncomfortable calling attention to myself—dressing sexy, being very flamboyant, etc., yet I do appreciate honest compliments—I'm just not going to ask for them.

I am very good at pulling people together at work to get agreement on things we need to do. I am not the one who divides and polarizes (at work anyway). But I will stand up for what I believe (not a push over). When someone proposes something I really disagree with I will go talk to other participants and get their agreement rather than fight it out in a meeting.

On G+ I often just won't comment on posts I disagree with. I'd rather not deal with the drama. Sometimes the comments become overwhelming and I take time off. I like being alone. With books and the Internet, I'm never truly alone.

As a matter of fact, I just don't like drama and have learned to identify it early. Early in life I was drawn to drama, but then I married it and was totally exhausted.

Personally, I also don't like discussion and drama. I prefer to work with people who are in agreement with me rather than with people who aren't. It's just too much drama. Likewise, if I see a post or come across a world view I don't agree with, I just won't comment.

Romantic emotions of an INTJ

Susan Stone, another Google Plusser, says the following:

Hmmm... I tend to be data oriented, and willing to change my stances based on the truth of the data rather than just ideology, and I'm comfortable at working with both the mythic and the scientific, literature and physics. I always seek the truth on the ground rather than trying to make reality fit my biases, and then working from that groundwork. and I tend to be solution oriented and obsessed with process - how things are done, what's the sequence of events, or steps to get there.

After doing some more thinking, Paula Jones came back to me to say, "I'm with +Susan Stone on being data oriented. Sometimes I post things on G+ when I don't know what to think - and enjoy the comments and data because I learn."

It's interesting: I've known both Paula and Susan since Google + launched in June of 2011, but it was only as I began putting this article together this morning that I realized that Susan Stone's name was almost the same as that of a once well known actress (you see, status doesn't matter to INTJs!).

What Is the Best, Most Accurate Myers-Briggs Test Online?

The Myers-Briggs MBTI Instrument
This is the official 93-question test designed by Myers and Briggs and based on Jung's personality types, the one you might take at your workplace. Because they hold the copyright and require that a trained and certified professional translate the results for you, this test is not free—it usually costs about $50. Although you will find other tests online, even if they're based on the official assessment, they're not the same as the Myers-Briggs.

The only way to be absolutely certain whether one is an INTJ is to take the official test. If you follow the link, you'll find options to take it online or on paper and a list of certified people near you to interpret the results.

The Lady Is an Independent Thinker

Of all the types in the Myers-Briggs Assesment, the INTJ is the most independent thinker. This means that the INTJ person won't take advice from others or go with the crowd for the sake of ease, being liked, or keeping peace. In other words. The last thing an INTJ woman is is submissive. For many men who expect to take the leadership position, especially where religion is concerned, this is a huge stumbling stone.

Do you like INTJ women?

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How to Court an INTJ Woman

How to Win the Love of an INTJ Woman

There's a lot to learn from an INTJ, and they make wonderful, loyal friends. Getting to know them is difficult, however. Here are a few clues:

  • Give them a lot of space. They need it because they like to think.
  • Don't argue with them. Just give them solid evidence and leave it at that.
  • Be direct. If you are interested, tell them. Don't play games. Don't probe. Just tell them. They will appreciate that, and they will give you an honest, direct answer.
  • Friendships and relationships with INTJs take time—a long time. Don't be impatient.

So now you understand why the INTJ woman is so different to other women? She relates to others in an intellectual and objective way. She is an independent thinker, and she doesn't want your advice. She's highly competent, and when she discovers that you are, too, she will open to you. Of course, an INTJ woman is not everyone's cup of tea....

Further Reading about INTJs and the Myers-Briggs

Quote: INTJs live in the world of ideas and strategic planning. They value intelligence, knowledge, and competence and typically have high standards in these regards

© 2014 Tessa Schlesinger

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  • TessSchlesinger profile imageAUTHOR

    Tessa Schlesinger 

    3 weeks ago from South Africa

    Yup. It's tough. I agree.

  • profile image

    marylli 

    3 weeks ago

    Preference for thinking is amazing at analytical work, but not so much in relationships. I don't get on with other women, they find me weird or indifferent or whatever, even when I try very hard to fit in. So I live on my own without any meaningful friendship. I am not 30 yet so I don't care that much I hope some day I will find like-minded people. I have ISTJ sister she is smart but I can't talk to her about my ideas, theories, she likes just practical, tangible things. SF temperament is the worst for me and sadly most women are SF type. I guess feeling means liking working with people, thinking means liking working with things. Because most women are SF types they are nurses, teachers, nannies, hairdressers and that's why they earn less than men. I have read than INTP females have the least gender earnings gap and women's salary is almost the same as men's. I would rather be unemployed than become hairdresser or nanny voluntarily !

  • TessSchlesinger profile imageAUTHOR

    Tessa Schlesinger 

    3 weeks ago from South Africa

    Yup, the smaller the population in a country, and the more retrogressive the country is, the more difficult it is to find like minds. For me, the greatest experience was Google Plus on the day it started. INTJ women came out of the woodworks. It changed my life. Unfortunately it now no longer exists, but I have maintained contact with them.

    The supposed INTJ sites on facebook aren't really comprised of people who are INTJs. They are 'emotional.'

  • profile image

    marylli 

    3 weeks ago

    I have read study that INTP women are the least liked of all I guess INTJ women have almost as hard as INTP females.Of course I am INTP, but I can relate to 90% or more comments on this site. I think that most 'thinking' women have problems in life because most of women are feelers. Introverts have harder than extroverts especially in the most extroverted country - USA. And I think that people over 130 IQ have also harder than 'normal' people. I am quite lucky because all my close family is full of thinking, high IQ intellectual types, but talking to other people is hard. Especially women seem so insecure, compliant, sweet, children-like, submissive and outright retarded sometimes... and their relationships problems OMG I can't listen to their shit about relationships anymore. Long time ago I was feminist and believed in equality but I have realised that most females are average IQ ISFJ and ESFJ and have no inclination towards abstract thinking and creation and they always will be victims of so-called patriarchy, because of their 1950 wife submissive nature.Oh, I disgress...so INTP, INTJ females have very hard in life it is sad truth we are almost like aliens. Sorry for my English I come from small retarded country from Europe.

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    Jana Greenberg 

    4 weeks ago

    Hello fellow INTJs! While it was interesting and very informative to read about the INTJ personality, it was much more liberating to read the comments of real human beings for whom these character traits are personal. At the age of 30 I had an identity crisis. I thought "could it be a middle age crisis?" After all it IS possible to reach it at 30.

    But it wasn't. I just could not fit into any group and that non-belonging was not very pleasant. My retired psychotherapist neighbor straightened by mind in 10 minutes! One simple phrase "you are an amazing person, you should not try to fit in, other people should consider it a true gift should you choose to be friends with them" fixed me for years to come. 10 minutes and my better life began. I learned that other people's opinion of me is non of my business. I am very fortunate to have one true friend and I am happy.

    While we can be most diplomatic in our interactions with people we must understand that people get intimidated by our mere presence and our outlook on life. I am confident that many great independent thinkers and pushers of the progress of the civilization are in fact INTJs. You cannot be one of those people and be a part of the herd. On the top of the mountain there is not much space for herds, but for single individuals or that limited number of people united by the same idea.

  • TessSchlesinger profile imageAUTHOR

    Tessa Schlesinger 

    3 months ago from South Africa

    I am so sorry to hear this. Part of this is massive depression. It has nothing to do with being an INTJ. Nor is the lack of self confidence or shyness. I am not shy at all. Nor do I lack self confidence.

    What happened to you does not sound like it happened as a result of being an INTJ. This sounds like other factors involved. You need to establish what they are.

    What are your home circumstances? Did you get along with your parents? etc. Are you possibly on the austistic spectrum?

    I have written amore detailed book about being an INTJ women. https://www.amazon.com/INTJ-Woman-Rare-Lovely-Lady...

    It just gives you more data. It is not a full blown book - just more information.

    It definitely sounds like you need some help. Finding the right person/people to help you is huge. Most people who become therapists are in need of help themselves. That is why they become therapists. You could also start reading some books on cognitive therapy, how to make friends, etc. I cover how to make friends in my book.;

    I am not sure what causes shyness. I have never been shy. Fear of making an idiot of onself?

    You need help with that. There is hope. I wish you well.

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    Casieforever 

    3 months ago

    I did the test thanks to one guy who with utmost fascination said that i might by an intj. I coudnt understand the system so that I started to draw a graph based on his explantations. he started to laugh and said that is exactly what an intj would do.

    so dear ''fellow'' intjs. I was rejected by all of my peers and teachers and also my mother since kindergarten. I still fondly remember when some kids allowed me to play with them at the age of 4 or 5. it never happened for the next 25 years of my life. the moment i started to play with them i realized that I finally have a sense of belonging and a role in a group, but something was missing. it was like my body became an ant in the anthill, and i was performing some function without using my brain. I stopped playing with them and came back to my imaginary world.

    Other kids kept avoiding me throughout all the school years. some boys were graciusly given the role of clown or whatever in the class, and I was jealous of that. I was given none. I just didnt exist. I wasnt allowed to talk. if I managed to make a friend, the moment this person saw what is my position in the group, stopped talking to me immediately and never talked to me again, or in secrecy outside, when there was no witness. when I was 10 one boy said that such as me should be eliminated. this was in a group work with a school psychologist. then I answered that I am an inner-directed self-reliant unit who doesnt need others company, support or help. and there was this deep silence, including this poor psychologist, haha.

    at that time I was still very strong and independent. but then, something started to crumble. at high school nobody talked to me for almost 3 years. I felt devastated. I started to feel despair and developed many psychosomatic symptoms. I felt so lonely that it almost felt like a physical pain in my body. I felt weak and defeated. as a child i had many protective defences and never lost hope. but as i was growing up, people's hatred finally found its way to me psyche and body. as a result, I developed an alternative reality where I could project all my feeling and thoughts. I also have many friends there, whom I talk to, love or hate. I live in this reality on daily basis, and for me its as real as anything could be. Its like a key of sanity that I put in a secret room and locked forever, which helps me to never give up. however, I am shadow of my former self. I am timid, shy, insecure, unassertive, and everbody is using that for their won benefit. I have

    a very poor health, but nothing concrete was ever found. Everyday I read about global conflicts, psychology, social issues (my hobby), ecology, and try to understand the world that does not want to understand me. I tried not to be hunted by memories and try to behave like everybody else, which starts to work. but from time to time i feel this piercing pain and would burst into tears for no reason. And I feel very lonely and dream of a person with whom I could share my happy and sad moments.

  • TessSchlesinger profile imageAUTHOR

    Tessa Schlesinger 

    5 months ago from South Africa

    Wow. Trod on your toes - not much.

    The MBTI is no more reliable than the big 5. If you want to say one lot of psychological profiling is nonsense, then you have to say that all the others are as well - for the same reason.

    All psychological profiling is only as accurate as the self-knowledge and honesty of the person answering them. These tests, without exception, are incredibly easy to cheat at. The idea that if you repeat the same question asking it in different ways is going to fool anyone, then I can only say that you're mistaken.

    There is nothing particularly wonderful about the 'Big 5.' Competition much? The bottom line is that I have, through 50 years had most of these tests. The only one that is consistently accurate is the INTJ.

    Localisation of language also negatively affects these tests. I did one that asked me repeatedly if I joined in with the group. I repeatedly said no. The doctor who was testing me asked me to do the test twice because, she said that I was a 'sensitive rebel' and rebels weren't sensitive.

    What Dr. Schwartz got wrong was that I'm South African - not American, and in South Africa, we are taught to do what is right and not to do what the groups says. In America, the word appears to mean a social group or a work or any sort of group where refusal to join is construed to be a negative trait. In South Africa, Israel, and Australia, we believe that we have a responsibility NOT to join a group when the group is wrong. We are to stand up to the group.

    So much for that test!

    In another one of those tests, I was asked repeatedly if I kept going to a doctor and was then told by the medical professional there was nothing wrong. The assessment of the psychologist, based on this test, was that I was a hypochondriac. Except that I eventually found out I was wheat and lactose intolerance (which none of the doctors ever tested for).

    Then there was the employee test that I did at JC Penny. Apparently, according to the test I was a Type A personality. Why? Because when the test asked (repeatedly in different ways) if I was always first in my class. The answer was yes. Only the designer of the test assumed that I must therefore be competitive, and work hard to be first. Nothing could be further from the truth. The lowest I've ever scored on an IQ test is 25 points above genius and the highest I've ever scored is off-the-graph. I never ever bothered to do any work. I'm not competitive in the least. I don't care. It's just easy for me. So much for the accuracy of that test.

    Next, I do not and never have belonged to an online MBTI community.

    As for your coment about armchair psychologists, may I suggest that anyone who doesn't have the moral courage to give their real name when posting criticism doesn't have any credibility.

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    Kayl2121 

    5 months ago

    I appreciate what you're doing here, and it could be helpful for similar people to hear about MBTI helping your feelings of being weird or misunderstood. But the article and some of the author response comments are rife with problems associated with the online MBTI community. You have armchair psychologists expounding how great MBTI is, while the whole theory and assessment are not scientifically reliable or valid. Which is fine, it could be used for fun, but should not drive a significant part of your identity or self image because it is bogus according to psychological scholars or researchers. Unfortunately people become attached to the descriptions, which honestly are more like stereotypes. These same people tend to get purity complexes about their types where they get upset when another person, say a fellow INTJ, doesn't fit their own subjective and arbitrary criteria for INTJs. For example, saying the blanket statement of INTJ women not wanting children is a desire not covered by MBTI theory. Do not use this as if your personal experience constitutes the entire type. Your pregnant woman example, while I understand the intention, is again too specific of a scenario, yet you'd use it to type someone (a determination entirely unrelated to any MBTI assessment questions). Also, typing someone based on a short comment in response to an article is ridiculous as it could not possibly provide enough information. A better psychological assessment is the Big Five, as it is considered valid in legitimate social sciences research, unlike MBTI.

  • profile image

    julie dawn55 

    5 months ago

    Wow. This fits to the point it made me uncomfortable. Hmmmm

  • TessSchlesinger profile imageAUTHOR

    Tessa Schlesinger 

    6 months ago from South Africa

    Melissa, Quora seems to have a strong INTJ (MBTI) community. There are INTJ communities on facebook as well, but from experience, these are not real INTJs.

  • profile image

    MelissaStorm29 

    6 months ago

    Thank you for sharing your insight on INTJ .

    I really needed this at the moment. As much as I like to be alone most of the time , I do not like to feel lonely.

    I cant explain how I can walk in a room and "see" things that others cant , which does seems like common sense to me. How a " meeting of the minds" can take hours , when it can problem solved in half the time.

    How can I connect with other INTJs? I am 48 now and would love to be in a convo with other like minded people, for the sake of my sanity! ;)

  • AHreha profile image

    Abigail Hreha 

    6 months ago from Oregon

    Love this! I'm an INTJ woman married to an INTJ man. When my husband was in community college learning about all this stuff his prof. told him not to marry me because I'm an INTJ. I'm so glad he did! LOL. No one understands me as well as another INTJ. So little needs explaining.

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    Terry Robertson 

    6 months ago

    I tested as an INTJ female about five years ago. I have found it to be a blessing and a curse. For so many years, I wondered why I had such a struggle with different relationships. How could it be that I had such a different opinion about almost everything from anyone I know. My results and learning the traits explained so many things for me.

    But at the same time, traits that I don't possess, I thought well maybe the test was wrong. But one trait that is more outward to me is analyzing before reaching a conclusion. Like one of the responses noted, we all have different backgrounds that we are coming from. I enjoy these articles because I can learn more about why I am the way I am. But I feel just fine about not having certain traits.

    We have a rare personality, but I like the idea that not completely conforming to the traits of that personality makes me even more rare.

    At the risk of being told I cannot be INTJ, because some of my thoughts are incomplete, I wanted to share even though I am short of time. I have loved getting to know this information because it has helped me understand myself a thousand times better than I did prior. But I refuse to fit into a box of what i am or am not expected to believe or act like. Yes, I just ended that sentence incorrectly, but am not quite sure of the perfect grammar.

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    darkphoenix14 

    6 months ago

    I came across this article by chance but glad that I did. I have to say that as an INTJ female, I agree with Ms. Jone's statement about drama and solitary. I love it. My husband who is an ENTP/ESTP found it hard to always relate to my need for solitude, even around the kids. I just need space and become grumpy if I do not have it. When I was younger I loved being involved in drama but marrying my husband has its own shared drama which has put me off from other people's drama. It drains me. Anyone who shows the slightest amount of emotional output or lack of containment, I stay away.

    It is quite sad as an INTJ female, and it took me a while to come to terms with it, because unless you know what to look for and explore your own mind, you will feel like this need to fit in just for the sake of fitting in. As a child, I was always the eccentric one or the extremist. No one could ever relate to me on a level that I needed them to relate to me. So I was always cast out and it hurt. I never displayed any emotions but it stung. It's not until I got older that I stopped caring and began to study astrology and Myer-Brigg personalities that I realized why I was the way I was and that it was perfectly fine. We're the ones who get the job done when no one else will. It doesn't matter if you agree with it or not, because it's for the greater good.

    I am proud to be an INTJ and glad to be who I am. I have learned to be extremely selective with those who do not share the same sentiment as I do. It's saved me a lot of heartache and disappointment. I am curious how an interaction between other INTJ females would be like. I wonder if we'd all get along. lol

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    LemonGrove 

    7 months ago

    Thanks Tessa, I think you did an excellent job. You summed up my thoughts on that scenario perfectly. Think KitKat must have eaten some sour grapes that day. I would be rather annoyed if any person came to a meeting when they knew they were ill and weren't intending on hiding it. I'd see that as intentional attention seeking and rather quite annoying. P.S. I've had 5 pregnancies.

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    Jain Shalini 

    8 months ago

    Thank you Ma'am.I can completely relate. I am just wondered as I read the complete article as if someone has read my mind and drafted it in page. I sometimes feel it difficult to survive with unique characteristics but inside i feel so happy because I know I posses different master qualities.

    Thank you so much for providing direction and as I was not into such MBTI things before but this read makes me feel really comfortable.

    (Pardon for grammar and puctuations)

    Again thanks a lot

    Sending love from India

  • TessSchlesinger profile imageAUTHOR

    Tessa Schlesinger 

    8 months ago from South Africa

    Hi KitKat, You are clearly not an INTJ. If you had been, you would have understood what you read. Let me quote the sentence to you.

    "One of the female delegates is pregnant, looks ready to give birth, and appears quite green about the gills. Most people in the room will enquire after her health. The INTJ will completely ignore the personal situation (the pregnancy) and instead ask for the report."

    I wrote that the INTJ will ignore the situation - not that she didn't notice the situation. These are different things, and an INTJ would have noticed that immediately..

    Adults are supposedly able to make their own decisions about being ill. They stay at home, go see a doctor, decide whether they can cope or not. If a woman is pregnant and at a meeting, then she has already made her decision to be there. An INTJ respects her professionalism. She does not anticipate that the woman requires emotional support.

    In case you're unaware of it, researh shows that task orientated people are still more successful than people orientated people.

    Nor are INTJs 'lower in empathy.' You would need to be a telepath and read the thoughts and feelingns of someone to determine what they were actually feeling. INTJs just keep their feelings to themselves, and they expect (wrongly) that the rest of humanity have some sort of emotional maturity, i.e. they can stand on their own two emotional feet. When one constantly needs emotional support from others, it means one is emotionally fragile (emotionally immature). And when one contantly thinks one has to validate others so that they can return the validation, it means one has no sense of self and no confidence in who one is.

    Certainly when one doesn't pander to the emotional fragility of others, it does mean that it is diffiult to work in some groups. This is why INTJs are LEADERS, not followers. Followers take orders. Leaders give them.

    You state "... we set ourselves up for a harder time when presenting the personality type as a know-it-all or borderline psychopath by nature."

    Yes, I have been told I am a know-it-all. This is generally by ignorant people of average intelligence. INTJs have sufficient knowledge and intelligence to know how little they know. That does not mean that they don't know more than most people. The two values are not mutually exclusive. One can know more than others but be aware of how little one knows.

    You might like to read through my reveiws and see how many people think I'm a know-it-all.

    http://bestebookstories.blogspot.com/2012/09/flatt...

    I spent a lifetime punishing myself because I didn't pander to the vanity of those who wanted attention and affirmation. Those days are gone. Today I am a proud INTJ. I add value to life through my articles which have helped millions of people during the past half century.

    So what are you suggesting? That we do what we've done for a lifetife? Screw ourselves over?Blame ourselves? Try to be something we aren't?

    In most of the world, INTJs are highly sought after. Having a 'high Emotional Quoitent" just means one is sucking up and brown-nosing (in other words, manipulating) others in order to get what one wants.

    I prefer the integrity and objective analysis of an INTJ anyday.

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    KitKat93 

    8 months ago

    While it’s great to read positive things about this personality type, I also wonder if this article doesn’t contribute to a lot of misunderstanding. Writing that an INTJ would not notice a sick pregnant woman during a crisis meeting supports some misconceptions I commonly have encountered. Chiefly, the idea that being naturally lower in empathy means having none and the idea that preferring to keep emotions private, while also being subtle in the external expression of them, means lacking them.

    Being viewed as robotic (emotionless) and unconcerned with others (low in empathy) makes it more difficult to work successfully in group settings and sets an INTJ in leadership up for a much harder time than a personality who is more naturally imbued with people skills.

    While there are many wonderful things about this personality type, we set ourselves up for a harder time when presenting the personality type as a know-it-all or borderline psychopath by nature.

  • daniellepopovits profile image

    Danielle Popovits 

    8 months ago from Traverse City, MI

    This is a great analysis of the INTJ female. I'm an INFJ myself so although one might think they are similar since three of the four acronyms are the same they really are quite different. The N (intuition) and the F (feeling) in an INFJ make for a more spontaneous or dare I say-- emotional reactor. It is also quite rare to be an INFJ. Thank you for sharing what you have learned!

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    KitKat93 

    9 months ago

    Hi, Nicole Achim.

    Have you considered Borderline Personality Disorder or Histrionic Personality Disorder?

    I’m intrigued that you’re an INTJ and didn’t check your spelling or grammar. You must be distressed indeed. You can be both a rare personality type and mentally unwell; it happens to more than just one of us. :)

    I found the article very helpful and enlightening. It’s written from a much more positive and uplifting perspective on the INTJ personality than I typically see. I’ve enjoyed reading it and discussing it with my social media connections on Facebook; one of my great aunts even commented that she’s also an INTJ. How delightful!

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    Nicole Achim 

    11 months ago

    I enjoyed the extra.detail added abouut how a INTJ woman treats romantic relationships. That isnt as clearly illustrated in other blogs and postings.

    I think, since INTJ women are so rare, the "outline" description isnt always a rule. And we INTJ women, as well as every personality type, should push ourselves to understand something important. Every childhood is different and circumstances do affect approach.

    In order to better protect myself, i would constantly look for a perfect approach to interact with others. I taught myself social skills. I could notice my weaknesses from a young age and so i kept focusing rather on improving them. Ive been looking through these forums in order to perfect my subject choices for university next year. I am 26. I have perfected intergrating into society without anyone knowing im an introvert or that i have had a difficult life. I have mastered the art of deflection. I only speak of personal experience to help the next person. I dont enjoy it. But its not a wise move to be unaproachable. We have extraordinary minds. We can smile and greet someone. It may make a difference. Especially if that person is an emotional person and was having a bad day. Its boring, yes. But your mind can multitask. And you can train the body to appear friendly. Dont get me wrong. I dont really have any friends (which Im very happy with) But, it is wiser to be friendly. People lower their bariers and you can read a situation more clearly.

    Ive decided to finally comment because everyones comments have become predictable. For 26 years, my family have been asking what is wrong with me. I have consulted therapists, been thrown into mental hospitals and been incorrectly diagnosed, to this day. Through all this i found myself looking at a severe problem. The mind is not understood by the supposed healers.

    Because being thrown into the wrong mental ward with drug addicts and people who refused to take their medication - who saw no therapist, only nurses who forced us to behave according to an extremely small minded veiw of how we are meant to behave - I learned invaluble information on the mind. I "acted" according to whomever i spoke with as though we were the same(a trick i learned to protect and collect data more effectivly from a young age)

    And i saw positive results as i experimented with theories. It ended up being very rewarding.

    As INTJ's, we should not view any limitations. Because there are none. We should study and do things that will make us uncomfortable and are a challenge. Because a lot is really easy for us...

    Im not an Atheist. Because... its too easy. Its much harder trying to comprehend that which cannot be comprehended. If something is too hard to make sense of, im in my element.

    I like dressing up on occasion. I like cutting and styling my own hair.

    I have my own style, it doesnt have bright colours.... but its not black and plain. Its both girly, tomboyish and practical. I like to dress according to my mood and personality. Because I am hard to understand, I wear it loudly.

    I love fantacy. I like looking past the the imagery of something not of this world and try to unpick the mind - which so eloquently painted their view point and his/her own emotions insecurities, hopes, dreams, there secrets. Its a fun puzzle game.

    The core of an INTJ will be the same. However, we all have our own angles and are still different.

    We are picky. But the male/ female. Steriotypes need to shut down. Its annoying. I like to decorate my space in a particular way...and change it frequently. I will find a use for anything as waste is, well... a waste and i can exercise my creativity.

    I honestly couldnt care what the lable is. I just wanted two answers. What to study, and an explaination of "whats wrong" with me so my family can get off my back and listen to me. Because I am so close to a seamingly "Random" outburst because I have no space and im being criticized constantly for doing things my way, completely disregarding their methods. Because their methods arent good enough and will cause future problems.

    I think, personally, it would be nice to connect with other INTJ women. It would be nice to feel understood, but more importantly i really want opposing conversation that has been thought through to the depth and detail i have thought it through. I dont want confirmation. I want a challenge. But i like having those conversations in person because typing is irritating.

    I do appreciate this posts extra detail. However, my only critique, find INTJ women with different "kwirks" first. Then have a discussion about the differences. Ask why and how it came to be. Sharing personal information for a greater cause is easy. Just talking about ones life, for the sake of talking is a waste of thought, mental space and time.

    Its not a therapy group. Its a study group for more depth. Because ive BEEN researching! More detail needs to be expressed for the sake of INTJ women and for OTHER people to also learn. A space where we explain how we differ from the "guidline" of how we are described and why, what lead us there. We already innately know ourselves. We shouldnt look for a gold star. We should raise awareness. It might help a lot of children and parents better assist and parent. It will help schools, businesses everyone if awareness of who each person is, and how to best communicate with each personality we come across and which approach to take.

    Some people are just being medicated for their personality. I lost track of time and didnt sleep for three days, i was talking to myself and got lost in a debate with myself and all the paradoxes of every beleif and religion. Trying to mathematically simply it all down and find an abstract approach to blend them together. I had fun. I have adhd and insomnia. So, I had a great time. And others would view this as crazy. While they're doing the types of drugs that leave permanent damage.

    Instead of saying the basics of INTJ's we need to dive into this personality with more depth. For the sake of our sanity and privacy and peace.

    Tell me how do my family accept that there isnt anything wrong with me and im not throwing them away or depressed because i like spending so much time in seclusion. And their assumptions about why, are annoying. Inaccurate and insulting. And ofcourse they dont understand how its insulting. Because they fail to think about what they are saying or hearing it.

    Luckily Im not going to stay with them any longer and I will go back to living on my own.

    But, guys... we need more depth. Not for us to understand ourselves... so others can be taught.

    Think of the children guys. So many parents need to be educated because, I'm in south Africa. Smaking your child is not illegal. And respect is something that older people are owed. And it cannot be questioned. So...that would be of use.

    Just an idea. I'm working a different angle. I dont post things in general.

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    TigerLyn 

    12 months ago

    DanielleJF, I'm a INTJ, RN. I'm retired now but I worked ICU/CCU....most of my patients were too sick to talk. Perfect for us INTJ types.

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    Danielle JF 

    13 months ago

    I just went back to school for a Masters' Degree and for my first class I had to take the Jung Personality Test. Wouldn't you know! I am INTJ and all of a sudden, I understand why I am the way I am. I'm not a freak after all. One thing I'd like to know though. Are there any INTJs out there who are nurses? I feel like I'm a work in contradiction. I like being a nurse but I also often feel like I can't deal with people. It seems though that most everything said about INTJ is true in my case. Tessa, thank you for this article. Any thoughts on the nursing thing?

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    SuzAnne67 

    16 months ago

    I am a 50 years old INTJ. My Introverted scores are about as high as you can get. That does not mean that I hide from life. Instead, after my adventures with other humans, I go home to my quite space and recharge and relax. I wake up everyday knowing that I am unique, I am misunderstood, and that I make people uncomfortable. So I use these natural talents to the best of my ability. I was a science teacher for 18 years. I moved to the job of principal where I am very good at analyzing teachers, students, data, schedules, rules, regulations, budgets, and parents. I do the right thing regardless of external pressures. I am an advocate for my students and what is best for them. I do not like parts of my job, parts of my job I love. What I am saying is the label is not a limitation. Yes, I usually dress in black and where no makeup but once in a while dress up. I love fantasy novels but I get obsessed with research.

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    Foxyglove 

    17 months ago

    I love how all of the comments I've read so far are well-written.

    It is hard at times being an INTJ female, but I would not have it any other way!

  • TessSchlesinger profile imageAUTHOR

    Tessa Schlesinger 

    20 months ago from South Africa

    Hi Rachael, I can't speak for other INTJs but I read both fiction and non-fiction. I like non-fiction that is more fantastical and don't like the Nobel winning prize stuff because it is always based on the humanities. If I have to read about the humanities, I prefer non-fiction.

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    RachaelK 

    20 months ago

    I'm a female INJT. I started researching my personality type because I knew I was a bit different than the average person. People don't understand how I can be both creative and logical. I think architect is a perfect description of what it like for my brain. I envision things I want to create, and I understand that it takes a practical or mathematical way to achieve it. One of my hobbies is sewing and it fits beautifully into this. I love thinking about creating things and following the engineering and math to make it happen.

    I definitely like planning and order, but I feel like it gets mischaracterized as being "close minded". I like how its pointed out that INJTs are actually very open minded. their main concern is what will be successful, and for that reason they will adopt whatever idea they feel is best. That is exactly how I operate. We are open to new ideas that are valuable. Not the case for others.

    I do feel like this type is a paradox that others don't understand. creative and open minded, yet adhere to planning. I definitely don't automatically abide by authority either.. I make my own judgement on it. I questioned things early in life and am an atheist.

    One other pecular trait I have is that I found I do not prefer to read or watch fiction of any sort. I much prefer Non fiction over everything else. I'm wondering if this is the case for other INJTs

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    JohnENFP 

    20 months ago

    Here trying to learn about INTJ women, where they congregate, and how to go about meeting them. As rare as they are, I figured some due diligence is in order.

  • Glenis Rix profile image

    GlenR 

    21 months ago from UK

    Couldn't resist clicking on this article because my tests have revealed that I am INTJ. The comments that the article has elicited are interesting. I'm going to print it so that I can look at it in more closely when I have more time to do so.

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    lizgeri 

    21 months ago

    Hey Tessa from SA, found your comments on death more interesting than most. Not the strange co-incidences you described, from an evolutionary point of view our brains always subscribe some mysticism to unexplained phenomena or mere co-incidence. We create explanation's to reduce our fear and I can see how that is rational as if we think we understand perhaps we can control. We also have a romantic part of humanity that perhaps likes to suggest the unexplained or mystical.

    What I found more interesting was the lack of ego that often prevents us from acknowledging the most probable future we all have. "My god, we are so amazing and individual how could we possibly cease to exist". I suspect we will all probably cease to exist in any form. This may seem depressing to some, but I like Tessa's acceptance of this.

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    Vanya 

    23 months ago

    I used to be an INTP, but now I think I'm more likely an INTJ (based on my recent test result). But it would be great if you make another article about INTP Women :) Thank you Tessa!

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    Beth 

    23 months ago

    I'm an INTJ female surrounded by other INTJ females (and males too). I work in academia, and we're all over the place! You'll also find us working in libraries. I've surveyed about twenty colleagues whom I admire and over half are INTJs. I rarely feel out of sorts... I'm surrounded by bookish women who generally ignore each other because we're lost in thought, and the great thing is, nobody is offended.

    Unfortunately it's a problem when we have directives to accomplish - too many independent thinkers and not enough followers sometimes.

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    Mrina 

    2 years ago

    Great article and perfectly correct. I also don't agree with the person who thinks Michelle Obama is dressing nicely just to get attention.

    I've been a solid INTJ my whole life and in my late 20's, discovered that I look and feel amazing in beautiful sexy clothing. Why not celebrate that aspect of my life? I celebrate every other aspect of this short existence, leaving one thing out because it may not "fit" with introversion (an incorrect assumption) is silly. I'm still an introvert, but I naturally get attention when I wear nice things- I'm not LOOKING for attention, I'm just wearing what allows me to explore a new aspect of myself.

    Bottom line is INTJ's love all sorts of things in this world and they explore them intellectually as well as by having experiences. We are formidable women!

  • TessSchlesinger profile imageAUTHOR

    Tessa Schlesinger 

    2 years ago from South Africa

    Cathy Koziol:

    Clearly the fact that I have tested INTJ on three continents repeatedly during the past forty years must be incorrect. After all, the fact that I always, always, always dressed glamorously must mean that I can’t possibly be an INTJ. You, of course, can’t be an INTJ either. You’re an entrepreneur, and entrepreneur don’t do things like that. : )

    The MBTI test uses percentage scales, so there are INTJs who are 52% introvert and 48% extravert, as I am. I’m also 52% thinker and 48% feeler. Does that make me or anyone else with more evenly balanced scores less of an INTJ?

    You’d have difficulty getting that one past Myers or Briggs. Those who are more evenly balanced are actually better decision makers.

    I’m sorry if you are offended that I featured Michelle Obama as an INTJ. Not much I can do about it. Personally, I think she is an amazing woman.

    You say her behaviour is not characteristic of an INTJ. Really? She behaves much as I would in the same position.

    This is me:

    https://plus.google.com/+TessaSchlesinger

    https://wizzley.com/bio-tessa-schlesinger/

    http://bestebookstories.blogspot.co.za/2012/09/fla...

    https://www.slideshare.net/Awriter/portfolio-76329...

    Are you going to tell me that I am not an INTJ because I am ‘looking for attention?” Actually, I am both a political and economic activist (progressive) and an advocate for atheism and humanism. Does the fact that I am out there shouting (writing) on the front lines make me less of an INTJ? Does the fact that I love dressing beautifully make me less of an introvert? How so? Remember introversion and extraversion are on a scale. If I am 48% extravert, then 48% of my energy comes from other people.

    I think what you’re missing here is that INTJs are natural leaders. Michelle Obama is a leader, and the fact that she enjoys dressing (as do I) does not make her less of an INTJ. It’s your interpretation that she does so in order to get attention. You cannot possibly see inside her head, so this is your interpretation.

    I find your comment that presenting Michele Obama as a high profile INTJ quite baffling. How does it generate confusion? As I didn’t select her because she was black, I’m sorry, I’m not going to be replacing he with anyone else, be they black, white, pink, or purple.

    The work force in the USA is no more extraverted in the USA than in any other country. Extraversion is, however, more highly prized in the USA, both inside and outside the work force. I don’t, however, see it as my responsibility to educate the American work force as to what an INTJ is. I am a dual German/South African national, and I write for an international readership. This is my writing, and it does not reflect the views of the website anymore than facebook posts represent the views of Mark Zuckerberg.

    Lastly on detailed analysis. You have no idea what analysis Michele Obama undertook. She is not speaking to other INTJs. She is speaking to a cross section of the general public and needs to be understood at all levels and by all people. I do much the same thing when I write. If you for one moment think I don’t know how to analyse, please read my reviews. I am known for it.

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    Cathy Koziol, Entrepreneur 

    2 years ago

    As an INTJ (scientist as architect), I am offended that Michelle Obama is featured as a high profile model of a female INTJ on this website. I absolutely do not think that she is an example of an INTJ and hope to see her image replaced with another black or other minority woman in the future. Presenting Obama as a high profile INTJ is harmful to women as it generates more confusion about a personality type that is among the most difficult to understand in the extroverted workforce of the U.S.

    Michelle Obama has clearly gravitated towards high profile politics in the limelight and there were numerous events in which she used lavish fashion to draw increasing attention to herself. That is not characteristic of an introverted personality. To best support my position, I will rely upon an example. I have never been a follower of Obama, but there was one random televised event in which I had the opportunity to clearly see her personality. She held a press conference immediately following a return flight where we watched the Clint Eastwood movie, American Sniper, which is based on the "Autobiography of the most lethal sniper in U.S. military history," according to Wikipedia. She adamantly implied with pride that this motion picture is about an American hero who clearly deserves to be exonerated as a model of heroic military behavior. Overall, her attitude was purely political and implied: I fully endorse this motion picture and the hero, Chris Kyle, and therefore expect my following to also support this.

    The issue here is not her position. The issue is her behavior in a larger context that clearly demonstrates that this behavior is not characteristic of an INTJ. Just prior to her flight experience, the mainstream press was filled with articles about the movie analyzing Chris Kyle. This generated controversy about whether this most lethal sniper should be regarded as a model for U.S. military behavior, and the dialogue was very good and unusually intellectual. During the press conference, her behavior indicated that such intellectual dialogue should be ignored and that her own opinion was what really mattered, deserving support and a following of.

    This is not the behavior of an INTJ. First, unless the INTJ is a military behavior expert, he or she would most likely avoid getting involved with such controversy. An INTJ would not allow a spectatorial, political opinion, aimed at complete disregard for intellectual analysis, to be elevated to a much higher level. In fact, the INTJ, as thinking processor, would be attracted to the intellectual analysis as stimulus for an intellectual journey, which they always love as an engaging challenge to arrive at the final, correct judgment. Obama's behavior was actually trampling on that intellectual journey. Please replace her image with another minority woman who is truly a model of an INTJ.

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    #ThatOtherZuluGirl 

    2 years ago

    I came across this test at a point of a "finding myself" period in life. Ive come to call myself #thatotherZulugirl because I have noticed I am not normal just the other one that most people do not understand me and I fail at having to explain myself everytime I'm with a new group of people. The fact that I also do not like being out there does not help my social life too, which I am happy with.

    I do not like conflict or worry or anything hasty... because I have the calm and wisdom to understand the end result or consequences. Most people get frustrated with me and it does worry me when its my loved ones. I have left a job because I did not want to comply to what the big boss likes and I would do it again. I live in SA and most people do not believe me when I say I have not paid a bribe to a traffic officer when stopped for driving over speed limits.

    I grew up excelling in science and maths but did not study it further in exception to human sciences. I love social science, love reading peoples views, criminal minds, analysing peoples behaviours, preempting their reactions etc. I must be honest and say I do use this intellect to strategise and manipulate situations. Oh yes, I also have a huge storage of information that I would not ever use again, my friends always tease me about wasting my brains storage space.

    I have a nurturing nature being a Zulu married mother of 3, which tends to conflict when I instinctively have to define myself as a person, not a mother, wife or big sister. My parenting skills are different, a stubborn and not so submissive Zulu wife). Also, if I had to say all this (instead of writing it down) I would utter only one sentence.

    Thank you for this article, its very insightful and I'm happy to finally know, I'm 1/4 normal.

  • TessSchlesinger profile imageAUTHOR

    Tessa Schlesinger 

    2 years ago from South Africa

    Demi Rasmassen, you are so right! Awesome insight. I know for a fact that I take tremendous glee when scientists or some expert arrives at a conclusion and I've known that for more years than I can remember! :)

    And I totally love learning new things. I am totally addicted. I read between four and eight hours every single day. Sometimes I will read through the night. That was even happening when I was 14!

  • Demi Rasmussen profile image

    Demi Rasmussen 

    2 years ago from Pacific Northwest

    A thought on the convergence of giftedness and INT personality types: the intelligence is inborn, and from infancy we take pleasure in how it operates. This leads, to some degree, to introversion, as the interesting stuff that gives pleasure is going on in our heads. While still young, we hypothesize from past experience (an iNtuitive process) and are delighted when our hypothesis turns out to be true. If we verify that with our Thinking, the personality preferences that develop are INTP, since Ps prefer their perceptive process - in this case iNtuition. Or, we enjoy putting thoughts together (Thinking) and drawing conclusions from how well the concept flies in reality (J). We store up those verified Thinking experiences to draw upon in the future, the iNtuitive process. BTW, learning reliably triggers the brain's pleasure receptors. In both cases, the pleasure we take from our intellectual process reinforces the developing personality preferences for giftedness.

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    Theresa 

    2 years ago

    Was going to post something regarding my personal experiences and feelings about being an INTJ female. But, then I decided it was irrelevant.

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    Wendy Newton 

    2 years ago

    Yes as an INTJ I admit to most of the behaviours mentioned when I am interested in someone for either friendship or romance.

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    Jackie T. 

    2 years ago

    I am 50 years old and have just taken my first MBTI assessment. It was one of the free online assessments but it is scarily accurate!

    However, I am also a people-pleaser who worries about what others think of me. I'm not sure how this fits into the profile? I was raised in a home with an alcoholic father and co-dependent mother. Perhaps this has something to do with the people-pleaser tendencies?

    Any insights?

    Also, I do have feelings ;)

  • TessSchlesinger profile imageAUTHOR

    Tessa Schlesinger 

    2 years ago from South Africa

    blackberrystone, I'm not sure that being an INTJ is a bit of a mess. I think we're more sane, more aware, and probably more aware that we don't have the answers. Then we drive ourselves to distraction because we want the answers.

    Death is a difficult thing. It's the ultimate loss. I have made peace with others to death because I will be 66 in a few months and all around me, death visists.

    I personally don't believe that there is anything after death, so I try simply to accept that I don't know the answers. I don't know if there is any purpose. I don't know answers to life's most pressing questions. I simply don't know, and I have come to accept that.

    In that acceptance, I have found peace.

    You will always feel the loss of that important person. 32 years on, I still feel the loss of my father and I wonder if he is alive in some shape or form. My mother has gone. My brother has gone. Friends have gone.

    I've had some odd experiences, though, and I'm going to share them with you. I can't explain them, and the brain is a funny thing.

    I used to have a friend. We were at school together. He wanted to marry me. I was not romantically attracted to him, but he was important to me.

    I last saw him when I was 25 or 26. He said to me, "Tessa, I thought you would be dead by now, but instead you grow more and more beautiful."

    About 6 or 7 years later, I was married (to someone not even remotely suitable). I was woken from a dream by the telephone ringing. In the dream, this man walked into my room, looked around and said, "You know, if you had married me, you wouldn't be in this situation."

    I said, "Yes, I know."

    The phone woke me, and I picked it up. It was my sister telling me that the man had died the previous day.

    Another time, in another city and another place, I kept thinking about a mutual friend of myself and that guy, also from school days. For about a week, I couldn't get her out of my mind.

    I kept hearing her tell me that I never told her anything. And that was true. I'm an INTJ, and I never said anything. I didn't consider telling anyone anything. I didn't even know that anything I had to say was important, or that other people might want to hear it.

    I turned to a colleague I was working with and said, "You know, I have this friend from school days, and I can't get her out of my mind. I keep hearing her say "You never tell me anything," and wanting to understand why I never confided in her.

    And then the phone rang.

    It was yet another friend from school days.

    She said to me, "I know you and Lynn were close. I just wanted you to know that she died last week."

    I don't know the answers. I don't know if there is life after death. I don't know the answers to life.

    I have come to accept my life as it is. It isn't about pursuing happiness. It is about being content with what I have, because what I have is all I have. It is about being in a place of safety, of having sufficient money to look after myself, and it is about enjoying the wonderful views around me.

    I don't know what tomorrow will bring, but today is all I have. And today is all you have.

    Be at peace. You are an INTJ. In many ways you see more clearly, and if the view isn't one you like,at least understand you can see it Others can't.

  • blackberrystone profile image

    blackberrystone 

    2 years ago from United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland

    I'm female and consistently 'INTJ' on these tests. I'm academically pretty capable (always done well in fact) but have never scored high on raw IQ tests, only in exams. I am not mathematically minded to save my life, although I have a scientific career.

    I think there is a lot to be said for the 'pragmatic' part of being an INTJ and how one adapts. For instance I know how much happier I am with friends - my friends all like to hug, like to make small talk etc. - and as I've grown older, I now also like those things because they're a connection between me and my friends. Not because I'm interested in small talk at all, or that I've suddenly become a big fan of physical intimacy, but because I know it's a way that I'm connecting with my (small!) group of friends. Equally I am never rude to people, in fact I think I communicate pretty well, because I know it never pays to be rude. And in fact it's not even just about pragmatism on this one, I very much value kindness and I consider people who are rude even inadvertently, to lack insight.

    Having said that, it's all a product of A) wanting to be a nice person and B) a hell of a lot of learning on my part to know what to do to achieve that. I've learnt how to follow social rules and niceties to try and blend in because it's genuinely worth it on my part. There are few social rules where it doesn't make sense because social repercussions are so negative. I struggled with it a lot as a kid, feeling left out and alone, and had a steep learning curve to try and assimilate with the majority.

    I'm still nowhere near an average person. I spent most of my life thinking there is something wrong with me, socially, and I still do. I definitely struggle with romantic relationships and for all that I feel extremely competent in most parts of my life, I haven't the foggiest. I wish every day that I had been born differently because the irony of being socially awkward and introverted is that I actually as an individual really crave acceptance.

    I guess what I'm trying to say is that if your happiness revolves around being 'normal' to a certain degree then you can be that with work. That's part of being pragmatic, and what are adaptability and problem solving for if not to solve this very big problem! It's never 'true' however and I've certainly come to terms with being a bit of an odd fish, and increasingly confident to be so as ultimately, it is *me*.

    What I have struggled with a lot is the emotional side of things. I am a very emotional and sensitive person (part of why I've worked so hard on my relationships with friends) and I unfortunately somebody extremely important in my life was killed a few years ago. Since when I have really struggled and I don't know what to do. I have tried seeking counselling - but I just can't accept it. They want you to open up and talk to people about it, but I don't know about other INTJs but this is exactly as helpful as hitting my head on the wall. And I've really engaged, I've told them everything because all I want is to make it easier, but all I do is put myself back into a real state. I would actually be really grateful if anybody knows how is a good way to deal with things, or whether I just have to resign myself to being a bit of a mess forever and hope time. I feel like it's my personality and perspective which stops me engaging in a meaningful way, I feel like I'm just following orders with no results.

    Thanks in advance

    "blackberrystone"

  • TessSchlesinger profile imageAUTHOR

    Tessa Schlesinger 

    2 years ago from South Africa

    http://personalitygrowth.com/the-ways-in-which-eac...

    https://www.reddit.com/r/intj/comments/33d2ym/how_...

    I have rechecked Milgram's figures, and clearly since the time I wrote the article, the numbers have changed. (I never write anything without checking it six or seven times). I will have to research it further. Thank you for pointing it out.

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    K. Lloyd 

    2 years ago

    I just wanted to mention that the Milgram obedience studies showed that 65% of participants were willing to obey completely with administering the max voltage. I'm uncertain where the numbers came from and the statement about an INTJ not complying with authority. While I can imagine this very easily, I'd imagine that many people could imagine that they wouldn't actually comply if an authority figure asked them to do something questionable.

    I wonder, could you link to the study where you got the statistics?

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    Anna 

    2 years ago

    I'm an INTJ woman as well. I remember that when I was tested I was the only Intj in a group of 100. I would have expected more since it was a room full of software engineers and analysts.

    I identify with a lot of things everyone else has said but with a couple differences. I'm very adept at understanding people's emotions and motivations. I use this ability constantly as a way of getting others to do my bidding (not nefarious just slightly manipulative, and often just a way to help motivate). I'm good at leading people, but never volunteer since I would prefer that someone else have to do the hand holding.

    Perhaps the emotional ability was a learned response to my narcissistic ESFJ parent (narcissism as diagnosed by a psychiatrist). I'm often hostage to her emotions, with my own pushed down. She of course did not get treated for her disorder as treatment was no benefit to her. Anyway, I guess I'm trying to find out if anyone else is good at the emotional aspect.

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    Mckenzie B. 

    2 years ago

    The video on telling if an INTJ is interested is so accurate is painful. Helps me not feel so alone in this miserable dating thing.

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    NLD 

    2 years ago

    I would like to thank you for the information.

    I am 46. I just discovered that a female INTJ. Until now, I thought I was some kind of alien lost on this planet.

    I successfully spent much of my life fighting an overtly coercive, judgmental environment full of expectations.

    This result comes at a moment when I am rethinking my professional pathway. I often had to compose with earning a living in the "REAL" world and today I am prepare to explore my full potential and abilities for myself and to continue to sustain my family until my children can fly on their own. Thank you once more for these valuable information!

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    Sarah 

    2 years ago

    INTJ, mother of a 4 year old. I concur that this article is spot on. The one thing I would say though is that it is also important to pay attention to the degree to which you fall into each category, (I.T.N.J), if you are borderline on your I, for example, then maybe some of these points aren't as relateable.

    I have a very hard time relating to other mothers and making mom-friends, though I want them. Being over 40 means that many non-INTJ females that are educated and live in my area are more open and less judgy than when I was younger and I am hopeful that since my child is an off the charts E we can form some bonds. As a mother I do sort of crave that village now, but as an INTJ I am super careful about forming it. Thankfully there are a lot of non-pretentious high-achieving intellectual women with children my son likes...there's hope and I am growing socially.

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    leann 

    2 years ago

    On point. I am a female INTJ.

  • Mel McKny profile image

    Mel McKny 

    2 years ago

    I absolutely LOVE this article along with the comments! As an (female) INTJ, I find these readings incredibly intriguing and satisfying.

    I myself, was raised by a mentally ill mother and was tortured and abused by my step-father from age 4-13. Promptly following, I married an extremely controlling man and had 3 children with him. My point is this; having grown up in a place where my gifts or talents were not only not recognized, but stifled...then playing the role of 'submissive wife' for nearly 20 yrs, I am more than thrilled to have found the opportunity to discover my true self and even more so, to celebrate it!

    We are truly complex individuals and often misunderstood, however, as I have made it my goal to gain knowledge and understanding of myself, today I fully appreciate and love the unique person that I am!

    Finding a forum to express this and share this enthusiasm is just icing on the cake!!

    Cheers to us!

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    Melissa 

    2 years ago

    I absolutely LOVE this article along with the comments and discussion. I only recently discovered my (female) INTJ status and have been wildly intrigued as I have always felt 'different' than the vast majority.

    I found it interesting that someone brought up the topic of upbringing and childhood bc I was raised by a mentally ill mother and tortured and abused by my step-father from ages 4-13. I know that this has stifled my abilities and caused me to bury what I now know to be 'rare yet beautiful' qualities and gifts.

    I was also married to an extremely controlling man and had 3 children with him. I 'played' the role of submissive wife for far too many years!

    Today, I am proud to say that I'm happily divorced and as I near my 40th birthday, I am discovering who I am truly..and it feels AMAZING to be able to appreciate and fall in love with myself! I thoroughly enjoy these articles and sites that speak to our uniqueness, our intensity, and our lovely layers!

    Thanks to all who contribute

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    Justine 

    2 years ago

    A fair relief to have taken the test in various guises and most times come out with INTJ score and otherwise a few times INFJ. I never never knew about this before 4 or so months ago and as I say, what a relief! I very strongly identify with almost everything I read about INTJs. It explains a lot to me about my whole life and thoughts up until this age I've reached (45). I liked this article and the interesting comments. About the romance thing, I'm in a relationship of around 25 years and I think the reason is that I get left alone most of the time and ignored by a quite eccentric partner who is crap at talking through anything and at any kind of decision making and conflict. So, traditionally speaking, it's a sucky and unfulfilling relationship, but from my INTJ perspective, it's mostly fine and I make my own decisions and get left to think my own thoughts and would likely have not tolerated a more traditional kind of arrangement.

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    Isabel B. 

    2 years ago

    I'm a female INTJ and this is scarily accurate.

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    Putri 

    2 years ago

    Well, I'm proud to be INTJ's girl. Thx for sharing

  • melbel profile image

    Melanie Shebel 

    2 years ago from Midwest USA

    Really interesting! I'm an ENTP, so not particularly rare at all, but I think it's fun to learn about the other personality types, so thank you for writing this. Very awesome!

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    Mslisak 

    2 years ago

    Carolina - I'm sure have a point to your post but I'm sorry to say it escapes me.

  • TessSchlesinger profile imageAUTHOR

    Tessa Schlesinger 

    2 years ago from South Africa

    Carolina, you mean you're jealous? Yes, a lot of people will down something when they want to be in the top 1% and they aren't. Life sucks, I know.

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    Carolina 

    2 years ago

    Interesting to note also that Women with INTJ were inborn and they have it developed from within their structure and personality. Hey I would like to share this new fake ultrasound design from fakeababy. The best for gags and the best gift ever. It is amazing and so funny. Check it now.

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    Yuan Ling 

    2 years ago

    INTJ here saying that this is highly accurate.

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    Mslisak 

    2 years ago

    Regarding trying to explain to others why we are like we are, I would be very careful whom you chose to discuss this with. People hear what they want to hear and you can't control how they interpret what you tell them. They may feel you are merely making excuses for your behavior. They may even see your explanation as a confession of some sort of personality disorder. In a work situation, this can present a real problem because the slightest hint of "personality disorder" can sabotage a career.

  • TessSchlesinger profile imageAUTHOR

    Tessa Schlesinger 

    2 years ago from South Africa

    Tanya White, I have often wondered that myself. ;)

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    Tanya White 

    2 years ago

    INTJ Female....the world is my oyster, but sometimes it forgets the champagne sauce! I wonder if there are similarities in childhood and upbringing? If anyone would like to discuss this further, please drop me a note!

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    Danielle B. 

    2 years ago

    I'm an INTJ female. In college, I took the test in a Personalities course, and the teacher was a certified tester. Once I began looking up the personality traits, it all began making sense. I always thought I was so weird for not acting like other girls and women. My poor mother growing up had no idea what to do with me. I was overly shy, didn't always make friends easily, would argue if I didn't think something made sense, and was happiest lost in books on my favorite topics (at the time, dinosaurs and whales, hahaha). Once I realized I was an INTJ, it all made perfect sense! I was so happy to find out I wasn't abnormal, just rare.

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    Petra Dehmler 

    2 years ago

    Now here's an interesting twist. I am INTJ and have been in every subsequent test since I was first tested maybe 35 years ago. What I did not know until recently (~6 1/2 years ago), or maybe acknowledge is a better way to put it, was that I was transsexual. So I started out thinking I was an INTJ man, but now I am an INTJ woman. In reading the description, I see that I was an INTJ woman all along. Thanks for this website and I love all the comments. Here's a refinement on the pregnant woman scenario: I agree that I wouldn't let her pregnancy or distress affect how I dealt with her except that I would assess her ability to deal factually with the situation in the light of her "distraction". If it seemed that she was impaired, I would gently ask her to excuse herself, and/or privately ask her to give me a personal assessment of impairment. Others observing might think I was doing that because she was a woman and I could emotionally identify with her, but in fact that would have nothing to do with it. It's all about ability and capability.

  • JS MysMan profile image

    Jill Smythe 

    2 years ago from South Africa

    mslisak - I think you hit the nail on the head - I work for a university where I do technical support for their payroll. Nobody quite understands what I do so they leave me alone to do it. All the deadlines are met and the calculations are correct so I get left in my office to get on with it. In the past I have had jobs which required far more "getting people on my side" and I failed miserably at those.

  • profile image

    Mslisak 

    2 years ago

    I found that I could have job success only if I was in the right job. I did very well in an investigative position for a state university. Perfect for me. I worked alone with very little supervision because my bosses had no idea how I worked and only wanted results that recovered money for the university. I am currently retired but I work in my parish running one of the largest ministries in the largest parish in our region. This suits me because, again, I work alone and have very little interference from the church staff. and I can organize to my heart's content. It really is a matter of being in a job where your INTJ mind works to your employers benefit. Then you are a valuable asset and not a "round peg in a square hole".

  • TessSchlesinger profile imageAUTHOR

    Tessa Schlesinger 

    2 years ago from South Africa

    Unicorn Lady, I am so sorry to hear that but I also had a lifetime of hell at work. I eventually just gave up and have been writing to earn a living. It's not much of a living, but I get by. I've learnt to do with very little, but at least I am not heavily distressed all the time. If you're 60, depending on which country you live in, you could apply for early retirement. Alternatively, yes apply for disability on the grounds of depression. It's veyr hard to get disability in the States, though.

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    TheUnicornLady 

    2 years ago

    Describes me very well. I am almost 60, and have been fired from 12 of the last 15 jobs I have had over 5 year. Part of it is I am an INTJ who doesn't fit in with routine work. I do have a bachelors degree. Any ideas for starting over work wise at my age?

    My other option is to file for a Social Security Disability because of my depression.

  • JS MysMan profile image

    Jill Smythe 

    2 years ago from South Africa

    Ha ha ha - I can just picture some of my colleagues' faces when I say that to them.

  • TessSchlesinger profile imageAUTHOR

    Tessa Schlesinger 

    2 years ago from South Africa

    JS MysMan, oh, I've mastered the social norms, alright. I understand them completely. I just can't comply. It drains me, makes me less focused on what needs to be done, etc. I am now retired, and this is much easier than having to work with people and constantly being distressed because I want to focus on my job and not allaying other people's emotional neediness. :)

    I do, however, think that a simple explanation along the lines of "Well, I thought doing something practical behind the scenes was my way of contributing... Wasn't it?"

    :)

  • JS MysMan profile image

    Jill Smythe 

    2 years ago from South Africa

    Lanouveau - totally agree with your point. I have always been regarded as an ice queen because I deal with other peoples problems in exactly the way you described.

    I loved your point "Asking after her health just sucks up the poor woman's energy, reassuring everyone else," because when my husband had cancer that was exactly what happened. Everyone wanted to co-opt my crisis and talk about my feelings. What I needed them to do was babysit, cook meals and clean my house. Only one friend understood that and did what I needed her to do. She was then the only one that I could actually share my feelings and fears with because I knew that she understood how frightening it was for me to be in a situation that I had absolutely no control over. My father-in-law told me that he would phone me everyday to make sure I was coping. I told him not to because I did not have the time or energy to manage his feelings as well. He was very insulted that I interpreted his "caring" gesture as an intrusion.

    Do you think we need to try to explain to people that we are not cold and unfeeling, we simply have a more pragmatic approach to life, or do you think they would not understand or care that we have not mastered the social norms?

  • TessSchlesinger profile imageAUTHOR

    Tessa Schlesinger 

    2 years ago from South Africa

    Lanouveau, really good point, that. Outstanding, in fact. I think many of us could identify with that. :)

  • profile image

    Lanouveau 

    2 years ago

    One part of your article struck me in particular as how INTJs are misunderstood, which is regarding empathy and kindness. The example you made, of what an INTJ would do, was the pregnant delegate, where everyone else asks after her health and the INTJ wants the report. I agree with the actions 100%, but not the intention. Who is actually being more kind to the delegate? The INTJ! By asking for her report, the pregnant delegate can get her job over with sooner. She can LEAVE sooner, and go and be where she needs to be, for her health! Asking after her health just sucks up the poor woman's energy, reassuring everyone else, and what is that question ultimately about? It is to make the asker feel like a good person. It doesn't actually help the woman. If the asker REALLY cared, they would do something practical for her without being asked, not drain the woman with questions, but help her in a concrete way. These kindnesses by INTJs often go unappreciated however, because they show love in a different way than many people want to receive love. Some people get it though, and are relieved.

    I had a co-worker having a tough time. She was holding herself together as best she could. I didn't rock her boat, but was just there supporting however she wanted to handle it. Another co-worker pressed her "What's wrong? What's wrong?" and she began to cry. She had to go to the back and calm down. I was pissed. Couldn't she see our co-worker was doing her best to hold it together? Her selfish desire to feel like a good person was at odds with how our co-worker wanted to handle it. BTW: The co-worker and I remained friends for years after leaving those jobs.

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    aikigrl 

    2 years ago

    Tessa - thank you for your kind words. It was very difficult when I was back at school - I always felt lost at sea and bored out of my mind. Plus the constant comparison to my academically inclined younger sister made me feel stupid well into adulthood. About 20 years ago, I took the official Mensa test just to check that I was at least within the normal range - I was surprised when they offered me membership, as I scored at 146.

    After reading this article, I have just reactivated my membership and I am hoping to meet other INTJs at the social events. It's such a shame that it is only in my 40s that I am now comfortable in my own skin after much counselling and self acceptance.

  • TessSchlesinger profile imageAUTHOR

    Tessa Schlesinger 

    2 years ago from South Africa

    Indeed. I spent many decades thinking that there was something wrong with me. Now, in my old age, I realize that I just have a particular kind of brain with a particular kind of personality - part of neurodiversity. If we hadn't played an essential part, we would have died out. For me, I now just search out other people like me, and I accept that it's okay to have only a handful of friends. :)

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    Mslisak 

    2 years ago

    I have been in counseling to deal with depression and I now realize that I had always been deeply ashamed by my personality. I didn't know I was simply different as an INTJ. Something, I thought, must be terribly wrong with me because I wasn't interested in what other girls seemed to be interested in and could never fit in with them. They seemed to sense there was something wrong with me so I stopped trying to fit in- to the point of social avoidance. Continuous childhood parental /family disapproval and lack of affection didn't help. To them, I wasn't the little girl they expected. In therapy I learned that I had always focused on the negatives of my personality and had never even considered the positives. And there are positives. I just had to accept them. The world needs INTJs, just not a lot of them. We have an important function. We are the leaders who do the hard things, and make the unemotional, logical decisions. We are naturally great teachers and often the "cooler head" when things go wrong. We can be fair to the point of self-denial because we know that real "leaders eat last". We have many "gifts" - music, acting, intelligent, writing, leadership, public speaking and all forms of creativity. I am finally awakening to appreciate who I am and it isn't so bad after all. .

  • TessSchlesinger profile imageAUTHOR

    Tessa Schlesinger 

    2 years ago from South Africa

    aikigrl. Far from being a freak. Just a rare kind of special lady that makes sane decisions and who longs for a life that makes sense! :)

  • profile image

    aikigrl 

    2 years ago

    Thank you so much for this article. I've always wondered why I am nothing like my female friends and why they seem to have so much difficulty in understanding my logic or my interest in science and logical sequential thinking( I work in the data field ). It got to the point where I just stopped exploring ideas or discuss any subject of substance with them. I took an unofficial test recently and the indication is that I am INTJ and I could just check off the points on your list of characteristics! This also explains why I have had such difficulty in meeting a life partner and have resigned to the idea of being a singleton. At least now I know I am not a freak of sorts...

  • TessSchlesinger profile imageAUTHOR

    Tessa Schlesinger 

    2 years ago from South Africa

    I suspect they do. However, so does everybody else. The difference is that the INTJ probably questions why it is necessary. To most people, it's simply necessary as a measure of safety and acceptance.

  • profile image

    Mslisak 

    2 years ago

    I always like to know what is meant when words are used that can mean different things to different people. Someone can be a gifted pianist or a gift athlete for example. I think an IQ in the "gifted" category is essential for an INTJ to function in society. They probably use their intelligence to observe others and then role play expected behavior when interacting with them.. At least, that's what I do. My IQ has been consistently tested at 136 and dealing with other people has always been both a mystery and a challenge for me. For example, I am at a loss when dealing with strong emotions in others. I have had to learn what is expected and then make the appropriate response. I wonder if other INTJs have found they do the same thing.

  • TessSchlesinger profile imageAUTHOR

    Tessa Schlesinger 

    2 years ago from South Africa

    Purely of IQ. That's one of the common denominator's that all INTJs have. They're either pretty close to gifted within a few points, or they are gifted.

    Why do you ask?

  • profile image

    Mslisak 

    2 years ago

    Tess, what do you mean when you use the term "gifted"? Are you speaking of purely IQ here or a 'basket" of talents and interests or a combination of all these?

  • TessSchlesinger profile imageAUTHOR

    Tessa Schlesinger 

    2 years ago from South Africa

    Mslisak. I have wondered about that myself, and I can only speak for myself. I have done many, many tests, and I am not schizoid. Plus all my tests show that there is no indication of any mental illness.

    My profile also shows warmth towards others, plus imagination, but no group conformity.

    I think the one thing that is interesting is that INTJs are mostly gifted. As only 1% of the population is gifted, it appears that it's almost a certainty that if one is gifted, one is probably an INTJ.

    The general percentage of schizoid personalities is just under 5% in the population, so there is no correlation between being schizoid and being a female INTJ (which is only .8%)

  • profile image

    Mslisak 

    2 years ago

    I have always tested INTJ and agree that it reflects my personality. My question is that many of the traits of an INTJ could also be seen as the traits of one of several types of a schizoid personality disorder. How would one distinguish between INTJ and such a personality disorder? The schizoid personality is thought to be a result of early childhood emotional neglect and/or a hostile environment which leads to changes in the brain. Could this also be the case for INTJ?

  • TessSchlesinger profile imageAUTHOR

    Tessa Schlesinger 

    3 years ago from South Africa

    Unlikely you're an INTJ. Go have a test.

  • Christy McKee profile image

    Christy McKee 

    3 years ago

    Imm an empath and extremely sensitive to energy, energy of others even from afar. Which used to mess with my very logical mind (that I thought is a Virgo personality trait. And i suppose may very well be...?)

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    didodino 

    3 years ago

    So glad to have come across this article. It explains so much about how I dealt with society from childhood on. There was a clear difference how the relatives sweetly responded to my sister (an ENFJ) whereas clearly spoke to me like they would talk with adults. Clearly I must have had a serious/stern face or was non-responsive to social cues and niceties from childhood on. Even today if I go out to get a haircut or get dinner with my sister or friends with 'NF/SF' preferences, I notice how the hairdresser/server talks with them vs me.

    As a teen I was usually deep down in my books, academics and host of hobbies (painting and music). I was very much surprised when a childhood friend revealed years later that he was interested in me. Never had a clue! This pattern repeated once more with another friend as I got older. I never understood flirting or courting. Usually the guys I went out with were those I took initiative to talk to. All these cases being point blank about being interested in the idea of the relationship. So un-girly of me but that was my only way to deal with the dating-circus. Interestingly, when watching the series 'The good wife' I was surprised at a similar mode of dating putforth by one of the lead characters in the series - Diane Lockhardt'. Upon pondering what her MBTI might be, it was indeed interesting to know she is characterized as an INTJ! I met my life partner at work this way. He is INFP/INTJ (he tests different each time) and definitely someone who truly gets me.

    Social circumstances are a struggle, be it meeting family or friends or at my kid's school. People expect me to act in a certain 'social mode' as a female. It is exhausting! During parties I clearly do not gel with the women and gravitate either to the corner of the room with a drink or to where some guys hang out. But when it comes to a handful of my friends I really enjoy long, deep conversations about things that matter.

  • JS MysMan profile image

    Jill Smythe 

    3 years ago from South Africa

    I am INTJ and so is my 18 yo daughter. I sometimes wonder how my husband survives. I always got comments on the fact that I was cold and unfeeling and I used to wonder why I had the disconnect with the world. Once I found out I was INTJ it made it a lot easier as I realised that I am not broken, just different in my approach. It has also helped immensely as the parent of an INTJ to understand how she thinks, and be able to support her.

  • TessSchlesinger profile imageAUTHOR

    Tessa Schlesinger 

    3 years ago from South Africa

    Karen, I'm so glad that this article helped you. The first time being an INTJ was explained to me, I cried for two weeks because it said that relationships were my Achilles heel. Now I just accept who I am and take pleasure in many things that others don't. :)

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    Karen Langlois 

    3 years ago

    Well, this was very helpful. At least I don't feel like some kind of freak anymore. I have torn myself inside out to be like other women and to fit in and now I realize what a huge mistake that was. I am not the fluffy, touchy feely type of person some of my friends are and I don't like small talk or chats with women about what is on sale at the mall. I don't read romance novels or other fluffy literature, preferring to relax with history or philosophy. I try to read everything I can get my hands on. I usually don't want to lead, but often, watching others stumble, I find myself having to step into the leadership position. I have a clear idea of what I want to do, usually, and yes, I do build systems and processes. S far as romance goes, its a disaster. I wish I was the fluffy flirty type that men are just dying to do things for, but I am not. Two bad marriages with men who thought I was cold and uncooperative and two relationships with the same problems had left me with a burden of shame. Now, not so much. I am just different. I don't enjoy shallow social interactions, but I do like people. I don't like intense displays of emotion but I do feel things very intensely. I knew I was different, but did not know why. Now I am just going to go with it. Its ok.

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    SiriE 

    3 years ago

    I'm an INTJ woman as well. I'll be 32 this month and I have to say that since I was little I've always felt different from everyone else. I've never really fit in a specific category. I always thought something was wrong with me but as I research more and more about my personality type, I realize I am different and that it's really ok. One thing mentioned in this article that I definitely have to agree with is the Closure part. This is very true for me. Especially in my relationships. I need closure. I'm glad I'm not alone being an INTJ.

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    Mona Sabalones Gonzalez 

    3 years ago from Philippines

    This is the first time I read about a intj. Sounds very interesting, very much my opposite. Wish I were more like an intj. Very well written, most informative article.

  • Theresa Jonathan profile image

    Theresa Jonathan 

    3 years ago from Maseru, Lesotho

    Great article! Very informative work. It is amazing how complex mankind is and how often we miss this revelation of who we are. I am an INFJ and am on the journey of self-discovery. It is helpful to know one's potential and also stop become others because one feels there is something wrong with who they are. Good work!

  • My Esoteric profile image

    Scott Belford 

    3 years ago from Keystone Heights, FL

    Hmmm, I missed that club thing. Also, the "I" seems to be a contraindication to clubs. Also, while the comment stands as describing me, I did make a mistake in not noticing the "J": I am a "P".

  • TessSchlesinger profile imageAUTHOR

    Tessa Schlesinger 

    3 years ago from South Africa

    No, that's not true. When men find out that they are INTJs, they form clubs and go on an ego trip because it's highly desirable for them. Women get rejected for this type of behaviour. Read through the comments.

  • My Esoteric profile image

    Scott Belford 

    3 years ago from Keystone Heights, FL

    It is not just a female thing. Everywhere you write men, substitute women and where you write women, substitute men ... and you have my story (except my third wife is an I/ESTJ, but we mesh well nevertheless).

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    Ebba Sage 

    3 years ago

    I am an INTJ woman, married to an INTJ man. I will be 60, in three years. I've spent a lifetime trying to fit in and understand others. I have always related better to men than women, which did not make me very popular with the women.

    To all the single women out there; I was married twice before, disastrously. Had I been true to myself, and loved my INTJ ways, I would have married the right man long before. Thankfully, we found each other and have been very happily married, and have been a very successful business team for 10+ years now. He is a best selling technology author (40+ books) and I am his business mgr/publicist (semi-retired to start my own writing career).

    As a INTJ husband/wife team, I honestly believe that we bonded strongly because, after a lifetime to being misunderstood, we were so thrilled to BE understood. We were like two survivors of a common tragedy. If you're young and single, don't do it the hard way, like I did.

    He has a 148 IQ, I'm not sure what mine is, but if you can imagine (yes, you probably can) he was bullied for his intelligence and shyness by school mates and his former spouse. If you haven't read Quiet, The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking by Susan Cain, do so and you will understand how our culture has not been kind to introverts.

    Three challenges:

    * our culture

    * being female

    * being the rarest of personality types

    No wonder we spend so much energy trying to fit in and/or being understood; but, this nearly 60-year old woman is winding down. Time is too short to spend it pretending that I'm an extrovert, or that shallow chit-chat meets my social needs, or that drama and conflict is a normal part of life and I just need to live with it.

    I'd love nothing more than to meet other INTJ women, close to my age, who don't look at me like I'm a freak if I talk about my latest da Vinci book, or my plans for building my own garden bridge or biomass briquette maker, or alcohol ink painting techniques, and who believe that informed people can believe in God and can express their beliefs intelligently.

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    Russell Booth 

    3 years ago

    Regarding Ashley Olsen - is anyone serious about her being an INTJ?

    I think she's closer to being an ISFJ like my late grandmother was,the Myers Briggs temperament sorter isn't very conclusive in determining what an individual persons actual temperament is because I've met ISFJ's where their sensing and/or thinking preference lands at around 50 % meaning that they are more of an INTJ ,INFJ or even more of an ISTJ,meaning some of them work harder at being either more of an ST or an NT than an SF.

    I am just very p**sed off that I was made to see an INFJ shrink when I was growing up who thought I was an ENFP or something (he needed glasses to even see me I'm sure) so I am not sure what sort of psychiatrist (Clarke) who was autistic thought I was as I'm an ESFJ where my SFJ component is at arounf 75% meaning I can be in no way an autistic person.

    That just makes it harder to get a job if people such as that have been telling me to disclose that to an employer - I'm sure they are the same people who have been saying the likes of Claudia Schiffer have got it.

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