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Murder: Death By Covert Abuse

Updated on February 8, 2017
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Marc Hubs - Writer/Researcher on Mind, Science & Conspiracy. Author of Know Your Enemy: Reflections Of NPD.

Pernicious Abuse

It goes unrecognized but it exists.

It exists on an extremely covert level.

It happens behind the scenes without anyone even being aware of what the problem is; the real problem.

No evidence of it is left behind and no-one has ever been convicted of it yet in reality, what I will term pernicious abuse is something which can and does have a devastating effect, not just on the victim, but also within society. Pernicious abuse can lead a person into carrying out acts such as covert psychological murder, or perhaps even covert psychological manslaughter - something which is very real, insidious in nature but unfortunately unrecognized and virtually unquestioned.

Psychological murder can take many forms but the type I'm really referring to is of a covertly narcissistic and/or sociopathic nature. It may be too difficult for some people to be able to comprehend but it does happen and I've seen it happen.

Narcissistic/Sociopathic (narcopathic) abuse takes place when a narcissist or sociopath (or narcopath) attempts to convince someone who has discovered their unbelievably shallow secrets, gradually over time, that they are crazy and proceeds to manipulate them into keeping quiet or to ultimately face their wrath. They use techniques such as crazy-making, character assassination and gaslighting in order to get their victim(s) to question their own sanity.

They generally do so by ostracizing the victim while continuing to act out their part, expertly hiding their truly outrageous behaviour, whilst successfully having everyone around them fooled - everything is done to appease those around them while their manipulative and controlling tactics take place behind the scenes, outside of people's awareness. The victim is forced to question their own sanity because they don't realize that they are the victim because everything done to manipulate them is done outside of their conscious awareness.

The longer time goes on and the longer the victim tries to do something about it, the more severe the abuse becomes. The narcissist/sociopath has already built an army of unwitting abusers who all help to drive the victim crazy. The long-term consequences of these actions can be a devastating, soul crushing and reality-shattering path to be led down. Of course, there are many other types of abuse that can have just as damaging and severe long-term consequences. However, psychological forms of abuse such as gaslighting, mental rape, slander, defamation and distortion campaigns of a person's reputation are done so covertly and expertly that they are very rarely identified early enough.

The abuser, when carrying out these covert tasks, is faceless and undercover.

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Narcopathic Abuse

Victims of this type of abuse are commonly left with no resources they can use to escape the situation; the abuser has stolen their finances, their identity and has turned the victim's own family and friends against them, due to the malicious web of lies and deceit that have been woven. The victim is trapped with no way out... or at least that is what they are made to believe.

Although victims go through what can only be described as being dragged through hell backwards, narcissistic and sociopathic abuse via heightened communication is so difficult to pick up on the human radar of perception that the victim is usually left scratching their head wondering "is it me?"

They have been made to believe that they are the problem. Such abusers are so shallow that they may cheat on their partner on significant occasions such as valentine's day or while they are away at a funeral - at times when the victim will least expect it.

Not only that, they will do it with the person the victim suspects the least.... time and time again.

In many cases the victim may turn to drugs or alcohol as a means of escape. The stress they are forced to endure can be so severe that if they don't find some kind of release in order to feel a sense of escape, they continue to build up with overwhelming tension, anxiety, emotional suffering and may develop an overactive mind which can literally drive them crazy - post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) can soon follow. That's not to say that the drugs will either prevent it from happening or even slow the process down - they won't. They will only exacerbate the situation in the long run.

Psychological Murder

The abuser never quits abusing and the victim's self-esteem gets worn down to the core until they go through a process of devaluation, dehumanization and dissociation. The victim has been made to feel that they are nothing in this world, they now have nothing, they now have no meaning and nowhere to go and nobody wants them any more except for the narcissistic/sociopathic abuser who can now use the victim as their emotional/mental slave. The narcopath is now their God.

The process is so subliminal and it happens so gradually that it could take place over the course of ten or twenty or even thirty years or more. The victim knows that even if they did escape the situation the abuser would probably continue to ruin the rest of their life or future relationships anyway and in many cases after the partner has left, the abuser continues to drive them crazy gradually destroying their reputation, their life and their soul - often referred to as soul murder.

Eventually the victim may be left feeling suicidal but fear that others would see it as a selfish act. Additionally, they don't want others to be left picking up the pieces they left behind because they do feel real true genuine empathy. For this reason many victims believe they have no choice but to continue suffering the abuse and may feel that the damage is already done.

Some victims may ultimately decide to continue to pump as much alcohol or drugs into their system as they can. This way they can use it not only as a form of escapism but also to slowly kill themselves so that they can reach the point that they have to suffer the abuse no longer. Others may not turn to substance abuse but may end up suffering fatal medical issues as a result of the abuse alone which may potentially lead to death a result of pernicious abuse.

Some may have given up on their hopes of escape and may have just accepted things the way they are (conditioned into co-dependence) but unless they are an inverted narcissist, then the stress will eventually take it's toll. Stress is well known to cause a myriad of health problems, both mental and physical, many of which can be fatal.

Ultimately, the victim takes the knowledge of their covert psychological murder to the grave which forever remains a secret inside the mind of the abuser.

© 2011 Marc Hubs

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    • aZhunter profile image

      aZhunter 6 years ago from Northern Arizona

      Very interesting and insightful A+

    • Lisa HW profile image

      Lisa HW 6 years ago from Massachusetts

      This is an important subject, and I think you did an extremely effective job of describing such a situation. My one piece of (reluctant, but intended-to-be-constructive) criticism is that I can't help but wonder if a title that described exactly what the subject is about a little more clearly might help your piece find its way to a more widespread audience more quickly (and I wish it would).

      As someone who has had first-hand experience with a situation that isn't as extreme as what you've described; and which might better be described as "what's describe in the Hub, only watered down a little and spread out over a long period of time (about 20 years), I continue to fight to keep alive a soul that (in spite of having wonderful family and friends, and in spite of continuing to appear to "have a life") that essentially lives in a kind of isolation nobody would ever guess (and that continues to find it harder and harder not to let the effects of what has gone on (with no signs of anyone else recognizing that it has gone on) "reach its core" more than they already have.

      Again, stressing that what I've had go on was not the classic kind of thing that you've described (with one individual operating that way, or even with any one individual operating that way intentionally), what you've described in your Hub (minus the alcohol or drug use; and minus even entertaining any thoughts of suicide, mainly because I have enough fight and self-esteem not to be willing to let anyone/anything drive me to that point) sure rings a lot of bells for me.

      Your Hub is one I would like to see all kinds of people read - not just victims of this kind of thing, but the people around them. You're right: People are more than likely to go to their graves keeping the secret of what they've done (if they even realize they've done it), for any number of reasons.

      Unless and until a person or two sees, acknowledges, and clearly has a rough idea about what a victim of this kind of thing lives with (and I'm far from being "the victim type", by the way), the victim doesn't stand much of a change of re-building himself/herself "back to the real him/her".

    • VAMPGYRL420 profile image

      Windy Grace Mason 6 years ago from The Eastern Shore of Virginia, Maryland and Delaware, U.S.A.

      I have been on the receiving end of one of these abusers. I was lucky enough to find my way out of the relationship three and a half years later. However, the Post Traumatic Stress lingers indefinitely...Thank you for such a well written hub on a subject many do not give a thought to.

      Love & Light,

      Windy Grace

    • sparkster profile image
      Author

      Marc Hubs 6 years ago from United Kingdom

      Thanks for the comment, I'm sorry you have been on the receiving end of this kind of abuse (I have too).

    • VAMPGYRL420 profile image

      Windy Grace Mason 6 years ago from The Eastern Shore of Virginia, Maryland and Delaware, U.S.A.

      Thank you ;) I did, however, learn a great deal from the experience. It sounds as though you did, too. Although the lessons were unpleasant, they were well learned and must be avoided in the future.

      Love & Light,

      Windy Grace

    • lisadpreston profile image

      lisadpreston 5 years ago from Columbus, Ohio

      Great article. This type of abuse takes place more often than we think. Especially with children. A psychological death, to me, is worse than a physical death. Thanks again for your insightful articles.

    • somethgblue profile image

      somethgblue 5 years ago from Shelbyville, Tennessee

      Interesting concept, However as a recovered alcoholic, one might use that excuse to perpetuate the alcohol and drug abuse and use the victim mentality to justify their behavior.

      People write about what they know and that seemed like an excuse for being a victim, on the other hand being aware that there is a problem is the first step in recovery.

      I have put myself in similar situations and blame nobody but myself, I found that often a geographical separation can give one the sense of starting over and I'm not talking about living in a cave, unless it's an entrance to Hollow Earth!

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      Sparkster 5 years ago

      Great comment.

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      sarah 5 years ago

      How does one recover from this or escape from this?

    • sparkster profile image
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      Marc Hubs 5 years ago from United Kingdom

      Sarah, obviously the point of suicide is the point of no return. If you have this problem then you need to do whatever it takes to get away from it. That can be difficult and sometimes virtually impossible. I intend to write some articles of advice for people in these types of situations very soon.

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      Scuba 5 years ago

      I had a friend who was a narcissist. I read his behaviour and realised he was turning me into his slave. I had to drop this guy making me lose heaps of friends in the process. This experience caused me to develop cptsd which is mow cured. The problem is that I have forgotten who I am and now am paranoid and find it hard to trust people. People with this disorder need to be seperated from society!!!

    • sparkster profile image
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      Marc Hubs 5 years ago from United Kingdom

      Thanks for the comment Scuba, indeed complex-PTSD strikes after suffering this kind of trauma for long enough and that's something I've also had to deal with myself.

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      bobs85 5 years ago

      This kind of abuse is all to real. I almost lost my life when a child to escape the abusive attacks. I'm near 50yrs old now and am still being abused,isolated,and defamed by proxy. The difference is now the N abuser shakes in his shoes when in my presence because he knows I am not the little kid of long ago and I have his number so to speak.

    • sparkster profile image
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      Marc Hubs 5 years ago from United Kingdom

      Thanks for your comment and support Gail. Good luck with everything in your future, I hope it all goes well for you.

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      pisces 5 years ago

      Thank you so much for this article. It is absolultely spot on and I hope and pray you were not a victim, although I suspect you were.

      I am the victim of this (up to the point of feeling worthless and beginning to be alcoholic). My mother is a covert narcissist and possibly a socialpath as well. I suffered a shockingly awful childhood of abuse. She manipulated my father and brother into abusing me mentally also. I was shut off from everyone (homeschooled though my brother attended the local school) and had no friends. We lived on a farm, so nobody was nearby. When I was old enough to get a job, my parents took the majority of my money for board and I was also made to be the housekeeper. What I had left, I had to buy absolutely everything of my own. My mother continually told us we were all insane and should be shot. She continually told us she was the only sane person on the planet. I married very badly, very young, just to escape, but it didn't work. I married a self-loathing, violent fool who fell instantly into my mother's clutches and perpetuated the abuse against me. When he raped me and I left, my mother took his side and has always said I made up the whole thing. In my experience, there is a whole level of delight the narcissist gains from the cruelty they inflict which is not covered in any article.

      Sadly, many people will never realise what has happened to them. I was on of the lucky ones, though I was over 40 when I discovered it wasn't me that was the problem. She tried very hard to break up my marriage for over a decade.

      I was vicitmised by my mother, father & brother. Sadly now, my father is her supply and has become like her. The only way I could protect myself was to distance myself from them, physically and mentally. We now only communicate by email where her evil messages cannot be successfully delivered.

      GAL - I read your post with horror. You MUST get out. Nothing is worse than staying. I can promise you that things will not get better. You must leave. Go to a shelter in preference to staying. Nothing "out there" is worse than staying. Absolutely nothing. Please, please leave. Your husband is mentally deranged and beyond help.

      That is what people don't understand. Narcissists are very sick, mentally deranged and extremely dangerous people masquerading amongst us as normal people, but they're not. They are the ones that need to be ostracised and alienated, not us!

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      ixraykiddos 5 years ago from Indianapolis IN

      I was married to a narcissist as well. I am still trying to break from his grasp two years later. It is hard. He did push me to a suicide attempt, and got the children. I am still fighting for them though sometimes I wonder why since they are turning out like him since they are with him and his narcissist english wife (whom he met while he was married to me). I miss my kids something horrible, but they are abusing me just like their father, especially the oldest one. I want to get them help but he won't hear of it.

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      Michelle 5 years ago

      I feel sorry for the person who posted that alcohol and drug abuse as an excuse - or possible one, due to this no-less than legal killing. People who've been so abused that they are on the brink of death need help, not criticism. Your articles have been absolutely brilliant! Thanks for exposing great truths!

    • profile image

      stillhere 5 years ago

      I have been living this entrapment for years. I have fought to get away not even knowing what I was trying to get away from. Believing something was defective in me while being a productive successful citizen of society.

      My life just kept flipping back into the clutches of this mess.

      When a child grows up with this and your parents appear to be functional, you trust them to a degree and believe in their views until you start realizing something isn't right and it may not be you.

      The more I realized this, the more questions I asked innocently and the more facts I found accidently which left me the keeper of the secrets. This is a dangerous position to be in with these types of narcistic people. They will destroy everything you are to protect their lies. You mean nothing to them.

      I have apologized to my mother for being alive, being me, having anger more than I have apologized for any and all slights in my life combined. I've asked if I was an abortion gone wrong. I have lived my life trying to identify what was wrong with me or my life and it has just grown with relationships I have chosen as somehow you become prey to these types as they sense the grooming your family of origin has already done.

      I am physically unwell and was a successful business owner after all of this and single mother of a beautiful happy daughter. We have had our lives destroyed in the past 3 years by family court due to a father who is using this child as a pawn as I wouldn't succumb to his control but by God those courts handed him our lives on a silver platter and allowed abuse to be reigned down on me and my daughter enforcing all the emotional abuse I had worked so hard to fight. It's a sick cycle and I now fear the next generation was not to be spared although I will die knowing I gave it the best fight I could.

      My heart and soul is torn apart. To imagine bringing a child into this pain and the chain not to be broken is just unbearable. My mother the puppet master of this abuse while I always thought it was my father who did much of his own has her clenches in deep. I hold her secrets.

      I have sought help my whole adult life beieving I was mentailly ill. The general diagnosis I am hearing is PTSD which I have earned. I wear that badge proudly as the trauma I have experienced far exceeds what most would believe. But no bi-polar or worse of which they lead you to beieve.

      I cannot tell you the fight I put up while trying to understand. I am strong but tired.

      Knoweledge is power or just more confusing. For sure it is validating.

      I am sorry for anyone who has been the chosen family scapegoat. It's an awful position.

      I am hoping my daughter has tools I did not as I have loved her completely. This is something I lived without so maybe all my education regarding this and the foundation I laid for her will give her the strength and tools to make better choices than I.

    • profile image

      ymb 5 years ago

      The problem I am having is I used to suffer from severe depression and most of my friends from my previous life had no trouble taking the side of the narcissist. It is so unbeleivable that the narcissist was so good at manipulating. He actually shoved me to the ground in front of a girlfreind of mine, and she told him he was a jerk. But when we finally split apart she denied it happened and took his version that I fell. I have no more girlfreinds because of him. But, even though it really hurts and I wonder if I am crazy, you know I realized they weren't really my friends to begin with and have decided to find true friends. I still suffer from PTSD just reading this article made me feel like I was crumbling inside. Even when I read these articles, I still blame myself and think I am the pshycho and everyone else thinks so. I had to delete my account from Facebook as he was becoming friends with people I was friends with. He threatened me that he would trash me all over facebook and when I would read comments I would read way into it, because it seemed as though the comments were related to discussions me and my abuser had in the past. I was becoming paranoid and distrustful of others. I am in counseling and slowly learning to trust others one person at a time. I get mad at myself when I hear how good my abuser is doing and just wish he would fall flat on his face. I used to not be that way I used to wish the best for others no matter what bad they did.

    • sparkster profile image
      Author

      Marc Hubs 5 years ago from United Kingdom

      ymb,

      Thanks for your comments. You are most certainly not alone. Your words echo the experience of many victims including myself, I used to feel to exact same way. I have also had similar problems with Facebook and friends, etc. Many of us know all too well how extremely difficult it can be to deal with these situations.

      The most important thing for you to do at the moment is to forget about everyone else, forget about the anger, forget about the lies, deceit, abuse and/or whatever else you have experienced, forget about what other people think or believe and concentrate on you, your own life and getting yourself back on your feet.

      If there's one thing I firmly believe it's that the truth ALWAYS comes out in the end. It could be 10, 20 or even 30 or more years before it happens - but it does happen.

      All the best,

      Sparkster

    • profile image

      ymb 5 years ago

      A really good thing is I found myself actually praying for the narcissist and it came from God because there is noway it came from me. I beleive it came from the Holy Spirit because it was prayers for his good. Also, realizing from deep within that my friends are also victims and they just don't know it. They don't know they are being used and manipulated by him. I came to a point today that I was miserable holding on to all of this anger and bitterness and am becoming like him in that realm and I so don't want to be like him. To me victory will be forgiveness (forgiveness without a relationship with him ever again) all it took was a call from a friend of his. A call I did not answer, but it was enough to put me into a tailspin. I am changing my phone number. Thanks

    • ShalahChayilJOY profile image

      Shalah Chayil 5 years ago from Billings, Montana

      hhhmmmnnn, it's a very good thing that the God that sustained me through this very kind of abuse never left me and eventually got through to me, I was not the problem. Only my mom was not a narcissist, simply a woman whose mental, emotional, intellectual development was arrested by Roman 'catholic which means universal' condemnation and control.

    • profile image

      Annah 4 years ago

      Both of my parents are not only malignant narcissists, but alcoholics. They've thrashed me in every way you can imagine, and still do it (I'm almost 46). I'm working toward no contact, but it's not been easy. I've severely limited my contact with them and their response has been typical malignant narcissist, rather than a healthy one. I refuse to engage in this insane behavior, for my sake, and the sake of my son!

    • profile image

      Omg 4 years ago

      I am going through this rollercoaster hell right now from a narcissist and all its done is bury me in depression for ten years. He's signed up for family court recently to try and take my daughter away from me, called child protective services to paint me as a bad mother. I just cant for the life of me get rid of him. I pray to God that he gets better and stops because it never ends. It's to the point I want to start over and move somewhere else out of state (is this considered kidnapping - I am her custodial parent she lives with me?) I cant take it anymore.

    • sparkster profile image
      Author

      Marc Hubs 4 years ago from United Kingdom

      Omg, if you have custodial access then this is not kidnapping, not in any sense of the word. However, whatever the courts decide goes.

      Do NOT tell them you believe he's a a narcissist or anything similar, as this can be devastating for your cause.

    • profile image

      lizzy 4 years ago

      I saw my beloved, beautiful, precious, soft, loving daughter destroyed by a narcissist. She died. Whilst she was fighting for her life with cancer after spending 16years of emotional torment with him.And due to his prolonged covert abuse of me during all that time and especially whilst I was trying to deal with her fight for her life, I was involved in a car accident that should have killed me. Some (especially him) believe my car accident was an attempted suicide.

      This is the reason I googled "can a narcissist emotionally kill another person.?"

      I would dearly apppreciate support and help with this.

    • profile image

      Gayle 4 years ago

      I am writing about my daughter and dealing with her NPD partner. She would always say stuff about my daughter that was negative so I would think more of her for telling me. I feel hook ,line and sinker for her and believed she had my poor daughters happiness and safety at heart. Three day's before they were to committ and had a wedding planned and don't let me forget to tell you the majority of people coming were her friends and family. Her female gay cousin from San Fransico came to be in the ceremony and that night she wouldn't anwser her phone or texts. My daughter and there best friend that lived with them( now remember I said that) went to find her as they were planning to go and celebrate at the local bar. She came up to where she said she'd be and looked in the window to see her kissing her cousin but just before the kiss she zipped her pants and wiped her mouth. I guess there was a history of insest in this famly. of course, all broke up wedding called off and she told everyone my daughter was crazy and that didn't happen and so on. The weekend before this she was completely rude an condisending to me and my daughter. I knew she was up to something. The relationship consisted of her keeping my daughter debit card and drivers license in her wallet. Controlled everything about her and told her she gave her the world as she was gaslighting her. My daughter's self-esteem and confidence was shot. She used the bestfriend as a weapon against her and all her friends are gone. They were her friends first but I completely believe she was telling them things previous to the that she had all these problems and was a problem and how wonderful she was to her. Her step mom wrote to me and told me that she had been trying to break up there marriage for years by doing thing adn had a long list of dramatics to draw attention to her. She wished she had come forward sooner as she knew my daughters gentle and kindness would be used and taken advantage of. She was married for 3 years previous to a guy and found out she had him get a vasecomy so she would have more sex with him and didn't. She laughed about it to my daughter and thought it was funny. She also would take his pay check and spend it the way she wanted also. Very cold and calculating. She also works for her dad and has control of the finances of the company so she does have power to throw anyone under the bus if she wants. It's been 3 years and my daughter is just getting past the depression and beoming the kind, wonderful person she was with some self- esteem. Good luck to anyone who has encountered this. It is a living hell to over come.

    • profile image

      Gayle 4 years ago

      To Lizzy, I'm sorry for what you went through. I was lucky enough to have a close relationship with my daughter and I believe it kept her from committing suicide. It was close sometimes. When she was with this partner 3 monthes before the ceremony she told me she went to the doctor and got anti-depressants and said for we to watch her as the side effects were suicide!She said this with a small smile on her face. I asked if she was o.k? The partner said"that is so dumb shes on those". I believe the smile was because she was afraid of the other one and down played it to protect herself. I have talked to her about writing a book about her private hell of loving someone and using that again them. I completely believe it is possible now. Good luck and please heal yourself.

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      Kalexis02 4 years ago

      Recently, someone sent me this article. I wished I had received it sooner then I did. They asked me if I wrote it because it described my brothers relationship with his "wife". This article describes it exactly! She was always putting him down, nothing he did was good enough. She tried to manipulate my family anf their friends into believing he was a terrible person. He did everything she asked to make their relationship work. She cheated on him on their anniversary with his best friend. Then moved out because she needed space. She left him with their 2 children, one of which is terminally ill. He sunk into a depression and started drinking. My family would work hard to support and help him as much as possible. Everytime he got back on his feet and started to enjoy life again, she would call and destroy him. It turned into a daily occurrence. Sadly, After 2 years of mental torture my brother committed suicide. The "wife", who had been sleeping around for the past year, played the poor mourning widow. Narcissistic is an understatement, sociopath may be more appropriate! So I urge anyone reading this, thinking it doesn't happen, to think again. This is a real phenomenom and it has left us without an incredible, caring, thoughtful, loving man.

    • profile image

      Concerned 4 years ago

      I believe that my ex is in a similar situation. She is being electronically harassed and stalked by her psycho neighbor. I believe that he has an electronic lock picker because some one keeps getting into her place even after the locks have been replaced. Of course his parents are also her (My Ex’s) landlords.

      He is a known pathological lair and drug addict. He has stolen my ex's pain and bi polar medication on very regular occasions and she says that he threatens to put her in jail if she does not just give him her medication! (He is also a narc for the local corrupt police)...

      I have always thought that my ex was just over exaggerating or trying to get me involved in her life again, through fraud or deception, because she is also not one to be trusted. However, after reading this article I am starting to think there might be something real going on here!

      This person has taken control of her cell phone, her Internet, all her computers, all of her on line accounts, and made her email and Facebook un-accessible to her. He regularly impersonates her in malicious ways on line and causes complete hell! He even has a spy app that puts out text messages from her! There is no way to prove it though because they are both crazy so it is really hard to tell what is true and what is not.

      I have recently started to become victim to this harassment as well! It seems like this stalker has broken into my cell phone acct and shut off my services making it look like my ex did it. When I confronted her she says that her service has been messed with as well only the emails said that it came from me! This is making me severely depressed and I can only imagine the negative effect it has had on my ex.

      There needs to be better protocols for online security and law enforcement needs to take these situations more seriously!

    • profile image

      Guest 4 years ago

      My heart breaks for you all.

      The article WOW, I have never read such a chilling article in my life.

      Psychological abuse is really sinister, and in some way, more creepy than physical, although all abuse is very serious.

      This part particularly sent a preverbial shiver down my spine.

      "The victim takes the knowledge of their inflicted psychological murder to the grave which forever remains a secret"

    • Bobbie Jo McHenry profile image

      Bobbie Jo McHenry 4 years ago

      I just lost my son to suicide on March 4, 2013. He was 24 years old. He was in the marine corps and married for only 2 1/2 years to a Narcissist. I read the book Know ayour Enemy and it was like I was looking at a picture of her right before my eyes. This was a case of psychological murder. When we first met her, she was the sweet, innocent girl that anyone would want for their son. After he came back from boot camp we all noticed little things. After a year, it was to the point, he was isolated from friends and family. She put him into debt and wouldn't give him any of his own money. She was a pathological liar, and always pretending to be sick. He would stay on base most of the times for peace of mind, and she would manipulate him back and start all over again. My son is not here because of her. We are in the process of meeting with NCIS (through the marine corps) regarding his death. My family is beside ourselves over this. The ironic thing too, my best friend lost her son 3 years ago to the same psychological abuse he received from his wife. Her and I were up until 3am looking for answers or help and ran across this article and I mean we looked at everything you can imagine. This was the ONLY thing we ran across that has described our sons death and what they have gone through. Thanks for listening and one day soon our boys stories will be told to the world of what horrible pain a suffering they went through and how they were psychologically murdered.

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      Anon 3 years ago

      ymb says that her narcissist threatened to trash her all over facebook, in my country you can get arrested and sued for just offending someone on facebook!

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      willnotbebullied 3 years ago from Milford Haven

      This explains my exact situation, i will not be bullied any more

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      Anonn 3 years ago

      Both of my parents are Narcissists, the father being overt and mother covert. For the last 2~ years I've been living away from my father which at the time was seemed like it would make everything better, which it did until the covert abuse went into full gear.

      I was, metaphorically, standing up to find I was pushed back down. This went on most days to the point I began seeking escape via drugs. I started smoking cannabis all day everyday for over a year, during this phase I had not a care in the world and the covert N begun showing her true nature (because she couldn't "touch" me) till one day I realized the abuse. She took off her mask and I saw who she truly was, a rage-filled child in a 50 year old woman. On that day when I called her out she called my father to "talk", which was an attempt to lure me back into their thrall. It ended with him going into narcissistic rage. It was NOT a good day for me..

      Since then however, my life has started to become bearable.

      I don't smoke cannabis daily anymore and have become, albeit my social phobia and avoidance personality disorder, more social and trusting in my self. It's a psychological battle everyday as I am still living with the CN, seeing the truth rather than being trapped in unending pain and confusion, some days being worse than others.

      During my highschool years I was strongly encouraged to take the loser/rebel/black sheep role and for a while I was following this path because at the time I really believed I was the problem and was evil. That is until the day I tried LSD, not to advocate using drugs as a way to "get better". I felt like a baby opening their eyes for the very first time to the world. After that day I started becoming more normal, I started dropping my old beliefs about myself and the world. This and many experiences later with psyclobin/mescaline I feel I have truly begun to heal my true self.

      Nothing is fixed.. Nothing

      Stay strong friends, much love to all sufferers of NA.

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      marie 3 years ago

      This is why she killed herself. I was supposed to be next. I'm out now and safe but I can't stop thinking about her. I never met her but I am the only person in the world who truly knows who she was. No one, not even her closest friends or relatives believed her. She suffered unimaginable torture for 25 years until her youngest became an adult. She was determined to survive long enough to make sure her children were safe. No one knows this. Her friends, family, even her kids blame her and are angry with her and see him as the saintly, self sacrificing, grieving husband of a mentally ill woman who committed suicide. I am the only one who knows and no one will believe me. My heart breaks for her and her children.

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      Vi 3 years ago

      My daughter committed suicide 8 days ago. She lived the life you described. He controlled her, pushed her family away. He told her he didn't love her anymore, that he hated her. He told her he was leaving her , packed and left. Knowing how she was vulnerable, week, NOT her own person anymore. She devoted her life, desperately tried to be the "perfect" wife...but he just kept beating her down.

      I miss my daughter, while she was lying in the funeral home he was out at a bar with his girlfriend. The whole time texting his mother in law....how much he misses her. The guy is a naracisstic monster!!!!! Does he have to get away with murder??????

    • Gail Meyers profile image

      Gail Meyers 3 years ago from United States

      Sparkster, as always I enjoyed reading your hub. It is interesting food for thought within the context of dealing with a parent or spouse with narcissistic personality disorder, but I also wonder about this within the context of a larger group of people targeting individuals.

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      OnlyFools&Horses 3 years ago

      Really enjoy reading this post because it ticks so many boxes in my own life experiences. My elder brother put me through hell from the age of 20 up until this very day where I am now 43. Using all of the clever techniques of covert manipulation. I nearly took my own life but quickly realised that was exactly what he wanted. It's scary that so many people in this world would operate like this, I wish we could put them on their own planet where their minds exist.

      I lost my marriage, home, business and was left with a damaged career path, bad credit rating and a case load of emotional baggage, however after many years of recovering, I have stared death in the face, heavily drinking to slowly kill myself, hoping that if I become terminally ill in hope that I can exact my final revenge without being locked up.

      He is probably more scared of me than I am of him, afterall he has created a monster in me, one which he can no longer control. I see him as a sad and pathetic fool who's ambitions extended not only to become wealthy but ensuring he can run me into the ground at every opportunity.

      I strongly recommend all of you to keep clear of people like this, it will never get better and it could cost your life. I pray for a justice that may never come, but should I be alive long enough to see my brothers soul float by I will celebrate for the rest of my life.

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      Bobbie Jo mchenry 3 years ago

      It did cost my sons life. I lost a beautiful sole because if this narcissistic abusing wife he was married to. I know I can't bring him back and I will miss him forever. I just pray that she doesn't get anyone else in her web.

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      Linda Hoffman 3 years ago

      7 years after leaving a politically connected bully....he's still trying to back my into the insanity he declared of me when I left him 3.10.07, he's now enlisted some of my family members to break in and has made mom a victim of a"ca probate murder"article that summarizes events Very Well! No one is exempt. My question: isn't there a law on the books that makes this illegal?

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      Jmcaul 2 years ago

      at one point I considered ending my life as the only way out of my anguish. It was only the effect that would have had on my children that stopped me. I considered ways to make it look like an accident and then one day had an epiphany and that was NO! If anyone's life should end here it should be the abusers! And since I am not a killer...well. That was the end of that entire line of thinking.

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      Margaret o Neill 2 years ago

      I will just add, that at the point the abuser has sucked the will to live from the victim, at least in my case, the low life then relentlessly hounded me to commit suicide!

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      Xavier 2 years ago

      hello?

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      Michelle 2 years ago

      Welcome to my life!!!!!

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      GSVictim 2 years ago

      This article outlines something that has been happening to me for quite some time now, except that it is being done by a group rather than a single individual. What I am speaking of is an evil thing taking place in society today called gangstalking/organized stalking. This is a type of harassment whereby the stalkers act as a group to track and follow someone around utilizing various electronic devices such as cellphones, laptop computers, etc. Through very subtle means that the victims have been slowly conditioned to recognize, these stalkers let the victim know that they are in fact being stalked. Over time, this has a very deleterious effect on a given victim's mental and emotional state.

      Although before I became a victim of gangstalking I may have been able to be categorized benignly within some type of DSM-V classification, I have now become very agoraphobic and very anxious around people and public places. Before this started I had no problem going about my business and could deal with normal daily interactions in what I believe most would have considered to be a normal and socially acceptable manner.

      I knew a woman who completed suicide as a result of this high-tech stalking and harassment. This woman was legally blind, possessing just 15% of a normal field of vision. If she wanted to focus on any particular object, she would have to look at it indirectly, seeing it only partially in her peripheral vision. This example of this group harassing a legally blind woman to the point of suicide should horrify most people.

      I think that perhaps this group is using this type of stalking and harassment to get rid of whoever they feel are the undesirables in society. My lady friend was legally blind. I was born with a birth defect/deformity for which I have had corrective surgery, and I suspect that many of the targets/victims of this crime have something that this group does not like.

      Is this a new Nazi uprising to create their fourth reich? A menacing cult such as the Co$? Something else?

      No doubt many who are not victimized in this manner will scoff at what I have just said. Nevertheless, I will never retract the fact that I am a victim of this crime, and it has caused me great suffering and loss.

      Some things simply have to wait for God's judgment day, and unfortunately this seems to be one of them.

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      buck shine 2 years ago

      this describes my mom sadly…at 52 and surviving cancer …..the psychology books have helped me unravel her sneaky soul crushing ways. Thankyou for making public a painful and tabboo rare breed of human

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      Chuck Fasst 2 years ago from Portland, Oregon

      I like this term Narcopath that you use. I think it aptly describes the malignant, psychopathic Narcissist. The type that breaks the laws of man and morals. The type that murders the souls of their victims who are usually the ones closest to them. And the ones who cross the line to actual murder. Maybe this would be a good term for me to use in my hub series about narcissist murderer Christian Longo.

      www.N-Searcher.Blogspot.com

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      Katie 2 years ago

      This article explains the relationship between my mother and I. The part that really got me the most was the depersonalisation for one... I experienced that odd feeling so many times before I went no contact. It was as if I had completely lost touch with myself and no longer knew who I was. Also, the part about pumping yourself full of things that will kill you so you don't have to put up with it anymore. I never drank or did drugs. My drug of choice is food and I have been pumping myself full of it even though I have a heart condition. But I have a lot of pain still, I go over it in my head sometimes after years of no contact. It's just there... And eating not only numbs it for a brief time but also I think deep down I want to be gone so that I don't have to feel this pain anymore. However, I'm getting better now. I am living quite a nice life now and I'm feeling better about myself. Each day I feel I'm getting a little better :) I'm learning a lot and I am firmly on the road to recovery. Thanks for writing this article. It has been very helpful but I'm sorry if you have experience with a monster too x

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      Melinda Stevens 2 years ago

      This is a very good description of the abuse! I wish everybody was aware of these creatures but unfortunately, most ppl only become aware after we're been abused many years & start searching for the answers! I, 2, would have committed suicide had it not been for my son & knowing he'd then have nobody! This article is spot on & really expresses the seriousness of the abuse! Great job!

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      ShameNoMore 18 months ago

      Thank So much for your article & to many brilliant YouTubes on subject of Narcissism. One man brilliantly describes the many many covert tactics my narco Mum used till I went No Contact only 2 weeks ago following a similar suicidal ideation that was So powerful until my terrified cowering Inner Child broke out and I started to deeply try to love her into wanting to live. It all followed her usual sick cruel tactics of 'Thought Policing' me, then 'Hoovering' me so I'd return; then Triangulation with the other Scapegoat. Others that

      helped me in this very very hard but life-saving time of deep and terrible isolation & being low were just to watch Fellow Survivors (cos that is what we are). I wish I could mention my fave YouTuber's: one man who recently left a link to your article. He is my fave as he mentions all these covert things the narc in our life has tried to do. He gave the madness in my life a name (such as "Ghosting", "Boat Anchor, Clouding, Smearing, the Golden Child, Triangulation, Gaslighting to name just a few of the insiduous tactics used. Listening to these helps me become the observer and not the absorber. Becomming the Observer is not my idea but that if R. Rossenburg, writer. The start of my journey was my lovely Empathetic Dr saying listen to a certain Ted talk on "Vulnerability & Shame. That started me off watching YouTube continually as I cannot go out yet as my confidence has been so fractured. There is comfort in my fave survivor video: a man with a New Jersey accent(?). There is something wonderfully healing in his presence and voice as I lie here alone, isolated and desperate not to break my 0 contact(2 weeks in). I have no family left due to triangulation and smearing. I kind-of-know that Im not the bad person she insinuates I am: as Im an ex Terminal care nurse/healer/empath & I've kept, from my old job, families' Thank you cards! Im awaiting psychotherapy to deal with Attachment trauma. Up till this stage I was so brainwashed by Mother that I always had Narco partners to blame it on & not her. But she was always in the background shaming me for having yet another failed relationship. I stopped all love entanglements then got straight to the heart of this: my cycle of craving a Love without strings I had never known but continually finding the only kind of live I'd known as a child.

      Thanks dear dear writer for writing what I feared and felt: that I had been "mentally raped". You Sparkster are great & courageous. Like Michelle; I too was upset by the arrogant(?a narcissist herself?!) Comment around drugs and alcohol...blah, blah "Not Victims crap" that heard so so much of in AA! Had to say that. It takes real courage to face the Truth: as Brene Brown says in the famous YouTube(4million viwed it!)...that TREMENDOUS power comes out of the Vulnerability that some label, as just being a"Victim". We who have suffered deeply and Silenced with Covert tactics have often been silenced from childhood: so speaking out and getting Support here is Life Saving. Yes; I too used alcohol & sadly; that too was used against me. Interestingly since smashing down the Shame; through brilliant articles and help like this blog; I actually drink very little but I have had to go "No contact" & change all contacts to get my life back. If any action defines a Survivor & putting a stop to being a victim it is this. We are Survivors and very very brave and I love you all. Please please try to leave the Narcopathic Abuser if you can. In Bristol UK we have "WomanKind" who have safe houses but you also have us Survivors here who want to help. You are not mad or bad but in a state of CPTSD as I am right now. Together we Can do this. Self love lots and lots of it...going out to you all.

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      Sleuph 17 months ago

      Use a smartphone. Take a good solid day and take pictures of everything in your house. After that, take picturesc of evrything that moves, or that catches your eye. Use your intuition. Put the photos into online storage. You never know what patterns will emerge.

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      Liam Sanders 15 months ago

      I am the target of gang stalking by my parents, and previously four years of workplace bullying. The goal is absolutely to bring about my suicide, and they've recruited an army of followers to carry out their evil plan. I've lost nearly everything already, and they're so powerful and well-connected that there may not be any escape for me. They've made me homeless once already, and they'd have no problem making me destitute. Please see my blog below where I'm documenting my experiences.

      https://organisedstalkinguk.wordpress.com

      Thanks,

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      Hbomb 13 months ago

      I had thought to myself many times that he is trying to get me to kill myself.

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      Soppy Ristovski 12 months ago

      The more I live it, the more I see, the more I see and reflect back on my life and the more I read blogs like this one the more I come to realise and know and the more I know the stronger undefeated I stand. I knew this was not the life I needed nor did I deserve the treatment I got, you could say every time I fought back it was for my life, for survival, for my sheer existence. I tried to brake away, I even kicked him out but every time he manipulated his way back, he was like a parasite, I actually called him a leech many times, latching on and sucking my blood, that was said and other things long before I new anything about what a Narcassist is, I just new things by my how he was and my life was, now I am reading things and just connecting the dot's it all makes sense, yet even though it makes sense I can not retionalise how someone can be like that.

      I was very wrong for allowing myself to have children with this man as he has been grooming them from a very early age, I have been realising that more and more as they became adults, certain things that I was told that dad said about me and also the way they turned out, they are more then most daddy's children, and they too I feel are more and more like him and each other, and I see it so clear, and now I know why I used to say they are so predictable and also used to say you know one you know them all. They to are the Narc's and abusers in their own life and towards me and everything is my fault, nothing I do is good enough and they, manipulate, gaslight, are vey self absorbed, users and abusers Jackel and Hyde personalities that you kind of always have to watch what you say and do so it doesn't get turned around and blow up in your face, they are also like boomerangs, Jack in the box come and go and punish with no contact not even with the grandkids until they decide to come back into my life, which can take a year or two even tree, few have done it. They are very egotistical,grandiose with entitlements, place conditions on my love and just want want, with nothing to give back in return.

      I had a heart attack 3 years ago, and although most of them came and visited in hospital and showed some signs of caring, one stood out from the rest, my second youngest daughter didn't leave the hospital almost for the duration of my stay. But the funniest thing it's these years since my heart attack and during my recovery that several of my children and especially their father that showed more aggression and resentment towards me then ever, it is like even my voice echoes in their head, they get on guard defensive and aggressive raising their tone and voice towards me. Their father and I will not call him my partner because he is not, and even though we share the same house we have been sleeping in seperate rooms for several years, see his plan backfired on him as tried to discredit, demeaner and destroy me, actually strip me of everything and kick me out, or at least break me so I would cave and fall under the Kings ruling, his thumb and do as I am told. He made up this story in his head that I played up on him on this certain Occassion with a carpenter that we used number of times over the years, he insisted he had proof, pictures had me followed by detectives and even he followed me, well he told everyone including the kids, at his workplace all over the country as he is an interstate truck driver. Well he also went to the department of transport and transferred the car from joint names into his name, he also opened up his own bank account and had his wage go into that account instead of the joint account, he told the kids about this affair that I apparently had, and that he would slash my throat, he also told them that his intention was he was plotting to kick me out of the house, he did not even leave me funds nor did he care that I had no money for food or my regular heart medicine, if it had not been for this daughter I mentioned before that stuck by me I don know what I would do, well I also applied for Centrelink as we are not a couple and had not been for some time we are just very intangled financionally, a while later I got approved for funding. The way it is I would have to leave the family home that I have been living in for 16 years, and go where?? he was never domesticated, it was me that worked hard, renovated the house, landscaped the gardens maintained the property and raised the kids almost single handedly and made our house a home and try to provide some normality into a family life when he wasn't around, which was a lot that he wasn't around due to his work, yet he had a much greater influence on the kids with his manipulation and playing the victim. Plus he would rather see everything go under then part company amicably, he plays games there too.

      This is all after my heart attack, so much for empathy or any care and concern, not many showed any, and if they did it was very short lived.

      The thing is I know him only too well unfortunately, better then he knows himself, I knew he was irresponsible with bill's so when he faild to pay the rego on the car and it lapsed I got it registered in my name, of boy did that rock the boat for a long time he was very angry that I outsmarted him, yes he did pay the mortgage and some other bill but I and the daughter started paying the rest as he felt he is almost never there so is not liable, so if the power got cut off not his problem as some of the bill have been in my name since the house was bought. I told him, I know you and I am now always one step ahead, as I said it is predictable, he transferred the wage into the joint account several months later after he blew thousands of dollars on gambling and whatever else he wanted, set us back with bills and now he is being dormant until the next time, but I only pay bills out of his account and that is it, I support myself with food, clothes, my med's etc we don't even communicate like in talking, he doesn't ring me and I dont ring him even though the phone call's between us are free, when he is at the house we keep away from each other I try and go out of the house most days when he is around, it is only a matter of time now, because this too is no life, and he still manipulates the kids and situations etc and the kids are mean and the same as him well like I said most are, the thing is they were my life, I have no one, because of the way life, not only did he isolate me/us me as an individual, us as a couple and a family but I did too because I refused to be embaresed infringed of other people, plus the Narc's make friend easier then what they can maintain them, he was also a jeleous possessive and abusive alcoholic, so that was a put off as I started getting accused of sleeping with male friends, he would also talk about our personal issues and his lack of sexual sets faction with others including our kids to some degree, or they would hear things we were discussing or arguing about, as to him no didn't mean anything and it was never enough, I was his possession his sex slave, so I did not wish to socialise with society for a large number of reasons. Some of kids are in a way the same in that area also, there is no shame, no embaressment and no boundaries, no wright or wrong, lawless no rules, couple of the kids were involved not with alcohol but with drugs also, so their rational was even more out of whack.

      Anyway this is a small part of my life and a 40+ year relationship with a Narcassist/Sociopath/Psychopath with the devil himself and his offspring. I don't even know how to love my children any more as they have insulted me, degraded me called me so so many names that is almost unforgivable, I love them because they are my children and I tolerate them at some point because of my grandchildren, but I no longer feel a bond with most, I feel like I am so alone in a crowded room and do not even feel like their mother any mor.

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      shamen 12 months ago

      This is a very accurate description . This is also called organized gang stalking. If you google, You will find a lot of articles related to this topic. This is done in a group environment. This is not done by just one person.

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      Bonnie 11 months ago

      I really resent that, once again, suicide is labeled as "selfish".

      Having been down that road, I can tell you that at the time, a person is thinking that their absence is the only thing that will make life better for their loved ones. The one last positive thing they do after feeling useless and hopeless for so long.

      Suicided takes courage. It is not selfish. However, you seem to think that substance abuse is a better alternative. Having lived around that, as well, (not me) I can strongly state that dealing with an addict may be the worse thing in the world for loved one.

    • sparkster profile image
      Author

      Marc Hubs 11 months ago from United Kingdom

      As far as I can tell, nobody said that suicide is selfish and it's certainly not a selfish act. It's an act of desperation, as is substance abuse. Neither one is better than the other seeing as the main goal behind many people turning to substance abuse is to eventually commit suicide anyway albeit in an easier way. But, with substance abuse, there is no immediate death and help can be obtained in time before any serious damage is done.

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      Mona Sabalones Gonzalez 11 months ago from Philippines

      I want to thank you for having the courage to write an article like this. I know the difficulty that can come, the unearthed pains when writing about something very personal. It turns out, so many others have the same experience, and judging from the comments, you gave them a voice.

      Thank you for sharing something so deeply personal, yet so important to many people who would not otherwise understand themselves better.

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      tererocca 11 months ago

      I cried with every word of your post, as it seemed to tell the story of my life. However, as a survivor of a serious suicide attempt following 29 years of abuse by a narcopath and the mother of a son who took his own life, I'd like to tell you that there is nothing selfish about suicide (on the contrary, the suicidal person often thinks that he/she will cease to be a burden to her loved ones). The decision to kill oneself has all to do with hopelessnes and unbearable psychic pain, which I think most of us who have fallen prey to a narcopath are unfortunately familiar with.

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      LaMiCa 10 months ago

      This is real. Great article but although I could identify with every word of it, they are so many people unaware of this situation. You truly start to doubt yourself when the abuser is surrounded by people you once considered family. I suffered in silence for too long and my children watched me helpless in understanding what was happening...why would someone who claimed to love me be so horrible. No matter how committed or sincere I was to preserve a relationship with the abuser for my children's sake, the abuse was constant. I have lived through it to tell my story as well as to try to spare my children from repeating or receiving this level of abuse in their lives.

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      Tymmkindly 10 months ago

      Dear Mr. Hubs this has been happening to me for the last 5 years. They are trying to kill me can you please help

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      From Korea 9 months ago

      This can happen regardless of culture, gender and wealthiness. My ex-partner was a covert narcissist, which now I can identify using the terminology. I was trying to understand her because I believed we were raised in the different cultures. However, there were many red flags as the symptoms of lack of empathy and emotions. The only genuine emotion of her might be the full of resentment or the innermost rage, or the huge black-hole inside her mind. To hinder my observation on her, her parents were rushing into the marriage and brought many dramatic situations, and attempted to brainwash me to wipe out my value system. Therefore, I couldn't simply ignore their "intended" mishaps. Not after a few months, I had real physical symptoms caused by unwanted stresses. The stresses were not like ordinary ones but purely caused by her fluctuating (like a bipolar) moods or "double-binds". I was thinking of committing suicide and my heartbeat was irregular and the other body was not functioning well. She recommended some medicines to cure my symptoms with the kind letters, and I couldn't understand what's wrong with myself. After I decided to get divorced, yes, it turned out that she hided the huge amount of debt before the marriage, the symptoms were gone, but still remaining some traumatic ones yet -- fortunately they are manageable. I was a kind of lucky because I didn't have to be financially exhausted (early-detection worked) and didn't give up the existing relationships with my parents and friends, which were being threatened by her alienation on me.

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      Dinesh 9 months ago

      Really great article...

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      Anna 9 months ago

      Well, I can make this easy for you.

      I am a current victim of this type of torture. Not only are all of my electronics hacked and compromised, I have endured bullying and hate crimes over the course of my entire life, and I grew up in a super safe part of town at that time. From impulsive behaviors on my end to being bullied, to being exposed to violent films at early ages outside the home, to being exposed to lesbianism, to cars being targeted, and keyed, and stalked for wrecks upon wrecks, I finally gave up with my first DUI at 19.

      No one in my community believes me and would prefer to write me off as mentally ill, but I am not. Schizophrenics do no hear voices over the course of their entire life, as I have. All plans, relationships, and occupations are ruined. Identity and forms of identity continue to be stolen, and I continue to struggle to find meaning in my days. I would do anything for someone to help me.

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      Tracey 9 months ago

      Best description of this type of abuse. I was with an attentive quiet pleasing man fir six months I was happy, although something did bother me about him but I felt guilty for not quite trusting him.

      Then he began to mention my clothes, my hairstyle and suggest I get my nails done or have a shirt blonde haircut.

      I didn't and his hints became demands which i chose to ignore.

      He began moaning "oh everybody loves you" and "you're just doing what you want"

      Finally he withdrew but kept me hanging (I'm sure he was grooming a new victim)

      The final straw was a monumental rage which lasted for hours in public, he ignored me was kissing other women, texting in another area of the bar & showing off.

      He wouldn't let me leave, my car keys were at his home. On the way home he walked ahead at speed telling me "I think it's best you leave as early as possible in the morning"

      By this time I was frozen inside, a complete mess, I felt raped & very unsafe.

      I slipped away as soon as I could, he grunted when I said goodbye.

      Two weeks later he's parading his new girlfriend to my friends on FB

      Two months later he wanted to swop us ! I swerved meeting him which he wanted just to "talk". I've received doorstep deliveries cards and flowers, he's told me he's very ill and misses me. If I go off script I get raging messages. The stalking has not stopped in all of this time, he is still in a relationship with my replacement.

      It's tragic because she has changed her hair, style, posts endless sexy selfies & looks so sad in her eyes.

      On reflection all of his other partners have adopted this boyish look dressed up but going nowhere of any value just his local pub with his drunken lame friends.

      I'm spooked by what I experienced, spooked at the metamorphism of his girlfriends into these cropped baby blondes with skin tight cheap clothes, so out of place in his envirment.

      He is so ugly & so boring yet the most dangerous person I've ever encountered.

      He was diagnosed after his marriage collapsed, naturally he failed to educate me his family did after the abuse of his wife who all fear him.

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      keh1016 9 months ago

      Sticks and Stones, but actually words CAN hurt you. (See? people can get offended just by the caps in the word can which I do not intend).

      Thanks for the article. People don't realize it. I have found its not just kids that are bullied by their peers, they are bullied by their parents-even as adults, belittled and/or gaslighting. Verbal abuse is verbal abuse, and the victim should not be put on stand, be accused-simple as that. Unfortunately the reality of it is, it is not and affects the bullied victim.

      Sleeping/Living With the Enemy

      You see movies/shows on people with narcissism (its not just about the exterior vanity, the inner imbalance of self esteem, the ego) and like the mentality-the focus is shifted to all about them. But, what about the mentally abused? Where's their movie/story? I think they have yet speak out loud because whether or not aware they look the other way when verbally abused and don't say a word. But, I have yet to see that perspective in films. Whether in relationships or movies, the focus is always shifted back to the narc.I have tried to see the other side, why and put myself in their shoes and always go back to I am sorry you have those values, those should be yours, not mine and what makes you so special?

      Hasn't been diagnosed, I'm not a doctor so how would I know right?...

      I know it, I live it. I am in the middle of a conversation, they slam the door open/call on the phone saying what is on their mind. Now, if I did it that would be wrong. Neither I, nor the person I am talking to, addresses the total disregard that person has for others and we don't say what's really on our mind which is, "Excuse me we're talking here." Then, we end the convo and walk out of the room. That person blames me, says im wrong and never takes responsibility and says why can't you?... and less tactful, nastier to me by the day. In addition, I think the person I was in the middle of having a convo with-they are denial of what is going on unless the covert acts more overt.

      Oh yeah, you're never wrong, perfect right?...

      Now, So far, I am 100% positive someone I know has it and what is sad is how ignorant they don't even know what a narc is. Subconsciously they identify and empathize with that kind of character-(the only empathy ever expressed otherwise they don't know how). Now, whether or not they are aware they are a narc i I half believe they claim they "Don't even know what a narc is", "Ooh, that's a big word, never heard of it, what is it?" b/c they refuse to read/have an open mind/learn anything new and go on with the same old same old.

      I won't be tied, Sever All Ties

      But, there is an untold story here it is psychologically-physically killing the victim. Suicide is such an internal conflict due to the verbally abused whether the abuser is a narc or not. People don't usually speak out and say "You're hurting my feelings" or, why are you like this, Why is tearing me down so important to you". But, I won't be tied down, I won't end up tying myself to a noose. I will sever the tie and cut loose when the time comes. If you want to cut me, I'll cut you and your future influence on me and others out of my life. That's what its come down to.

    • profile image

      Jenae 9 months ago

      This happened to me. Groomed from an infant in my own family this article was a Eye opener for me.i am still recovering from the damage done .held captive for 27 years used as a sex slave raped every day.locked in a house .in my mind unable to make any choices outside of the abusers desires for me.my mother went along with it .i do not have any contact at all with my mother or father is in prison for life and mother continues to further the abuse of me .i am 55 now .

    • profile image

      Thomas 8 months ago

      So Any boss you or I will ever have is commiting this crime, when they retire or die another just takes their place and the cycle of abuse continues.

    • Wes Walter profile image

      Wes Walter 8 months ago

      I lost my daughter last year to this exact form of abuse with all these very same elements. If I wasn't there the last year of her life and documented it, it all would have left as just another "unexplained suicide". The simple fact is ,even though I was there, I failed to understand what was happening to my daughter though it was happening right before me. This has compounded my grief quantitatively .

      To date I've come across the families of three other young woman who appear to have suffered the same form of extreme, insidious , systematic psychological abuse ending in death. These victims are literally tortured to death. How it is that this can go on unaddressed by the criminal justice system I can only surmise. I am left to only try and explain what has happened to my daughter's two little boys someday.

    • profile image

      Nm 8 months ago

      This is how I feel. I keep running, looking for safety for me and my daughter, then I was fired. I am tired and scared. She is better off without me as she wouldn't be a target. If she finds her own escape that is her choice.

    • Wes Walter profile image

      Wes Walter 8 months ago

      I see no difference in this versus killing someone by slowly poisoning them to death.

    • profile image

      judewolf 8 months ago

      I just went through this. Though I know suicide is painful for everyone involved, and that dying with such emotions means having to deal with them in another dimension, the only thing stopping me now is my dog and cats.

      Just a little while ago, I was thinking of ways to harm myself, and i was crying till i choked on my own tears saying "I did not do anything to him to deserve this". Then I felt very calm very quickly. I wish I was more ignorant or less spiritual. The pain of knowing better yet not able to stay is excruciating. I don't even know why I am writing here.

      Please don't tell me not to do it. Just help me figure out why i feel inclined to take my life when i should know better.

    • profile image

      Holly 8 months ago

      I need to believe, that the truth will out in the end, be it ten,twenty, or thirty years, only then will I ever see justice.

    • profile image

      Nami 8 months ago

      I thought the article was excellent. However I think that it was wrong to give judgement to the victim losing their will to live after such horrific abuse. This is not a selfish act.. I know the pain of losing your sense of self and the segregation, losing all of your friends and family and purpose feel8ngs. It is very hard to go through it. I wish to give victims hope for survival through awareness and deep understanding, knowledge and validation. We as victims of these vicims demons don't need to be judged any further. We are sisters and brothers to those that have been in the dangerous liaisons with the malignant narcissitict. Take that out of this article. It does no good to call the victim selfish. If you inputted the info because many victims come to that point. Then raise them up out if their despair by tell8ngbthem others have felt the same and they are not al9ne. That there is hope and we must learn about the psychological warfare the malignant na4cissits plays to be vigilant and separate ourselves from their tactics to brainwash us.

    • sparkster profile image
      Author

      Marc Hubs 8 months ago from United Kingdom

      Where does the article state that losing their will to live is selfish? I wrote the article and I have been at this point myself so I would never want to judge anyone in such a way or portray that such an act is selfish. I'm sorry that it came across that way, it certainly wasn't my intention. Can you please point out where the article states this and I will edit it? Thanks.

    • profile image

      cloverscott@rocketmail.com 8 months ago

      I love this article about the subtle tactics that a narcissist may use to abuse you. I have commented on another article that you have written - Defamation and Character Assassination. I am currently writing a book about my journey of healing from my toxic situation. Please email me at cloverscott@rocketmail.com in regard to citing your article(s) in my book.

    • profile image

      Sani 8 months ago

      One of the MOST PRECISELY described situation that I have read so far. Thanx sparkster

      Expanding Consciousness!...

      There are also videos by Ross Rosenberg which I'd like to mention, even tho there is no better understanding of this than that of the individuals who have experienced the Cluster B's directly :

      1. How to Defend Yourself from Narcissists. Observe Don't Absorb Technique. Stop the Manipulation!

      2. Codependents and the difference between Active and Passive ones

    • profile image

      Squeaky 8 months ago

      "Eventually the victim may be left feeling suicidal but commonly they are not selfish enough to go ahead with the task of committing suicide...", fourth paragraph from the end. You did not directly state that the act of suicide is selfish, but more by inference in the context of the sentence; I noticed it as well, as I had gotten to that point myself before I got out, and read it more or less the way the others commenting on it did. Perhaps another word in place of "selfish"?

    • Terese Kimberly profile image

      Terese Kimberly 8 months ago

      Author wrote ; Quote "Eventually the victim may be left feeling suicidal but commonly they are not selfish enough to go ahead with the task of committing suicide, they don't want others to be left picking up the pieces because they feel real true genuine empathy" Unquote.

      If you have ever been in this situation, you would never connect the word "selfish" with the word "suicide(attempt)". When someone is at that stage, it is a matter of hopelessness, helplessness and desperation to end suffering, and neither you nor anyone else has the right to judge how much suffering another can endure. I have been there and all the while that your article is very informative and well written, I feel deeply offended by the superficial way you write in the above quoted.

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      Enough 97 7 months ago

      Mine is a story that I have yet to hear someone else experience. This is the very first time I write/talk to anyone about this. It's been a very tough past few months for me but I have hope that things will get better. I mean they have to, right? Here goes: I grew up in an emotional and physically abusive household. My father, I believe, has NPD. My mother, my brother (1.5 yr younger than I), and myself always lived in fear. He would punch my mom and me in the face when he was in a bad mood, over the smallest of things. He wouldn't let my brother and I have friends or bring them over. He wouldn't let my mother have friends. Didn't want her to get a driver's license. Very controlling and intimidating. He had a gun at home which he would constantly threaten my mom with using it whenever he was upset. EVERY day was hell for me. I would come home from school scared. Crying and praying (I was a believer at the time), asking for it all to stop. But having learned in meetings (my parents were JWs), that we must forgive people, I would in my heart forgive my father. The abuse was VERY difficult. Especially for me and my mother. My dad was sexist and the macho type. My brother definitely got less of the abuse than I did. I was always a very empathetic and sensitive child. Now that I am an adult and have learned so many things, I believe I am an HSP. I was always a very sweet, caring, understanding little girl and teen, young adult. I always talked to the kids that others made fun of, was very understanding on everyone, loved pets and hated to see other suffer. I would 'feel" their pain. I still am all the things I mentioned, but that's not the story I am trying to tell. My mother, brother and I lived in constant fear. Every day of our lives. We couldn't sit at the dinner table and enjoy our food. My father made sure we sat a certain way, had to obey his order on things such as not mixing mashed potatoes with gravy because to him it looked gross, constantly yelling, throwing things, all while being sober, mind you. My brother and I wet the bed until we were around the 7th grade. We didn't have anyone to talk about the problems at home. No older siblings, no aunts, uncles, etc. My father didn't have any close friends and didn't want my mother being close to her family either. My mother, who should have been looking out for us was of course intimidated and could not do much to get away. Besides, she came from a background where leaving a man would look bad on you and you have to obey your husband. My dad made me give him my first few paychecks when I got my first job. He controlled everything. There are many other details I could mention but I have limited characters so I will try to get to the point. Suffered emotional abuse at home till I was around 22, then I moved out for about 5 yrs and then came back. Emotional abuse continued. Bad. My mother began to change. Not sure if this was cause of my father's abuse, but she began to show the same traits as him. Emotionally, not physically. She never laid a hand on us. By then I had 2 more siblings. Also 1.5 yrs apart. They would pick on the older of the two. I knew what the felt like so I would stand up for him when they were being unfair. He was emotionally very sensitive as well. I would always try to get my parents to understand how they were making him feel, and they would just yell at me and tell me to mind my own business. It would hurt me to see them treating him that way. Unfairly. When ever they would hurt my feelings through those years, I would try to get them to understand me. I would break down whatever they were doing to me so that they could see and realize they were wrong. I tried to be an adult about it and "talk things out", even though I wasn't the one doing anything. I just wanted them to see they were causing me pain, but they NEVER accepted or acknowledged anything. My mother would always say, "Well that's YOUR problem if you wanna get sad or mad about it!" And I would try to explain what they did that was wrong and how they made me feel and again, NEVER accepted or understood me. I would cry and cry and felt really hurt and depressed (mind you I was getting anxiety attacks since I was about 12). All this emotional abuse continued throughout all these years, until now actually. Except as of 2 yrs ago I finally moved out and away from them. So eventually I ended up involved with a guy who I later came to find out was a narcissist/sociopath. He hurt me like you have no idea. This one actually drained me dry out of my resources. I lost my job, my money, my license, i ended up having a psychotic episode and ended up at the hospital and was given a diagnosis of bipolar disorder type 1 with psychotic features. Can you imagine the pain and stress and struggle i was going through that time? The only person I trusted throughout all these years of going through the abuse of my parents, was my brother. The one who was there through it all. The one who saw it all from the beginning. The one who knew my pain. The one who was always there when I needed to talk to someone. The one who was so loving and patient and caring and understanding and always knew how to make me feel better. I trusted him with EVERYTHING. I trusted him with my own life. Well along with the highs and lows of the Bipolar disorder, I was having paranoia. I had persecutory delusions when I ended up going to the hospital. I thought evil beings were trying to kill me and that all people were trying to harm me. I'm not sure if that was just some type of phobia cause of all the mistrust I had in people all those years, or if it was purely the paranoia from the Bipolar disorder, but either way, I was experiencing that paranoia every so often. Scariest thing ever. You being to thing people want to poison you, they are trying to do something to you, etc. It only occurred under times of stress or if I wasn't getting enough sleep. Didn't happen all the time. So my brother is the person I would go to when I was starting to feel it coming on and he was always very comforting and reassured me that everything was going to be okay. I trusted him with every single secret of mine. The thoughts i would get, the fears, what triggered it in me, what my thought process was when I started getting paranoid, what type of music or movies would trigger it, etc. He was always there for me. I trusted him with everything and loved him with all my heart. Funny how things happen just the was we read them on all these sites about narcissistic abuse and sociopathic behavior, etc. Once that mask slips and we see people for who they are, we look back to things they said or did that at the time seemed a little odd, but it isn't till after you know what they are, that you realize you were picking up on things but didn't realize it. Over the years, my brother would send me video clips and images and songs, and lyrics which were very random, and which because of me loving him with all my heart and him being the PERFECT brother and always being there for me, etc., would have NEVER imagined he would EVER do something to hurt me, EVER, I never realized that HE himself was sending me things that he KNEW would trigger paranoia and fear in me!! The ONE and ONLY person who I trusted with EVERYTHING, who knew EXACTLY how my mind worked and knew my fears, and all that, who I confided everything to, was doing even WORSE pain that my parents even did!! I only discovered a few months ago that he is a sociopath. Textbook. He is like the perfect person. Everyone loves him! My parents adore him! He has known all this time that i have reading about psychopaths/sociopaths/narcissists. I think that makes him want to break me even more. The last conversation we had was on the phone and he said I should stop reading that stuff cause i might learn something i don't want to hear. And then he said sometimes he has to pretend to be human for the sake of his son and that only a few number of ppl would know what that means. I don't know how to get him to leave me alone. My own brother!! This isn't a lover or a parent! It's my sibling who I trusted COMPLETELY! I didn't deserve this.

    • profile image

      Jon 7 months ago

      Regarding the quote,

      "Eventually the victim may be left feeling suicidal but commonly they are not selfish enough to go ahead with the task of committing suicide...",

      My interpretation is that we were abused and conditioned to believe that suicide would be the ultimate selfish act. As we survived by believing we were responsible for everyone else.

      This in no way is intended to encourage suicide, bUT maybe less triggering quote

      "Eventually the victim may be left feeling suicidal but commonly they have been so deeply conditioned with being called shameful and selfish, that suicide doesn't present as a viable option, and would seem to only further confirm their abusers claims that they are worthless....",

      Just a thought.

    • Christy McKee profile image

      Christy McKee 7 months ago

      Excellent EXCELLENT article that I was so happy to some across. A relief! I couldnt be happier that this issue is starting to have the light of awareness shined on it! Ive been married to a severe narcopath for 12 years. Self, porn, sex, women and im not really how deep it goes obsessed. Ill not get off my point abd get started. Have the beginnibgs of a book Ive started working on. Absolutely a life devistating experience. There are many words seemingly taken straight from my mouth how common this silent abuse is and how I can only see it getting worse in the future. I call them the "smartphone" generation. Parenting, theirs probably an app for that! Im by no means claiming to be perfect and can only pray my child doesnt develope this disorder. Living with a narcopath father (though not to him,yet) and a co-dependant mother, though i really dont think i used to be... Also i developed C-PTSD. What they do is criminal. My husband has sociopathic tendencies. The level of harm they inflict on others to a spiritual level its really hard to believe, its hard to accept. It is pure hell I wish upon no one! Ive been experiencing the "grand finale, final discard phase". Its the craziest thing in the world to be treated like youre totally insane by "friends" and family. My famiky doesnt have much to do with ne because Im in a horrible abusive situation. Mentally, emotionally, sexually (not so much that these days im setting boundries). Its like nobody, who are fully aware of what youve experienced, how hard youve worked and tried cant imagine for one second what this can be like?!! I have a relative that made a cocky remark how if her husband left she and their child would be just fine. Well lucky for her she married into a well off family and her hubby is genuinly a good loving caring man. After all ive gone through my option is a homeless shelter. Do I take my child to protect him from what I onow will happen, like its happened everytime and embarrass him, jerk him out of school that he loves with his friends and stick him in a new school, as the new homeless kid who knows nobody. No? I get to lose my kid too?! And thats the big stinger. Let alone ive not a pot to piss in. My vehicle was sabotaged and blew up, after it was worjed on after i said im going to find assistance to get out of this. I have no phone. No job the last year because i hoped i really could have the pleasure of being an at home mom after 11 years and putting all of myself into my familys wellbeing and happiness. Thats not permitted for anyone but the narcopath when you share a home. Lose my 3 dogs I love dearly. Its a double edge sword that is razor sharp with the deepest cut. Ive experienced every form of abuse from a young age and id rather be punched in the face than experience this hell, if it were one or the other. Of course no abuse would be great. Im so happy to see this article. Thank you very much.

    • sparkster profile image
      Author

      Marc Hubs 7 months ago from United Kingdom

      Thanks for the comments and your insights Christy. Please let me know when your book is finished and I will help get the word out and to promote it. That goes for anyone else who is writing a book on this topic too.

    • profile image

      paula 7 months ago

      At this moment, I'm just grateful to be commenting! I doubt I'll ever figure out the mysterious formula for signing into these new niche sites! They ask for our name and then for us to sign in. When we click on "sign in" it takes us to a site about the particular niche site we're interested in but no place to SIGN IN!!

      Oh, OK, I get it....this is one of those narcopaths messing with my mind and self-esteem! LOL.....I'm on to them, Sparkster!

      This is a fabulous read. We could easily discuss this topic for days. There's much to learn and even more to avoid! Thanks much. I love this sort of education!...Peace, Paula

    • Christy McKee profile image

      Christy McKee 7 months ago

      Thank you!

    • profile image

      JMerrick 7 months ago

      I've had multiple ones like this, I will never recover from them.

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      Edith Hellyer Felker 7 months ago

      I am an ongoing victim of exactly this abuse, only not by one individual - but an entire gang. They play good cop/bad cop and I get hurt repeatedly while they try to make excuses for their abuse by abusing me further. I am so tired of this. I have no privacy whatsoever, not even making love or in the shower.

    • profile image

      Edith Hellyer Felker 7 months ago

      ...more comments... they protect themselves legally by claiming they are "helping" me, but it is all hurt. They show all sorts of help, but they allow people to take it away from me so that they look good while I suffer and they are protecting themselves. What is the difference between hurting someone directly and allowing others to do it? They are both culpable in the eyes of the law....it is the same thing as hiring someone to commit murder and claiming innocence (you appeared to act like you were trying to prevent it), but you are just as guilty as the perpetrator. The legal system must be more sophisticated than this!!!

      You would not believe what has, and is, happening to me. I am a Jaycee Duggard story spanning 40 years. They are trying to murder me. I have been poisoned multiple times and had all sorts of things happen to me. I am at my wit's end because they are very powerful and they want what belongs to me.

    • profile image

      Tragedy 7 months ago

      Hi I am just really needing someone who I can relate to same situation. I am married to a narcissists husband. He is very cruel to me. So many things I have witnessed in my personal belongings that he has ruined but yet he has justification on everything. Like our children has damaged them. He is very sneaky. So much to tell just too much to write. I wish someone could be in touch with me to make friends with someone who has similar issues or is with narcissists in general. Please leave a reply someone for friendship support! !!!!?????? Thanks

    • sparkster profile image
      Author

      Marc Hubs 7 months ago from United Kingdom

      Tragedy, are you on Facebook? If so, there is a group you can join. It's called Narcissistic Abuse Support (NPD - Take Back Power). Here is the link: https://www.facebook.com/groups/825166634194771/

      You can also follow my Facebook page here:

      https://www.facebook.com/ReflectionsOfNPD/

    • profile image

      Worthlesss 7 months ago

      I'm not doing well, living with my narcissist. I have tried my best to learn what I can and cannot do. I am not allowed to leave the house without him. Only allowed to eat when he says its okay. He stood over me demanding to sigh over my car to him, I did, to keep the peace after he refused to work for three years and taking my disability for himself--I went without medical needs the entire course of this marriage--11+ years. I pray every day to get my legs back so I can leave, but it has not happened yet--bedridden five years ago--after not allowed physical therapy that helped keep my strength up. My privacy is always denied, I cannot sleep my regular schedule so I have trained myself to sleep three hours a day. He's taken all my jewelry and ruined thousands of dollars worth of clothing and yells if I get upset or cry and saying that whomever broke it pr ruined it feels worse than I do. He and his kids destroyed a $30,000 collection I was building for 35 years, there is not a single piece of it left.

      I am required to do all the money management and it is up to me to find money when he overdrafts, quite often actually, I've borrowed $11,000 to get him out of the financial trouble he was in before we married (he never told me any of this before marrying--I think he thought I had money because of the accident that disabled me---I don't have anything beyond my Social Security disability) and he tells everyone who'll listed that I was stealing from him all that time to explain why he was in that mess, even includes times before we knew each other. Both of his sons do not talk to him because they hate the dictatorship. I just want to be done with all this crap but I am stuck here in this bed hoping to die soon. I am so worthless.

    • profile image

      Ricky 7 months ago

      This a brilliant description of what thousands of poor souls, myself included. I was brutally abused as a child and was met with the "crying wolf" reaction. I had married and treated my ex-wife not so nicely by cheating on her many times over and making her feel responsible. I sought psychological help because I knew in my heart I was responsible for her divorcing me and for the emotional scars it left on her. I never physically abused her but like my psychiatrist explained, emotional and mental scars can and most of the time worse. I wasn't diagnosed as a narcissistic or sociopathic predator but what I had done was take out all that pain and damage that was done to me out on her which basically meant that I was part of the viscous cycle that most people who was abused was caught in, basically growing up and inflicting the same type or similar scenarios on my wife. I was unaware that that's what was happening. In turn I had found an awesome team of shrinks and counselors that made me aware of what was going on. Luckily also I was able to talk my ex-wife into coming to one of my sessions and explained to her what and why things played out the way they did and gave me the tools, coping skills, and the foresight and hindsight to identify the behavior that these predators have. Unfortunately the damage was done in my marriage but at the same time the problem that was coming from me was cured. I thank God every day that I wasn't in any way abusive to my children and my ex and I are friends, which is something we weren't when we was married because I didn't know how to be a friend much less a husband and monogamous lover. I have just shared this article in Facebook to all my friends and family, and pretty sure publicly. As for me I was very lucky and blessed to have recognized that I was the problem and got the help I needed to overcome it. I am far from making excuses for myself or anyone else who may not realize that they're wreaking havoc not just in their friends and families lives, but their own as well. There are a very large percentage, like a good 90% of these predators who are well aware of their actions, and have a savvy way of hiding or shifting the blame of their tactics. These people strategically use these "skills" to manipulate not only their victims, but manipulate and utilize the weaknesses and vulnerabilities of the victim's friends and family to do what this article explains. I have several friends and amazingly the mother of my 2 youngest children that are being shredded to bits by these monsters. And it's damn near impossible to get them to look at their situation from the outside looking in. I'm hoping that me sharing the information from this article will help open their eyes. Thank you and God bless you for putting this out there and I pray the light it shines on this dark, toxic, and tragic subject will be recognized by the thousands of people who are suffering at the hands of these pieces of sh*t and can break free and retain their hearts and souls, or at least enough of them to be able to allow themselves the true joy of actually being able to trust someone again and open their hearts completely to allow that one good person we all deserve to have to love, have, and trust not to break our hearts, but to protect it and live a happy and blessed life. Thank you again and my heart and prayers go out to you people who took the time and had the courage to share some your experiences in the comments that you all shared.

    • sparkster profile image
      Author

      Marc Hubs 7 months ago from United Kingdom

      Thank you for leaving such an excellent comment and for sharing your experience. You are one of the lucky few who managed to find the appropriate help which is certainly not easy to find at all and I hope people find inspiration in the fact that there is help out there if you look in the right places.Thank you for sharing also.

    • Brianne Blake profile image

      Brianne Blake 6 months ago

      SPARKSTER!!! It's Breezy, ARE YOU OKAY?!?!?!

    • profile image

      Corky 6 months ago

      Wow! for the last 45 years I’ve been on a path to discover how and more importantly Why my little brother was physically trying to kill me and destroy

      my good reputation in our small coastal village. It started when I was 22 when he tried to shoot me on a hunting trip (I was in denial) and later when he drained most of the air from my SCUBA tank unaware I carried a 5 minute "come-home bottle" (and the lights came on). He wanted my beach cottage, new car & insurance policy.

      Now he badgers me at every opportunity, covertly undermines my business and spreads vicious rumors, some of which has cost him customers who

      have hired me to fill the opening, creating more reason for him to step up his viciousness.

      My health has taken some temporary hits from the stress that arises every now and then and the only retribution that comes to mind are all felonies

      so I keep plugging along with my head held high. This seems to irritate him most but I see few positive options for me.

      After reading your post, I feel much better as knowing and understanding has a calming effect on me. Thank you for your post. Happy Holidays.

    • profile image

      Avril B Gaouette 6 months ago

      I have been suffering this very treatment for 30 years. (daughter) It is not pleasant. I don't pretend to know how they do it, but they do it. It starts very insidiously and before you know it it's full-fledged. I stuck my head in the sand many times hoping it would go away. Well, it doesn't go away - ever !! These people completely ruin your life if you let them. You lose friends, you lose family, there seems to be no end to the people the people you lose. What the abuser says to these people, friends, and family and even strangers, store clerks and on and I cannot imagine.

    • Leena May Fallen profile image

      Leena May Fallen 6 months ago

      I am in a relationship with a covert narc and trying to find a way out its extremly hard due to what he has done to make sure i stay my health has suffered i am have to be very cautious in all aspests of life i hope i make it but this artical has given me peace /validation that im not going crazy and that there is knowledge that this does happen thank you for that

    • profile image

      megha 6 months ago

      i am going through this right now. it is making me wonder whether i am insane i am being constantly reminded of my past faults and been told u r a psycho will take ur child from u send u to mental hospital. the psychiatrist i met ruined further by putting it into my head that me and my husband dont love eachother etc but thats not true. my inlaws have created issues and some issues due to isolation location where i am currently residing and my inlaws constantly nagging me with comments no matter what i do for them i am a bad one. they emotionally abuse me in my husbands absence and he doesnt believe it his mom cries and i am the one with fault. i asked help from his friends to which he tells me u ruined my reputation . and keeps reminding me that i am a loser. my background once was a chilled out party gng working girl before i got married but i learnt everything about home. i cooked i took care. i wokeup at 5 am daily did all house work . gave birth to a child even during my pregnancy my inlaws emotionally abused me saying your child will be born with down syndrome no my child is fine she has no issues shes is now talentd 3yrs old with no problems. she was normal.. i was judged by inlaws for no reason. i was told to sit home not to go fr work cook at home my mistake was i listened to my inlaws . my husband wanted me to work. i know it was my mistake. but i cant correct i have lost my confidence. all i hear is money money from everywhere. my husband says what r u doing for our family i told i am cooking gave birth he says any woman can do that. is it so? if i cook its a maids job if i take care of my child nanny can do it. u shuld go earn. fine but i have no confidence in me also he keeps reminding me of my past relationship which he knew. why now? i have no connection with my past. he always tricks me into belivng i am culprit i am mad i am loser. hs parents are not at fault its me who is trouble burden on his life. he lost his friends due to me. he fears calling his friends home says u cant react mad. no i am not like that i welcome people. today on christmas i am sitting home crying he took our child went out to enjoy. it was a love marriage but his friends family were they only imp to him.. i left my parents ran away for him and he with his parents made me cry and he says he is not at fault anywhrre. i am the only one who is at fault he says u react let anyone say naything to u why do u react..my question is why punishment is given to the one who reacts bt not to the one who does wrong to u. i dont know why am i living and how am i living he doesnt love me now. his parents never wanted me .. then what am i doing. i am even afraid to take my child and go back to my house as in india people ruin ur parents reputation i am worried abt my parents reputation in society. .. i was at fault in this relation but whenever i tried to change myself he reminded me past episodes. he always blamed me foreverything. . i am questionin myself shuld i live or not. its my child who is keeping me alive but how long. my hope strength will break down soon. i have no idea what to do

    • profile image

      Jason rigsby 6 months ago

      Please, this is the exact thing I've been dealing with for almost 6 years. Please help me.

    • sparkster profile image
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      Marc Hubs 6 months ago from United Kingdom

      Not really no :/ but I'm still here, thank you.

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      Linda 5 months ago

      Such a well written article. I have a brother who is the victim of this type of relationship. The evil woman who he married around 18 years ago and has had 3 children to has stripped him of every morsel of himself. He doesn't think any more, she does that for him. He has turned on my family and will only do anything that she allows him to or tells him to. She doesn't work, covers herself in jewelry, spends all day at a gym and solarium, is completely all about herself. The 3 children all have self esteem issues and are also very co-dependent on her. She only associates with people who are in the entertainment industry and utterly full of her own self importance. She doesn't care who she destroys in the process of getting what she wants. My brother works like a dog, has no time to think, apparently doesn't even pick out the clothes he will wear. She thinks for him, speaks for him and controls him completely. Sadly it has got to the point where he believes she is the messiah and never will question anything when it has come from her. He speaks of her so highly, tells everyone he is so lucky to have her and is constantly portraying his love for her. He cannot see anything she does is wrong. In his eyes she is faultless. I know he suffers anxiety, but there is no getting through to him that it's due to the toxic relationship he is in. Now he longer talks to me. I do believe I was the one that she has spent years ensuring she removed from his life as I used to be the only one that could get through to him. Finally she managed to get him to believe I am the enemy and he told me to get out of his life in a very nasty way. She is seen by most as a beautiful soul. Butter wouldn't melt in her mouth. She comes across as sugary sweet. She lies consistently and does and says whatever she can to get what she wants. I have finally have had to walk away from trying with my brother, partly because he told me to, but mostly because I was fighting a losing battle in the end. Anyone who gets in her way is at some point removed from their circle. She is pure evil and if there was anyway I felt I could do something I would, but I now feel it's a waste of time. He has been brainwashed to the point of no return. Mostly because you can't get near him to speak to him without her having some type of control over any situation he is in. He has lost absolute love for himself and is a doormat for her needs and wants. It's a very cruel and insidious situation and one I wish I could do something about. I wrote to many current affairs shows trying to get them to speak about this type of relationship as I do believe it is becoming more common in this world of our, but sadly I got no response. How do we get the world to understand these beasts and remove them from society? If only we could, but I think I'm now becoming delusional. I pray one day that somehow she will vanish off the face of the earth such is my utter disdain for this woman.

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      Brianne Blake 5 months ago

      @Sparkster Hang in there! This shit is hard, but I'm still here too....PM on fb. Keep in touch and don't give up.... you're an awesome friend and being, so keep fighting the good fight, okay? Huge hugs!

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      Love for you 5 months ago

      People who suffer from these attacks are victims of Organized Crime, and people affiliated with the drug, and sex industry plain and simple.This is a modern form of high tech witchcraft plain and simple.

      If you habitually drink or use drugs including marijuana stop today, the people who are involved in that world are crazy. Stay away from anything to do with porno all these things are connected. Sex,drugs,stalking and the devil,college age kids have been brain washed by the rappers to be cop hating, angry, mean, desensitized to violence, hate, and the pain and suffering they cause others, keep them away from your children.

      Stay strong be grounded in the truth. As long as you know you are being honest it does not matter what anyone else thinks. The people who are attacking you are psychology sadistic and spiritually satanic. Now is the time to deepen your spiritual and religious beliefs and have faith in the Lord God and his son (if you are a believer.) The lord well take care of you and make every one of these fools attacking you and your children pay for their felony crimes and sins.

      Keep looking for legal representation, find religious allies, and keep talking to law enforcement anywhere they well listen to you.Publicise good ones you find so other victims can find them too. Document everything you can. This blog is a good start. Do not lose faith in the law enforcement community. They want to catch these people too its just that their ranks are contaminated by affiliates of the Mexican Mafia and Hells Angels too.

      The tide is turning against people involved in stalking crimes, they are going to be made to pay.This is the Lord God's will. Remember, keep working against evil people, there are people who want to help you, help them to find you, but be extremely careful of who and how much you trust new people in your life.

      One last word of advise NEVER trust any alumni,faculty or students from the University of California Santa Cruz.They helped do the psychological research to develope the techniques being used on you.

      This University is turning out thousands of graduates every year in all disciplines and professions who are deeply sadistic and satanic and perpetrator these types of crimes in all sectors of society.

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      Anonanon 5 months ago

      This definitely happens, I have had this happen to me over years. I was told "if you contact the police things will get worse". I have experienced this and it is real and San be perpetrated by more than one person in a community and or workplace. I have been harmed physically and deliberately including medical personnel such as a doctor. A Dr Death if you like. This is no joke and often the perpurtrators are judgemental, think they are entitled to exact punishment or revenge including outside the law. There is more but think of a movie like conspiracy theory in the way that Mel Gibsons character is treated by some in authority. This type of activity can even involve arranged marriage, being befriended by certain people in order to monitor, control or abuse. I am not sure what to do, and am trying to figure out how to contact the police or other service when I was once told, they will believe us. I have also been followed on occasion and had people banging on ceiling or walls (I was told of another case of this happening to someone). I hope this post might help someone who has experienced what I have get justice against their abusers.

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      Cwood 5 months ago

      This describes the hell and the abuser I suffered perfectly. Exactly.Only thing left out was that some suffer sexual abuse as well from their abuser.well written

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      Tony Branco 5 months ago

      I hate articles like this. It does not mention the obvious, it's called Police Stalking, Organized Stalking, Gang Stalking, Eyes-on-Surveillance, 'Measures'...it's torture, every one knows it exists including the cops who carry out the bulk of the torture, the psychiatric profession, children's aid societies, politicians, doctors, firefighters, judges, they all know, they participate and their profession benefits from the fall out.

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      Kim 5 months ago

      This is probably the best article I've read yet on the subject. It's pretty right on target and it is true that the abuse is done with clever attacks and subtle gas lighting away from outside eyes, yr after yr after yr.

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      Abeesea 4 months ago

      I'm experiencing this very treatment but... I have no idea who the person is who has orchestrated this campaign against me. There is apparently a Facebook community built around trying to ruin my life. What have others done when being attacked in this way?

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      Mindy 4 months ago

      Jake gyllenhal

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      ray 4 months ago

      If you believe this happening there is nothing to do about it just let it happen

    • sparkster profile image
      Author

      Marc Hubs 4 months ago from United Kingdom

      That's ridiculous advice and is completely untrue.

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      sf 4 months ago

      Currently dealing with this myself. No help. Agreed with everything except "selfish" suicide. The person is ill and will act irrationally.

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      Cyoung 4 months ago

      Excellent read and exactly what I am experiencing right now. I'm seeking legal advice, do you have any reccomendations in Georgia?

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      survivor 4 months ago

      any thoughts for someone two years into trying to drink away 41 years of this exact kind of abuse from his mother? Oh, and his mother is a psychiatrist who easily convinces her puppets that he is crazy? Something like gaslighting to the extreme, I even mention how my mother does this at therapy and I am called crazy and not believed or even listened too, leading to additional abuse from those who have jobs to help people like him, yes me.

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      Pam 4 months ago

      I stayed in an abusive relationship for 12 years.... you got me right..12 years. I started feeling the abuse at the 7th year into the marriage but dismissed the signs. This progressed to full blown abuse 4 years later. I literally had to take the risk of leaving with the children ( aged 8 and 6) with nothing. I feel so free away from my narc ex husband. He remained with everything including the matrimonial property and has vowed never to share with me even a cent!!!! He now gaslights me alot; spreading rumours and lies about me. But, i am grateful to God for giving me a very supportive family.... Infact, my brother planned and executed the stealing of the children from my ex narc husband. I have now started life afresh (having flushed 12 years of my life down the drain). Life looks more easier for us than when we lived with my husband. In one of the many occasions that we had a heated arguments, he told me that i would personally take away my life due to the frustrations he will put me through.... and that he was sure my spirit would not haunt him..OMG. These people should not live in the society.. My ex husband is a typical sociopath/narcissist. I only survived because i am very strong willed and developed resilience during the years we stayed together. He never at any moment made life easy for me. Infact, he manipulated me financially such that he had everything by the time i decided to break free. Once again, i am grateful to God, i have a good paying job and can take care of my children.

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      Abeesea 4 months ago

      I'm glad to hear there is something I can do about it. Are there any online communities that you are aware of that I could seek out?

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      Sean Holbrook 4 months ago

      Thank you. I'm in constant hell and this has explained a lot.

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      Liz 4 months ago

      Happened to e and is still happening. Feel hopeless.

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      april 4 months ago

      I am so glad that I discovered this article. This has opened my eyes to everything that I'm going through in my marriage right now. It is so frustrating to describe this kind of abuse, because it goes easily unnoticed. I've been so stressed over this and it is hard to describe this kind of abuse without people thinking that you are crazy. The abuse can be subtle and sometimes extreme. But everyone loves my husband and they think he is the greatest person in the world. He is so good at putting on a front that people cannot see him being that way. All they seem to notice is me reacting to it and it makes me look crazy. I just wish someone in my family would understand what I'm going through. I have let this man break me all the way down to thoughts of suicide. I just don't know what to do...

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      mike miller 4 months ago

      This is all happening to me right now I'm bout to PTSD part glad I found this cause its identical all of it

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      Anonymous 4 months ago

      I had a friend who I think died from this. She committed suicide. Her boyfriend was psychologically and emotionally abusing her. She gave up her son into foster care so he could move in and they could party. She felt tremendous guilt over that. I don't really want to talk about this, but there's more. I think he intentionally pushed her over the edge. I think he set it up! I'm serious. There are monsters out there. They are called psychopaths and sociopaths. They are evil people who prey on vulnerable people.

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      The abuse never ends. 4 months ago

      Wonderful article. Just when I believe it was over because my abuser has died their is someone to take his place. His brother, he has picked up where his brother left off. Manipulative my 16 year. It is more than I can take. I have a whole new fight that seems to be a loosing battle since my daughter is now 16 soon to be 17 and he contacts her behind my back and he tells her to lie to me and she can do what she wants as long as she doesn't tell me and all alone making me the bad guy. She makes accuses for the nasty way he has been treating me and talking to me. My daughter says "well he is under stress, he is going through a lot"

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      Invisible 4 months ago

      Some of us need help from this but there is none..

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      mjdsqt 4 months ago

      I'm yet another person admitting this happened to me. My wife of 20 years has managed to destroy my reputation with a false restraining order, and now has many people believing that I am an abuser despite years of mental abuse by her. She is very covert and it happened gradually. First strong signs were 7 years ago, but really intensified the last 2-3. I really believed I was the problem and tried every way to improve myself, but she never reciprocated. Everything in our lives spiraled out of control, (finances, children, housekeeping). I was the only one who ever felt responsible and tried to do anything about it. I eventually resorted to constantly yelling in frustration in a house where there was no discipline, accountability, or respect. The discard came when I finally unmasked her in texts to my daughter that were highly disrespectful to me.

      I've been kicked out of my house for three months now. I have thought of suicide but would never do it to my loved ones. My extended family initially were manipulated to conspire with her, but are now being emotionally and financially supportive. I probably would have run off and become homeless without them. Even still, I don't know if my career will survive. I don't know if my health will hold up. I worry constantly that she will find a way to put me in jail. I'm afraid to talk to my fiends and explain this. I still pay her bills. She still controls me.

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      Kin Kin Kee 3 months ago

      My father was a psychotic New Ager narcopath and started lecturing me about the universe when I was 11. When I was a bit older he dragged me into various cults, which further cemented the sick dimension he created for me to live in. It took him only a few years to turn me against myself and become one with him. I lost everything real, my essence, instead becoming a miniature version of him, being mean to others and parroting what he and spiritual leaders always said. I couldn't get any help because I was in denial about being abused, because I was groomed to take his side. I felt like something was horribly wrong at all times but his brainwashing was stronger so those feelings were pushed away as much as possible. I learned nothing about the world or people in the vital formative years which were stolen from me. Even after getting far away from him as an adult, the destruction of my life persisted, at my own hands. At this point, having lost absolutely everything and everyone, all I am left with is a mind shattered to a million pieces and no future.

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      Alex 3 months ago

      the leeds West Yorkshire police, ambulance and council have been using gang stalking and since several individuals started this on twitter, I have had my entire life silently destroyed beyond belief, I am not allowed to use my computer without the crazy ambulance and police letting me know they are monitoring everything I do and if Im in town trying to privately message by phone my family, I've had individuals knowing and letting me know what Im doing on my phone, stalking me trying to distress me. Some things got so disturbing somebody thought it was an harassing illusionist crossing the boundaries of experimenting on a member of the public to see how fast they can cause me to have a nerves breakdown. Who ever is doing this is a harasser, has no boundaries and takes pleasure in tormenting members of the public. Its cruel, abusive, distressing and confusing what they have been doing to me in this city its destroyed me and ruined everything I have.

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      Pam 3 months ago

      This is where my ex husband whom I later learnt is a narc was headed with me. On one occasion when we disagreed, he told me to my face that I would commit suicide but he would never feel haunted over it. All these were happening when I was already financially ruined but thank God that I had just secured a job a few months earlier. I later decided to escape with our children (8 &6 yrs) who also equally being abused. I left everything ....household items including personal things...i just needed to be free. I moved to another neighbourhood and rented an apartment.. ..OMG, av never felt this good as I feel now. These people can make you take away your own life....

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      amc 3 months ago

      wow, so there are people who know about this, so there is truth somewhere, every word you say is so true. Until reading this, I though tn nobody knows about this situation, or could understand. yes, as you say, the victim cannot talk to anybody ...

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      BRAD GREY 3 months ago

      Thank you, this information needs to be widely shared.

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      wg 3 months ago

      I have a son that suffers from depression and is divorced now but there is a daughter involved which his X will not give him access to ! year now since being able to see his daughter. He has had suicidle thoughts. What can I do to help and stop this nonsense of this person that I have felt is narsasistic.

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      Jkhn 3 months ago

      My spouse commited suicide 4 years ago-

      24 years I battled with cheating with family- strangers. The mental abuse was gas lighting - I feared him- I feared to leave him. His end escalated to a final effort to control. Law enforcement was the only thing that separated us. A homicide - suicide situation. But he unfortunately would not seek help. I and my daughter have been left with severe issues. This article is accurate and very revealing of my experience. To exactly pin which one fits is difficult due to each category has behaviors that I have experienced.

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      lupita 3 months ago

      I've been mentally abused, well still am i wish i could find the courage in me to leave this man.

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      Cherise Brandon 2 months ago

      This article sounds like the story of my life with my mother and my biological family. I was abused in every way possible by one or the other of my mother, father, brother or sister. I truly believe that my mother is the most responsible. She never wanted me - this is something that she told me directly in no uncertain terms. She made it obvious by the way she treated me. I truly feel that my father and siblings took advantage of the fact that my mother didn't care about me and treated me the way that they did because they knew that there would be no backlash from my mother. They used the situation completely to their advantage. There was physical abuse and I was placed in extremely inappropriate situations which could be interpreted as sexual involving my father. I was placed in many situations as a child that were far beyond what a child could ever be expected to handle. I feel like I have been tortured and I can't get past the memories and the hurt resulting from the things that were done to me. The fact that the abuse, disregard and disrespect were inflicted by my mother and family makes it all the worse for me. Because I was shown in so many ways that I was not loved, it is extremely hard for me to accept that anyone can love me. I feel useless and worthless. The thoughts of the things that I have endured are overwhelming me and I don't know how much longer I can live feeling this way. Other people, including my husband and children, cannot understand why this affects me so much and I don't know how to explain it to them to make them understand. I have three children who I have raised to the best of my ability and have made sure taht they know that I love them dearly and that they can always count on me to support them. I love my husband and believe that he loves me - he is the most patient man and has dealt with my issues with my family for as long as we have been a couple - which is over 30 years; but I'm worried that it's taking a toll now that I may not be able to make right. The hurt is so deep and so raw - it defines me. My mother has been dead for nearly 10 years but the memories of all of the things that she said and did to me are still with me. It's like they define me. Every special time in my life that I should have been able to enjoy is overshadowed by something that she said or did to make sure that I was unhappy. I need to know how to get past her brainwashing so I can be happy and finally truly live.

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      lifestudent 2 months ago

      you have portrayed this twisted reality better than any resource i've read thus far. it's so validating to read such an accurate portrayal of a situation that cannot be described nor understood by anyone who hasn't experienced this first hand. the lack of awareness and resources available for those who've suffered from this specific type of abuse is very disheartening. mental health professionals need to make this their highest priority in terms of research. innocent people are in danger and they don't even know it. the public needs to be educated and aware of these devils in disguise because no one deserves to be blindsided by this type of evil.

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      Kim 2 months ago

      Nailed it

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      Tamara Yancosky Moore 2 months ago

      This has been extremely difficult to heal from- and this is an understatement. I still feel like my head has been through some sort of wringer. I still have Cognitive Dissonance from it, and find my mind continuing to wander back to the events, constantly questioning, researching, looking for validation, seeking answers, and lost in my thoughts over all the distortions, and all the finely-tuned tricks that were played out, on me, so mastermindedly. I do not know if I'll ever be released of this hypnotic hold it has over me. My brain cannot comprehend this type of abuse, it goes over, and over, and over it, nonstop, trying to make sense of it, but cannot do so. It's very exhausting.

      Thank you for your articles!

      Tamara

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      Dutch Bolten 2 months ago

      My daughter just committed suicide by hanging to end the emotional abuse from her narcissistic and sociopath partner. Medical Investigator told me this is a classical abuse case. Why is there a law against Psychological Murder?

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      Janet 2 months ago

      I am currently at this point. Completely isolated. Soul shattered. He is still cycling me with hoovering and devaluing. 11 years. I feel I only exist. And I am not sure why anymore murder is a correct term for what happens to you. I will never be the same. His 13 year old daughter did commit suicide and her journals revealed her struggle with not feeling good enough for her father. I am trying to go no contact very strong trauma bond in place. Lost my friends and what's left of my family (3 adult children) sometimes he is the only person who I have contact with for days on end. He tells me it's because only he cares about me. I am losing my strength to fight him.

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      Amt 2 months ago

      I think I'm in a relationship like this but it's been so long and we fight so often that I don't know if I'm the abuser or being abused I do know I'm the one who's always trying something anything to stop the nonstop violence and she is the one who's always pushing to fight but we both are victims of child abuse mine all extremely violent she was almost key word almost molested by a family member (luckiest kid ever)the first time he was going to abuse her he got caught by another in the family before thankfully but she's still 30 years later traumatized now me I was brutally abused severely from starving me to breaking my nose and crushing my sinus cavity I caught TB (I'm under 45 years old) TB really yes in the good ole US but I was malnourished beaten and had a leaning disability that was not caught by crappy teachers I had so if 2 people ever existed that shouldn't be together its us but it does suck cause I'm severely paranoid and I know I am think about that one so I can send out some really mixed signals but she is the same with one exception she never tries to fix help or in any fashion want to discuss repairing it just how every thing is everyone's fault but her she didn't know she slept with my best friend until he told me if she doesn't admit it it never happen 7 Times but I'm no saint just to crazy to know what I should do

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      Debb.v 2 months ago

      Am married to such an abuser just had 4 yr anniversary, I have made the mistake of telling him and fighting him every step of the way that I'm on to him andive now developed a heart condition. His first wife 9 yrs his junior died of alcohol poisoning 12 yrs ago and I was very compassionate towards him for that reason however, I get it now and her brother had ideas it was my husband's doing that killed her which I thought was awful of the brother but I get it now unfortunately. I have depleted all of my pension paying off his debts mostly and he has created a financial nightmare for me and has done exactly as written made me look bad without my doing but his deciet and lies and manipulation I have been keeping track as much as I can however, he's so sneaky and his outside circles are completely engaged unaware of who he really is. He has also done damage to my 2 adult kids who had never been in trouble before coming to live with him 5 yrs ago and when I wasn't home would tell them they were losers and never amount to anything

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      yes 2 months ago

      I made the mistake of going to the police for help after coming to term with a considerable amount of sexual abuse as a child. Very long story short, they profiled me as a sexual predator, harassed me relentlessly, tried to find a reason to arrest me, and after they discovered that I have long term psychiatric medical records proving definitively that I'm actually a good person, i.e., none of the above, now they're doing exactly what you've described above. It's been going on for a while now and I'm sick of it. They keep trying to push me to suicide. I'm amazed. I thought the police helped people, but now I know that all they do is identify people of certain groups that they don't like, and attack. If the person turns out like me, a good person who has never hurt a soul, who can prove in court that he's "none of the above", they still try to "get rid" of that person, either through entrapment, which has failed numerous times, or by what you call "pernicious abuse", which they can't seem to stop doing. They want me dead because they messed up.

    • sparkster profile image
      Author

      Marc Hubs 7 weeks ago from United Kingdom

      Just wanted to let everyone know that I have now started a new support group on Facebook for former/recovering victims of this kind of abuse: N.A.R.C - Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Center.

      This is a closed group, anyone on FB can see the group and it's members but only members can see posts (this may change to a private/secret group at some point). The group can be found at https://www.facebook.com/groups/820895831399840/

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      Nodramamama 7 weeks ago

      Wow, i am currently at the " is it really me?" Point in this abusive hell... i describe it as " being at the Gates of Hell or stuck in Purgatory... it was very subliminal for about first 15 years of marriage. But later it started to show... drugs alcohol, the works , been there. I have felt like a yoyo, for years. Growing up with mental beat down of an alcoholic father , who is now recovered 20 yrs sober, i think makes me not wantto giv up... but theres a difference i believe in someone under tge influence than someone who psychologically interjects such mental destruction subconciously intentionally....

      After 18 yrs no children, we had a child ... little more maintence due to some sensory issues , she is homeschooled still at age 9, leaving me financially atthe mercy of the "KING"! As icallhim....After many health issues , a very bad reaction to opiods, near death experiences. , and major surgery, the abuse has become more open and uncontrolled , almost dissociative ., bpd like... and even though he has moved out got a place for him and younger ( much younger) girlfriend, he states to daughter that this is where he lives just doesnt sleep here?!? Strangely he kept up his good guy image for years and even had me puzzled, thinking he was POSSESSED, for real ... lol, because he always did for others amdwas more than ready to set aside anything he wanted to do for ANYONE! He has convincingly mAde me look like the depressed withdrawn nonsocial umhappy recovered drug addict over protective mother / wife, trying to show reason for his infidelities.... even convincing my family of such. Always being the kids favorite, his daughter is quick to protect him from any rules or judging by me , the full time caretaker.... i am essentially the only one tht can save myself, i feel saddened by the loss of hope i feel for my daughters father, knowing unless a miracle happens, this will remain for him. And i feeling at times copelled to leav them both wpuld never do so, i jystify staying by believing God chose me bcuz i can HANDLE IT, and the deep deep sadness for the man i will always love, or feel such EMPATHY FOR. This is real people , i know!

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      Sad 6 weeks ago

      Ive had this done to me for 23 years and by my husband and i just now found it has a name. After 23 years im ruined, im done. I have nowhere to run. I have no friends because i wasnt allowed to develop relationships, i was always the one sitting home when my 2 sisters would visit my mom because i wasnt allowed to the mall or movies. I couldnt even go out on my own to shop or enjoy myself. Ive wanted to leave but im scared to live without him because ive been with him since 16. He is my identity, he is my ego. There is nothing left of me but a compilation of his thoughts, opinions, and even his laughter. There is no seperate identity for myself. I dont know who i am. Im in anguish. If i could just turn myself off like a switch i would but i have children.

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      Basiru lee leigh 5 weeks ago

      I am going through this same abuse as we speak and i believe the man doing all this is trying to frame me, his first step was to isolate me from my friends by feeding them my private information, making them distrust me, having them use half-truths blended in with multitudes of lies to frame me for a crime i didn't commit. The man responsible for all this is a man name Stanley Nkemley. He created a falsehood of information based on what i complained about. It was then to my knowledge that he created a blog about my former mentor and then covertly went on a spree of harassment, manipulation and committing federal crimes of having my phone tapped, computer being hacked and last but no least passing down information about me to other people. He had me so confused that i almost committed suicide. The man apparently was working as an investor and yet he would never work or go to school for days in and out. He fabricated evidence around me and getting information about me from Dr. Sat. He promised to destroy my life if he ever wanted to. I don't know what to do but they are creating more evidence around me and making it seem like i am a big criminal. Using my friends and family to send subliminal messages to harass me. I don't quite understand what's going on because i am so confused to all this. I never took money from this guy but he was willing to destroy all my entire reputation. I am the only one who knows i didn't create the blog, but he was trying to use two of us but now he is trying to drop the entire thing on my head. The man has being doing this for the past 6 years, he was checking my mental stage, what i was thinking, what i was going to do, and how i feel at that moment. What should i do

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      Lounita Ihrig 5 weeks ago

      This is exactly what has and is happening to me. I have 30 years of his attacks against my life, and since he has been back in 2011, using our son, the attacks are horrendous, as he has turned my son against me. I live completely off the government, and have been completely out of resources. Please help me, I have all the evidence. I have just last night decided to remove myself from our son's life that I raised, the sick bastard has taken over again, either step back or the sb will (and has already started) to pry his way into our son's life (stealing my parental (major struggles) efforts over the years, and has blasted me emotional on facebook calling me psychopath, crazy bitch, etc. He has attack me from all angles, financially, emotionally, etc etc etc. PLease help me.

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      Devin 4 weeks ago

      Please help I really need to talk with someone in the sf Bay Area about this I was abused and lied about threatened and made to live in the back of a car while this other person who

      I wouldn't refer to controlled my entire finances so I could not escape they called the police and tried to have me 5150 while lying to my whole family and telling friends they cannot answer my calls or they will be involved in a crime. I literally was left wanting to die and they knew I had a disability and was currently dealing with infection and other medical conditions. I'm a college homie student who took 2 years off to take care of issues and it has been a hell I can't even remember what my life was like it's very close to a nightmare but when I'm up it's real. I have no psychiatric issues besides obvious anxiety depression exc. please let me know if I can talk to someone about a laywer to help me. And a therapist who knows what this is. Thank you

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      Robert McCarty 4 weeks ago

      Covert abuse. Instead of one person. It's a massive amount of people. But everything else is on point, right on the money. I don't wanna die, I don't wanna kill myself, I don't wanna lose my soul. I don't know what to do or where to go. I literally do not feel safe in the entire world. Some how they know my every thought. My every action. And I sense they are always around. Literally ALWAYS. I don't know what to do anymore. I honestly feel I'm losing my mind. Someone please help me. I live in magnolia TX . Someone please help and find me before they get me or they have me get myself.

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      Thomas Orr 3 weeks ago

      I seem to be blaming myself for being who are what i am im 50 now an im an addic an my only faily are two younger brothers i used to think i was ok. But as addic ive lived that life whenmy folks both diedi became even worse( meth an weed) i was taught family is love trust ancareing 20 yrs ago after my girlfriend left me for cooking. I desided i was worthless. And i went to prison. When. Got out i had to start over from nothing an asked bros for help i thought i was being helped but depressionan addiction drove me to attempt to suiside but i didnt die an was hospitilized my only family an friends i had came to visit me an brought dope to hospitil an i was crazy i think meds n meth. Both but eventuly i was put on ssi an now everone has been convinced im just junky i hate myself more each day ive become isolated an guess still trying to die. I live in country behind my youngest bro witch isaddict too an cant afford car an depend on him to get food. But he will take money from me to buy my food an such an disapear for day two an after no food for 2 or 3 days come back an give me meth an anyone knows if you hungry an i know the meth quiets the pains i fall for it an he tells people i spent all money getting hi an if i say anything to anyone for somereason they beleive him an say im crazy addic mad cause im out of dope im stuck in this an dont know what to do are how to. Help. Myself because i get hi an it makes all ok for a bit i live in camper with 2 lights an microwave. Ive began to not care about the way i look an ive begun to have issues hoarding are trash. For reasons i dont understand if i have garbage stacked an piled everwherein camper no one wants to visit an i realy dont want visitors anymore im own ssi an food stamps but im down to 120 pds an rarly bath are shave an it seems im traped cause to anyone see me they automaticly think. Im just junky. Why i seem to play the role good. How can i help myself like this it just me an my dog an if i try to get help they want to put me in hospitil. An my dog ( my very best an only true family are freind will be taken from me are if anyone was to see how i live if you can call it living they would take me are my little buddy an i know this from dr counselers an churchs an my bro sure reminds me often i do still pray but not as i used too is their a way to esckape ? If so im just a junky an guess i dont know it are how to find it my life was so so so much better in prison. An now i have oscar mayer my pup dog an memorys an meth that is given to control mean it all over again the only good in life is my pup dog an my mmeth. Help me someone please im tired an worthless an even god has left me behind if i try to move it blocked by deposit for rent get utilitys on an no way can i afford it ive thought of suiside at least 20 times a day but if i do kill myself i would do to my pupdog just what they said i would so i cant are wont desert him. Not even for day are 2 but one thing is certain tomorrow will be worse an the meth im fed will make me forget an kiss his ass just like he says. Im at my end ive thought about just walking off an me an pup go live in the woods but no meth an little food always scares me

      So how do i help myselfnow addicted to ass kissing an life forgotten lonly an lost. Is it my self to blame an am i just sorry assed junky

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      anon 3 weeks ago

      I met the real deal and this is exactly what they're like, god bless anyone else who has been through this. One last word if I may, you'll learn from it and it will never happen to you again, that I will promise.

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      Carolyn 3 weeks ago

      I lost my brother to suicide less than 2 years ago at the hands of a sociopathic narcissist (10 years of marriage). Many know who she is now but plenty don't. She is playing the sympathy card pretty hard too. Plus keeping everything my brother worked his entire life for. I have released all of that but I'm still compelled and determined to help raise awareness. You are doing a great job putting the word out. Some day I would like to tell my brother's story for him to help others in need. PTSD is real from this abuse and especially compounded by a childhood trauma. Not to mention mental health professionals don't always spot this abuse.... my brother tried to get help but I unfortunately his mental health professsional wasn't able spot the abuse. After my brother died I started therapy and my therapist just happened to have 20 years experience with NPD patients. It was a blessing (and a curse) to finally figure out what had been going on in my brother's life. I even met with my brother's therapist and gained further knowledge. I only wish I had this knowledge earlier. I want schools to include courses about personality disorders! Nice people are so vulnerable. My brother was so sweet and kind. I hope everyone who has experienced abuse can find peace and healing from the trauma you have endured.

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      Cora Reece 2 weeks ago

      I feel so connected to the way you described the victim. I've litterally felt like ive been 'torn into pieces.' But she always tells me im really unstable and cant function properly. I was told so much shit, that i daily feel suicidal. And the worst part is that its my mom. But i dont know if this is even a thing that can happen. Like, how can my mom be torturing me? She is my mom she cant be.

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      Cassie 8 days ago

      This has happened to me. I am lucky to have escaped from my abuser but I have failed to convince another living soul that I was held hostage to my abusers narcissistic insanity. Even therapists look at me as I feel I'm making it up. The way I behaved while in the relationship was so extreme, so unlike anything I would do, so dangerous, reckless that it is impossible to imagine a healthy, normal, professional could ever be so duped, and yet, I was. I was treated with such heartlessness, as if I was not human but a mere object. But why did I remain captive for so long? For 8 years, off and on, attempted to escape regularly but kept going back. I was very fortunate that my abuser got slightly ahead of himself one evening and organised abuse of such horror that even in the drug induced and coerced stupor I was in, I retained enough of my own mind throughout what followed to be able to recall clearly his face, mannerisms and complete disregard for me, except as a toy for him to play with and destroy, like a mad child. The next day as I licked my wounds, I vowed I would never allow myself to be so degraded again by him or by any other human being. Finally, he had gone too far and I had seen behind his mask. Traumatised, lonely and unable to talk to anyone about these horrors, I have limped my way, a year after my escape, to a place where I can almost breathe again. Relief, yes, but there is still fear, regret, sadness and guilt that I allowed myself to be abused. It's okay, I'm intelligent enough now to read widely on the many psychological issues that brought me to the abuser in the first place, and also I use the many fabulous articles and videos online to find truth and resolution, which I hope one day will come. Your article is the first I have ever read on the severe and criminal damage that these people can inflict and that can lead so easily to death. Grateful thanks.

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      Master of none 3 days ago

      My god, I had no idea that there ideas a science to this. People are using this aggressively and hurting good productive people. There should be regulation for this type of abuse. I have found far more male victims of this abuse. And the people doing the abuse getting arebuserebuseway with it and even having victims committed or even jailed. With no option for arebuserebuseway defense. As they arebuserebuseway accused of crimes they never committed. Omg. I had no idea. And it'd eave seen several of these arebuserebusewayrebuses going on over decades. Though, in each case, there was a significant financial manipulation behind the narcissistic/sociopath behavior. Have seen preps ranging in age from 20, 34, 52, 58. The older the perp, the more successful financially. Have agendas seen the behavior not passed down but, rather taught from generation to generation. Have witnessed the abusive behavior passed down 3 generation's. And often multiple generations ganging up on tougher victims. Again, always for the abusers personal perception of financial gain. Not always a maximum gain. Maybe 1 simple one to teach the next generation the "ropes". In the familial realm of the sociopathic behavior. It was led maternally. The male's sole purpose was as financial earners and physical violence enforcers to victims extremely resistant to the psychological murder and other above listed type's of manipulation.

      In my opinion, this type of information is as important as sex education or drug education. It should be mandatory beginning as early as 6th to 8th grade. Almost anyone educated in public school can easily be a radical victim. For warning sexhouldchool In sex are not taught and I find this behavior rampant among women in the southeast of the United States. Primarily, South Florida.

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