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Murder: Death By Covert Abuse

Updated on February 8, 2017
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Marc Hubs - Writer/Researcher on Mind, Science & Conspiracy. Author of Know Your Enemy: Reflections Of NPD.

Pernicious Abuse

It goes unrecognized but it exists.

It exists on an extremely covert level.

It happens behind the scenes without anyone even being aware of what the problem is; the real problem.

No evidence of it is left behind and no-one has ever been convicted of it yet in reality, what I will term pernicious abuse is something which can and does have a devastating effect, not just on the victim, but also within society. Pernicious abuse can lead a person into carrying out acts such as covert psychological murder, or perhaps even covert psychological manslaughter - something which is very real, insidious in nature but unfortunately unrecognized and virtually unquestioned.

Psychological murder can take many forms but the type I'm really referring to is of a covertly narcissistic and/or sociopathic nature. It may be too difficult for some people to be able to comprehend but it does happen and I've seen it happen.

Narcissistic/Sociopathic (narcopathic) abuse takes place when a narcissist or sociopath (or narcopath) attempts to convince someone who has discovered their unbelievably shallow secrets, gradually over time, that they are crazy and proceeds to manipulate them into keeping quiet or to ultimately face their wrath. They use techniques such as crazy-making, character assassination and gaslighting in order to get their victim(s) to question their own sanity.

They generally do so by ostracizing the victim while continuing to act out their part, expertly hiding their truly outrageous behaviour, whilst successfully having everyone around them fooled - everything is done to appease those around them while their manipulative and controlling tactics take place behind the scenes, outside of people's awareness. The victim is forced to question their own sanity because they don't realize that they are the victim because everything done to manipulate them is done outside of their conscious awareness.

The longer time goes on and the longer the victim tries to do something about it, the more severe the abuse becomes. The narcissist/sociopath has already built an army of unwitting abusers who all help to drive the victim crazy. The long-term consequences of these actions can be a devastating, soul crushing and reality-shattering path to be led down. Of course, there are many other types of abuse that can have just as damaging and severe long-term consequences. However, psychological forms of abuse such as gaslighting, mental rape, slander, defamation and distortion campaigns of a person's reputation are done so covertly and expertly that they are very rarely identified early enough.

The abuser, when carrying out these covert tasks, is faceless and undercover.

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Narcopathic Abuse

Victims of this type of abuse are commonly left with no resources they can use to escape the situation; the abuser has stolen their finances, their identity and has turned the victim's own family and friends against them, due to the malicious web of lies and deceit that have been woven. The victim is trapped with no way out... or at least that is what they are made to believe.

Although victims go through what can only be described as being dragged through hell backwards, narcissistic and sociopathic abuse via heightened communication is so difficult to pick up on the human radar of perception that the victim is usually left scratching their head wondering "is it me?"

They have been made to believe that they are the problem. Such abusers are so shallow that they may cheat on their partner on significant occasions such as valentine's day or while they are away at a funeral - at times when the victim will least expect it.

Not only that, they will do it with the person the victim suspects the least.... time and time again.

In many cases the victim may turn to drugs or alcohol as a means of escape. The stress they are forced to endure can be so severe that if they don't find some kind of release in order to feel a sense of escape, they continue to build up with overwhelming tension, anxiety, emotional suffering and may develop an overactive mind which can literally drive them crazy - post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) can soon follow. That's not to say that the drugs will either prevent it from happening or even slow the process down - they won't. They will only exacerbate the situation in the long run.

Psychological Murder

The abuser never quits abusing and the victim's self-esteem gets worn down to the core until they go through a process of devaluation, dehumanization and dissociation. The victim has been made to feel that they are nothing in this world, they now have nothing, they now have no meaning and nowhere to go and nobody wants them any more except for the narcissistic/sociopathic abuser who can now use the victim as their emotional/mental slave. The narcopath is now their God.

The process is so subliminal and it happens so gradually that it could take place over the course of ten or twenty or even thirty years or more. The victim knows that even if they did escape the situation the abuser would probably continue to ruin the rest of their life or future relationships anyway and in many cases after the partner has left, the abuser continues to drive them crazy gradually destroying their reputation, their life and their soul - often referred to as soul murder.

Eventually the victim may be left feeling suicidal but fear that others would see it as a selfish act. Additionally, they don't want others to be left picking up the pieces they left behind because they do feel real true genuine empathy. For this reason many victims believe they have no choice but to continue suffering the abuse and may feel that the damage is already done.

Some victims may ultimately decide to continue to pump as much alcohol or drugs into their system as they can. This way they can use it not only as a form of escapism but also to slowly kill themselves so that they can reach the point that they have to suffer the abuse no longer. Others may not turn to substance abuse but may end up suffering fatal medical issues as a result of the abuse alone which may potentially lead to death a result of pernicious abuse.

Some may have given up on their hopes of escape and may have just accepted things the way they are (conditioned into co-dependence) but unless they are an inverted narcissist, then the stress will eventually take it's toll. Stress is well known to cause a myriad of health problems, both mental and physical, many of which can be fatal.

Ultimately, the victim takes the knowledge of their covert psychological murder to the grave which forever remains a secret inside the mind of the abuser.

© 2011 Sparkster Publishing

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      Tom Van Alst 9 days ago

      I'm experiencing this now, i allowed my ex-wife to live with me because she "fell on hard times". Since then I lost my job, I have preexisting health issues that are made worse because of her so my health has deteriorated. i have turned to heavy drinking and OTC meds to sedate me so as to not anger. Now i'm about to lose my home and have no where to turn. It's time for me to take the cowardly way out of this mess. I just need to know how to best accomplish this task to put an end to the suffering.

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      Alyson 11 days ago

      I recently had something like this happen to me where a female sociopath and her followers tried to get me to commit suicide through using these tactics. I want to press charges, have spoken with a victim's advocate, but am scared. I'm tired of calling the suicide hotline. I am so thankful though because I've felt so alone and isolated. It feels like psychological rape. Thank you for posting this

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      J oldfield 2 weeks ago

      Wow. Incredible. How often does this happen? Frightnening.

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      Jvcdhccv 2 weeks ago

      Do these people scream about invisible trains?

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      gapples 3 weeks ago

      I am going through this right now and can barely function. Reading the section about psychological murder is exactly how I feel. I've lose myself to the point of utter fear, lack of hope, absolute isolation and feeling too weak and ill to fight. He is supposed to be getting help but after 6 years of constant abuse it's taken its toll. I just pray to God a miracle happens and his therapy works.

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      All fucked up 3 weeks ago

      This is happening to me, I know I'm not crazy but it's relentless and it's a ton of people, many who are supposed to be very close to me, family. I am alone in this battle, there is no way out, so I choose to fight. I'm going to figure out who is the main people doing this to me and I will stop it myself or get the only thing left of value to me, a good death, that would be a death fighting for what I know is right.

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      Alicia 4 weeks ago

      Never knew this existed. Just came out of this situation about a year ago. And I refuse to allow it to take me to my grave. I will do whatever it takes to heal me and my FAMILY from this.. MY FAITH IS STRONG.AND MY GOD IS GOOD

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      Dutch Bolten 5 weeks ago

      My daughter did not survive the mental and psychological abuse her narcissistic put her through. She was only 38 years old. I agree narcissistic are as evil as the next murderer and there should be a law to stop this kind of abuse. I will stand up with you For my daughter.

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      Billie S 5 weeks ago

      My world changed when I unknowingly became involved with a covert narcissist psychopath. After the rape, abuse, soul murder, etc, I am lucky to be alive! His reign over me has ended, and after 2 yrs of counseling I still suffer from PTSD, ulcerated colitis and eczema Brought on by severe stress. My trust of other people has been diminished! you feel trapped in a hell someone else created for you! Being alone seems like the only safe place anymore. The mental pain he caused me nearly drove me to commit suicide! And I was so disconnected from my body because of sexual abuse that it was like coming off of heroin!! ( something I've only heard about) I was addicted to my abuse and abuser!! My question to everybody is why are these psychological killers allowed to walk free in our society damaging inocent people to the point that they take their own lives!! I'm the lucky Survivor, but in studying this blatant attack on humanity for self-serving purposes I realize that we need to do something to put these people away where they belong and that's in jail!!! Where they can't rape,mentally damage and commit unspeakable acts against others. As a survivor I still feel very broken but I am finding the strength and to bring out an all out war against these covert murders !! The fear they install in your mind keeps you from wanting to confront them in anyway, but darkness cannot hide in the light of awareness and if you are a survivor and a fighter and have physical evidence that you've been raped, or spent years in therapy trying to fix yourself Due to the abuse, stand up with me to find a solution to this horrible epidemic !! The meek shall inherit the earth ! I believe this in my soul. We cannot let these demon infested psychological murders rule over us because of fear and self-doubt ! If you were strong enough to live through what just happened to you then you're strong enough To weed through the judicial system!! One of the roadblocks that I'm running into is that there's a plethora of narcissists in authority positions like the police dept and judges!! In my opinion there should be a psychological background test for any people in authority position. One that can't be cheated! Because we are dealing with very intelligent tricksters!

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      inadarkiss 6 weeks ago

      I've had my soul murdered in this way.

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      Rolahill 6 weeks ago

      You begin to self destruct, physical pain manifests itself, your body, mind, soul can no longer fight and disease will win. Unless your higher power, God, intervenes.

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      Rolahill 6 weeks ago

      Add stalker, hacker, home invader through today s technology to narcopath, and it s not something you can run from, hide from, or turn off! It s a conscience decision to murder another human being without feeling any consequences or responsibility.

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      Miriam Micheals 6 weeks ago from United States

      Excellent description of what goes on with these sickos.

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      Sparkster Publishing 6 weeks ago from United Kingdom

      Not quite sure what you're trying to say? What disinformation? It's pretty clear from all the other comments here that victims of this type of abuse agree with everything stated.

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      hesaid 6 weeks ago

      It's a pity so much disinformation is in this blog.

      What you are describing is serious wrong doing in your system! Yes forced suicide and use of certain professional services. Professional security can be used and that's the easy stuff!

      Mental health in my opinion is a useless service and has caused harm to many people!

      Serious threats, dragging up dirt, use of corruption in certain fields to cause harm, defamation lifetime denial of education and employment, manipulating and payment of witnesses and it can last your life and paint a very poor Picture of you, that is false.

      It can take just one bad egg on an innocent person or people!

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      Jo Ann T. 7 weeks ago

      Your articles have helped to understand just how much pain my daughter my child went through before she committed suicide 3 months ago. She lived with a narcissistic for 2 yrs. Every thing you wrote on Psychological Murder was spot on. Even the Medical Investigator said this was a classic case of abuse but without any visable bruises on the body they cannot prove it.

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      CRH00 7 weeks ago

      Why can't I email this article? Why is there an icon to email if it doesn't work?

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      Debra Knudson 7 weeks ago

      Great info! I found

      this to be very informative!

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      Cassie 2 months ago

      This has happened to me. I am lucky to have escaped from my abuser but I have failed to convince another living soul that I was held hostage to my abusers narcissistic insanity. Even therapists look at me as I feel I'm making it up. The way I behaved while in the relationship was so extreme, so unlike anything I would do, so dangerous, reckless that it is impossible to imagine a healthy, normal, professional could ever be so duped, and yet, I was. I was treated with such heartlessness, as if I was not human but a mere object. But why did I remain captive for so long? For 8 years, off and on, attempted to escape regularly but kept going back. I was very fortunate that my abuser got slightly ahead of himself one evening and organised abuse of such horror that even in the drug induced and coerced stupor I was in, I retained enough of my own mind throughout what followed to be able to recall clearly his face, mannerisms and complete disregard for me, except as a toy for him to play with and destroy, like a mad child. The next day as I licked my wounds, I vowed I would never allow myself to be so degraded again by him or by any other human being. Finally, he had gone too far and I had seen behind his mask. Traumatised, lonely and unable to talk to anyone about these horrors, I have limped my way, a year after my escape, to a place where I can almost breathe again. Relief, yes, but there is still fear, regret, sadness and guilt that I allowed myself to be abused. It's okay, I'm intelligent enough now to read widely on the many psychological issues that brought me to the abuser in the first place, and also I use the many fabulous articles and videos online to find truth and resolution, which I hope one day will come. Your article is the first I have ever read on the severe and criminal damage that these people can inflict and that can lead so easily to death. Grateful thanks.

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      Cora Reece 2 months ago

      I feel so connected to the way you described the victim. I've litterally felt like ive been 'torn into pieces.' But she always tells me im really unstable and cant function properly. I was told so much shit, that i daily feel suicidal. And the worst part is that its my mom. But i dont know if this is even a thing that can happen. Like, how can my mom be torturing me? She is my mom she cant be.

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      Carolyn 2 months ago

      I lost my brother to suicide less than 2 years ago at the hands of a sociopathic narcissist (10 years of marriage). Many know who she is now but plenty don't. She is playing the sympathy card pretty hard too. Plus keeping everything my brother worked his entire life for. I have released all of that but I'm still compelled and determined to help raise awareness. You are doing a great job putting the word out. Some day I would like to tell my brother's story for him to help others in need. PTSD is real from this abuse and especially compounded by a childhood trauma. Not to mention mental health professionals don't always spot this abuse.... my brother tried to get help but I unfortunately his mental health professsional wasn't able spot the abuse. After my brother died I started therapy and my therapist just happened to have 20 years experience with NPD patients. It was a blessing (and a curse) to finally figure out what had been going on in my brother's life. I even met with my brother's therapist and gained further knowledge. I only wish I had this knowledge earlier. I want schools to include courses about personality disorders! Nice people are so vulnerable. My brother was so sweet and kind. I hope everyone who has experienced abuse can find peace and healing from the trauma you have endured.

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      anon 2 months ago

      I met the real deal and this is exactly what they're like, god bless anyone else who has been through this. One last word if I may, you'll learn from it and it will never happen to you again, that I will promise.

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      Thomas Orr 2 months ago

      I seem to be blaming myself for being who are what i am im 50 now an im an addic an my only faily are two younger brothers i used to think i was ok. But as addic ive lived that life whenmy folks both diedi became even worse( meth an weed) i was taught family is love trust ancareing 20 yrs ago after my girlfriend left me for cooking. I desided i was worthless. And i went to prison. When. Got out i had to start over from nothing an asked bros for help i thought i was being helped but depressionan addiction drove me to attempt to suiside but i didnt die an was hospitilized my only family an friends i had came to visit me an brought dope to hospitil an i was crazy i think meds n meth. Both but eventuly i was put on ssi an now everone has been convinced im just junky i hate myself more each day ive become isolated an guess still trying to die. I live in country behind my youngest bro witch isaddict too an cant afford car an depend on him to get food. But he will take money from me to buy my food an such an disapear for day two an after no food for 2 or 3 days come back an give me meth an anyone knows if you hungry an i know the meth quiets the pains i fall for it an he tells people i spent all money getting hi an if i say anything to anyone for somereason they beleive him an say im crazy addic mad cause im out of dope im stuck in this an dont know what to do are how to. Help. Myself because i get hi an it makes all ok for a bit i live in camper with 2 lights an microwave. Ive began to not care about the way i look an ive begun to have issues hoarding are trash. For reasons i dont understand if i have garbage stacked an piled everwherein camper no one wants to visit an i realy dont want visitors anymore im own ssi an food stamps but im down to 120 pds an rarly bath are shave an it seems im traped cause to anyone see me they automaticly think. Im just junky. Why i seem to play the role good. How can i help myself like this it just me an my dog an if i try to get help they want to put me in hospitil. An my dog ( my very best an only true family are freind will be taken from me are if anyone was to see how i live if you can call it living they would take me are my little buddy an i know this from dr counselers an churchs an my bro sure reminds me often i do still pray but not as i used too is their a way to esckape ? If so im just a junky an guess i dont know it are how to find it my life was so so so much better in prison. An now i have oscar mayer my pup dog an memorys an meth that is given to control mean it all over again the only good in life is my pup dog an my mmeth. Help me someone please im tired an worthless an even god has left me behind if i try to move it blocked by deposit for rent get utilitys on an no way can i afford it ive thought of suiside at least 20 times a day but if i do kill myself i would do to my pupdog just what they said i would so i cant are wont desert him. Not even for day are 2 but one thing is certain tomorrow will be worse an the meth im fed will make me forget an kiss his ass just like he says. Im at my end ive thought about just walking off an me an pup go live in the woods but no meth an little food always scares me

      So how do i help myselfnow addicted to ass kissing an life forgotten lonly an lost. Is it my self to blame an am i just sorry assed junky

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      Robert McCarty 2 months ago

      Covert abuse. Instead of one person. It's a massive amount of people. But everything else is on point, right on the money. I don't wanna die, I don't wanna kill myself, I don't wanna lose my soul. I don't know what to do or where to go. I literally do not feel safe in the entire world. Some how they know my every thought. My every action. And I sense they are always around. Literally ALWAYS. I don't know what to do anymore. I honestly feel I'm losing my mind. Someone please help me. I live in magnolia TX . Someone please help and find me before they get me or they have me get myself.

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      Devin 2 months ago

      Please help I really need to talk with someone in the sf Bay Area about this I was abused and lied about threatened and made to live in the back of a car while this other person who

      I wouldn't refer to controlled my entire finances so I could not escape they called the police and tried to have me 5150 while lying to my whole family and telling friends they cannot answer my calls or they will be involved in a crime. I literally was left wanting to die and they knew I had a disability and was currently dealing with infection and other medical conditions. I'm a college homie student who took 2 years off to take care of issues and it has been a hell I can't even remember what my life was like it's very close to a nightmare but when I'm up it's real. I have no psychiatric issues besides obvious anxiety depression exc. please let me know if I can talk to someone about a laywer to help me. And a therapist who knows what this is. Thank you

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      Lounita Ihrig 2 months ago

      This is exactly what has and is happening to me. I have 30 years of his attacks against my life, and since he has been back in 2011, using our son, the attacks are horrendous, as he has turned my son against me. I live completely off the government, and have been completely out of resources. Please help me, I have all the evidence. I have just last night decided to remove myself from our son's life that I raised, the sick bastard has taken over again, either step back or the sb will (and has already started) to pry his way into our son's life (stealing my parental (major struggles) efforts over the years, and has blasted me emotional on facebook calling me psychopath, crazy bitch, etc. He has attack me from all angles, financially, emotionally, etc etc etc. PLease help me.

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      Basiru lee leigh 3 months ago

      I am going through this same abuse as we speak and i believe the man doing all this is trying to frame me, his first step was to isolate me from my friends by feeding them my private information, making them distrust me, having them use half-truths blended in with multitudes of lies to frame me for a crime i didn't commit. The man responsible for all this is a man name Stanley Nkemley. He created a falsehood of information based on what i complained about. It was then to my knowledge that he created a blog about my former mentor and then covertly went on a spree of harassment, manipulation and committing federal crimes of having my phone tapped, computer being hacked and last but no least passing down information about me to other people. He had me so confused that i almost committed suicide. The man apparently was working as an investor and yet he would never work or go to school for days in and out. He fabricated evidence around me and getting information about me from Dr. Sat. He promised to destroy my life if he ever wanted to. I don't know what to do but they are creating more evidence around me and making it seem like i am a big criminal. Using my friends and family to send subliminal messages to harass me. I don't quite understand what's going on because i am so confused to all this. I never took money from this guy but he was willing to destroy all my entire reputation. I am the only one who knows i didn't create the blog, but he was trying to use two of us but now he is trying to drop the entire thing on my head. The man has being doing this for the past 6 years, he was checking my mental stage, what i was thinking, what i was going to do, and how i feel at that moment. What should i do

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      Sad 3 months ago

      Ive had this done to me for 23 years and by my husband and i just now found it has a name. After 23 years im ruined, im done. I have nowhere to run. I have no friends because i wasnt allowed to develop relationships, i was always the one sitting home when my 2 sisters would visit my mom because i wasnt allowed to the mall or movies. I couldnt even go out on my own to shop or enjoy myself. Ive wanted to leave but im scared to live without him because ive been with him since 16. He is my identity, he is my ego. There is nothing left of me but a compilation of his thoughts, opinions, and even his laughter. There is no seperate identity for myself. I dont know who i am. Im in anguish. If i could just turn myself off like a switch i would but i have children.

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      Nodramamama 3 months ago

      Wow, i am currently at the " is it really me?" Point in this abusive hell... i describe it as " being at the Gates of Hell or stuck in Purgatory... it was very subliminal for about first 15 years of marriage. But later it started to show... drugs alcohol, the works , been there. I have felt like a yoyo, for years. Growing up with mental beat down of an alcoholic father , who is now recovered 20 yrs sober, i think makes me not wantto giv up... but theres a difference i believe in someone under tge influence than someone who psychologically interjects such mental destruction subconciously intentionally....

      After 18 yrs no children, we had a child ... little more maintence due to some sensory issues , she is homeschooled still at age 9, leaving me financially atthe mercy of the "KING"! As icallhim....After many health issues , a very bad reaction to opiods, near death experiences. , and major surgery, the abuse has become more open and uncontrolled , almost dissociative ., bpd like... and even though he has moved out got a place for him and younger ( much younger) girlfriend, he states to daughter that this is where he lives just doesnt sleep here?!? Strangely he kept up his good guy image for years and even had me puzzled, thinking he was POSSESSED, for real ... lol, because he always did for others amdwas more than ready to set aside anything he wanted to do for ANYONE! He has convincingly mAde me look like the depressed withdrawn nonsocial umhappy recovered drug addict over protective mother / wife, trying to show reason for his infidelities.... even convincing my family of such. Always being the kids favorite, his daughter is quick to protect him from any rules or judging by me , the full time caretaker.... i am essentially the only one tht can save myself, i feel saddened by the loss of hope i feel for my daughters father, knowing unless a miracle happens, this will remain for him. And i feeling at times copelled to leav them both wpuld never do so, i jystify staying by believing God chose me bcuz i can HANDLE IT, and the deep deep sadness for the man i will always love, or feel such EMPATHY FOR. This is real people , i know!

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      Sparkster Publishing 3 months ago from United Kingdom

      Just wanted to let everyone know that I have now started a new support group on Facebook for former/recovering victims of this kind of abuse: N.A.R.C - Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Center.

      This is a closed group, anyone on FB can see the group and it's members but only members can see posts (this may change to a private/secret group at some point). The group can be found at https://www.facebook.com/groups/820895831399840/

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      yes 3 months ago

      I made the mistake of going to the police for help after coming to term with a considerable amount of sexual abuse as a child. Very long story short, they profiled me as a sexual predator, harassed me relentlessly, tried to find a reason to arrest me, and after they discovered that I have long term psychiatric medical records proving definitively that I'm actually a good person, i.e., none of the above, now they're doing exactly what you've described above. It's been going on for a while now and I'm sick of it. They keep trying to push me to suicide. I'm amazed. I thought the police helped people, but now I know that all they do is identify people of certain groups that they don't like, and attack. If the person turns out like me, a good person who has never hurt a soul, who can prove in court that he's "none of the above", they still try to "get rid" of that person, either through entrapment, which has failed numerous times, or by what you call "pernicious abuse", which they can't seem to stop doing. They want me dead because they messed up.

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      Debb.v 3 months ago

      Am married to such an abuser just had 4 yr anniversary, I have made the mistake of telling him and fighting him every step of the way that I'm on to him andive now developed a heart condition. His first wife 9 yrs his junior died of alcohol poisoning 12 yrs ago and I was very compassionate towards him for that reason however, I get it now and her brother had ideas it was my husband's doing that killed her which I thought was awful of the brother but I get it now unfortunately. I have depleted all of my pension paying off his debts mostly and he has created a financial nightmare for me and has done exactly as written made me look bad without my doing but his deciet and lies and manipulation I have been keeping track as much as I can however, he's so sneaky and his outside circles are completely engaged unaware of who he really is. He has also done damage to my 2 adult kids who had never been in trouble before coming to live with him 5 yrs ago and when I wasn't home would tell them they were losers and never amount to anything

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      Amt 4 months ago

      I think I'm in a relationship like this but it's been so long and we fight so often that I don't know if I'm the abuser or being abused I do know I'm the one who's always trying something anything to stop the nonstop violence and she is the one who's always pushing to fight but we both are victims of child abuse mine all extremely violent she was almost key word almost molested by a family member (luckiest kid ever)the first time he was going to abuse her he got caught by another in the family before thankfully but she's still 30 years later traumatized now me I was brutally abused severely from starving me to breaking my nose and crushing my sinus cavity I caught TB (I'm under 45 years old) TB really yes in the good ole US but I was malnourished beaten and had a leaning disability that was not caught by crappy teachers I had so if 2 people ever existed that shouldn't be together its us but it does suck cause I'm severely paranoid and I know I am think about that one so I can send out some really mixed signals but she is the same with one exception she never tries to fix help or in any fashion want to discuss repairing it just how every thing is everyone's fault but her she didn't know she slept with my best friend until he told me if she doesn't admit it it never happen 7 Times but I'm no saint just to crazy to know what I should do

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      Janet 4 months ago

      I am currently at this point. Completely isolated. Soul shattered. He is still cycling me with hoovering and devaluing. 11 years. I feel I only exist. And I am not sure why anymore murder is a correct term for what happens to you. I will never be the same. His 13 year old daughter did commit suicide and her journals revealed her struggle with not feeling good enough for her father. I am trying to go no contact very strong trauma bond in place. Lost my friends and what's left of my family (3 adult children) sometimes he is the only person who I have contact with for days on end. He tells me it's because only he cares about me. I am losing my strength to fight him.

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      Dutch Bolten 4 months ago

      My daughter just committed suicide by hanging to end the emotional abuse from her narcissistic and sociopath partner. Medical Investigator told me this is a classical abuse case. Why is there a law against Psychological Murder?

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      Tamara Yancosky Moore 4 months ago

      This has been extremely difficult to heal from- and this is an understatement. I still feel like my head has been through some sort of wringer. I still have Cognitive Dissonance from it, and find my mind continuing to wander back to the events, constantly questioning, researching, looking for validation, seeking answers, and lost in my thoughts over all the distortions, and all the finely-tuned tricks that were played out, on me, so mastermindedly. I do not know if I'll ever be released of this hypnotic hold it has over me. My brain cannot comprehend this type of abuse, it goes over, and over, and over it, nonstop, trying to make sense of it, but cannot do so. It's very exhausting.

      Thank you for your articles!

      Tamara

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      Kim 4 months ago

      Nailed it

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      lifestudent 4 months ago

      you have portrayed this twisted reality better than any resource i've read thus far. it's so validating to read such an accurate portrayal of a situation that cannot be described nor understood by anyone who hasn't experienced this first hand. the lack of awareness and resources available for those who've suffered from this specific type of abuse is very disheartening. mental health professionals need to make this their highest priority in terms of research. innocent people are in danger and they don't even know it. the public needs to be educated and aware of these devils in disguise because no one deserves to be blindsided by this type of evil.

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      Cherise Brandon 4 months ago

      This article sounds like the story of my life with my mother and my biological family. I was abused in every way possible by one or the other of my mother, father, brother or sister. I truly believe that my mother is the most responsible. She never wanted me - this is something that she told me directly in no uncertain terms. She made it obvious by the way she treated me. I truly feel that my father and siblings took advantage of the fact that my mother didn't care about me and treated me the way that they did because they knew that there would be no backlash from my mother. They used the situation completely to their advantage. There was physical abuse and I was placed in extremely inappropriate situations which could be interpreted as sexual involving my father. I was placed in many situations as a child that were far beyond what a child could ever be expected to handle. I feel like I have been tortured and I can't get past the memories and the hurt resulting from the things that were done to me. The fact that the abuse, disregard and disrespect were inflicted by my mother and family makes it all the worse for me. Because I was shown in so many ways that I was not loved, it is extremely hard for me to accept that anyone can love me. I feel useless and worthless. The thoughts of the things that I have endured are overwhelming me and I don't know how much longer I can live feeling this way. Other people, including my husband and children, cannot understand why this affects me so much and I don't know how to explain it to them to make them understand. I have three children who I have raised to the best of my ability and have made sure taht they know that I love them dearly and that they can always count on me to support them. I love my husband and believe that he loves me - he is the most patient man and has dealt with my issues with my family for as long as we have been a couple - which is over 30 years; but I'm worried that it's taking a toll now that I may not be able to make right. The hurt is so deep and so raw - it defines me. My mother has been dead for nearly 10 years but the memories of all of the things that she said and did to me are still with me. It's like they define me. Every special time in my life that I should have been able to enjoy is overshadowed by something that she said or did to make sure that I was unhappy. I need to know how to get past her brainwashing so I can be happy and finally truly live.

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      lupita 4 months ago

      I've been mentally abused, well still am i wish i could find the courage in me to leave this man.

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      Jkhn 5 months ago

      My spouse commited suicide 4 years ago-

      24 years I battled with cheating with family- strangers. The mental abuse was gas lighting - I feared him- I feared to leave him. His end escalated to a final effort to control. Law enforcement was the only thing that separated us. A homicide - suicide situation. But he unfortunately would not seek help. I and my daughter have been left with severe issues. This article is accurate and very revealing of my experience. To exactly pin which one fits is difficult due to each category has behaviors that I have experienced.

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      wg 5 months ago

      I have a son that suffers from depression and is divorced now but there is a daughter involved which his X will not give him access to ! year now since being able to see his daughter. He has had suicidle thoughts. What can I do to help and stop this nonsense of this person that I have felt is narsasistic.

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      BRAD GREY 5 months ago

      Thank you, this information needs to be widely shared.

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      amc 5 months ago

      wow, so there are people who know about this, so there is truth somewhere, every word you say is so true. Until reading this, I though tn nobody knows about this situation, or could understand. yes, as you say, the victim cannot talk to anybody ...

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      Pam 5 months ago

      This is where my ex husband whom I later learnt is a narc was headed with me. On one occasion when we disagreed, he told me to my face that I would commit suicide but he would never feel haunted over it. All these were happening when I was already financially ruined but thank God that I had just secured a job a few months earlier. I later decided to escape with our children (8 &6 yrs) who also equally being abused. I left everything ....household items including personal things...i just needed to be free. I moved to another neighbourhood and rented an apartment.. ..OMG, av never felt this good as I feel now. These people can make you take away your own life....

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      Alex 5 months ago

      the leeds West Yorkshire police, ambulance and council have been using gang stalking and since several individuals started this on twitter, I have had my entire life silently destroyed beyond belief, I am not allowed to use my computer without the crazy ambulance and police letting me know they are monitoring everything I do and if Im in town trying to privately message by phone my family, I've had individuals knowing and letting me know what Im doing on my phone, stalking me trying to distress me. Some things got so disturbing somebody thought it was an harassing illusionist crossing the boundaries of experimenting on a member of the public to see how fast they can cause me to have a nerves breakdown. Who ever is doing this is a harasser, has no boundaries and takes pleasure in tormenting members of the public. Its cruel, abusive, distressing and confusing what they have been doing to me in this city its destroyed me and ruined everything I have.

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      Kin Kin Kee 5 months ago

      My father was a psychotic New Ager narcopath and started lecturing me about the universe when I was 11. When I was a bit older he dragged me into various cults, which further cemented the sick dimension he created for me to live in. It took him only a few years to turn me against myself and become one with him. I lost everything real, my essence, instead becoming a miniature version of him, being mean to others and parroting what he and spiritual leaders always said. I couldn't get any help because I was in denial about being abused, because I was groomed to take his side. I felt like something was horribly wrong at all times but his brainwashing was stronger so those feelings were pushed away as much as possible. I learned nothing about the world or people in the vital formative years which were stolen from me. Even after getting far away from him as an adult, the destruction of my life persisted, at my own hands. At this point, having lost absolutely everything and everyone, all I am left with is a mind shattered to a million pieces and no future.

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      mjdsqt 5 months ago

      I'm yet another person admitting this happened to me. My wife of 20 years has managed to destroy my reputation with a false restraining order, and now has many people believing that I am an abuser despite years of mental abuse by her. She is very covert and it happened gradually. First strong signs were 7 years ago, but really intensified the last 2-3. I really believed I was the problem and tried every way to improve myself, but she never reciprocated. Everything in our lives spiraled out of control, (finances, children, housekeeping). I was the only one who ever felt responsible and tried to do anything about it. I eventually resorted to constantly yelling in frustration in a house where there was no discipline, accountability, or respect. The discard came when I finally unmasked her in texts to my daughter that were highly disrespectful to me.

      I've been kicked out of my house for three months now. I have thought of suicide but would never do it to my loved ones. My extended family initially were manipulated to conspire with her, but are now being emotionally and financially supportive. I probably would have run off and become homeless without them. Even still, I don't know if my career will survive. I don't know if my health will hold up. I worry constantly that she will find a way to put me in jail. I'm afraid to talk to my fiends and explain this. I still pay her bills. She still controls me.

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      Invisible 5 months ago

      Some of us need help from this but there is none..

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      The abuse never ends. 5 months ago

      Wonderful article. Just when I believe it was over because my abuser has died their is someone to take his place. His brother, he has picked up where his brother left off. Manipulative my 16 year. It is more than I can take. I have a whole new fight that seems to be a loosing battle since my daughter is now 16 soon to be 17 and he contacts her behind my back and he tells her to lie to me and she can do what she wants as long as she doesn't tell me and all alone making me the bad guy. She makes accuses for the nasty way he has been treating me and talking to me. My daughter says "well he is under stress, he is going through a lot"

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      Anonymous 6 months ago

      I had a friend who I think died from this. She committed suicide. Her boyfriend was psychologically and emotionally abusing her. She gave up her son into foster care so he could move in and they could party. She felt tremendous guilt over that. I don't really want to talk about this, but there's more. I think he intentionally pushed her over the edge. I think he set it up! I'm serious. There are monsters out there. They are called psychopaths and sociopaths. They are evil people who prey on vulnerable people.

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      mike miller 6 months ago

      This is all happening to me right now I'm bout to PTSD part glad I found this cause its identical all of it

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      april 6 months ago

      I am so glad that I discovered this article. This has opened my eyes to everything that I'm going through in my marriage right now. It is so frustrating to describe this kind of abuse, because it goes easily unnoticed. I've been so stressed over this and it is hard to describe this kind of abuse without people thinking that you are crazy. The abuse can be subtle and sometimes extreme. But everyone loves my husband and they think he is the greatest person in the world. He is so good at putting on a front that people cannot see him being that way. All they seem to notice is me reacting to it and it makes me look crazy. I just wish someone in my family would understand what I'm going through. I have let this man break me all the way down to thoughts of suicide. I just don't know what to do...

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      Liz 6 months ago

      Happened to e and is still happening. Feel hopeless.

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      Sean Holbrook 6 months ago

      Thank you. I'm in constant hell and this has explained a lot.

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      Abeesea 6 months ago

      I'm glad to hear there is something I can do about it. Are there any online communities that you are aware of that I could seek out?

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      Pam 6 months ago

      I stayed in an abusive relationship for 12 years.... you got me right..12 years. I started feeling the abuse at the 7th year into the marriage but dismissed the signs. This progressed to full blown abuse 4 years later. I literally had to take the risk of leaving with the children ( aged 8 and 6) with nothing. I feel so free away from my narc ex husband. He remained with everything including the matrimonial property and has vowed never to share with me even a cent!!!! He now gaslights me alot; spreading rumours and lies about me. But, i am grateful to God for giving me a very supportive family.... Infact, my brother planned and executed the stealing of the children from my ex narc husband. I have now started life afresh (having flushed 12 years of my life down the drain). Life looks more easier for us than when we lived with my husband. In one of the many occasions that we had a heated arguments, he told me that i would personally take away my life due to the frustrations he will put me through.... and that he was sure my spirit would not haunt him..OMG. These people should not live in the society.. My ex husband is a typical sociopath/narcissist. I only survived because i am very strong willed and developed resilience during the years we stayed together. He never at any moment made life easy for me. Infact, he manipulated me financially such that he had everything by the time i decided to break free. Once again, i am grateful to God, i have a good paying job and can take care of my children.

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      survivor 6 months ago

      any thoughts for someone two years into trying to drink away 41 years of this exact kind of abuse from his mother? Oh, and his mother is a psychiatrist who easily convinces her puppets that he is crazy? Something like gaslighting to the extreme, I even mention how my mother does this at therapy and I am called crazy and not believed or even listened too, leading to additional abuse from those who have jobs to help people like him, yes me.

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      Cyoung 6 months ago

      Excellent read and exactly what I am experiencing right now. I'm seeking legal advice, do you have any reccomendations in Georgia?

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      sf 6 months ago

      Currently dealing with this myself. No help. Agreed with everything except "selfish" suicide. The person is ill and will act irrationally.

    • sparkster profile image
      Author

      Sparkster Publishing 6 months ago from United Kingdom

      That's ridiculous advice and is completely untrue.

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      ray 6 months ago

      If you believe this happening there is nothing to do about it just let it happen

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      Mindy 6 months ago

      Jake gyllenhal

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      Abeesea 6 months ago

      I'm experiencing this very treatment but... I have no idea who the person is who has orchestrated this campaign against me. There is apparently a Facebook community built around trying to ruin my life. What have others done when being attacked in this way?

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      Kim 6 months ago

      This is probably the best article I've read yet on the subject. It's pretty right on target and it is true that the abuse is done with clever attacks and subtle gas lighting away from outside eyes, yr after yr after yr.

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      Tony Branco 7 months ago

      I hate articles like this. It does not mention the obvious, it's called Police Stalking, Organized Stalking, Gang Stalking, Eyes-on-Surveillance, 'Measures'...it's torture, every one knows it exists including the cops who carry out the bulk of the torture, the psychiatric profession, children's aid societies, politicians, doctors, firefighters, judges, they all know, they participate and their profession benefits from the fall out.

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      Cwood 7 months ago

      This describes the hell and the abuser I suffered perfectly. Exactly.Only thing left out was that some suffer sexual abuse as well from their abuser.well written

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      Anonanon 7 months ago

      This definitely happens, I have had this happen to me over years. I was told "if you contact the police things will get worse". I have experienced this and it is real and San be perpetrated by more than one person in a community and or workplace. I have been harmed physically and deliberately including medical personnel such as a doctor. A Dr Death if you like. This is no joke and often the perpurtrators are judgemental, think they are entitled to exact punishment or revenge including outside the law. There is more but think of a movie like conspiracy theory in the way that Mel Gibsons character is treated by some in authority. This type of activity can even involve arranged marriage, being befriended by certain people in order to monitor, control or abuse. I am not sure what to do, and am trying to figure out how to contact the police or other service when I was once told, they will believe us. I have also been followed on occasion and had people banging on ceiling or walls (I was told of another case of this happening to someone). I hope this post might help someone who has experienced what I have get justice against their abusers.

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      Love for you 7 months ago

      People who suffer from these attacks are victims of Organized Crime, and people affiliated with the drug, and sex industry plain and simple.This is a modern form of high tech witchcraft plain and simple.

      If you habitually drink or use drugs including marijuana stop today, the people who are involved in that world are crazy. Stay away from anything to do with porno all these things are connected. Sex,drugs,stalking and the devil,college age kids have been brain washed by the rappers to be cop hating, angry, mean, desensitized to violence, hate, and the pain and suffering they cause others, keep them away from your children.

      Stay strong be grounded in the truth. As long as you know you are being honest it does not matter what anyone else thinks. The people who are attacking you are psychology sadistic and spiritually satanic. Now is the time to deepen your spiritual and religious beliefs and have faith in the Lord God and his son (if you are a believer.) The lord well take care of you and make every one of these fools attacking you and your children pay for their felony crimes and sins.

      Keep looking for legal representation, find religious allies, and keep talking to law enforcement anywhere they well listen to you.Publicise good ones you find so other victims can find them too. Document everything you can. This blog is a good start. Do not lose faith in the law enforcement community. They want to catch these people too its just that their ranks are contaminated by affiliates of the Mexican Mafia and Hells Angels too.

      The tide is turning against people involved in stalking crimes, they are going to be made to pay.This is the Lord God's will. Remember, keep working against evil people, there are people who want to help you, help them to find you, but be extremely careful of who and how much you trust new people in your life.

      One last word of advise NEVER trust any alumni,faculty or students from the University of California Santa Cruz.They helped do the psychological research to develope the techniques being used on you.

      This University is turning out thousands of graduates every year in all disciplines and professions who are deeply sadistic and satanic and perpetrator these types of crimes in all sectors of society.

    • Brianne Blake profile image

      Brianne Blake 7 months ago

      @Sparkster Hang in there! This shit is hard, but I'm still here too....PM on fb. Keep in touch and don't give up.... you're an awesome friend and being, so keep fighting the good fight, okay? Huge hugs!

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      Linda 7 months ago

      Such a well written article. I have a brother who is the victim of this type of relationship. The evil woman who he married around 18 years ago and has had 3 children to has stripped him of every morsel of himself. He doesn't think any more, she does that for him. He has turned on my family and will only do anything that she allows him to or tells him to. She doesn't work, covers herself in jewelry, spends all day at a gym and solarium, is completely all about herself. The 3 children all have self esteem issues and are also very co-dependent on her. She only associates with people who are in the entertainment industry and utterly full of her own self importance. She doesn't care who she destroys in the process of getting what she wants. My brother works like a dog, has no time to think, apparently doesn't even pick out the clothes he will wear. She thinks for him, speaks for him and controls him completely. Sadly it has got to the point where he believes she is the messiah and never will question anything when it has come from her. He speaks of her so highly, tells everyone he is so lucky to have her and is constantly portraying his love for her. He cannot see anything she does is wrong. In his eyes she is faultless. I know he suffers anxiety, but there is no getting through to him that it's due to the toxic relationship he is in. Now he longer talks to me. I do believe I was the one that she has spent years ensuring she removed from his life as I used to be the only one that could get through to him. Finally she managed to get him to believe I am the enemy and he told me to get out of his life in a very nasty way. She is seen by most as a beautiful soul. Butter wouldn't melt in her mouth. She comes across as sugary sweet. She lies consistently and does and says whatever she can to get what she wants. I have finally have had to walk away from trying with my brother, partly because he told me to, but mostly because I was fighting a losing battle in the end. Anyone who gets in her way is at some point removed from their circle. She is pure evil and if there was anyway I felt I could do something I would, but I now feel it's a waste of time. He has been brainwashed to the point of no return. Mostly because you can't get near him to speak to him without her having some type of control over any situation he is in. He has lost absolute love for himself and is a doormat for her needs and wants. It's a very cruel and insidious situation and one I wish I could do something about. I wrote to many current affairs shows trying to get them to speak about this type of relationship as I do believe it is becoming more common in this world of our, but sadly I got no response. How do we get the world to understand these beasts and remove them from society? If only we could, but I think I'm now becoming delusional. I pray one day that somehow she will vanish off the face of the earth such is my utter disdain for this woman.

    • sparkster profile image
      Author

      Sparkster Publishing 7 months ago from United Kingdom

      Not really no :/ but I'm still here, thank you.

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      Jason rigsby 7 months ago

      Please, this is the exact thing I've been dealing with for almost 6 years. Please help me.

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      megha 7 months ago

      i am going through this right now. it is making me wonder whether i am insane i am being constantly reminded of my past faults and been told u r a psycho will take ur child from u send u to mental hospital. the psychiatrist i met ruined further by putting it into my head that me and my husband dont love eachother etc but thats not true. my inlaws have created issues and some issues due to isolation location where i am currently residing and my inlaws constantly nagging me with comments no matter what i do for them i am a bad one. they emotionally abuse me in my husbands absence and he doesnt believe it his mom cries and i am the one with fault. i asked help from his friends to which he tells me u ruined my reputation . and keeps reminding me that i am a loser. my background once was a chilled out party gng working girl before i got married but i learnt everything about home. i cooked i took care. i wokeup at 5 am daily did all house work . gave birth to a child even during my pregnancy my inlaws emotionally abused me saying your child will be born with down syndrome no my child is fine she has no issues shes is now talentd 3yrs old with no problems. she was normal.. i was judged by inlaws for no reason. i was told to sit home not to go fr work cook at home my mistake was i listened to my inlaws . my husband wanted me to work. i know it was my mistake. but i cant correct i have lost my confidence. all i hear is money money from everywhere. my husband says what r u doing for our family i told i am cooking gave birth he says any woman can do that. is it so? if i cook its a maids job if i take care of my child nanny can do it. u shuld go earn. fine but i have no confidence in me also he keeps reminding me of my past relationship which he knew. why now? i have no connection with my past. he always tricks me into belivng i am culprit i am mad i am loser. hs parents are not at fault its me who is trouble burden on his life. he lost his friends due to me. he fears calling his friends home says u cant react mad. no i am not like that i welcome people. today on christmas i am sitting home crying he took our child went out to enjoy. it was a love marriage but his friends family were they only imp to him.. i left my parents ran away for him and he with his parents made me cry and he says he is not at fault anywhrre. i am the only one who is at fault he says u react let anyone say naything to u why do u react..my question is why punishment is given to the one who reacts bt not to the one who does wrong to u. i dont know why am i living and how am i living he doesnt love me now. his parents never wanted me .. then what am i doing. i am even afraid to take my child and go back to my house as in india people ruin ur parents reputation i am worried abt my parents reputation in society. .. i was at fault in this relation but whenever i tried to change myself he reminded me past episodes. he always blamed me foreverything. . i am questionin myself shuld i live or not. its my child who is keeping me alive but how long. my hope strength will break down soon. i have no idea what to do

    • Leena May Fallen profile image

      Leena May Fallen 7 months ago

      I am in a relationship with a covert narc and trying to find a way out its extremly hard due to what he has done to make sure i stay my health has suffered i am have to be very cautious in all aspests of life i hope i make it but this artical has given me peace /validation that im not going crazy and that there is knowledge that this does happen thank you for that

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      Avril B Gaouette 8 months ago

      I have been suffering this very treatment for 30 years. (daughter) It is not pleasant. I don't pretend to know how they do it, but they do it. It starts very insidiously and before you know it it's full-fledged. I stuck my head in the sand many times hoping it would go away. Well, it doesn't go away - ever !! These people completely ruin your life if you let them. You lose friends, you lose family, there seems to be no end to the people the people you lose. What the abuser says to these people, friends, and family and even strangers, store clerks and on and I cannot imagine.

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      Corky 8 months ago

      Wow! for the last 45 years I’ve been on a path to discover how and more importantly Why my little brother was physically trying to kill me and destroy

      my good reputation in our small coastal village. It started when I was 22 when he tried to shoot me on a hunting trip (I was in denial) and later when he drained most of the air from my SCUBA tank unaware I carried a 5 minute "come-home bottle" (and the lights came on). He wanted my beach cottage, new car & insurance policy.

      Now he badgers me at every opportunity, covertly undermines my business and spreads vicious rumors, some of which has cost him customers who

      have hired me to fill the opening, creating more reason for him to step up his viciousness.

      My health has taken some temporary hits from the stress that arises every now and then and the only retribution that comes to mind are all felonies

      so I keep plugging along with my head held high. This seems to irritate him most but I see few positive options for me.

      After reading your post, I feel much better as knowing and understanding has a calming effect on me. Thank you for your post. Happy Holidays.

    • Brianne Blake profile image

      Brianne Blake 8 months ago

      SPARKSTER!!! It's Breezy, ARE YOU OKAY?!?!?!

    • sparkster profile image
      Author

      Sparkster Publishing 8 months ago from United Kingdom

      Thank you for leaving such an excellent comment and for sharing your experience. You are one of the lucky few who managed to find the appropriate help which is certainly not easy to find at all and I hope people find inspiration in the fact that there is help out there if you look in the right places.Thank you for sharing also.

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      Ricky 8 months ago

      This a brilliant description of what thousands of poor souls, myself included. I was brutally abused as a child and was met with the "crying wolf" reaction. I had married and treated my ex-wife not so nicely by cheating on her many times over and making her feel responsible. I sought psychological help because I knew in my heart I was responsible for her divorcing me and for the emotional scars it left on her. I never physically abused her but like my psychiatrist explained, emotional and mental scars can and most of the time worse. I wasn't diagnosed as a narcissistic or sociopathic predator but what I had done was take out all that pain and damage that was done to me out on her which basically meant that I was part of the viscous cycle that most people who was abused was caught in, basically growing up and inflicting the same type or similar scenarios on my wife. I was unaware that that's what was happening. In turn I had found an awesome team of shrinks and counselors that made me aware of what was going on. Luckily also I was able to talk my ex-wife into coming to one of my sessions and explained to her what and why things played out the way they did and gave me the tools, coping skills, and the foresight and hindsight to identify the behavior that these predators have. Unfortunately the damage was done in my marriage but at the same time the problem that was coming from me was cured. I thank God every day that I wasn't in any way abusive to my children and my ex and I are friends, which is something we weren't when we was married because I didn't know how to be a friend much less a husband and monogamous lover. I have just shared this article in Facebook to all my friends and family, and pretty sure publicly. As for me I was very lucky and blessed to have recognized that I was the problem and got the help I needed to overcome it. I am far from making excuses for myself or anyone else who may not realize that they're wreaking havoc not just in their friends and families lives, but their own as well. There are a very large percentage, like a good 90% of these predators who are well aware of their actions, and have a savvy way of hiding or shifting the blame of their tactics. These people strategically use these "skills" to manipulate not only their victims, but manipulate and utilize the weaknesses and vulnerabilities of the victim's friends and family to do what this article explains. I have several friends and amazingly the mother of my 2 youngest children that are being shredded to bits by these monsters. And it's damn near impossible to get them to look at their situation from the outside looking in. I'm hoping that me sharing the information from this article will help open their eyes. Thank you and God bless you for putting this out there and I pray the light it shines on this dark, toxic, and tragic subject will be recognized by the thousands of people who are suffering at the hands of these pieces of sh*t and can break free and retain their hearts and souls, or at least enough of them to be able to allow themselves the true joy of actually being able to trust someone again and open their hearts completely to allow that one good person we all deserve to have to love, have, and trust not to break our hearts, but to protect it and live a happy and blessed life. Thank you again and my heart and prayers go out to you people who took the time and had the courage to share some your experiences in the comments that you all shared.

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      Worthlesss 8 months ago

      I'm not doing well, living with my narcissist. I have tried my best to learn what I can and cannot do. I am not allowed to leave the house without him. Only allowed to eat when he says its okay. He stood over me demanding to sigh over my car to him, I did, to keep the peace after he refused to work for three years and taking my disability for himself--I went without medical needs the entire course of this marriage--11+ years. I pray every day to get my legs back so I can leave, but it has not happened yet--bedridden five years ago--after not allowed physical therapy that helped keep my strength up. My privacy is always denied, I cannot sleep my regular schedule so I have trained myself to sleep three hours a day. He's taken all my jewelry and ruined thousands of dollars worth of clothing and yells if I get upset or cry and saying that whomever broke it pr ruined it feels worse than I do. He and his kids destroyed a $30,000 collection I was building for 35 years, there is not a single piece of it left.

      I am required to do all the money management and it is up to me to find money when he overdrafts, quite often actually, I've borrowed $11,000 to get him out of the financial trouble he was in before we married (he never told me any of this before marrying--I think he thought I had money because of the accident that disabled me---I don't have anything beyond my Social Security disability) and he tells everyone who'll listed that I was stealing from him all that time to explain why he was in that mess, even includes times before we knew each other. Both of his sons do not talk to him because they hate the dictatorship. I just want to be done with all this crap but I am stuck here in this bed hoping to die soon. I am so worthless.

    • sparkster profile image
      Author

      Sparkster Publishing 9 months ago from United Kingdom

      Tragedy, are you on Facebook? If so, there is a group you can join. It's called Narcissistic Abuse Support (NPD - Take Back Power). Here is the link: https://www.facebook.com/groups/825166634194771/

      You can also follow my Facebook page here:

      https://www.facebook.com/ReflectionsOfNPD/

    • profile image

      Tragedy 9 months ago

      Hi I am just really needing someone who I can relate to same situation. I am married to a narcissists husband. He is very cruel to me. So many things I have witnessed in my personal belongings that he has ruined but yet he has justification on everything. Like our children has damaged them. He is very sneaky. So much to tell just too much to write. I wish someone could be in touch with me to make friends with someone who has similar issues or is with narcissists in general. Please leave a reply someone for friendship support! !!!!?????? Thanks

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      Edith Hellyer Felker 9 months ago

      ...more comments... they protect themselves legally by claiming they are "helping" me, but it is all hurt. They show all sorts of help, but they allow people to take it away from me so that they look good while I suffer and they are protecting themselves. What is the difference between hurting someone directly and allowing others to do it? They are both culpable in the eyes of the law....it is the same thing as hiring someone to commit murder and claiming innocence (you appeared to act like you were trying to prevent it), but you are just as guilty as the perpetrator. The legal system must be more sophisticated than this!!!

      You would not believe what has, and is, happening to me. I am a Jaycee Duggard story spanning 40 years. They are trying to murder me. I have been poisoned multiple times and had all sorts of things happen to me. I am at my wit's end because they are very powerful and they want what belongs to me.

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      Edith Hellyer Felker 9 months ago

      I am an ongoing victim of exactly this abuse, only not by one individual - but an entire gang. They play good cop/bad cop and I get hurt repeatedly while they try to make excuses for their abuse by abusing me further. I am so tired of this. I have no privacy whatsoever, not even making love or in the shower.

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      JMerrick 9 months ago

      I've had multiple ones like this, I will never recover from them.

    • Christy McKee profile image

      Christy McKee 9 months ago

      Thank you!

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      paula 9 months ago

      At this moment, I'm just grateful to be commenting! I doubt I'll ever figure out the mysterious formula for signing into these new niche sites! They ask for our name and then for us to sign in. When we click on "sign in" it takes us to a site about the particular niche site we're interested in but no place to SIGN IN!!

      Oh, OK, I get it....this is one of those narcopaths messing with my mind and self-esteem! LOL.....I'm on to them, Sparkster!

      This is a fabulous read. We could easily discuss this topic for days. There's much to learn and even more to avoid! Thanks much. I love this sort of education!...Peace, Paula

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      Author

      Sparkster Publishing 9 months ago from United Kingdom

      Thanks for the comments and your insights Christy. Please let me know when your book is finished and I will help get the word out and to promote it. That goes for anyone else who is writing a book on this topic too.

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      Christy McKee 9 months ago

      Excellent EXCELLENT article that I was so happy to some across. A relief! I couldnt be happier that this issue is starting to have the light of awareness shined on it! Ive been married to a severe narcopath for 12 years. Self, porn, sex, women and im not really how deep it goes obsessed. Ill not get off my point abd get started. Have the beginnibgs of a book Ive started working on. Absolutely a life devistating experience. There are many words seemingly taken straight from my mouth how common this silent abuse is and how I can only see it getting worse in the future. I call them the "smartphone" generation. Parenting, theirs probably an app for that! Im by no means claiming to be perfect and can only pray my child doesnt develope this disorder. Living with a narcopath father (though not to him,yet) and a co-dependant mother, though i really dont think i used to be... Also i developed C-PTSD. What they do is criminal. My husband has sociopathic tendencies. The level of harm they inflict on others to a spiritual level its really hard to believe, its hard to accept. It is pure hell I wish upon no one! Ive been experiencing the "grand finale, final discard phase". Its the craziest thing in the world to be treated like youre totally insane by "friends" and family. My famiky doesnt have much to do with ne because Im in a horrible abusive situation. Mentally, emotionally, sexually (not so much that these days im setting boundries). Its like nobody, who are fully aware of what youve experienced, how hard youve worked and tried cant imagine for one second what this can be like?!! I have a relative that made a cocky remark how if her husband left she and their child would be just fine. Well lucky for her she married into a well off family and her hubby is genuinly a good loving caring man. After all ive gone through my option is a homeless shelter. Do I take my child to protect him from what I onow will happen, like its happened everytime and embarrass him, jerk him out of school that he loves with his friends and stick him in a new school, as the new homeless kid who knows nobody. No? I get to lose my kid too?! And thats the big stinger. Let alone ive not a pot to piss in. My vehicle was sabotaged and blew up, after it was worjed on after i said im going to find assistance to get out of this. I have no phone. No job the last year because i hoped i really could have the pleasure of being an at home mom after 11 years and putting all of myself into my familys wellbeing and happiness. Thats not permitted for anyone but the narcopath when you share a home. Lose my 3 dogs I love dearly. Its a double edge sword that is razor sharp with the deepest cut. Ive experienced every form of abuse from a young age and id rather be punched in the face than experience this hell, if it were one or the other. Of course no abuse would be great. Im so happy to see this article. Thank you very much.

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      Jon 9 months ago

      Regarding the quote,

      "Eventually the victim may be left feeling suicidal but commonly they are not selfish enough to go ahead with the task of committing suicide...",

      My interpretation is that we were abused and conditioned to believe that suicide would be the ultimate selfish act. As we survived by believing we were responsible for everyone else.

      This in no way is intended to encourage suicide, bUT maybe less triggering quote

      "Eventually the victim may be left feeling suicidal but commonly they have been so deeply conditioned with being called shameful and selfish, that suicide doesn't present as a viable option, and would seem to only further confirm their abusers claims that they are worthless....",

      Just a thought.

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      Enough 97 9 months ago

      Mine is a story that I have yet to hear someone else experience. This is the very first time I write/talk to anyone about this. It's been a very tough past few months for me but I have hope that things will get better. I mean they have to, right? Here goes: I grew up in an emotional and physically abusive household. My father, I believe, has NPD. My mother, my brother (1.5 yr younger than I), and myself always lived in fear. He would punch my mom and me in the face when he was in a bad mood, over the smallest of things. He wouldn't let my brother and I have friends or bring them over. He wouldn't let my mother have friends. Didn't want her to get a driver's license. Very controlling and intimidating. He had a gun at home which he would constantly threaten my mom with using it whenever he was upset. EVERY day was hell for me. I would come home from school scared. Crying and praying (I was a believer at the time), asking for it all to stop. But having learned in meetings (my parents were JWs), that we must forgive people, I would in my heart forgive my father. The abuse was VERY difficult. Especially for me and my mother. My dad was sexist and the macho type. My brother definitely got less of the abuse than I did. I was always a very empathetic and sensitive child. Now that I am an adult and have learned so many things, I believe I am an HSP. I was always a very sweet, caring, understanding little girl and teen, young adult. I always talked to the kids that others made fun of, was very understanding on everyone, loved pets and hated to see other suffer. I would 'feel" their pain. I still am all the things I mentioned, but that's not the story I am trying to tell. My mother, brother and I lived in constant fear. Every day of our lives. We couldn't sit at the dinner table and enjoy our food. My father made sure we sat a certain way, had to obey his order on things such as not mixing mashed potatoes with gravy because to him it looked gross, constantly yelling, throwing things, all while being sober, mind you. My brother and I wet the bed until we were around the 7th grade. We didn't have anyone to talk about the problems at home. No older siblings, no aunts, uncles, etc. My father didn't have any close friends and didn't want my mother being close to her family either. My mother, who should have been looking out for us was of course intimidated and could not do much to get away. Besides, she came from a background where leaving a man would look bad on you and you have to obey your husband. My dad made me give him my first few paychecks when I got my first job. He controlled everything. There are many other details I could mention but I have limited characters so I will try to get to the point. Suffered emotional abuse at home till I was around 22, then I moved out for about 5 yrs and then came back. Emotional abuse continued. Bad. My mother began to change. Not sure if this was cause of my father's abuse, but she began to show the same traits as him. Emotionally, not physically. She never laid a hand on us. By then I had 2 more siblings. Also 1.5 yrs apart. They would pick on the older of the two. I knew what the felt like so I would stand up for him when they were being unfair. He was emotionally very sensitive as well. I would always try to get my parents to understand how they were making him feel, and they would just yell at me and tell me to mind my own business. It would hurt me to see them treating him that way. Unfairly. When ever they would hurt my feelings through those years, I would try to get them to understand me. I would break down whatever they were doing to me so that they could see and realize they were wrong. I tried to be an adult about it and "talk things out", even though I wasn't the one doing anything. I just wanted them to see they were causing me pain, but they NEVER accepted or acknowledged anything. My mother would always say, "Well that's YOUR problem if you wanna get sad or mad about it!" And I would try to explain what they did that was wrong and how they made me feel and again, NEVER accepted or understood me. I would cry and cry and felt really hurt and depressed (mind you I was getting anxiety attacks since I was about 12). All this emotional abuse continued throughout all these years, until now actually. Except as of 2 yrs ago I finally moved out and away from them. So eventually I ended up involved with a guy who I later came to find out was a narcissist/sociopath. He hurt me like you have no idea. This one actually drained me dry out of my resources. I lost my job, my money, my license, i ended up having a psychotic episode and ended up at the hospital and was given a diagnosis of bipolar disorder type 1 with psychotic features. Can you imagine the pain and stress and struggle i was going through that time? The only person I trusted throughout all these years of going through the abuse of my parents, was my brother. The one who was there through it all. The one who saw it all from the beginning. The one who knew my pain. The one who was always there when I needed to talk to someone. The one who was so loving and patient and caring and understanding and always knew how to make me feel better. I trusted him with EVERYTHING. I trusted him with my own life. Well along with the highs and lows of the Bipolar disorder, I was having paranoia. I had persecutory delusions when I ended up going to the hospital. I thought evil beings were trying to kill me and that all people were trying to harm me. I'm not sure if that was just some type of phobia cause of all the mistrust I had in people all those years, or if it was purely the paranoia from the Bipolar disorder, but either way, I was experiencing that paranoia every so often. Scariest thing ever. You being to thing people want to poison you, they are trying to do something to you, etc. It only occurred under times of stress or if I wasn't getting enough sleep. Didn't happen all the time. So my brother is the person I would go to when I was starting to feel it coming on and he was always very comforting and reassured me that everything was going to be okay. I trusted him with every single secret of mine. The thoughts i would get, the fears, what triggered it in me, what my thought process was when I started getting paranoid, what type of music or movies would trigger it, etc. He was always there for me. I trusted him with everything and loved him with all my heart. Funny how things happen just the was we read them on all these sites about narcissistic abuse and sociopathic behavior, etc. Once that mask slips and we see people for who they are, we look back to things they said or did that at the time seemed a little odd, but it isn't till after you know what they are, that you realize you were picking up on things but didn't realize it. Over the years, my brother would send me video clips and images and songs, and lyrics which were very random, and which because of me loving him with all my heart and him being the PERFECT brother and always being there for me, etc., would have NEVER imagined he would EVER do something to hurt me, EVER, I never realized that HE himself was sending me things that he KNEW would trigger paranoia and fear in me!! The ONE and ONLY person who I trusted with EVERYTHING, who knew EXACTLY how my mind worked and knew my fears, and all that, who I confided everything to, was doing even WORSE pain that my parents even did!! I only discovered a few months ago that he is a sociopath. Textbook. He is like the perfect person. Everyone loves him! My parents adore him! He has known all this time that i have reading about psychopaths/sociopaths/narcissists. I think that makes him want to break me even more. The last conversation we had was on the phone and he said I should stop reading that stuff cause i might learn something i don't want to hear. And then he said sometimes he has to pretend to be human for the sake of his son and that only a few number of ppl would know what that means. I don't know how to get him to leave me alone. My own brother!! This isn't a lover or a parent! It's my sibling who I trusted COMPLETELY! I didn't deserve this.

    • Terese Kimberly profile image

      Terese Kimberly 10 months ago

      Author wrote ; Quote "Eventually the victim may be left feeling suicidal but commonly they are not selfish enough to go ahead with the task of committing suicide, they don't want others to be left picking up the pieces because they feel real true genuine empathy" Unquote.

      If you have ever been in this situation, you would never connect the word "selfish" with the word "suicide(attempt)". When someone is at that stage, it is a matter of hopelessness, helplessness and desperation to end suffering, and neither you nor anyone else has the right to judge how much suffering another can endure. I have been there and all the while that your article is very informative and well written, I feel deeply offended by the superficial way you write in the above quoted.

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      Squeaky 10 months ago

      "Eventually the victim may be left feeling suicidal but commonly they are not selfish enough to go ahead with the task of committing suicide...", fourth paragraph from the end. You did not directly state that the act of suicide is selfish, but more by inference in the context of the sentence; I noticed it as well, as I had gotten to that point myself before I got out, and read it more or less the way the others commenting on it did. Perhaps another word in place of "selfish"?

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      Sani 10 months ago

      One of the MOST PRECISELY described situation that I have read so far. Thanx sparkster

      Expanding Consciousness!...

      There are also videos by Ross Rosenberg which I'd like to mention, even tho there is no better understanding of this than that of the individuals who have experienced the Cluster B's directly :

      1. How to Defend Yourself from Narcissists. Observe Don't Absorb Technique. Stop the Manipulation!

      2. Codependents and the difference between Active and Passive ones

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      cloverscott@rocketmail.com 10 months ago

      I love this article about the subtle tactics that a narcissist may use to abuse you. I have commented on another article that you have written - Defamation and Character Assassination. I am currently writing a book about my journey of healing from my toxic situation. Please email me at cloverscott@rocketmail.com in regard to citing your article(s) in my book.

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      Author

      Sparkster Publishing 10 months ago from United Kingdom

      Where does the article state that losing their will to live is selfish? I wrote the article and I have been at this point myself so I would never want to judge anyone in such a way or portray that such an act is selfish. I'm sorry that it came across that way, it certainly wasn't my intention. Can you please point out where the article states this and I will edit it? Thanks.

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      Nami 10 months ago

      I thought the article was excellent. However I think that it was wrong to give judgement to the victim losing their will to live after such horrific abuse. This is not a selfish act.. I know the pain of losing your sense of self and the segregation, losing all of your friends and family and purpose feel8ngs. It is very hard to go through it. I wish to give victims hope for survival through awareness and deep understanding, knowledge and validation. We as victims of these vicims demons don't need to be judged any further. We are sisters and brothers to those that have been in the dangerous liaisons with the malignant narcissitict. Take that out of this article. It does no good to call the victim selfish. If you inputted the info because many victims come to that point. Then raise them up out if their despair by tell8ngbthem others have felt the same and they are not al9ne. That there is hope and we must learn about the psychological warfare the malignant na4cissits plays to be vigilant and separate ourselves from their tactics to brainwash us.

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      Holly 10 months ago

      I need to believe, that the truth will out in the end, be it ten,twenty, or thirty years, only then will I ever see justice.

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      judewolf 10 months ago

      I just went through this. Though I know suicide is painful for everyone involved, and that dying with such emotions means having to deal with them in another dimension, the only thing stopping me now is my dog and cats.

      Just a little while ago, I was thinking of ways to harm myself, and i was crying till i choked on my own tears saying "I did not do anything to him to deserve this". Then I felt very calm very quickly. I wish I was more ignorant or less spiritual. The pain of knowing better yet not able to stay is excruciating. I don't even know why I am writing here.

      Please don't tell me not to do it. Just help me figure out why i feel inclined to take my life when i should know better.